(Beam)
There are no twists, secrets, or surprises with the deal made by Pha and Forth. Forth has told me everything, though he's a bit hesitant, after I ceaselessly question him because Pha is holding his tongue.
I found out that it happened when Pha confronted Forth about his feelings for Yo.
Everyone thought that he's into Yo since it's evident how he treated him differently from the others. However, seeing how I look like and I have no idea what, Forth quickly explained that he only thought of Yo as a younger brother that has to be taken care of. He couldn't feel anything beyond it, unlike the emotional state I am giving him: It's a whirlwind, electrifying, and heart-warmer experience whenever I am with him which he would never feel to anyone. No one could occupy his mind, and rattle his heart like I do. (I think I have rolled my eyes and covered his mouth several times for being so mushy, it's fucking crawling into my skin!)
Anyway, he has declared to Pha that he likes me and not Yo (so Pha knows all along but he's not saying anything -_-"). Pha, who's acting as our protective daddy again, has come up with an accord with Forth before he gives his consent in courting me (Woah! Who said I need his consent? Who needs an approval of whom? I am not a girl!!!):
First, Forth has to stop those engineering students from chasing after Yo (are you sure it is really for me or for him? -_-"). Since the day of the competition, not only Ming has garnered fans, both females and male, from various faculty, but also Yo who captured everyone's heart with his cuteness and adorable performance. Hence, Pha being a possessive boyfriend, doesn't want anyone or anybody lingering around his beloved Yo while they haven't officially declared their relationship to everyone. They are still waiting for the right time.
And second...
If ever Forth breaks my heart in any means, he'll lose his rights of me and will never get to see or talk to me again because Pha will do everything to keep him away from me...
.
.
.
I don't know what to think of that last accord they have. We are childhood friends. Pha might love to order us around, but he has always been fending us back then. He's ready to fight with anyone who would try to hurt us... I thought, now that he's madly in love and occupied with his beloved Yo, he would never mind Kit and I at all.
I guess, I am wrong.
The friendship we have built for several years is like the nerves in a body, not visible to the naked eyes but essential in keeping us alive. No matter what happens, wherever our feet may take us, we will still be there for each other.
Oh, fuck! Why am I being too sentimental? As if I have a choice to be friends and stuck with them. Haha!
But kidding aside, they are one of the best things that happen in my life.
.
.
.
Anyway, I didn't get those information free from this head hazer. Though I threatened of ignoring him, in the end he still has it his way before he reveals their deal.
We were supposed to have our first official date today. Not just a simple lunch out or dinner out, but what a couple (-_-") usually does with their date.
However, he has just called to say that it is cancelled today. He never gives an explanation as he seems to be in panic and just abruptly ends the call with a sorry.
It makes me want to cuss everything, everyone, especially that fucking Forth for leaving me hanging in the dark! I even haven't gotten a good night sleep because I was wondering about the things that should be done in our first date. I have dated a lot of times before. However, it's all for fun only. It's a series of flirts and nonsense conversation...
Wait! Don't think that I am taking this date seriously. I just thought that Forth isn't like those I'd dated with. I thought of doing it right since he is Forth...
...
Do you get what I mean? It's...
...
Well...
...
Fuck! Just nevermind it! It got cancelled, anyway!
Since I am already dressed up, I decided to just knock on Kit's apartment door to ask him out. Weekends should be celebrated outside the four corners of our apartments although there are workloads of shits that we have to deal on. I guess, it could wait as I am really dying to get out.
I am expecting that Kit will complain when I asked him out. I was also ready to drag him no matter what happens. However, to my surprise, he never complains nor nags at my devil-may-care attitude. He agrees of coming out with me without making a fuss.
Is the sun risen at the west? I think, the world is ending.
"There is something I have to buy, that's why I'll come with you," Kit explains.
I can't still believe it as I give him an skeptical look. He just rolls his eyes then pulls me where my car parks. I usually drive when we are going out.
We are both silent while I am driving. Another unusual thing. I couldn't remember if there was a time we got so quite like this every time we were together. Even when we were reviewing, none of us could take a minute or so without uttering a word.
This is the first time.
And I am wondering why.
I look at Kit sideways. He seems so lost of his own thoughts that he doesn't even notice the way I am glancing at him. He's just fidgeting at the choco-coated wafer on his hands. Once we're jammed in traffic, I jerk the kitkat from his hands which instantly snaps him out of his trance, then irritatingly turns at me.
"Give me that!" he exclaims.
He tries to get it from me. I draw it away.
"It's your favorite snack back in high school. But since you're on a diet you stopped eating it. When did you start eating it again? I thought, you're still on a diet?" I pry.
"I am no longer on a diet! I don't care if I get fat again."
"Really? Last month you said you have to keep your weight, that's why you didn't come with us when we eat at a buffet."
"Damn it, Beam?! Why are you so nosy?"
"Because I am a curiousss person. So, why a change of mind? Did someone tell you that it's okay to eat whatever you want because he doesn't mind you getting fat?"
He's suddenly frozen. I grin as I think I have hit the jackpot.
Kit just leans back on his seat, then crosses his arms on his chest while looking at the window. I have no idea if he's watching the other cars from their slow progress just like us, or he's staring at nothingness just I like I usually do these past days.
"Beam..." he calls after a few minutes of silence, still looking out. "What did you feel when Forth started to court you?"
"..........."
"Don't you feel weird or something?"
"Why? Getting jealous that Forth is courting me instead of you?" I tease though I am perfectly aware that it's not what he meant by those questions. I just... couldn't answer him.
"Damn you! I am not some bitch who tries to snatch another person's man or woman... I just... I just want to know what you really feel, because honestly speaking... I am confused right now."
"Confuse with what?"
Finally, we got out of the traffic jam.
"Confuse with everything... I know I am not a gay. I am not interested with other men. I like women with big boobs... But why am I having this kind of confusion whenever I am with him? Why do I feel agitated every time someone's expressing their adoration of him? Then I will feel elated when he showers me with those annoying corny words. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel ...so lost..."
I put my hand on his shoulder to gently squeeze it while my eyes are on the road. We are basically in the same boat, feeling lost and confused.
"Mingkwan?" I ask.
It takes a minute before he nods.
Ironic isn't it? Not so long ago, we were just trying our best to help our friend to chase after his beloved nong. We even thought that Yo was an engineering magnet for both of the engineering moons were into him, not knowing that we would be entangled in this muddled situation with those two.
Is it our karma for being so meddlesome? 'Cause we have no idea how to get out from it.
"Do you think we should ask Pha about it?" I query as I maneuver the car in the parking lot.
"I already asked. And he just said to not think too much of it... Let the heart do it."
My brow shoots up.
"Does he think he's in some melodrama program or alike for saying it? He's more pathetic back then."
"You're right."
We are chuckling as we alight from my car.
"Do you think we should invite Pha with us?" ~Kit.
"Nah. He's definitely busy cuddling his cute boyfriend," I reply.
We are at the shopping district in Bangkok. As usual, it's bustling with crowd like everyone has the same thought as mine that weekend should be spent outside the four corners of the house. Everywhere we turn, we will be met with a great number of people. We are almost dodging our way. But, it's fine with us because we get to forget those men who are baffling our mind, even for just a while.
After Kit has bought some personal necessities, we have our lunch at a Korean restaurant since Kit is craving for Kimchi. I joke about him being pregnant, and he immediately cusses at me while trying to kick me under the table. I am laughing so hard when he couldn't reach me. The wild kitty Kitkat is back and I am so glad of it.
The sky is painted with pale orange gradually covering by the dark violet color and twinkling sky light when Kit and I decide to go back to our apartment. We have dropped by to a convenient store to buy snacks on our way before we return to my car. We're too exhausted like we have just done a marathon (it's really a marathon with these people). And as usual, we are stuck in this fucking traffic. (Hell!)
However, it isn't the reason why I am starting to feeling pissed off.
It is because of that black Ducati motorbike ahead of us.
Though I couldn't see its owner's face because he's wearing a black helmet and a 'Girl' with a helmet, too, is tightly hugging him from his back, I could fully recognize its owner and driver.
He said, there's an urgent matter he has to do.
So, this is his urgent matter??
I forcefully press my car's horn to honk at the motorbike ahead of us until its owner turns his head behind him. Even the girl shamelessly wraps her snake-like arms on him is turning her head.
"Beam! What are you doing?! Are you trying to get us in trouble?!" Kit says, voice in panic. "Look! That driver is looking at us! He's even bigger than you for fuck sake!"
Of course, Kit does not discern 'that' driver.
"That's Forth," I indifferently state.
'That' driver lifts up his helmet revealing his 'stupid' face with wide eyes and open-mouth. In spite of the heavy tint on my car's windows, I know he knows my car just like I know his.
I am in a temptation of rolling down my window and wave my middle finger on him, however the vehicles around us start to move. I press the horn once more to tell him to move. In fact, the cars behind us are also honking, and his female passenger is tapping his arm to, maybe, urge him to go. He has no choice but to drive away.
"Forth's with a girl?!" Kit in gape.
"No," I answer. "It's an insect in a shape of a woman."
Then, I step on the gas to go past that fucking motorbike.