Chapter Thirteen
Title from Stella by All Time Low.
"Try to get better, okay honey?" My mom said, letting her eyes water but wiping it before her makeup was ruined. I nod.
"We'll miss you, but it's for the best" my dad said. I nod.
"I love you, baby brother. I'll be here when you get out" May said lastly, hugging me quickly before letting me go.
Please. I don't want to go. I would prefer to waste away in my own home.
I got to go to school one last day so I could get my things from my locker, and my mind is still swarming with Danny. He asked where I was going.
I gave him no reply.
I turned back to the doctor that was standing at the desk, she had a smile that I precieved as fake. She's probably eyeing me, wondering the same thing everyone else wonders: Why?
"Hey, Jack! I'm Dr.Grace, and I'll be your psychiatrist during your stay here" she said in a pleasant tone. She talks to me in a way that makes me feel small, young.
I'm in here for my eating problems, not to retake kindergarten.
She reached her hand out, initiating a handshake. This is the person thats going to help me? The one that'll magically make me want to gain weight? No.
I didn't accept the handshake, causing her to give me a squinty eyed look that I despise. "Alright, well, lets go up and get things started" she said enthusiastically. I carried my bag, following her into the elevator. I noticed as she clicked the second to last button on the elevator. Why so high up? Not that i'm complaining.
"You'll be in room 182 with a nice young man named Zack" she said as we waited in the elevator.
We have to share rooms? Shit. 182 immediately brought my mind to Blink 182, my favorite band of all time. I listened to them this morning, and last night and literally everyday of my life before that.
"But first, i'll show you around" she said, stepping out of the elevator first. The hall that I stepped into was completely empty, aside from a few nurses that were working at a cluttered counter placed directly in the middle of the hall.
"Hey, Mrs.Jett! Meet my new patient, Jack" Dr.Grace said in a falsly sweet tone as a nurse walked over. She had black hair and a sweet smile that didn't feel so fake.
"Hey Jack" she said, looking me in the eye, and then glancing down at my bag. "Here, I'll take this, and i'll make sure it gets to your room after it's checked" she said, taking the bag from me.
They're going to check my stuff?
Dr.Grace lead me to a room just down the hall, still visable from the nurses counter. The room had only three people in it. The first thing I noticed was the amount of couches, there were couches lined up together in every which way, and each of them were a turqouise color that always reminded me of hospitals. There was a TV hanging on the wall, but nothing was playing on it. There were three tables lined up behind one of the couches, and each table had two chairs to go with it, and the last noticable thing about the room was the windows. "This is the recreation room, it's also called the day room. During the day when you aren't in the cafeteria or the group therapy room, you can choose between here and your room to spend your free time in. In this room you have the opprotunity to interact with other patients, but there is a no touching rule that is strictly enforced. If you make physical contact with another patient, points will be taken off of your daily grade, and if it happens more than once we'll have to enforce a five foot seperation rule. This room will be open from seven in the morning to eleven at night" she explained slowly, looking at me to make sure that I understood.
I had no plans to touch anyone anyways. I had no plan to be here.
Dr.Grace then lead me to a room that was right beside the recreation room it looked like a normal doctors room. "This is where we take vitals every Friday. We weigh and measure the patients, and see that everything is physically alright" she explained, eyeing me.
They'll weigh me once a week? I can't do that.
She then lead me down the hall, and passed a room that was obviously the cafeteria. She took me to a room that was mostly empty, with at least twenty chairs arranged in a circle "Here is the group room. I lead most of the group therapies that take place, but sometimes we switch it up. Most group therapies will be held in here. Your first group is community group at 8:30am. You just missed that one. After that is process group at 11:30am, then recreational therapy at 2:00pm and that one is mostly always in the recreation room. At 2:30pm, right after recreational therapy you'll attend education group. Then you have the rest of the day to yourself until your final group, and thats closure group at 8:00pm"
What? Why are there so many? I'm too tired for this. My plan was to sleep all day.
Dr.Grace looked at me to make sure I got it, but I don't understand how she expects anyone to get it. She just gave me a million times and names, I don't remember a single one.
She took me to a room right beside this one. I immediately noticed how dark it felt, there were no windows, and everything about it was empty. There was only a couch and a chair. "This is what we call the quiet room" she said, putting her hands on her hips "if you lose control, or show intention of hurting youself or others around you, we'll take you here. We give you time to think and be alone, of course we'll be supervising in the corner, but you'll have your space. If things get worse, or you still show signs of wanting to do harmful things to yourself or others, we'll have to use a chemical restraint, but that's only a last resort" she said.
Use chemical restraints? They can do that? The room gave me cold chills.
"Here's my office. You'll be meeting here with me for therapy once a day" she said, as she opened the door to the room beside the quiet room. I saw the desk and two chairs, she had a lot of different decorations and motivational pictures on the wall. A typical therapists room, I suppose.
She smiled at me and motioned for me to follow her again, stopping at the room that I noticed as the cafeteria. "This is the cafeteria, but you won't be coming here. Breakfast is at 7:30am, lunch is at 12:30pm and dinner is at 5:00pm. Instead of coming here, you'll wait in your room and we'll have a nurse bring the food to you and supervise you while you eat." I glanced into the room uneasily. There were small tables set up around the room, and there looked to be a lunch line system.
"Alright, lets get to your room and then we can finish discussing the rules" she said gently. I followed her to room 182, which makes me feel like listening to Blink everytime I see it.
When I got in the room, I saw a guy sitting on the bed that was pushed against the window, he looked up at me and gave me a warm smile as I walked in "This is your roommate, Zack Merrick" Dr.Grace said in a friendly tone.
I only looked at the guy for a moment before I looked around the room.
The bed that was left for me already had my bag on it. The bed was pushed against the wall and the small gap between the beds was occupied with a bedside table that had two small drawers. Perfectly opposite of the bedside table was a brown dresser, with a full body mirror and a few more drawers. The worst thing you can give me is a mirror. The door beside the dresser lead to what I assumed to be a bathroom.
"Alright, well we let you wear whatever you want here, but no graphics on your shirts, no shoe laces, zippers or strings can be attached to your clothing" she said, looking down at my shoes. I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I took them off. "We allow you to use the bathroom and take showers alone, but we will have a nurse in here to check on you every two minutes. If you don't answer her, she has to come in to check on you, so just be sure to pay attention"
"The last thing I need to tell you about is the point system we have. Everyday you'll recieve a grade based on how you did. You start with one hundred points, and your grade lowers depending on how many points you lose. Your grades determine when you get out. You lose points if you don't eat any or all of your food. You'll also lose points if you refuse to talk in group therapies, if you show up late to group therapies, if you throw up after you eat, if you're rude or start an argument with anyone, if you spend longer than ten minutes in the shower, and if you self mutilate or lose weight"
I felt myself freezing, and at the same time sweating.
The pressure of this place only makes me need to control my weight more.