Junior's loud cries woke me up from my sleep that I didn't even know I was in. I sighed and dragged myself up the stairs and into his room. It had been a month and whoever said that it would get easier had to be lying. They just had to be because I swear that these past few days my son hated me.
I had to put a stop to all the visits and had my phone turned off half of the time because I didn't want to talk to or see anybody. Before doing that I got on Facebook since news seems to travel faster that way and let everyone know we were fine. Like, I was a new mom so let me and the baby rest and stay to ourselves for at least six weeks.
The smell hit me before I had reached his crib. Fuck my life! Don handled all the poopy diapers and I didn't have time to yell for him because even in my presence Junior continued to cry. I wasn't going to leave my baby on the changing table while I went to find his father so I had to suck it up.
"Okay baby, I'm moving as fast as I can." I said scooping him up with the diaper and wipes already on the changing table. No wonder he was crying. His mess was sliding out of the diaper and up his back. "Shit." I cursed under my breath. Pulling some wipes out I wiped him off and pulled his onesie off and we made our way to the bathroom where I ran water into his baby bathtub.
He had settled down with the crying until I pulled him from the tub and dressed him. "Oh my goodness Junior what's the problem?" I asked him as if he could answer me as I attempted to feed him the milk in his bottle. He didn't want the milk.
I tried rocking him and singing to him. Nothing worked. Where the hell was Adonis? After dressing myself and pulling my hair into a ponytail I placed Junior in his car seat and we left the house. I circled the block in the car a few times and after a while, Junior just fell asleep. I looked at the dashboard and saw that I was low on gas so I pulled back into the driveway.
When the car stopped rolling the crying started back up. I hit my head on the steering wheel and we got out and into the house. Don was still nowhere to be found. I entered the kitchen with Junior in my arms and placed him in his swing. He was going to continue crying because I wasn't planning on getting back in that car. I had no choice but to tune the crying out while just making sure that he was alright swinging.
Once I had my dinner of sautéed chicken breast, broccoli and cheese with rice almost finished Don came strolling into the kitchen. He went straight to our crying son. "Do you not hear him crying Britni? What the hell." He has some nerve. "I heard him, I heard him all day. I tried getting him to be quiet for the past four hours." I said in a dry tone.
"Well why is he quiet now that I have him?" Don asked as I looked to see Junior sleep and quiet. "I don't know." I mumbled lowly while turning back to the food.
How could he disappear and be gone all day and then come in mad that the baby was crying? Doesn't he know I tried everything that I could to get him quiet? It was clear that he just wanted Don. I couldn't help but to feel angry and upset that I was unsuccessful at keeping my son calm today. Not knowing where Don was didn't make it any better.
"Britni." Don said coming back into the kitchen placing the baby monitor on the counter. "Adonis." I said back. "Come here." He sat down and patted his lap. I walked to him and stood there playing with my fingers. Don pulled me onto his lap. "I'm sorry for talking to you the way that I did when I came in." He apologized.
"Okay." I said. "What happened to you saying you accept?" I gave him the same twisted look that he was giving me before he cracked a smile. "Gimme a kiss." I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before getting up to make our plates. "That's all the kisses that I get?" "Yup." I said not turning around.
I placed our plates on the table and grabbed two glasses and the pitcher of sweet tea. "Are you okay?" Don asked not bothering to touch his food but staring at me instead. "No I'm not okay if you want me to be honest." He watched me before tasting his food.
"Talk about it." He said. I didn't want to, I was scared that he would judge me for why I wasn't feeling okay. "Promise you won't look at me different?" "Promise." I shifted in my seat before speaking.
"Something is wrong with me. I'm either up or I'm down and it's really frustrating. I'm supposed to love this whole motherhood thing and I don't, not today I don't. He kept crying and screaming, I didn't know what to do. I didn't think about hurting him but I was about to leave out of the house. Not anywhere far, just to sit on the porch you know? Away from the noise because I feel like he hated me today because I kept trying and trying and trying."
By now Don was by my side pulling me up from my seat and hugging me. "Come on B, you know he doesn't hate you. And you're a great mom so you don't have to feel like you aren't. Junior loves you." He kissed the top of my head. "Don, where were you?" His body tensed up but relaxed.
"I know you heard me." I said pulling back and looking up at him. "I uh, I was with Renee." I slipped my arms from around him. "Come on B, she needed me to come with her to-" "I really don't care what she needed you for. You weren't even going to tell me were you?" I asked and he didn't answer me.
"Britni you know I can't just leave her and my daughter like that. I haven't been there for her through her pregnancy enough as it is." He said following me up the steps. "I don't care about Renee and her daughter. I can't wait until she has her so you can take the damn DNA test and leave her the hell alone." I stepped into my Chuck Taylor's and pulled my shirt off replacing it with a sports bra and muscle tank.
"I'll be back." I mumbled before going into Junior's room and kissing his chubby cheeks. "I love you." I whispered before leaving out and down the steps. "Where are you going?" Don asked shutting the door once I had it open. I turned to face him.
"I'm just going to go think. Junior should be hungry when he wakes up, his formula is on the kitchen island and use the bottled water when you make it. Six ounces but he may only drink four. I'll see you when I get back and if your baby momma comes by which I'm sure her petty ass might just to see you again, I don't want my baby in the same area as her. Don't even let her try and see him." I opened the door and got in my car pulling off.
I found myself pulling up at a bodega not far from the house and I was paying for a pack of Newports. I never thought that I would have another one of these ever again but these past few weeks have been killing me. Something had to give. I was glad I wasn't in the car that my baby rides in because I didn't want to subject him to the smell of smoke.
I drove around until I reached the park. I got out and searched for a bench to sit on. Lighting the cigarette I slowly inhaled and continued until it was gone. I placed my head in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. "Britni is that you?" A voice called out. I sat up straight and saw Terron. "Hey Terron." I gave him a smile.
Terron took a seat beside me. "What you doing out here? I thought it was you but then I saw you smoking and didn't think it was." He said fast. "I was." I said. A beat of silence passed through. "It will get better." My head turned to him. "Huh?"
"Whatever has you out here doing this." He said picking up the cigarettes. "It will get better, you don't need these." I snatched the box back and lit another. "Mind your business Terron." He shook his head. "I was just trying to help. You look down and believe it or not Britni I care about you and I don't want to see you all down, that's not you."
"Thanks T." I kissed his cheek and hugged him. "Damn. You've changed, must be the baby." He joked. "It must be." I smiled before standing. "See you around." We both said before laughing. "Tell Ant I'm your twin now since we just said something together."
A hour had gone by since I had pulled up into my driveway. I wasn't ready to go inside and talk. If you asked me there was nothing to talk about. I was still going to be upset and feeling some type of way that Don was gone all day long to be with Renee.
I just couldn't wait until she delivered in two months. She needed to be exposed for collecting money from Don already which he thinks I don't know about. Don went as far as putting her up in one of the apartment buildings that he owns. All for a baby that belongs to another man. Junior wasn't sharing his father with another child unless that child comes from my womb the same way that he did.
Once inside I went right to the kitchen and heated my plate from earlier up. I didn't get the chance to finish it and I guess Don had wrapped it for me. After eating and washing my dishes I dragged myself up the steps.
Don was laying in the middle of the bed with the baby on his chest and they were fast asleep. Smiling I pulled my phone out and snapped some pictures of them before jumping in the shower to rid the smell of smoke before interacting with the baby.
When I was done showering and opened the shower door Don was leaning up against the sink. "Stop staring at me." I said as I closed the shower door back. I didn't want him looking at me because my body wasn't the same as before. I didn't want him to see me until my body was almost right and my stomach smaller. "Britni get your crazy self out of that shower." Don said. "I'm not crazy, I don't want you looking at my body. It's fat and just disgusting."
Don blew a hard breath out. "Here." He reached into the shower handing me my towel and I wrapped it around me before stepping out. "I know you don't want me to see you naked but I don't mind B. I like this added thickness you have." He came behind me as I was brushing my teeth. "Where did you go?" I spit and rinsed my mouth with listerine before answering.
"Out." He let my hips go. "Out where Britni?" "I was at the park and I drove around a little." I pulled one of his shirts over my head. "Right." Climbing up on the bed I grabbed Junior who was just laying on his back staring at nothing.
"Hey baby. You missed Mommy?" I asked him. "Of course you did." I continued making him smile while wiping the drool that slid from his mouth and on to my face. "Ew!" I wiped it. "That ain't nothing but a lil sugar." Don laughed making me mug him. "Why do people say that when a baby slobbers all over you?" I would never understand.
Junior let a small grunt out making me look down at him and his face was all bunched up. "Aw baby, you're pooping" By the looks on his face it was painful so I rubbed circles in his small belly. "Here babe, change him." I passed him. "No. You go change him." He passed Junior back. "I did my shitty diaper change for the year now go change him."
"Mini me, one day we're going to beat Mommy up. In two more weeks I can beat her the grown up way, put some act right in her system. Then once you can walk I'll show you how to put the hands on her." Adonis said to him while he changed his diaper. "Don't tell him that and put his pajamas on. It's ten and he should be in his crib sleeping."
"He's a baby, they don't have bedtimes." I just glared at him. "Calm down B, take a joke." "Take this dick." I mumbled making Don look at me shocked. "Did you just tell me to take this dick? Who are you?" He chuckled and handed Junior to me who started to cry.
Don reached back to grab him but I turned to the side. "Stop doing that. You're not going to always be here when he cries or needs something." I told him while rocking Junior. "I just didn't want you to get upset again. I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's okay but when you do that it makes me feel like I'm not good at this. That hurts my feelings." I said while taking the bottle from his hand.
Once the baby was sleeping in his crib Don and I were laid up in the bed together while he watched old reruns of basketball games. I was texting Kyra and Brian in a group text about my coming back to work when it was interrupted by a call from Ant.
"Twin, what's good?" I answered. "I fucked up." His voice came through my ear. "Ugh what did you do now?" I was already up and slipping into some jeans because I knew that he was going to need me. "I fucked up like I said. Meet me at the parents, I'll be in the tree house." He told me before hanging up.
"Where are you going now?" Don asked. I put a bra on and a different shirt before walking over to him. "Ant needs me." "And Daddy needs you." Don said running my hand across his clothed erection. I kissed his lips before pulling away. "I'll take care of that when I get back."
His hand flicked my forehead. "You better." My eyebrow raised as I smirked at him. "I better what? I'll give you a bottle of lotion and keep it moving, you know how I do."
He sucked his teeth "I'll never forget that day you had me thinking I would finally have sex with you but I had no condom so you gave me that lotion and left." I remembered that day, I couldn't forget it because Don had me walking funny the next morning.
"You was trying to get me pregnant too fast." I kissed him again and our tongues fought for dominance but I won. "Okay babe I gotta go. My brother is waiting, I love you." I said as I placed my hand on his chest and pulled away. "I love you too."
I climbed into the tree house in the woods behind my parents house and was greeted with Ant. He was pacing back and forth looking a bit crazy. I had wanted to laugh at the sight before me but I couldn't because I had never seen my twin like this. I grabbed him by his hand and he stopped his movement.
"Sit down and tell me what you did." I said in a soft tone. He just stared at me and then sat down but didn't say a word. "You better start talking before I beat it out of you. My man is sitting at home with a hard on and I need to hurry back and take care of that for him. If not he might end up calling Ren-" "Britni would you shut the hell up?" He snapped.
"Excuse the hell out of me. Now come on, talk to me." I wiped my hair from my face. "Well I did something to Mia and-" "Did you kill her and I have to help you bury her body? I have a shovel in my trunk." I laughed. "Why do you have a shovel? You know what, forget that but I did something and she doesn't know yet. I can't tell her but it's coming back to haunt me." He sighed.
I shook my head and pulled the Newports from earlier out of my pocket and handed him one. "You couldn't wait to drop Junior huh? Already back to smoking these things." He said taking the pack from my hoodie pocket. "I just started today, now this something wouldn't happen to be a someone would it?"
He blew smoke from his mouth. "Yeah." I shook my head. "It was Turquoise wasn't it?" He didn't say anything letting me know his answer and I was instantly pissed at him. "Are. You. Fucking. Stupid!" I yelled hitting him in his head with each word. "You cheated on that poor girl for what? When she finds out that's the end for you two twin, she's too strong to take you back. She broke her vow to herself and God and gave you her virginity and you cheat on her!"
He just stared at me with a dumb ass look. "Don't look at me like that! I told your ass to leave Turquoise alone but no, you had to go sniffing around her like the dog you are. I like Mia, I really do but you just fucked it up." "Don't you think I know that? And it wasn't just with Turquoise, it was someone else too and she's pregnant but- Britni what the fuck!" He threw his hands up dropping the cigarette to block the punch I was trying to throw at him.
I was so angry with him and sad that he stooped so low. "Anthony you promised me that you wouldn't do what Daddy did and look at you. Following in his footsteps. I hope she leaves your ass and you better tell her." "I'm not like Daddy." I snorted at that because I couldn't tell. "I'm not. I'll tell her but I at least thought you would be there for me." He said.
"I am here for you but I'm not going to praise your nasty ass for cheating. I hope you caught something with your dirty dick ass. Now I'm going home and I'll call you in the morning. You take your black ass straight to Mia's and tell her right now Anthony. I mean it!" I started to climb back down but came back up. "Give me my cigarettes bitch." He threw them at me. "And have her come to your house that way she won't break her shit and will break yours when you tell her. Cheating ass bastard." And I disappeared again.
I don't think that I was too hard on him. I just know that he didn't expect me to agree with what he did. No woman wants to be cheated on. Mia was enough woman for Anthony and now she would think that she wasn't when she found out what he did.
I entered the house and Don was coming out of the kitchen. I ran over to him and hugged him. In seconds I felt him hugging me back. "Baby, what happened? Is Ant alright?" "He's fine but he won't be in the morning." Don pulled away and looked down at me but I pulled him into another hug. I didn't want to let him go.
"Don?" I mumbled. "Yes?" He asked. I buried my face deeper into his chest. "B, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" "Hormones or something. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like giving up on me Adonis. I really am, you know I mean it because I never apologize for anything. I don't mean any of the mean things I say or do." I said removing myself from his hold and walking away.
He never had to say it but I know that he has thought about it before. Before, during and after Junior. Especially the before and after. "Whoa, wait B." He grabbed my hand stopping me and turning my body to face him. "What happened tonight?" "Nothing. Just accept my apology and promise you'll never leave me because I'm never leaving you." I whispered the last part.
Ant had me all fucked up right now with his situation. What he did could happen to me and I didn't want that. But the way that I would treat Don, it could happen. "I'm not leaving you B, don't ever think that I am. Yes you annoy me at times and I want to give up but that's your job, to get on my nerves sometimes and I'm still here." He bent down and kissed my lips.
"I love you Lashae." He said against my lips. "I love you too with your no middle name having ass."