Rory
I'm not a person to be easily fooled and I can pride myself on that fact. Or at least I thought I could. Most people say as a child they'd dream of their weddings and couldn't wait for the day when they could plan their own one day. It didn't help that the movies made wedding planning look a breeze.
But it's all a lie.
I hate this. So, so much.
If I were to be honest I can admit that when I was younger I never thought much about my wedding. What I dreamed about was travelling the world. I wanted to meet all kinds of people and taste the varieties of food it held because I was so trapped by my father.
And yet... Here I am.
"Are you listening to me Aura? We need to get back to work on this guest list. God we don't even have a venue yet. Summer weddings are the most expensive and hardest to book." Jamal rambles on looking down at a makeshift seating chart that I have no idea where he got it from.
"How do you know all of these things?" I ask trying to mask my fatigue.
We've been at this list for a day and half and already I'm tired of it. We're supposed to be going to a New Year's Eve party thrown by Trey tonight and I have no clue how I'm going to be able to stay up past midnight when I can barely keep my eyes open now.
Why didn't anyone tell me that weddings can be so tedious, strenuous and plain old exhausting?
"Have you forgotten I was engaged once before?" He recollects smiling to himself.
"No I have not and I don't think your ex wants anyone to forget that either." I mutter falling back onto the couch.
"I thought we said we weren't going to talk about that." He grounds out. I flash him a petty smile in response.
"Yes well sorry. Hard to get the image of her throwing herself at you out of my mind. Let's just get back to this so I can figure out what I'm going to wear tonight."
"It has to be something sexy. I want every man to know who you belong to." His voice is dripping with lust and I roll my eyes. Horn dog.
"I belong to myself and to my Lord. That's it."
"Once we get married Aura you will belong to me." He says snidely. I throw a pillow at his head and his eyes narrow.
"And will you belong to me?"
He hesitates before he answers.
Bad move.
"Of course. Whatever makes you happy. Now please let's finish this." He pats to the small fort of pillows we'd made around the coffee table but I can't seriously do it anymore. There's wedding books covering every inch of that table and even on the floor.
Wedding, wedding, wedding.
"No more babe please. Just make sure my mom and brother are near our head table and my friends from Houghton aren't too far off. That's all I'm asking."
I get up and walk to the bed room to change into some jeans and a shirt. Tying up my hair I throw on an army jacket and pick out a pair of runners.
"And what about your father?" His question makes me drop a shoe.
"What about him?"
"Where did you want him to sit?" He asks gently, though I can tell by his voice that I'm trying his patience.
"I don't even want him there. Why would he be sitting anywhere?" Walking back into the living room Jamal gets up from his seated position and shakes his head like he's disappointed in me or something.
"Aura you need to let go of this petty grudge you have against your father. He's a good man and if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be together." Jamal kisses the top of my head but I don't react to it.
"What do you mean by that? We met at your restaurant." I say holding in the accusatory nature of the statement.
He seems to have caught himself because he stiffens and laughs.
"Of course we did. I'm just saying your father played a large part in why I was so attracted to you."
"You don't know how sick that sounds. But I'll let it go. For now." I kiss him goodbye and he squeezes my butt for good measure.
"You never told me where you're going." He comments just as I'm about to leave the house.
"Honey and I are going to catch up."
I miss the way he stiffens when I say this.
***
We decided to meet up at one of our favourite coffee shops called Monswoon. It has its own little library on the top floor and a comfy couches and chairs for everyone to sit. They even have a section where you can make your own coffee or iced coffee with flavour boosts.
I sit in our little booth just shy of the large window pane with my vanilla latte steaming in front of me. I'd gotten us some madeleines, hers dipped in chocolate and mine plain. As the bells at the door chime signalling a new customer I look up just in time to see her waltzing in.
Honey looks gorgeous as usual with her hair swept into an effortless side braid and minimal make up on. She's wearing a knee length black and white dress with black booties and a long brown trench coat. Man she looks like she's walked off of a runway.
I wave her over and she smiles and goes to the cashier to order her usual chai tea latte. As she makes her way to the table I catch the other men around watching her with hunger. For a woman at forty-three she still has that effect on people.
"So catch me up on everything right now. Start with the little things so the big things seem gargantuan." I open my mouth to start but she slaps her hand over it and bites her lip. "Never mind start with the big stuff! Start with the huge stuff!"
I giggle at her enthusiasm and realize just how much I've missed her. With all of this time away my mind has been so focused on work and family... and Caden that I forgot how much fun Honey and I used to have.
"Hmm where to start... Well Nathan and Nadia had a baby." She squeals in delight at that.
"Aww what did they have?" She grips my knee as she asks, her nails pushing into my skin, but I grin and bear it.
"A girl. They named her Ava, which is a name I was considering myself before–" I stop talking and Honey catches on immediately. She knows exactly what I'm going through with Jamal. I'd told her about it when I first landed a few days ago.
"Oh sweetie I understand. Trey was so adamant about not having kids that it almost ruined our marriage. At first I got his reasoning I mean there is a seven year age gap between us." She says lightly. Without realising I've gripped her hands and pulled them to my chest.
"What did you guys do?"
"We talked. We really talked it out. We talked about our future, our plans and our dreams. He talked about the restaurant and I told him that having kids was always my dream. So after year seven of begging he gave in. And now we have three beautiful kids that he loves so dearly. Sure it's a little harder now that he's fifty and the kids are just hitting their teens but it's so worth it."
The thought of Jamal giving in doesn't seem likely but I cling to the hope either way.
"That's good to know." She smiles wide.
"Now keep going. I can tell there's more to your time in Portland–"
"Houghton." I correct her. She rolls her eyes and waves a hand in the air dismissively.
"Portland, Houghton, yada, yada yada they're both in Oregon. Now come on woman spill."
"Um... I've started my new job at the Starfire as a manager and I love it. I think I'm going to open my own hotel one day just like my mom. I think I've got what it takes." She smiles and that and urges me to keep going.
"I've reunited with my friends and that was awesome... Though one of them is turning out to be much more different than I remember her to be." At that her eyebrow raises.
"Drama?" I think about how badly Bea wants to be with Caden and how he dismisses her every time. I think about the fact that he wants me and not her.
He wants me and not her– Stop it Rory! That's over now.
Still... It's nice to feel wanted and that makes me smile.
"No. There's nothing to worry about with her. I think we've become those friends who like and acknowledge each other but if we were ever alone we'd have nothing to say." She nods at that and clicks her tongue.
"Too bad! I would have loved a little drama." I push her lightly and laugh.
"What would you have done from here anyway Honey?" Her eyes get a dangerous glint in them, one I've seen a few times before, and she grins wide.
"Oh sweetie technology nowadays can be just as dangerous as physical weapons." A chill runs down my spine and I shake my head.
"You are too bad." She smiles in response.
"Yes I know. It's what makes our friendship that much more entertaining. Now tell me the truth. There's something you're hiding and I want to know about it."
I gulp down the lump forming in my throat and sigh. Caden's face comes to mind and I try not to swoon at how hot he is.
Too bad it can't happen.
"So I may have kissed another man. It was only once but it was... intense." Honey stares at me wide eyed for a few seconds before her face goes red and she starts bouncing in her seat.
"I knew it! I just knew it! Tell me EVERYTHING! GO!" Smiling I tell her about him saving me at the club and everything that followed after that. By the time I finish with me choosing Jamal she's got tears in her eyes.
"Oh Rory dear. That's so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I feel for you." She touches my arm lightly and I give her a weak smile.
"I don't know if I really love him or if I'm just in lust with him you know?" She nods and her eyes pop wide open.
"Does he have Instagram?" I shake my head no but she takes my phone anyways. "Just because he doesn't have it doesn't mean he won't be in someone else's pictures." Her face is glued to my screen while I just sip on my coffee.
I never thought to look up pictures of him. That would have been a brilliant idea.
"Rory what does he look like?"
"He's got dirty blonde hair that's getting pretty long he should probably get it cut soon... Um crazy blue eyes that look like the ocean, pretty muscular with loads of tattoos, around six foot–"
"Is this him?"
She shoves the phone in my face and low and behold there's a picture of Caden standing next to Dev and some other men I don't recognize. It looks like a candid photo because no one is paying attention to the camera.
He's wearing his Sinner's Haven leather over a white shirt and faded black jeans. His hair is pushed out of his face but still hangs near his eyes and he's frowning but he doesn't look upset... More bored or annoyed. His arms are crossed and his biceps are large and bulging. All of them look kind of menacing except him. He looks dangerous yes, but dangerously sexy.
He looks gorgeous.
As usual.
"Yup that's him. How did you find that picture?" She shrugs like it was the easiest thing she's ever done.
"I just looked through your friends' Instagrams and there he is. Dear God he is hot as sin! How in the world were you able to resist that?"
Funny because his MC's name is Sinner's Haven.
"It definitely wasn't easy. It still isn't. I have a feeling even when I go back that we'll still find contact with each other somehow. I don't know how I'm going to be able to avoid him."
"Then don't." Honey says sliding my phone back to me.
"I have to. I can't put myself in that situation again because–"
"Because if you do then you will fall even harder for him and that won't be fair to Jamal." She says matter-of-factly
"I – I wasn't going to say that." Honey rolls her eyes.
"Of course you weren't. Can I tell you a story?" I nod eagerly and she clasps her hands enthusiastically.
"I was married to someone else when I met Trey." Her confession stuns me. She married Trey when she was twenty-three...
"I'm sorry what?"
"Yup." Her lips pop with the P and she smiles wistfully. "His name was Aaron Greenfield. He was my high school sweetheart. Hell he was my everything sweetheart. We'd known each other since we were kids and we were destined to get married and so we did. Right after high school. And honestly it was a perfect marriage. He had taken over his dad's garage. I was in college. We were happy." Her hands tighten in her grasp and I catch there's something wrong.
"But..."
"But then I met Trey. It was my sophomore year and he was speaking at business seminar my friend, and eventually maid of honor, had forced me to go to. The entire time we kept eye-fucking each other. I was surprised he was able to deliver his speech coherently because I literally couldn't think a thing other than the fact that I wanted him. After the seminar he hung around to talk to students and we made eye contact again. I knew what he was trying to say, what he was asking of me but I couldn't do it so I bolted. I didn't want to be a cheater. I ignored the desire because it wasn't right."
"Makes sense." I reply quietly.
"Yeah it did. But then life with Aaron started to become miserable. Well it was already miserable after the first year but I'd foolishly hoped it would get better. He was always working and neglected me constantly and I was busy with school and finding my career. I thought he was having an affair most of the time but he was just really busy. It was taking a toll on us and after almost three years of marriage I called it quits. It was an amicable split and I spent that following year alone."
"But you married Trey at twenty-three right?" She smiles at my question and plays with her ring.
"Yes you're right. When the divorce was finalized it was a few days before my birthday. When I turned twenty-two I went to a club with my same friend, you know her, Marissa?" I wrack my brain and a pretty Spanish girl with big black curls and warm brown eyes comes to mind.
"Yes the Spanish girl right?"
"Yes, yes her. So she took me to the club after I spent nearly the year being miserable. We had a great time that night and guessed who I bumped into? Trey. Apparently he owned that club and was only there to make sure everything was running smoothly. We talked for hours in his VVIP section and went out for lunch the next day. And the day after that and etcetera. After eight months of dating he popped the question and we got married six months after that."
"The moral of the story?"
"Sometimes you're partnered with the wrong person and you're too stubborn to see past it because you want to be so devoted to them. I won't say I regretted my relationship with Aaron because he was my best friend. But were the years wasted? Yes."
"How does that pertain to Jamal and I? Sure we've had our ups and downs but we're past that now. He forgave me for kissing Caden and we're planning the wedding now. Everything is great and we're happy and... Yeah."
She stares at me in silence for a few minutes and I take off the lid of my cup to dunk the madeleine in it. Honey blows out a breath, very uncharacteristic for her, and takes my hands.
"Listen you know how much I love gossip but when it comes to the people I love well I have to make sure it's the truth before I say anything." She leans in closer as she says this.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"My husband had his fiftieth birthday party extravaganza in September. One that we were hoping you'd come to but I'll let it slide." I smile in apology and she returns it before sighing and tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the table.
"Go on." I urge.
"I don't know why or how but Jamal's ex was there. Much like she was at the Christmas party. I let it slide because my main focus of course was on my husband. But I did see her and Jamal spending a lot of time together. Most of the time it was just talking but then they disappeared. Now Rory I don't know what happened and I can admit that but they both disappeared one after the other. And when I finally got a hold of Jamal I couldn't find Tasha the rest of the night. Take from it what you will but we both know their history. Anything could have happened."
I sit in silence at this revelation.
"He – he said nothing happened between them." I utter out pathetically.
Was Caden right? Could Jamal have cheated and only forgave me so easily because of his guilty conscience?
"And that could be the truth. I suggest you talk to him about it again. Just for precautionary measures. You can't start a marriage on lies. Believe me."
I nod absently as Honey starts to fill me in on how she's been the past few months. I interject at the appropriate times as a good friend should but I can't get my mind off of what she told me.
What could this mean for us?
***
Tasha wasn't at the party tonight but that doesn't mean I couldn't feel her lingering presence. It irked me the entire night and when midnight hit and Jamal leaned in to kiss me all I could envision was him kissing Tasha.
I didn't realize it until much later in that morning but I desperately wanted to talk to someone about what Honey had told me.
And I realized that someone was Caden.
I missed him terribly.
***
"I'm surprised you're here." Father opens the door wider and lets me into my old home.
I hadn't planned on seeing him at all this trip but something compelled me to come here. To talk to him again.
"Yeah well I figured it's be respectful to see how you're doing. It is a new year now." He nods at that and sits on the couch in the living room.
The same brown couch he's had since I was a kid with the plastic covering. Nothing has changed here. There aren't many pictures of the family anywhere but there's a large portrait of Jesus over the TV that he refuses to move.
Dead plants a scattered around the room and his great-grandfather's grandfather clock looms in the corner.
"Hmph. Why haven't I received an invitation for your wedding yet? It's been six months since you two were engaged."
You haven't gotten an invitation because you're not invited.
"We're working on it." I opt to sit across from him rather than beside him. Things are still awkward between us. The last conversation we had was a screaming match that I was going to live and work in Atlanta like a good wife and I said hell no.
"Working on it. What is that supposed to mean? Do you even have your guest list?"
No. "We're working on it."
"Do you have a venue?"
No. "We're working on it."
"Have you looked a dress yet?"
No. "I'm working on that." He crosses his arms and shakes his head in disapproval.
"I expected better from you Aurora. You've had all this time while away 'working' and you haven't done a thing. That's very irresponsible of you. How do you think Jamal feels about all of this?"
Why did I come here?
"How he feels is none of your concern. We are working on it." He tsks at my answer and gets up to stand directly in front of me.
Not a good sign.
"Aurora. I let you go–"
"You didn't let me go anywhere. I left and you had to deal with it."
His face darkens at my response and I shut my mouth.
"I let you go to your mother because Jamal was okay with it. I expected you to take the initiative and begin building the foundation of a strong marriage by planning something for your wedding but you've done nothing." I stand up as well and stare him dead in the eye.
I am not afraid of him anymore.
He won't scare me into submission with White supremacy horror stories and other stupid tactics like that. I am an adult.
"I didn't say we haven't done anything, I said we're working on it. And that's all you need to know."
"You better watch your mouth girl. You may think you're grown but you will never outgrow a good beating."
Flashes of getting hit with belts – buckles and all – spatulas and wooden spoons come to mind and I flinch.
Okay so maybe he does scare me a little bit...
When my mom used beat me and Nate when we were younger, it hurt yes but it was because we'd deserved it. We were quite rambunctious as kids and got in a lot of trouble so it really was well deserved now that I think back about it. Every time we were hit it wasn't meant to make us fear her but learn what we did wrong and grow from it. And we did. She was a great parent.
But when father beats us he really beat us. And he'd beat us down. I used to have to hide the bruises from teachers and even my own mom because it was so bad some days. All the way up to my late teens I'd get beat ... But that was years ago.
He's not going to lay a hand on me.
Not anymore.
"The only reason I came here was out of common courtesy but now I see it was a waste of time. Excuse me."
He latches onto my wrist and squeezes painfully.
"You think I don't know about you whoring yourself out to some thug while you're across the country? What is wrong with you? How disgusting and disrespectful it is to me, to Jamal and to yourself. And with a white man no less."
I freeze in place because he knows about Caden.
Which means Jamal told him about Caden.
Why the hell is Jamal talking to my father about us at all? He got mad at me for my friends barely knowing about a small argument we had but he can tell my dad about me kissing another man? What kind of twisted double standard is that?
"I – I don't know what you're talking about. And even if I did it's none of your business." I try to pull out of his grasp but it only tightens and his nails dig in breaking my skin and making blood slowly trickle out.
"You better act right girl or I'll make you. A proper woman stays loyal to her fiancé. Her black fiancé who can take care of her financially and support her even when she believes she needs to work on her own. Now get out and shape up."
He pushes me away and my hip slams on the arm of the couch with a thud. No doubt it's bruised my hip and thigh but I ignore the pain.
It was stupid to come here.
"I will not be coming back." I say with finality. Father laughs at that. That mean laugh I've heard for years. It's sad how happy and young he looks when he smiles. How deceiving he can be.
"Sure you won't."
I march to the door biting back tears at how weak I still am with him when his words halt me.
"Don't be weak like your brother Aurora. I raised you better than that."