Scarlett
"So what did you mean when you said you killed your girlfriend?" I roll over in Asher's bed, after asking him the question that's been nagging me since he dropped the stunning revelation two weeks ago. I need to know if I'm spending my Monday nights lying in bed with a murderer.
"I meant exactly what I said. I killed my girlfriend." He says casually as if he didn't just drop a bomb of the century.
I look at him, taking in his appearance, looking into his eyes, seeing if he really could have killed someone. His splattering of freckles combined with his big brown eyes and hair still dripping from his shower gives him the illusion of being an innocent choirboy. The dim lighting does nothing but back up my observation of his innocence. Although he looks completely innocent and incapable of ever harming anyone, I know first hand how deceiving looks can be.
Damn, I befriended a murderer.
Of course, it would be just my luck that the only friend I made in Boston would be a girlfriend killer. I regret accepting his offer to come in when I dropped him after our meeting. I also regret not telling anyone where I've been for the last three hours. I silently scold myself for being so careless. I should switch topics, so he doesn't feel the urge to make me his next victim.
"How'd you kill her?"
Or I could keep poking the bear.
Asher sighs and the usual playful light he has in his eyes has been replaced with something else. Something darker. Pain? Regret? I can't pinpoint the emotion, but whatever it is, it makes me want to know what happened to his girlfriend. The once light and friendly mood of the room has been replaced with anxiety, both mine and his. Asher's mute, and it scares me because the boy never shuts up.
I'm just about to apologize for being so nosey when Asher finally finds his voice. "It's a long story."
I look over at my phone that reads 11:09. I probably should head back to the dorms. I have class in the morning, but I have a feeling that the story Asher has is more important and more interesting than going to sleep. "I have time."
"Well, you better make yourself comfortable then," Asher flips over onto his back with his hands behind his head and closes his eyes. "You're not from Boston right?"
"Nope. I'm a transplant. I'm from Connecticut."
"Okay so you probably haven't seen it on the news, but about three months ago I killed the love of my life." Asher inhales deeply, preparing himself to tell me the story.
"My best friend Joshua threw this huge unofficial graduation party. My girlfriend Lainey didn't want to go. That Saturday was supposed to be one of our stay at home date nights. She wanted to watch Clueless, and order take out from Lucky Dragon Chinese takeout. Clueless was her favorite movie, so naturally we've seen it a million times, and Chinese was her favorite, so naturally, we've had it a million times. Joshua was my best friend, so I had to be at his party, and I wanted Lainey there with me. I convinced her to come with me to the party by promising that we could watch the movie and get the food the next day."
"She begrudgingly agreed, but on the entire car ride there she told me how she didn't really want to be there. It's like she knew something was going to happen. Her earlier doubts about the party quickly disappeared however once she got into the party. She was having a great time, and so was I. We drank and danced and drank and laughed and- and it was just a really great time. I remember thinking about this was one of the best nights of my life and couldn't wait to have more nights like this with Lainey in college. We both were planning on going to Boston University. Lainey was so incredibly smart. She could have been anything but her heart was set on being a journalist. She wanted to cover groundbreaking stories and expose the corruption in the world, starting with Boston."
"Like all good times, it had to come to an end. Lainey and I were both extremely drunk as were the majority of everyone else at the party. I loved drinking and usually was blackout drunk by the end of a party, but for Lainey's sake, I didn't let myself get that far that night, but I was still wrecked. Joshua saw that I was hammered and asked if I wanted to crash at his place. I would have agreed but Lainey really wanted to sleep in her own bed that night, so we didn't stay, and we left with an incredibly drunk me behind the wheel. I couldn't even walk straight, let alone drive, and Josh saw this and offered to drive us back to her place but drunk me refused. Joshua dapped me up and hugged Lainey, and we were off. "
I notice Asher squeeze his eyes tighter as though he's reliving the memories and mentally preparing himself for what happened next.
"I was swerving all over the place, and I had to be going at least 70 mph. I remember us just laughing and thinking we were invincible. Unfortunately, we weren't. I was driving on the wrong side of the road, Lainey screamed 'Car!' and I swerved off the side of the road, so I didn't hit the other car. I was trying not to potentially take a life, but I still did anyway." A single tear slides down Asher's cheek, and I feel my heart seize up. His story is feeling all too familiar and I will myself not to break down. This is his story, not mine.
He sniffs, continuing his story, "I woke up in the ER, covered in tubes and wires. I couldn't remember how I got there. My mom came in with tears running down her face. She told me I'd been in an accident, but I was fine besides a few scrapes and bruises. I couldn't figure out why she was crying if I was fine."
"I had a feeling that something bad had happened because I felt empty. Like I was missing a piece of myself. I asked her about Lainey, and she just broke down and had to leave the room. The doctor is the one who told me that Lainey was dead by the time the paramedics had came. Since she got the brute of the impact, she had the worse injuries. The verbate in her neck had fractured killing her almost instantly. She never had a chance."
"It was all my fault. I killed her Scarlett. I had killed the love of my life." Tears are running down Asher's face, and his breathing has increased significantly. His story is all too familiar to me, and while most of the black tears staining his pillows are for him, some are for me.
With his voice thick with emotion, Asher continues his heart-wrenching story. "Lainey and I had been together since we were thirteen. We were each other's first everything. She was my first kiss, my first girlfriend, the first and only girl I ever had sex with but most importantly she was my first love. I wanted to marry her, have kids with her that had her eyes and my nose, be successful with her, and grow old with her. She was my first and only. And I fucking killed her. I took all that away. She'll never even start college, or a journalist, or a mom, or sit on the back porch with me watching our grandkids run around when we're 60. Instead, she's forever 18, decomposing in a fucking box six feet under all because of me. It's all my fucking fault! I should've stayed home with her. I shouldn't have drunk. I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I could have easily saved her, but it's too fucking late for that now, isn't it? She's fucking dead." He says that last line bitterly, eyes still closed reliving that night.
"Ash-" I start wanting to somehow console him, but he quickly cuts me off.
"The police were trying to get Lainey's mom to press manslaughter charges on me, but she refused saying that Lainey's death was more than enough punishment for me. Her only condition was that I go to substance abuse meetings and grief counseling. Hence why I'm always there."
"Lainey's mother loved me before the accident. She was like a second mom, but afterward, she couldn't even stand to look me in the eye. I couldn't even go to her funeral Scarlett. Her mother didn't want any issues because of me being there. A lot of people were pissed at me and death threats were coming at me nonstop after the wreck from her friends and family. There was no final goodbye for me."
"Lainey lived in that house right next to me, but once she was buried her parents sold the house and moved, saying that they couldn't bear living in that house without her. But I knew the real reason, they couldn't bear living next to the person who ripped their daughter out of their life. If I could, I'd move too to get away from me. But sadly I can't. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I can't run from it."
Asher finally opens his eyes, and I see the guilt written all over his face. Unshed tears are still in his eyes.
I lose it. I start sobbing. Asher's story hits way too close to home and emotions I haven't faced in years finally make their ugly comeback.
"I-I'm so sorry A-asher. I'm so sorry that happened to you." I can feel his pain as though it were my own.
"People say that all the time, not really meaning it. You wouldn't get it, Scarlett. No one does. I'm flying solo on this." His crying intensifies, and my heart breaks even more.
"Listen, Asher," I try to steady my shaky voice. "I get it. You lost someone you love in a horrific way, and you can't help but take the blame. She may not be here with you any longer, but you're not alone. I get where you're coming from Ash."
"You don't Scarlet. You can't possibly feel 1/10th of what I'm feeling. Your tears are just sympathy tears. There's no possible way I can make you feel what I'm feeling."
"I know exactly what you're feeling. Wanna know why? Because I'm in the same situation, you're in."
I take a deep breath, and I tell him my story.
My morning class is completely forgotten, and we spend our night and some of the early morning wrapped up in each other's arms crying and releasing our pain. I may have misjudged Asher when I first met him, but after this, our friendship is cemented.
Tragedy has this funny way of bringing people together.
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Little filler chapter to answer the revelation in Chapter 6 and Asher up above.
Transplant - A person that moves from suburban/ rural America to any major city.