Petra and I begin seeing each other, in a sort of weird sexy friendship. Nothing official or serious, just a casual, relaxed physical relationship. The new me is really proud of me. It starts when Petra asks me to the pub after work again, mid-week, a few days after our first night together. We go to the gay pub, but we soon end up kissing and she starts touching me up, so we drink up quickly and go back to mine to have sex. I know that at weekends she often does something with Diana, but we meet for coffee on the following Saturday afternoon. During the week after that, I take my turn to suggest going out after work, and we do the same: quick drink in the pub, then back to mine for sex.
A few weeks later I catch her eye across the department as she brings the internal post round. I make a drinking sign with my hand and raise an eyebrow. She nods and shrugs, then tilts her head sharply to beckon me over as she turns to deliver a handful of stuff to one of the clerks. We meet halfway down the edge of the office. She eye-fucks me for a second as I walk towards her.
'Are you OK for a drink?' I ask, liking her eyes on my body and legs. 'We don't have to, if it's awkward.' I wonder if she has family commitments.
'It's fine.' She glances around and drops her voice. 'I was just thinking, we're not really doing it for the drink, are we?' She moves closer and we almost touch. 'We could stop wasting time and money going for a drink first and just go straight to yours.' She grins.
I grin back. 'We have drink in the house. If we need it.'
'Exactly.'
There's a little pause as the recognition of our shared lust throbs between us. I finger the ends of my hair where it rests on my chest and watch her watch me. I know she's looking at my tits, and I'm pleased she is. 'OK. See you later, then.'
***
I have to admit, the sex is usually not very good, even though the build-up is great. But I like Petra, she is almost always cheerful and makes me laugh, and she kisses brilliantly. And I keep reminding myself that the new me is enjoying it. I find myself thinking of Petra as the sort of girl who'd be really fun to go out with, have a great night together, and not care if it didn't lead to anything.
She is, though, desperately anxious to please in bed, and would be mortified to think I wasn't having unalloyed fun with her. So I pretend again and again, and guide her, and make little subtle changes to the way we make love, when I can. I don't even try to meet anyone else, and I put up with a lot of very mediocre sex, in the name of staying loyal and making things better. I try to take the edge off some off the clumsiness in her lovemaking, direct her eagerness to please into different ways of prolonging my pleasure. Slowly, she begins to learn.
One evening, not long before Christmas, Petra and I are in my bed together after work, cuddling in the gloom of the early dusk. She's just given me an unexpectedly very very good fuck. Just the right balance of gentleness and urgency. So perfect for what I needed at that moment. I've been caught off-guard by how intense it was, and wonder if we can make a go of things after all. I've noticed that, while she still likes me to do her sometimes, she's taking the lead more and more often. My guard is down, I'm mellow and happy and satisfied and I'm enjoying the glow of a for once real, and very good, orgasm. I mention the control thing in passing, and kiss her to let her know I like it.
She stretches her naked body against mine as she kisses back, and I wonder briefly if she's going to fuck me again. I'd really like that, if she wants to. Especially if it's as good as just now. But she moves off gently and rests her head on my shoulder. 'Yeah. Actually, you're not the only one to notice that just recently.'
'Oh? Have you as well, then?'
She smiles and combs her fingers through my hair. 'Well, yeah. I like it, I like the way you get so turned on.' We kiss again, then she goes on, 'But no. I meant that someone else has noticed I'm a bit more, um, active sometimes.'
I feel a curious, voyeuristic interest begin to prickle. 'Diana?'
She kisses my throat softly. 'Yeah.' There's a little pause, then she says, 'I took her by surprise the other day, after we'd... you know? After we'd finished. It was quite late, and she was half asleep and I just started moving my hand down. I was still horny and wanted to see how she'd like it.'
My feelings are very confused. My body is still throbbing gently with the pleasure Petra's given me, and with the hope that we might have hot sex again pretty soon, if I can show her I'm still turned on. But I can't deny that I am so curious about her relationship with Diana, and fascinated by how they are together. I'm not sure what I think about the idea of Petra doing Diana like she does me, because it's both really weird and quite hot at the same time. My voice feels strained. 'And? Did she?'
'I did all those little things you told me, showed me.' Petra shivers involuntarily and snuggles down in the duvet further. 'She loved it, Fi. She didn't like the losing control as it got good, but I didn't give her the choice and her body just carried her away eventually. She loved it, it was great. Even she admitted it was good.' She kisses me. 'Thanks to you, I'm officially good.'
'I'm glad.' It's hot to think of her pleasing Diana. A bit weird, maybe. But hot. 'You'll have to show me what you did.' I move my body against her to let her know I'm still aroused. She doesn't need to know why, and her body responds to mine in the way I'd hoped. She murmurs in pleasure.
As we kiss again, I stroke her arms, feeling goosebumps on her soft skin. 'Are you cold?'
She nods, and I nuzzle her nose. I still find it sexy, the pressure of her stud on my skin.
I move out from under her a bit. 'Sorry, sweetie. Stay there.' Sliding out of bed, I wrap myself in my dressing gown, and dash downstairs to turn the heating up a bit and make us both a cup of tea. My housemate has started seeing the Martin bloke quite a lot, so is often not home until well after Petra's left.
I reflect as I make the tea that it's not a surprise to hear that Diana almost exclusively takes control with her girls. That's so very like her, I imagine. I think that I'm probably more pleased than I should be that, as Petra gets more confident in bed, she's probably making it less and less likely that Diana will like it. I wonder why I feel so keen that Diana should go off her.
I take the tea back upstairs and slide back into bed beside Petra, who kisses me in thanks. I end up moving on top of her and feel her press her thigh up between my legs. Her fingers play with my dressing gown and she pushes it open to touch my breasts. Then she lifts her head and starts to kiss them. The arousal bubbles up inside me and I pull the dressing gown off and drop it on the floor. She takes my hips and I move onto my back for her as she takes a nipple between her teeth. I love the way she suddenly knows exactly what to do to me. Her hand slides over my tummy and thighs before pressing gently up between my raised, open legs.
***
We talk about her relationship with Diana again, about a week later. I know I shouldn't pry, but I can't help being shamelessly curious about it. I've spent the whole week imagining how things are between them, so I think carefully about how to broach the subject with Petra again. I feel I have to know, but I don't want to come over as creepy or stalker-y.
I even wonder why I'm so interested still, given that the new me is more or less finding fulfilment. I have a new hobby, which makes my life more pleasant and satisfying; I'm getting on at work, which bodes well for my financial and professional future, even as it leaves me much less emotionally fulfilled than baking. My sex life is more or less alright: more active than before, even if I am compromising on the quality a bit.
I remind myself that one can't have everything. Also I have to face the fact that the new me is drawn to Petra at least partly because Petra is actually also sleeping with Diana. In my clearer moments, I realise that's probably a bit fucked up.
So, Petra meets me for coffee in town, on the Saturday morning, about 11 o'clock. She's late, in fact, but I don't mind. I'm happy enough sitting there, reading while I'm waiting, and I know where she's been. I figure I'd be late too, if I was coming from my lover. Meeting Petra on a weekend does force me to confront the fact that she's with Diana, more so than anything that is said or done when we get together in the week.
Glancing up, I see her crossing the street towards the coffee shop, and I feel happy. She looks good, in tight jeans and boots and her leather jacket, a colourful snood swathing her neck and chest inside the jacket. I see her wave her fingers at me in greeting, and enjoy the way she walks and the knowledge that she fancies me. I know she fancies me, because I can tell from the way we are now beginning to have good sex more regularly. She wants to work at it. I enjoy the suspicion that she looks good like that because she's meeting me.
Then I find myself thinking that maybe she looks sexy because she feels sexy, because she's just come from Diana. I am appalled by how fascinating it is to think about her having sex with Diana. And how the insecurity is also a big part of the whole situation.
She comes up and leans over the table to kiss me on the cheek. 'Hi, Fi. Sorry I'm late.'
'Don't worry.' I stand up. 'What do you want?'
'Oh no, I'll get this. You're always getting me drinks.' She smiles uncertainly.
I recognise that she's referring to the way I make us hot drinks quite a lot at home, which tend to go cold and half undrunk because we get distracted and have sex instead. I don't really mind that, but I like the way she feels guilty enough to refer to it. I smile too. 'It's fine, Petra. I want another one anyway.' I indicate my almost empty mug. She puts her hand on my arm, but I shrug it off gently. 'Sit yourself down. Get settled.'
She moves back. 'OK, thanks.' She looks at me seriously. 'You know what I like?'
'Coffee-wise? Yep, think so. Regular?'
She nods and settles herself into the spare chair while I go back to the counter. I realise she smells all fresh and clean and nice. Which means she has made sure she doesn't smell of whatever she got up to with Diana. On the other hand, she has made an effort to be deliberately fresh and clean and attractive and look good in her clothes and so on, just to meet me – which is also nice and slightly turns me on just because I like the interest.
***
After chatting about other stuff for a little while, Petra says, 'Just so you know, last night she asked me if I'm seeing someone else.'
'What did you say?'
'That I was. Just as she probably is.'
'She's not though, is she?'
Petra looks at me carefully. 'You're far too trusting, Fi. A woman like Diana will never settle down. She's not capable of it. I think she's sometimes thinking about someone else, when she's with me. Sometimes.'
She's right about Diana's flightiness, of course, but I still don't really like having to face the fact. I stir my coffee for a moment. I want to ask her what she thinks and feels about it, about being in that kind of relationship. 'Do you mind?'
She shrugs. 'Not really. I know what she's after, and it's fun.' She drinks form her coffee and looks at me carefully again. 'I'll let you in to a secret, though, not that it'll be much of a surprise. When we're not, you know...' (she waggles her eyebrows) '...we don't have a lot to talk about. She's not a nice person, Fi. She's not good at talking, she doesn't do chatting. I imagine a relationship would be hell, for her as well as for the other girl.'
'How does she get anywhere with anyone?'
'Force of personality? Reputation?' Petra grins. 'C'mon, Fi. You've seen the way she just needs to look at you to make you go weak at the knees. You've been there too.' She runs a hand through her hair quickly, and drops her voice. 'And once she's made your knees tremble once, you want to go back for more, trust me.' She grins again, at her analogy.
Half to myself, I wonder aloud, 'How does she know who to pick? She never fails, does she?'
Petra laughs. 'Aha, well, this is not well known, but she told me the other day in a moment of carelessness. Her secret weapon is Helen in HR. Helen is happily with her partner, has been for years and always will be, but she apparently has an incredibly reliable gaydar.' Petra waits to see she's got my fixed attention. 'Yep. She was at your interview too, I bet?' I nod, and Petra continues. 'She always takes an interest in the interview process, especially if it's a woman. Even better, if she's young and pretty.' She waits again, until she can see I'm following the implications of what she's telling me. 'It gets better, though, Fi. Not only can she pick out the girls who would be interested, she can usually guess pretty well how they'd fit with Diana. There's quite a lot of us in that office, given the size of the company.'
'My god. Wow.' I sip some coffee. 'Isn't that illegal, or something?'
Petra shrugs and grins. 'Probably. But Diana's a lawyer and Helen's good. No-one's ever complained, because we've all gone along with it one way or another. We've been too willing, and enjoyed it ourselves too.' She watches me. 'In fact, she's probably only misjudged someone once, all this time.'
I stare at the street for a while, amazed at what I've just learnt. 'Really?' I'm intrigued by the whole thing. 'Do you know who?'
She snorts, and I look back at her. 'You're asking me? Really?' I shrug. She wrinkles her pretty nose in amusement. 'You, you idiot.'
***
I'm not sure what to say to that, and Petra doesn't push the issue. Our talk goes on to other things, then we trail round the shops for a little bit and have lunch. She says she's at a loose end later, so we arrange to go to the Smutty Duck, because she's never been.