21.
My heart hammered in my chest as he sang me the words. Did he mean it or was it just part of the song? What was he really, truly thinking?
I flickered my eyes down to the table and watched my fidgeting thumbs. I broke eye contact which I really did need to do. I couldn't look at him as he danced with his mother and sang the words I wanted him to tell me.
What if he didn't love me? He was with me, but Nick wasn't used to love and what this whole relationship entailed. Neither was I, but I was sure on my feelings, I wasn't on his.
Once the song had finished, Nick's mother flung herself on to the sofa as she giggled like a school girl. Nick laughed with her and I had never seen him look so happy before. It also seemed as if his mother had never seen him look so happy before either.
"You seem different, Nicky." She said, her voice a little breathless. Nick looked to her and even though he smiled her way, his face was still one of confusion.
"How?"
"You seem happier."
Nick didn't say a word as he went to the dining room table and started to clean the plates and cutlery away. His mother had barely touched her food but Nick didn't seem to have minded, I guessed she barely ate at all.
I helped Nick tidy up and we worked in synchronisation and harmony. It was nice to work along side him, exactly like an old couple. It made me think that this was what I wanted and that I could have gotten used to it, easily.
Once everything was tidied, Nick and I sat down on the sofa next to Nick's mother. Nick switched the TV on and wrapped an arm around my body. Nick pulled me close and laid a kiss to my head.
We all watched a film together but half way through the film, Nick's mother had fallen asleep. Nick picked her frail body up with care and gentleness and laid her in to his bed.
Once he was back, he sat on the sofa next to my body and sighed. I looked to him but he seemed nervous as he sat there.
"Nick?" I said his name to grab his attention. He seemed zoned out and distracted with his thoughts. I wondered what was eating him. "What's the matter?" I asked, starting to worry at the look on his face.
"Nothing." He sighed again. I narrowed my eyes his way.
"Why do you look nervous?"
"I'm not nervous." He shook his head.
"Nick." I warned. "Tell me." I demanded.
"Nothing's the matter." He snapped. Taken a back, I looked to him.
"Jesus, Nick. I don't want you angry with me I just wanted to-"
"I want you to move in with me." He snapped again. "I'm fucking shitting myself because I know this is getting serious and I want you to move in with me because I don't want you over there especially when they make surprise visits." He laid his hands to his head. "I've never asked a girl to move in before."
"Do you really want this or are you asking because you're worried about him being near me?" I asked. I didn't want to move in with him if he didn't deep down want this. I wanted him to want it so badly, I wanted him to want me here because he couldn't live without me. I didn't want it to be because he was scared. I understood but it wasn't going to work otherwise.
"Of course I want you here." He moved until he had my hands enclasped in to his own. "I can't live without you. I want you to move in, babe, believe me."
"Do you?" I asked again, unsure.
"I want to protect you, Cathy, you know that but I also want you here because I think we've reached that kind of level. It pushes me to want you here more because of him but that's not the main reason." He shook his head, his eyes genuine. "I'm just nervous because I've never been this serious with another girl before and this is a big fucking step for me."
"It is for me too." I breathed. "I want to move in with you, Nick but isn't this going too fast?" Nick lowered his head until he was looking at his legs.
"Maybe." He sighed. "But I really fucking want this."
"I don't know." I mused. I was unsure. Of course I wanted to move in with him. I had fallen for Nick so hard, I could barely live a day without him, so moving in with him would be the best feeling for me. However, I was nervous to do so. I didn't want to rush things, I didn't want to go too fast with him and ruin it all.
I didn't want him to get bored of me.
"I'm worried, Nick." I stated truthfully. "I don't want this to be ruined because we're going too fast."
"I get that but I want you and you want me and that's that, Cathy. Time isn't anything when you're meant to be."
"How do you know we're meant to be?"
"Because I wouldn't feel this strongly with just anybody. No one can match you." He took my head in to his hands and pulled my face up to his until his lips were on mine. "Just trust me."
"I'll think about it." I said as I kissed him again.
"Okay." He left it aside. "What do you think about me going back to university to do an art degree?" He asked. He looked to me, the earlier topic forgotten now. His eyes were alight with curiosity.
"I think it's a brilliant idea." I said truthfully. "Is that what you want to do?"
"Yeah." He stated. "I've been drawing since I could hold a pencil. I wanted money and my talent went to waste but you make me want to be the real me and to pursue my dreams."
"I think it's an amazing idea."
"Do you?" He questioned. "I'm worried because I'm stable and I do have an income coming in at the moment. I need money so I can look after you."
"Stop it." I pointed his way. "Stop thinking of me. This is your dream." I emphasised. He couldn't stop his goals because of me, he couldn't be worried about his monthly income. He had changed his life for his mother and for the fact that he needed money. This was his change to do whatever he set out to do in the first place. I was all for it. "Besides, are you even any good?" I questioned.
I had never seen any of his drawings.
"I think so." He said. "Do you want to see?"
"Sure." Nick took my hand and pulled me up. He then pulled me along until we were outside of the room. He opened the door and inside were so many paintings and drawings. He didn't have anything else but a desk and stacks of paper. I was in wonder as I looked around the room.
I went up to a few of his drawings, not believing any of them were his. They were so dark and brooding, so creepy and spooky. He had his own style of art and they were amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off of the pictures before me.
"Are you sure these are yours?" I asked. I was blown away. A picture caught my eye near the window. This picture was half done but the colours were so much more colourful and the lines were less sharp and dark.
I went over to the picture and studied it. Even half finished, it still looked better than anything I could do. It was a picture of the bottom half of what seemed to be a woman but there was no face as of yet.
Nick walked up to me and I felt his back behind mine. He was so close to me I could feel the warmth of his body.
"Do you like it?" He asked as he looked at the photo too.
"I love it." I breathed. "It's amazing."
"I'm glad you like it." I could hear his smile as he talked. "It's you."
"What? Really?" I turned around on the spot until I was looking at him.
"I've spent my whole life drawing pictures when I've felt depressed and angry at the world. My pictures have no colour, my tattoos have no colour but you turned up in my life and made my world in colour. I drew this because I wanted to finally be able to draw my happiness on to a canvas." I melted in to a puddle on the floor as he spoke. "You're my happiness, Cathy."
"I love it." I said again, my throat dry and my mind going blank. He had that effect on me.
Nick pulled me in to his body and hugged me tight. It made me realise for sure that this was what I wanted. I wanted him forever. I was sure of it.
"Look at this one." Nick left my body and walked over to a large painting. It was dark and was a drawing of a forest. I didn't know the meaning of it but it looked so haunted.
"It looks so sad." I said.
"I was sad." He stated. "I drew this a few days after my dad's death."
"Oh, Nick." I looked to him with sympathy. The drawing was so upsetting I could see his feelings in the picture without me having to even ask how he felt. He felt haunted, empty, dark and depressed. Even thinking about how Nick felt at this time was enough to make me feel it too.
His pictures were so effective.
"I was so angry at the time. He killed himself along with my uncle. It was a shit time in my life, nothing could ever compare." He looked to the drawing which sat on the floor. "Well, unless you left me."
"Nick-"
"No, I mean it. If you left me I wouldn't know what to do with myself. You don't realise how much I need you, Cathy. I go on about how much I want you but I need you more than anything."
"I need you too." I stated truthfully.
"Then we're good, aren't we?" He smiled my way.
"I hope you never feel like that again." I pointed to the picture below us.
"Babe, I feel like that." He pointed to the colourful picture at the near end of the room. "All because of you."
It was clear to see Nick drew the way he felt. It was so raw and real, it struck me so hard. I wasn't sure whether it effected me so much because I loved Nick or whether because his paintings were that striking.
I think it was a bit of both.
It was also clear to see though that Nick's paintings belonged in a gallery. They didn't belong in a small room where nobody could see them, they belonged somewhere where the whole world could see them. I wanted him to get the recognition he deserved.
"I want to get to a point where I'm as colourful as you." Nick touched my colourful tattoos with care. He looked to them and then looked to me. His eyes bored their way in to my soul. "I want you to colour me red."
"Colour you red?" I questioned. "Colour you red how?"
"Make me feel, make me believe, make me love." He stated. "You make me feel something, just like art, you make me feel something."
"These are worth money." I looked around the room. They were just too good.
"And you're priceless." He looked to me. Seconds went past but it felt like minutes. He continued to state my way, his eyes showing me things he could quite tell me.
Soon, Nick grabbed my body and pushed me up against the wall. A wall where no paintings were. My body was tight against the white of the wall and his body. He smacked his lips to mine and soon our tongues were dancing and fighting for dominance.
Nick was unbuttoning my jeans before I knew it. He lifted my top with quiet impatience. He was moving so roughly and quickly, I loved it.
I was a puddle in his hands before he knew it.
I was writhing and pleading in to his mouth, my body shaking as he continued to touch and grope me.
"Nick, please." I moaned and groaned.
"I know." He rasped. "I know."
"Hurry."
"I need you, Cathy." He grunted. "I need you so fucking badly."
Nick unbuckled his jeans and before I knew it, he was showing me just how much he needed me.
It was a good thing I needed him too.
-----
I was sweating and panting as I looked to the half finished drawing of me. I studied it for some time as I came down from my high. My heart was beating wildly as the love for the man beside me grew.
"When are you going to finish it?" I asked, my voice still sounding breathless as I turned to face him. He laid there, his chest heaving as he looked to the ceiling. He was content and happy, a good mixture for him.
"Soon." He said. "I'm going to make it my mission."
"I love it already, anyway." I looked to the painting again, humbled that Nick had even thought to draw me the way he had done.
"I'm glad." He smiled.
"And university is something you want to do?" I asked. "Your drawings are so good, you wouldn't need an art degree."
"I want it." He stated. "I don't know where I would go after that with it but I've always wanted an art degree. I'm going to do it."
"I'm so happy for you." I looked to him. "It's time to start thinking of yourself."
"Myself and you." His lips pulled up again as he shyly smiled my way. I couldn't help but smile back, he looked adorable.
"I can look after myself. I want you to have this, it's never been easy for you, Nick, but you don't give up." And that's why I loved him.
"I'll do it." He nodded firmly. "I'll start applying tomorrow."
"Good."
The room was silent again. We basked in each others company as light turned in to dark outside of the small bay window in the room. It casted a small glow on to our bodies which gave off a romantic aura.
It was maddening how things were changing for the both of us.
"Do you remember the other week you asked me whether I believed in magic?" He asked. I looked to him and cocked my head to the side as I remembered back. I remembered the day up Xavier's and Emily's, where I did indeed ask him whether he believed in magic.
He had said no and I wondered why he had brought it up. I also wondered how he had remembered I said it.
"I do remember." I said. "Why do you ask?"
"I've changed my mind." He stated. "I do believe in magic. I believe in fate now too."
"You do?" I asked back. Nick looked to me.
"I do." He nodded. "They brought me to you."