I detest tense situations like this; ones where the answer could quite severly affect you in so many possible ways.
Zena's violet eyes bore right into mine as she purses her lips in concentration. She sits forward from her large office chair and places her forearms on the mahogany desk that separates us. I wriggle around on my hard seat, trying to find something to distract me in the office of Warrior Medic one. It's too sophiscated to be cluttered with useless ornaments. The only noticeable decoration is the enormous wall print of a rainforest; it's breathtaking. The evergreen trees are dripping with the rains and the leaves create a viewing spot of an old rickety bridge; the only sign of mankind. Apart from the decorated back wall, the three other walls of the cubed office are glass.
Outside, bustling Medics hurry around, presumably to treat other warriors. What unnerves me most is that I can see everything and everything can see me.
Stretching down the corridor are exact replicas of Zena's office all with unique back walls. On some there are rolling waves on beaches, on others there are erupting volcanoes; the oozing lava cracking in bombs from the huge craters. The scenes are all completely natural. In every office, it is the exact same scene; a Medic sitting behind a large desk with one or two Warrior's sitting opposite.
"Lara how long have you been experiencing these symptoms?" Zena asks.
"A few days" I reply. Zena remains silent but it seems as if the answer to my questions is locked just behind her lips.
"Zena, do you have any idea why I suddenly have these bouts of nausea or pain?"
Zena rises gracefully to her feet. Her tall, athletic figure is dressed in a smart cream business dress; she looks more like a supermodel than a Medic. However I've seen her healer's hands at work on the other Warriors. It's hard to believe she's mere year older than me. I cover my arms around my waist self conciously. With my sloppy tracksuit bottoms, vest top and tousled hair, I feel like we've stepped out of two parallel universes.
She wafts around the corner of the huge mahogany desk and heads to the back of the room. My eyebrows furrow in confusion as she heads for the door. She can't leave without answering me. My mouth opens to voice my thoughts when she activates the control pad and orders calmly.
"Seal"
My eyes widen as the door closes. The glass walls are covered by white slides that descend from the ceiling and click to the floor, securing their stature.
We're sealed in.
"Sorry about that Lara" Zena smiles apologetically. "We're going to have to run some tests to determine if you have a virus or something"
She walks back over to the desk and I follow her every movement. When she reaches the desk, she faces her back to me and places her arms on the table. For a few moments she's stationary as I stare in confusion.
"Zena?" I ask apprehensively. The sound of my voice must have broken her out of her thoughts as she turns around to face me. Sighing, she uses her arms to push herself up on to the desk. A long of her straight raven hair flicks over her violet eyes and she quickly wipes it out of the way.
"Lara, although there could be many sources to your illnesses, there is one" She hesitates and swallows. "That may be a valid theory for your symptoms"
She slides gracefully off the desk and straightens out the imaginary creases of her dress.
"What is your theory?"
Clasping together her hands, Zena struts back around her desk and returns to her office chair. Leaning forward on her forearms, she fidgets with her fingers.
"I think, considering the nausea and pains to your abdomen" Zena says. "That you may be pregnant"
"Excuse me?" My blood runs cold.
"Lara, I think you may be pregnant" She repeats.
"I can't be pregnant" I cry. "I'm only 19"
"'Lara, it's very common for a Caritas to become pregnant with their partner"
"It doesn't make sense, I don't feel any different" I let my head sink into my hands. "Jared's not here. I can't have a baby" I begin to hyperventilate. Tears begin to form in my eyes. I can't even protect a 25 year old man, how I am I supposed to look after a defenceless child.
I sink back in the firm support of the chair. I stare blankly at the floor trying to process Zena's diagnosis. I bite my lip. I can't bring a child into the world coming from a place of fear and negativity.
"Lara, calm down. You may not be pregnant, we'll run some tests and take it from there" Zena smiles kindly.
"Are there any other possibilities?" I hiccup. I don't even realise my hand has dropped to my stomach.
"Yes, there many other reasons you've been sick Lara. Try not to worry yourself to much about this" Zena places her hand on top of mine. "But just in case, Lara the father I assume the father would be your partner Jared?"
I nod sadly. While I can't bring a child into the world in my current state, I also can't bring one in with the absence of a father. Though my dad and I weren't particularly close, I still don't want any child to suffer through that. The feelings of abandonment are ones that never leave. It's an ongoing question of 'was I not good enough?' 'Is that why he left?' The fact he took off without any explanation hurt the most though; it's as if I wasn't even worth the trouble.
An image of a beautiful boy crops up in my mind. The image is the only one I can see as the office and Zena herself disappear; I can only focus on the boy in front of me. He crouches in between the strands of wild green grass. The boy looks just like Jared with his jet black hair, straight nose and strong jaw. What makes me smile is that I can also see characteristics of myself in the boy. He has my hazel eyes and pale porcelain skin. I imagine this is what Jared and I's child would look like.
The boy's head suddenly snaps up and his tousled black hair is thrown over his eyes; it doesn't manage to cover the adoring grin that spreads across his cheeks. He flicks the hair out of his eyes before lifting his hand to wave excitedly. I allow to my eyes to wander and follow the direction in which he gesticulates. The sight makes me gasp.
It's Jared and I standing together; only we're older . I feel the bond tingle painfully as I stare at the figment of my imagination. I know this isn't real but as the Jared I see presses his lips to my forehead, I can feel the tingles on my forehead. He looks the same and it breaks my heart.
"Lara" Zena's voice protrudes. The image of Jared, myself and the boy evanesce and instead I'm met with the piercing violet eyes of Zena.
"I took a sample of your blood to test" Zena says. I sit up to see I'm not longer in the uncomfortable chair I was in before. My eyes look down at the surface I'm on; it's one of the old dentist chairs. Zena strips off filmy transparent gloves and drops them in a small cube hole in the desk. They're disposed of immediately.
"You were unresponsive for quite a while Lara, did you haze?" She inquires, removing the thin band that holds back her hair. She carefully runs her fingers through her silky sheet of hair, letting it cascade over her narrow shoulders.
"No" I admit. "I was thinking about if I was pregnant, about what the child would look like"
"And what did it look like?" Zena asks stripping off her white operating gown and hanging it on a peg. Immediately the peg and the coat is enveloped into the wall.
"He was beautiful" I reply sadly.
"Ok Lara, I'm going to call Vicarius to come and escort you back to your room and I'll call you back when I get your results. Is that alright?"
I nod in reply and let my head fall back against the sterile green dentist chair. What am I going to do? I ask myself miserably.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Lara, please talk to me" Ally begs. "I know you don't want to be here but Vic is busy"
I sit hunched with my arms folded on the lime green couch; somehow I've ended back up in compartment 22.
"Why can't I just wait in my compartment?" I huff.
"Carlisle's orders,sorry" She shrugs. I exhale loudly.
"When did you become so sensible?" I sigh exhaustedly. I rest my hand on my stomach and shiver away at my own cold touch.
Ally shrugs her shoulders and lifts her hands. She settles herself down on the other end of the couch and stares at me over her hunched knees.
"Lara, I owe you an apology. Achilles and I, we didn't think of the effects our behaviour would have on you; I was insensitive and I'm sorry" She offers a sincere smile and I don't miss the hope behind it.
"You're right, it was insensitive but then I'm sorry too; I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and should have talked to you about it before. I didn't want to create waves" I reach forward and take her hand in mine.
"Friends again?" She asks.
"I'd like that" I smile. "I also feel like we're actually the same age now"
"Blame it on Achilles, he's changing my life" She chuckles.
We smile and I suddenly blink with realisation that its the first time I've genuinely grinned in a while. Ally tosses her short hair behind her ears and relaxes back into the plush couch. I like her hair better now; it seems more fitted to her character.
"So why were you with Zena today? Are you feeling alright?"
I sigh. "I haven't been very well at the moment; in fact I've been pretty sick so I went to see Zena. She took a blood test"
Ally frowns. "Does she have any idea what it might be?"
I hesitate. "Zena thinks that I might be pregnant"
Ally's lips separate in surprise, but her reaction is not too delayed. "Wow, that's intense. How did you react?"
"I cried" I smile sadly. "Do you mind if we don't talk about this? I don't want to think about it until I get the official result"
Ally beams at me and shuffles herself into the sofa.
"Actually I've got some news. I've started my Warrior training and my trial is coming up in a few day" She smiles happily.
"That's great" I reply with a smile. I'm glad she's so happy. Though I hurt her feelings by moving out, I realise now it was definitely the right decision. Before, I would have replied with some snarky comment or scoffed. Sometimes it takes two people to fall apart for them to fall back together.
"I was wondering if you would come and watch" She bites her lip. "For support"
"Of course I'll be there"
Ally grins again and lunges forward to give me a hug. I'm so glad I didn't break the bond with her when my mother instructed.
As she sits back on her haunches, her baggy sweatshirt slides of her shoulder, just like last time. My eyes widen with horror as I see the bruising still mars her skin. Although they're not the dark mauve colour they once were, the murky green is almost as bad. Spreading from her right shoulder down her arm, until they're protected from my sight by the fabric. I don't miss the small green spots on her neck. Calmly, she tugs the top over her shoulder and leans back against the couch.
"So how long did Zena say the tests would take?" She asks cheerily, trying to pull a smile onto her lips.
"Ally, why haven't your bruises gone" I ask slowly. I notice her eyes narrow.
"It's only been a few weeks; scars don't disappear like that" She clicks her fingers. Though her tone is steady, I hear the terror behind it when her normal timbre isn't present.
"Ally, what if the Leto Rex is in your trial?" I watch as her breath falters and her eyes retain a terrified expression.
"I'll deal with it when it comes to that; they can always shut down the simulator" She replies with mock confidence.
"But that means you'll fail"
"It's better than this" She points to her shoulder. "Lara, if the Leto Rex comes up, I need you to stop the simulation" Her eyes are wide and full of fright.
"Ok, I will" I promise, clasping her hand in my own.
"Lara, you need to swear to me that you will. If the Leto Rex appears and you don't shut it down, he'll use the Leto command on me; I can't fight that and then I'll-" She whispers.
"You'll get hurt" I finish for her. She nods. "Ally I swear, I'll make them turn off the simulator. Iron will be there as well and he'd kill himself before he let the Leto Rex touch you"
She smiles gratefully and lets out a sigh of relief.
"Carlisle sent me a message before you came in. He told me to keep you here until Zena's got your results. He's going to meet you there; apparently he has something to tell you" Ally says.
We continue talking for the next hour or so. I'm finally able to appreciate the support Commpartment 22 provides. It's so different compared the daunting aura of trepidation of Compartment 2. Now that I'm here, the prospect of going back has me biting the fleshy inside of my cheek, so hard that blood begins to flow. A few days all I wanted was to escape this apartment but I made my decision; I have to stick to it. I stare wistfully around the room and the smiling girl in front of me. It's so more appealing than the gloomy walls and the mysterious character of Vic in Compartment 2.
The theme tune of the STO blaring out of the control pad seizes my attention as I wait for the voice to speak.
"Lara Hall, please report to Medic one's office"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's another one of the those laboured silences; my second one today. I sit anxiously in the same firm chair that held and supported me earlier. I fidget with my fingers anxiously as we await the arrival of Carlisle. Then my results will be revealed.
Two words could potentially change my entire life as I know it, may be uttered from Zena's lips and I'm scared. I'm frightened of what may happen, I'm terrified of the future. I'm frightened because I have no control over it.
Zena sits behind her desk, scribbling down on a blank piece of paper. The tension continues to climax with every inky lexeme.
I wish she could tell me but she's under orders to wait until Carlisle arrives. I scowl; the silence is making me irascible.
The sound of the door has me sighing with relief as I turn to see Carlisle hobbling into the room. The walls are already sealed so no one can peek in. Carlisle hasn't even reached the empty seat beside me before I begin to twitch and jitter.
"Please can you tell me now" I whip my head back to Zena.
Carlisle's throaty laugh vibrates throughout the room. His scent of cough sweets is lingers in the air as he settles himself on the vacant chair.
"Patience is a virtue Lara" He chuckles. "But I'm afraid before you receive your results, I must inform you of the latest news involving the STO"
"Could we not do the results first?" I ask hopefully.
"Unfortunately no, I'm sure you will find this information just as useful" Carlisle smiles. The huge collar of his jet black suit frames his face and the gold emblem of the STO gleams from the left breast pocket in the light.
I nod and wait expectantly for this piece of 'news'. The thought puzzles me. If Carlisle is telling me, it must have something to do with Jared or else they wouldn't bother.
Carlisle clears his throat. "Since our arrival back on Earth, myself and the other leaders of the STO have been trying the locate the compound of the Sicarii. Although we have been rather unsuccessful in finding it's exact location, we believe we are quite close"
"Okay?" I ask. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"
I was aware they were looking for the base of the Sicarii, everyone knows. Its a crucial step to overthrow. A rebellion in these days, despite all our training, isn't a physical one. It's a battle between minds. The first side to figure out the location of their opponents and attack will most likely come out on top. The Sicarii may have the advantage in terms of knowledge, but in the sense of judgment and the final battle, the odds will be in our favour.
"No, that's not it" Carlisle pauses. "As you may be aware, Vicarius was unavailable today. The reason for this is because yesterday, we located the 'Palatio' ship, on which both of us were aboard Lara. Vicarius led a mission today to retrieve the ship and it was recovered"
"What does that mean?"
"It means we have access to everything that was onboard the ship or however they've left it" Carlisle states. "This is a huge breakthrough Lara; there are so many answers this ship could provide"
A thought enters my mind. It could show how Jared was taken and who by. If I find the location of the Sicarii compound, I could use the tubes.
Carlisle notes my dazed, thoughtful state and his brow soon creases over with worry.
"Lara, I'm telling you this because I trust you. I need you to swear on your position as a Warrior that you will not run off and try to find Jared. We have no clue how dangerous the Sicarii base could be and you will most likely be killed" Carlisle stares me straight in the eye. "Lara, promise me you won't run off"
My throat is clogged by a lump so instead I nod my head. I don't think I could testify for that promise with my voice. If it comes down the final battle and I have the chance to find Jared, I will choose him over the STO.
"Excellent" Carlisle exclaims. "Now I'll hand the reins over to Zena"
Zena looks up from her scrawling and faces Carlisle and I. I can feel my heart in my throat as I await Medic One's diagnosis.
"Lara, your blood tests have come back negative" She says slowly. "You're not pregnant"
I let out a slight cry of relief but almost immediately I feel iniquitous. My hand trails to my stomach knowing its empty; childless. Although I'm pacified that I won't bring a child into a world of war, I feel mournful for the loss of my forged child. It would have been a piece of Jared to hold on to.
"Then what's wrong with her?" Carlisle asks.
"I don't know yet but I am looking into the issue. There are some possibilities that I should like to discuss with you at a later stage Carlisle" Zena says.
I squint in confusion. "Am I going to be let in on these 'possiblities' or will this be another secret I'm not let in on" I ask sarcastically, feeling my fists clench in anger. "Carlisle you know better than anyone what happens when secrets are kept" I hiss.
Zena's eyes widen as she stares at me. Carlisle also looks equally concerned; fear resonates from both of their stunned expressions.
"What?" I snap.
"Lara, why are your eyes turning black?" Carlisle asks quietly.