Credence,
I am fine.
You're right, you did turn into a monster, someone I no longer recognise. I wish I did, I wish I did understand this new you but I don't, how can I possibly trust you? How can I possibly trust you not to break me all over again? How can I take such a risk?
And yet, deep down, I want to. I want to risk everything for you, as I once would have all those months again. I would have done anything for you then. Even now I'm tempted to gamble my sanity because there's something so seductive and alluring about you.
You're an opiate that I'm hooked on. I'm desperate for another fix but I can't indulge myself. Not only are you my addiction but you're my inevitable destruction. Each time I came back to you, I took one step closer to spiralling into something...something dark and twisted. Someone I didn't recognise. Someone I hated.
Credence, I need rehabilitation, I need to learn to break my habit. To break away from you.
I know if I did come back to you, it would only be a matter of time before I became heavily dependant once more upon your kisses and your touch. You drive me insane and I miss your very being but I am forgetting your other side. The darkness that would threaten to consume me whole.The side that drove me away. The side that would emotional cause me to turn into an emotional wreck.
That is why I cannot come back to you. I can't.
You said in your letter that you loved me. I love you too. That's the problem. How am I supposed to stay away from some I yearn so much for?
Please don't write to me again. It is for the best. For both of us it is the best. We're not good together. You need someone with patience and I need someone caring, neither of which we can provide for one another.
I too am sorry. Sorry that it wasn't meant to be.
Stay safe and say thank you to Queenie for giving me this letter. There is no need to forget your manners.
I love you. I wish I didn't but we'd both know I'd be lying if I said I didn't.
Forever yours but never truly,
Y/N