LEA FORGETS how to breathe.
The coffee that sits in front of her starts to grow cold as she stares at the words that Alec's girlfriend sent her. Her eyelids find themselves lost and unable to blink. Her fingers become too numb to reply and she immediately shuts her phone close and throws it into her bag.
Her eyes roam around the room to search for a familiar face and it is only seconds, she realizes that she's completely alone in a crowd of people. She shoves her hand through her hair and tucks a strand behind her ears. Carrying the mug on her hand, she sips a little and realizes that it tastes cold. She gulps.
She isn't sure what to feel. She would be lying if she said that she didn't develop feelings for Alec but never, not once during the period of time, she thought that there was a chance of him liking her back. A wave of happiness tugs at her forcing her to smile and produce knots in her stomach. But, a bigger wave of guilt overshadows it, consuming her throughout.
It consumes her wholly.
Her biggest fear in life is to wreck another relationship because she knows exactly what it feels like to be on the other side. And, the guilt of wrecking Alec's relationship burns the inner layer of her stomach. This was too much for her to digest.
Her eyes flutter as it meets a familiar pair that she has been waiting for. Carrie wears a long black trench coat which she removes, hanging it on the chair, preparing herself to sit. "It's quite warm here, don't you think?" she blurts. Lea forces a smile on her face, shifting her gaze towards the table. "Is everything okay, Lea? You look troubled."
"Shit," she mutters under her breath. She shakes her head, lifting it up to meet her concerned face. "Yeah, everything's fine," she lies bluntly and sips another portion of her coffee, breaking the eye contact.
"Okay," Carries nods and orders a hot chocolate as the waitress stands in front of them.
What have I done, Lea thinks to herself. What have you done, Lea?
The guilt running through her body increases as she realizes she knows the exact answer to that question.
•••
SHE DIDN'T talk to him after that.
Or to be more precise, he didn't talk to her either.
It has been a few days since they've talked to each other and neither of them made an effort to start a conversation. Lea wanted to ask him about what happened between Harper and him but she simply couldn't find the strength to. She hoped he would send her a message stating that everything was okay between them but it only made everything worse.
Confusion was the state Lea was in.
"Lea," a familiar voice welcomes her and she turns her neck to meet a pair of blue eyes. Connor stands in front of her, a huge smile plastered on his lips. His hands crawl to her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace.
"Hey, Connor," she greets him, reciprocating the gesture by sinking into the hug. "I was going to get some dinner, do you want to join me?" she asks him, forcing a smile on her face.
"Oh god, yes," he sighs. "I'm in the mood for some Chinese."
"Chinese, it is."
They drive to the nearby restaurant which is only a few minutes away from where he lives. She watches him drive - she's always loved watching him drive; there was something so strange and intimate about the way silence consumed them. Silence always seemed to connect them in a way that words couldn't.
Waves of nostalgia flush through her body as he watches her, reminding her of the way the warmth of his skin traveled into hers when he held her hand. The way her stomach tightened when he drew closer to her to tuck a strand of her behind her ear. The way her heart fluttered when the ghost of his lips touched hers to kiss her faintly. The way his voice coiled up her insides when he told her that he loved her.
She still loved him, aside from the fact that the rage of being cheated on still boiled her up but it wasn't like she cared. It was simply easy to forget about the horrible part of their relationship because all she could focus on was the good things. He was the one who helped her cope up when her dad died. He was the one who taught her how to drive. He was the one who kissed her for the first time and made her feel special. He was the one who taught her what it feels like to love someone.
She was grateful. And, all the other things didn't matter.
He sits in front of her with two chopsticks dipped into his noodle soup. His hair is neatly combed, with a tinge of gel stinging on his roots giving him a slicked-back look. He is the kind of effortless handsome that does not go unnoticed but he's sitting in front of her, his blue eyes shining in the golden lights above. It was evident he putt quite an effort on his looks but Lea cannot help but stare at the tote bag that sits beside her.
"Why aren't you eating, Lea? I thought you were hungry," he breaks their silence, his eyes oscillating between her eyes and her bag.
"W-What?" Lea stammers. "Just lost in thoughts. I'm sorry," she says and stuffs the oyster-sauce coated chicken into her mouth. "Hmm," she moans. "This is really good."
"It really is," he smirks. He watches her devour her food, a hint of smile stinging on his lips. "Lea, I was thinking about something," he says and places his hand on hers. "I miss you."
"Me too-"
"I haven't finished," he cuts her off instantly that forces her eyes to widen. Followed by her nod, he continues, "I was an ass, Lea, I don't even bother denying it. I should have treated you the way you deserve to be treated but the thing is, I didn't know what you meant to me back then. Now, that you aren't mine, I realize what I'm missing."
"I'm not anybody's, Connor."
"Yeah, I know," he frowns in embarrassment. "That's why I'm telling you. I want things to be the same again as it was before."
His eyes are flooded with sorrow and regret - he was right when he told her that she was the only one who could see him throughout. She pulls her hand from his hold and watches a hint of color paint his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Connor. I can't," she shakes her head.
"Why? You told me you loved me back then. How hard is it getting back together?"
"It's not that simple," she fights back. He stares at her hopelessly, waiting for her to give the answer that he craves but his blue eyes grow dark as he realizes that she would never give him the answer that he wants. "You can't just come back all of a sudden and wish for things to be the same. That's not fair. And, besides I like someone else," she blurts, her voice growing soft. "I don't even mind telling that to you, Connor."
His face glows with shock.
"I-I have to go. I'll see you around," she says, slapping a money bill on the table, paying for her food. "Thanks for dinner."
She forces her out of the door, slinging her bag over her shoulder. The cold winds pierce into her skin as she steps outside and she pulls her coat closer to walk to the nearby train station, succumbed in the isolation of her thoughts. He offered to drive her home, but she knew that would only make things worse.
It was unfair. It was unfair that Connor chose to use her, completely knowing the way she felt about him. But, for some reason, his blue eyes didn't make her heart stammer against her chest as they did before. His faint touch on her skin didn't produce knots in her belly as it did before. He didn't affect her anymore.
All that could affect her right now was the buzzing sound of a notification that vibrated in her bag.
And, it does.
•••
A/N: Who's excited for the next chapter? I am. Thanks for reading.
Spread the love, Nova x