Yvonne said nothing as she passed us. She looked straight ahead and ran as fast as she could toward the elevator.
"Stay here," I told Zak.
Before he could say a word I followed Yvonne up the stairway and into the cancer ward, little did I know Zak was right behind me.
The speakers screamed the words "code blue" as I chased Yvonne through the narrow hallways. I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I saw her run into my mother's room.
Good thing Zak didn't listen to me.
I ran into my mother's room. Nurses and doctors were running on top of each other as the intercom still rang its alarms throughout the ward over and over again. That was when my heart dropped. Fear raced through my veins as I avoided Zak's grasps to hold me before I could get close to her, but it was too late.
All I could see were doctors pushing on her chest with the defibrillator and yelling, so much yelling. I watched as she came back to life and die again, over and over. It was like I was rewinding and re-watching a scene of a horror movie as it repeated itself in front of me.
Then it stopped. The halls were silent, the only thing you could hear was the heavy breaths of the hospital staff. Everyone stood frozen as if time had decided to stop itself. Then, the sound of a short and small heartbeat filled the room. Everybody took a deep breath and sighed in a slight victory that they pulled a dying woman from the black and greedy hands of death.
I walked toward her bed with caution. She looked so much closer to death than before, something I didn't think was possible. I delicately lifted her arm and brought her hand to my cheek, making sure to cup it just like I did the day before. Her eyes rolled from the back of her head, for a moment it seemed her irises were as blank as a sheet of paper.
She looked into my eyes as hers started to fade once more. I squeezed her hand tighter and pushed it harder against my face. Her mouth started to open. She was trying to tell me something, but she couldn't get the words out.
"I-I would- wouldn't l-let them." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Who? Wouldn't let who? Mom?"
"I-I wouldn't let them ta-take me. I h-had to say good-goodbye, t-they're letting me s-say goodbye."
"What? Mom!?"
Mom. The word sounded foreign as I said it.
She slowly caressed my face with her cold, damp hand. She blinked, and not soon after a tear was forced out, falling down her cheek with ease.
"I'm- I'm" She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, baby" She whispered.
Baby. I repeated that word in my head. She hadn't called me that in years.
"Mama!" I cried. Her eyes were slowly rolling to the back of her head, but she seemed to be fighting it. She pulled my head to her face, using all the force she could, and whispered into my ear.
"Let-Let him ta-take care of yo-you. Tru-trust him for m-me. Pro-promise? He w-will be a gr-great father."
"I promise" I whispered.
"That's m-my g-girl." She leaned her head back into her pillow. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and her body began to convulse.
Her white-walled room began to alarm as her heart began to slow once more. People in blue ran in; pushing me out of the way as they held her body down with all their might as she seized. Then her body stopped. They tried to start her heart just one more time. She only came back because she needed to say goodbye, she was leaving for good this time. I watched in a fuzzy haze as all the doctors and nurses tried to resuscitate her, but it was too late. She was gone, and no one could bring her back.
Just like before, the doctors stopped. All alarms that were still ringing and the sound of her heart flatlining were turned off by the push of a button.
"Time of death, 09:37 a.m." A middle-aged doctor called. Everyone hung their heads in both shame and respect.
A sob escaped through my mouth, causing everyone to look at me. I walked back toward my mother and grabbed her hand once more, but it didn't return the grasp. Instead, it was loose and cold.
"Mama." I cried. I tried to warm it up with my cheek, but nothing happened.
Instead, I let it go. I watched as it effortlessly dropped down beside her. I started to leave her room, but before I could reach the door my legs gave out. Just before I hit the ground Zak caught me, and just like that, everything I had been bundling up released. I began to sob on the hospital floor in his arms.
"I'm so alone." I cried into his chest
He sniffled and hugged me tighter. "Not anymore Charlie, you will never be alone again." He said as a tear ran down off his face and onto my neck. He was crying too.
~~~~
The next day was quiet. The hospital staff left us alone, and everyone walked by my mom's room trying their best not to disturb our mourning.
Josie had stopped by to pay her respects. She gave me a very large hug and her number, in case I ever needed to talk. Even though I would never miss this place I would most definitely miss Josie; and I know she would miss me.
I just sat on the uncomfortable chair that sat across from where she died. Staring at it until my eyes became dry. So many times had I sat there when she was alive, I had no idea how soon it would be that I would be sitting there when she was dead. I went to wipe a tear away, but my face was dry. I guess I had run out.
Zak walked in with two cups. His was some organic drink and mine was just a simple coffee with sugar and milk. He was wearing what I would call "mourning clothes". Unsurprisingly, it was all black.
After he handed me the coffee he asked me a question, but I was too zoned-out staring at the spot where my mother died to care.
"Charlie? Charlie? Charlie!" His loud voice pulled me out of my zone.
I jumped, almost spitting out the massive amount of coffee I had just sipped.
I looked at him wide-eyed "You wanna wake up the whole hospital?" I angrily whispered. He just shrugged and looked at me and looked to where I was staring.
"We really need to get you out of here," He said taking a sip of his drink.
I just glared in response. "Where would I possibly go? I'm only seventeen. There's no way I'm going into foster care. Been there, done that" I replied.
"Okay, I have two things to say to that. One, you're not going to foster care, there's no way in hell I would let that happen to you. Two, you really think I would let you go into foster care? We will have a conversation about that later. And three, you're coming to live with me and Gracie." he finished with a smile on his face.
"Who's Gracie? You're girlfriend?"
He shook his head and laughed.
"No, Charlie, she's my dog."
"Oh. My bad."
"It's okay, but seriously let's go. Grab your stuff, we're getting out of here."
He began to walk out, but swung around and gave a look of confusion.
"Where is your stuff?"
I gestured to the three backpacks and one gym bag behind me.
He furrowed his brows. "That's it? That's everything?"
I nodded and took another sip of my drink, just now realizing that it was scalding hot.
"I didn't really have a lot of stuff. Marion and I were... are broke. I'm broke."
Marion was no longer broke, she was dead.
Zak nodded and breathed an "okay."
"Well, that's going to change. What do you even have in there?"
I shrugged as I cupped my drink in both hands. "Clothes, a few pictures, drugs."
Zak's eyes widened in terror as I listed the last item. "What?!"
I groaned and rolled my head back. "I'm kidding! Jeez, take a joke will ya?"
Zak sighed a breath of relief and shook his index finger at me.
"You better be kidding." He said sternly.
I rolled my eyes. "It was a joke."
I stood up and walked over to my bags, grabbing three, and handing the rest to Zak.
"Let's go, I can't wait to leave this place in the rear-view mirror." I groaned.
"Me too," Zak whispered.
As I stepped out of the room, I made sure not the look back. It was the past now; it was time to move forward.
As we walked out of the building, Zak walked as close as possible until we approached the car. we threw my bags into the trunk and Zak started the car.
"Are you ready to go home?" he asked.
Home. It had been quite a while since I last had one, and the thought of one with Zakmade me nervous.
"Do you need to say goodbye to anyone? any friends?"
I shook my head. "No one, Anyone that was even remotely important to me here is long gone or dead", I muttered.
Zak didn't respond. He turned on the radio and began to drive, softly humming to the overplayed tunes. I said nothing as I watched the hospital disappear behind us.
"Let's go home."