I don't know how to get out of the Zone. For the others, there has always been a set time limit, something like 10 or 15 minutes, maybe even 20, but such a thing does not exist for me. I remain in the Zone until I can be extracted from it. The longest time I've ever been in the Zone was a maximum of two hours, with Seijuurou present and worrying. I hope he's here, because this is promising to be my longest Zone submersion yet. I don't want things to remain this way, but it seems there's nothing I can do.
I know what the others look like in the Zone, although I've only ever seen Ryouta and Daiki enter into it. Their faces used to scare me. Nothing could be seen of their personalities other than determination and a ridiculous sense of calm. I don't know if I mimic any of those, but I hope I don't have the overly intense, nearly blank look in my eyes that they have. Sometimes their eyes hid flames, other times they were as blank as a could be. I wonder, faintly, if I have the same eyes that they always have.
I don't know how I've been snapped out of the Zone in the past. It's much worse when I struggle with the Zone, like it's trying to overcompensate or it's getting revenge or making up for lost time. When I enter it willingly, I'm usually able to glide out of it, but only after we're done playing. All I can focus on, however, are thoughts of what my next play is going to be.
My body is getting heavy and tired. At this rate, the Zone will wear me out before I can be dragged out of it. I don't think I'll be coming back for a while. My ability to recognize that we're no longer playing is flickering in and out of existence.
My feet move without my consent. Am I being led away? Probably. I don't ever seem to be able to function off the court in this state. What should my next play be? How can I dodge screens more efficiently? Everything and nothing simmers in the back burners of my mind. I want to know where the ball is. The ball? Why am I looking for it? The damn thing is right in front of me. Why does Daiki have it? Why is he opposing me? Does it matter? No. It doesn't. I will play until I break. I will be victorious. They'd all want nothing less of me.
Why is Daiki walking closer? Spinning the ball on his finger so casually, it seems he's taunting me. Doesn't he know I have a temper? What's this? He's just handing me the ball, pointing at a hoop I've never seen in my life before, shrugging and standing in front of me. "Come and get me." He says. I think that's what he's saying. Does it matter anymore? No. Time to play until I break.
I'm ready to go, ready to pounce, ready to run, when it seems I've reached a critical limit. My face contorts, my knees buckle, and my chest begins to heave. I can't move. I can't make myself stop moving, I can't make myself continue moving. What is at fault? I haven't broken yet, so why am I frozen like this? "Come back, Alex." Daiki's voice seems disembodied, floating about within my skull. "Time to come back." What if I don't want to? I want to play. I want to break. I want to win.
Why are tears dripping down my face? Why is Daiki shielding me from view? Why am I grabbing onto his jersey like some lost child? A faint noise reaches my ears, and I can barely recognize the sound of sobbing. I'm sure it's from me. "C'mon, Alex. A little further and you'll be out." I can feel a breeze now, the feel of rough concrete beneath my legs. My head rests against a chest, and a jersey is held in my white-knuckled grip. "There ya go. Took you long enough."
I'm not a pretty crier. When stuff like this happens, everything comes out. I guess it's like I'm unleashing everything on an emotional level to compensate for my physical exhaustion. Everything I've felt since my last time stuck in the Zone surges forward, making me something of a wreck. I think my heart is breaking. "I hate it." I repeat the phrase so many times that it could possibly become my new catch-phrase. Luckily, we're all saved from that atrocity.
"I know." Daiki murmurs, silencing me. "You hate it. I know. You always do." Is it bad that I almost miss the Zone? There's no such thing as emotion there. There's nothing but clear, rational thought, and the drive, passion, ability to conquer and consume. But here, here I am stuck, caught in between a sense of security and screaming fragility. "You'll feel better. You always do."
Yeah, that was then, but what about now? I wonder if everything is really the same. I do my best to silence myself, to stop my strange reaction to returning to reality. "I'm sorry." I murmur. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." The bluenette says nothing in response. He only runs his fingers though my hair, gently and slowly, until I wipe my face and pull away.
"We're going home. Satsuki can tell us anything she has to say later." I nod sleepily. The blue-haired wonder grabs my hand, pulls me up, and walks toward the exit. I'm just happy that my apartment is ridiculously close. Long, skilled fingers intertwine with my own, leading me gently, but rather relentlessly, as Daiki's strides are much longer than my own.
The walk home is deathly silent. The silence seems stifling, suffocating, smothering. I want to say something, anything, everything, but my mouth won't move and I'm doing nothing but yawning. Daiki is left to navigate by himself, something usually ill advised in most cases.
My body is stiff and sore, unwilling to comply to commands without voicing violent protests. My ankle is sending throbs of pain up the sides of my legs. I hope we don't have too much farther to walk, because I won't be able to hold out much longer. Yawns are spilling from my lips, and my eyes are watery. I'm like a toddler in need of a nap.
My chest feels lighter than before, but I still feel unhappy. "Another block and we'll be there." Daiki grumbles as he helps me dodge an angry cyclist. I kinda just want to take a nap right here on the sidewalk. The fact that the Zone drains all your energy is no lie. It's ends up being a serious problem for me, and there's nothing I can do but sleep it off and eat something with a ton of calories. Sei actually used to be in charge of making sure I got my energy back in time for our next game or practice. I got plenty of sleep on those days, and more food than I wanted to eat.
It's not all bad, though. Daiki is softer than usual today. It's as though some sort of switch has flipped, and he's gone into caretaker-mode. It's usually the other way around, I'd like to think, since he lives with me, but when the Zone is involved, Daiki is in charge. I don't really get it sometimes, but I have no reason to complain. Daiki knows what it takes to keep me going, so it's fine by me.
The walk up the stairs to my apartment is a little treacherous since someone upstairs probably spilled an enormous bucket of water, and my footing is more uncertain than usual. We both know piggyback rides up the stairs is a bad idea, so between Daiki's warm hand and the cool railing, I have most of the support I need. I just have to make sure I don't trip, fall, and hurt myself. Unfortunately, my footing is not as precisely picked as it normally would be. I slip several times, only to have Daiki pull me upright before I can fall backward or trip forward. Daiki's reliable like that. I'm glad he's with me.
"Ten more steps." Daiki warns as I continue forward. My thoughts have wound down to little things like how I'm hungrier than usual and that my leg hurts. I don't think of the homework I'll have to finish or the work I have tomorrow or how I might've forgotten to lock the door somehow. It's probably good that those thoughts have no room within the confines of my mind, especially since I'd just become stressed and grumpy, a mixture that usually leads to people getting hit with flying objects. I promise, it doesn't happen often, but it does happen.
It feels like it takes longer than usual to get inside. The mere thought of staying awake longer than I have to sets me on edge, and makes my mouth spill a few more enormous yawns that I try to cover up, but fail at doing. "Go to sleep, Alex." Daiki says as he pries my ancient fridge open. Okay, it isn't all that old, but it sounds old since the door creaks when we open it. It usually cracks a few laughs when we actually manage to make some joke about it, but today is not one of those days. Daiki's looking for something with a ton of calories, and I'm looking for sweats and a tank top. He evidently finds what he's looking for before I do since he walks in as I'm redressing myself.
There's no blushing this time from either one of us, just a silent acceptance that our timing is as unfortunate as usual. I don't tell him to get out. He just sits himself down beside me as I slip my shirt on over my head.
There are certain foods that Seijuurou demands I keep at home. They're high calorie and usually pretty healthy, and he's practically forced all of us to know what to do with them. My so-called "demand foods" are mostly peanut butter, granola (which I'm starting to detest), and bananas. The only reason I still have them is for purposes like these. Daiki's got a couple of bananas, a jar of peanut butter, some bread, and a pack of chips, which is probably mostly for him.
I watch with disinterest as Daiki slices the bananas, puts them on a piece of bread, spreads peanut butter on another piece, and smacks them together for a sandwich that threatens to fall apart. He cuts in half carefully and offers it to me. I don't refuse, partly because I'm starving, and partly because Daiki making anything is about as rare as naturally-occurring magenta hair.
The sandwich tastes fine, thanks, and does a decent job of filling the gaping hole I call my stomach. I'm practically force-fed three of them, until I groan that I can't eat anymore or I'll burst into a million pieces or I'll throw up. The bluenette gives up on feeding me. "C'mere." He says, slinging an arm around me and leaning my head against his chest. "Why'd you get stuck this time?"
I sigh as silently as I can before curling into his side, where warmth seeps into my cold skin. "It came too soon. I didn't want to go in, so I tried to stay out." Daiki huffs in amusement it seems.
"You're the only person I know who'd ever not want to go into the Zone, ya know that?" He says, resting his chin on the top of my head. "You're insane. Completely crazy." I give an amused noise in response, smiling slightly into his shoulder.
"You're just figuring that out? And here I thought you knew what you were getting into, Daiki." I say with equal amusement.
"Nah, I knew." Daiki replies fluidly, holding me a little closer. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that I knew." Sometimes Daiki seems adorable, ya know? Sweet and cute and funny. As much as I love that side of him, his more aggressive, dominating side is something I'd like to see more of. I won't say it aloud though. No, I'll never admit something like that. Daiki is Daiki, and I like him just the way he is. There's not a thing I'd change about him.
Leaning against Daiki is relaxing, to be honest. I feel safe and warm and comfortable with my arms wrapped around his neck, sitting in his lap, head against his shoulder, legs around his waist. Daiki is always comfortable, although I suppose that's just my opinion.
I can hear his heartbeat from here. It's slow, and steady, and reassuring in some strange way. I wonder if Daiki has ever heard my heartbeat, how it trips and races depending on what we're doing. I wonder if he notices how our hands feel against each other, or if our difference in height is now more pronounced to him. Daiki is normally oblivious to many things, so I'm not so sure he'd notice any of those things. I wouldn't really blame him. Maybe I'm just overly aware of this, like I am with almost everything else.
I'm glad that it's quiet. There's nowhere I'd rather be right now. Sitting in this silence allows me to quiet the thoughts that run rampant within my mind. It lets me slowly unwind the muscles that have grown taunt and uneasy across my shoulders and down my back. It lets my feelings simmer down to a quiet calm that blankets everything. Time doesn't have much sway anymore, and I'll just allow it to pass by at any pace it wishes. It doesn't really matter anyway. Today my time is limitless, and I'll use it to my advantage.
I can hear the birds outside. They're cheerful and sincere, like the laughter of children. They're singing, and it sounds nice today. I almost wish I was a bird, twittering happily day in and day out, without a care in the world. No school, no job, no sport, no people. Just daylight and flying and singing and eating. Hopping about and taking flight on whim, no longer having to be so harshly grounded to the earth.
Daiki sighs into my hair, a signal that our moment could be coming to an end. I'm sure he'll push me off, but instead he simply shifts in place, brings his arms under my legs, and carries me as he walks into the living room. He goes right for the sofa, thumping down, still holding into me. A click sounds to my left, the remote turning the television on, and the sounds of speaking drifts to me softly. I groan in response. "Turn it up a little." I murmur.
Daiki complies wordlessly. I can just barely catch the televised game from here. "Who's playing?" I ask, trying to turn my head around, but failing to do so.
"Rakuzan." My body stiffens. "It's going predictably."
"Rakuzan's victory is assured." I murmur. "Always has been, since Seijuurou is involved." Daiki makes a noise of affirmation.
It's easy to see why when you've played for the redhead. He has an incredibly efficient way of doing things, and he manages to do everything he wants with a very limited amount of risk. Sei is incredible. Everything is taken into account, everything is analyzed. His plans are easily adaptable, although that's almost never necessary. I'd be jealous of him if he hadn't taught Satsuki and given me tips and pointers. I don't want to play against him. That's probably the only time I'll slide into the Zone with absolutely no hesitation. Seijuurou is not one to be trifled with. I might actually break if I play him.
The noises from the television aren't all that interesting. It's obvious enough that Rakuzan will win this with ease. Sei probably doesn't even have first-string players on the court, but reserve ones. He's always like that, saving the best for last. But who knows? Maybe he does have his regulars on the court, along with that new shadow I've heard bits and pieces about. I wonder if he's like Tetsuya, or if he's yet another twisted mind that will comply thoughtlessly with Sei's wishes. Oh, well. If it's Sei's team, it's sure to be good.
Have I nothing to do today? I don't think I'm thinking straight. I have work tomorrow morning. I should get ready, take a shower, get going so that I can prepare for the next day. I should start my homework so my grades don't drop, and I should put my jersey in the hamper so I remember to wash it. All my thinking is generally for naught. Even though I tell myself I'll do it, the reality of the situation is that no matter how much I'd like to do these things, my body won't let me move like I want to. I'm stuck here, resting, which is probably what I should be doing anyway. I just don't like being useless like this. At least we don't have another game today, and our next game seems to be Sunday. We're lucky, I think. I'm fairly sure we've been given a by for tomorrow. My manager will be happy that I'm able to show up for work.
My manager is too sweet for her own good. She lets me take time off for basketball and softball unquestioningly, allows me sick days, and still pays me slightly above minimum wage. I'm endlessly grateful for her unwavering support, and I wonder if she hasn't adopted me in her own way. I'm lucky to work for such a person, and I've no right to complain about work in the slightest.
Daiki's supportive too, in his own way. Taking care of someone like me isn't very easy, and my moods flip at the turn of a dime depending on the day, something that I'm struggling to moderate. He's unchanging, and that makes him reliable. I smile into his shoulder.