Don't ever think that everyone who leaves wants to.
- Rachel Workhin
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Chapter 64
Lauren's POV
"I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you.."
I watched at how Camila effortlessly play the piano and do the harmonious sound of the song with my jaw dropped. She's literally born to do this thing and I am beyond proud to see her making her dream come true. But aside from her piano skills, there's one thing I noticed throughout her performance— her brown eyes that screams sadness, hopeful, and longing all at the same time. I know she chose to cover that song for a reason.
This is the reason.
She's singing the song so passionately and so raw that it comes to the point where I catch the glimpse of her tears rolling down to her cheeks that made her close her eyes in attempt to cover it up. And even though her brown eyes are out of sight, her face obviously reflect pain— pain that I brought to her.
And like a wave, it hits me all at the same time that I could feel my body breaking at the amount of memories that washed over me. It was a very overwhelming feeling and at the same time bittersweet.
And as I remember everything and every words clearly, I realized something; I love you doesn't mean "I'll stay" and I miss you doesn't mean "I'm coming back". This is our reality now. This how our story written in the stars; this is how our love story suppose to begin and end. The cruel truth is, sometimes we don't end up with the person we love so much. The cruel truth is, sometimes love doesn't conquer everything you stumble along the way. Sometimes, love alone is not enough to keep two people alive.
That's how life works and sometimes we need to learn to accept and embrace it fully because that's what makes life exciting and scary and happy all at the same time. It's a kind of pill that was so hard to swallow that everyone refuses and avoided it as possible as they could. And I think that's why some people tend to fell In love with books. Because in that way they escape the bittersweet thing called reality of life. In books, they find the thing that real life doesn't have— happy endings.
If love can really conquer everything and happy endings exist then the word "divorce" shouldn't exist today. This is not a Disney movie where you end up together with your ride or die partner. This is real life. And in real life endings aren't always neat, whether they're happy endings or whether they're sad endings.
Not every story has a happy ending. And such stories are mostly forgotten with the thought of sadness is a part of life. Happy stories give hope and sad stories show us the mirror.
But as for Camila and I, I don't want to put any label in it because if I do then it'll just make me feel more sad. Maybe it's not about the ending. Maybe it's about the story; and even though in the end it left us with a broken heart, it won't change the fact that it's one hell of a story that I'll keep re-reading for the rest of my life.
I felt my phone vibrate against my pocket that snapped me out from my thoughts. I fished it out from my pocket and smile grew to my lips upon seeing my son's name on the caller ID.
I immediately answered it.
"Mom!!! I missed you so much!" Clark squealed on the other line. He started jumping up and down while smiling from ear to ear with tears on his eyes.
I chuckled, "Are you that happy to see me?"
He nod his head eagerly, "When will you come and visit me, mom? Grandpa and Sofia are teaching me how to play basketball. You should've seen me last night mom! I jumped so high and then I shoot the ball for 3 points!"
"Really?!" I gasped, "I am so proud of you, son. Whatever you wanted to be when you grow up, I will support it."
He flash a toothless smile, "Mom, are you outside?"
"Uhmm," I cleared my throat, "Yeah baby, I am. Why?"
"Is that airport mom? Are you going here? Is mommy with you?"
"Actually—"
Attention all passengers of flight 976 bound to Puerto Rico. Please proceed to gate 5 immediately.
I look at Lucy who's already back on her feet with a luggage on her hands.
"Is that Clark?" She asked and I nod my head in response.
"You should let him come to us, you know? So you won't be lonely in some foreign country that's definitely away from home."
"I don't want to bother you that much." I said half meant. It's true that I don't want to bother Lucy that much but there's a deeper reason why I rejected her offer and I don't even know what it is yet.
"Pssh," She dismiss the topic with her hand, "You're never a bother to me. Besides the air fare is just a coin to me. No biggie."
Lucy knew about everything. I told her the reasons why I want to run away from home while we're on our way to the airport and she truly understand everything. She even find it absurd about the treatment Shawn needed so he could live. I'm thankful to know that just like my friends, Lucy chose me though she doesn't know Shawn personally.
"Seriously, Luce. It's okay. Don't bother." I said sternly before I shift my eyes back on my phone.
"Clark, listen to me very carefully okay? I love you. I love you so much. You and your mommy. Will you promise me that whatever happens you will take care of mommy? Never let her feel sad? When she cries hug her so tight and remind her how much we love her?"
Clark's demeanor immediately changes; from happy to sad. I know there's a lot of questions running in his mind. But nevertheless, he stayed silent and nod his head.
"I'll come visit you tomorrow, I promise. I will buy you ice cream and all the toys you want, okay?"
And again, he nod his head. I could feel the tears beaming in my eyes. I tried to blink it away and plastered a genuine smile as possible.
"I love you so much, son."
"I love you so much too, mom!"
I look at him a little longer, my green ones memorizing every features of his face. Whatever goes down today, I know I am a goddamn lucky person to have a son like Clark.
"Mom, grandma Sinu is already calling me. Talk to you later?"
I clenched my jaw tight, "Yeah, I love you." I ended the call with a broken heart.
"What's the matter?" Lucy asked, concern lacing on her voice.
I look down and watch my fingers tremble, "I can't do this, Lucy."
"What do you mean you can't do this?"
"I can't leave. I-I need to go back in there and save him."
"Are you crazy? You want to go back in there and save him? Did you forget about the consequences of what might happen to you?"
"I'll die, I know! But there must be some other way to cure him!"
"There is no other way, Lauren. Because if they have then they would probably come up with it and use it cure him."
Tears fell on my hands, "But I can't let him die, Lucy."
"So you're willing to die for him? What about Clark? Camila? Your friends? They don't matter to you?"
"You don't understand."
Lucy sit beside me. She took my hand and interlace our fingers together, giving it a squeeze. "I'm listening."
"The hand your holding right now... had tasted blood already. My first girlfriend died because of me. Do you know why? Because I ran away. I avoided her when I could do something to help her. Maybe... maybe if I'm not a fucking coward and selfish then she's probably alive right now. Maybe we're still together. And now I'm standing on another brick and I'm doing the same exact thing. Because the truth is I'm in a lose-lose situation here, Lucy. If I go back in there I'll die. If I run away and let my brother die I'm just letting the guilt swallow me alive and torture me until I go crazy. And if that's the case then I might as well die than to live a life that was so torturous and unhappy. To live a life that was similar to hell is much more worse than to face an actual death. I don't think I can live happily knowing I had my girlfriend and my brother's blood on my hands."
Lucy pulled me in for a hug. I buried my face on the crook of her neck, inhaling her vanilla scent. It somehow helps the raging storm inside me to calm down.
"I know how selfish I sound. But what exactly should I do? What other choices should I make that will somehow make me happy? Because honestly, I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do anymore and I'm going crazy!"
"If you really want to go back... then you need to know that you're not alone. I'm here. We'll go back together in that hospital. I won't leave you in this fight."
I smiled timidly, "Thank you, Luce. It really means a lot. Can I ask you one last favor though?"
"Anything,"
"I don't know if my fight is over the moment I step on that hospital, but... will you please give this to Clark?" I hand over the blue medium box to her, "I bought all of his favorite toys and I know he will be happy once he see this."
"No," She push back the box to me, "You're the one who will give that your son, not me. You will make it, Laur. You need to be."
"Just incase," I push the box back to her, "Please?"
There's a long pause in between before Lucy took the box and put it inside her luggage. I smiled timidly at her and said my sincere thank you before we ditch our flight and drive back to the hospital.
I was silent all throughout the car drive. My mind was so occupied with a lot of things that I cannot start a simple conversation. I prefer silence over talking. And now I found myself walking back in that hospital. But unlike the usual, I'm with someone. I'm with Lucy. My mind wish it to be with someone but then I remind myself that I have no right to wish it to be her because I broke her heart. I gave her up without even fighting. Most importantly, they got back together. It was bittersweet but there's no time for me to think about us. My brother is my priority as of this moment, nothing else.
Nearing to his room, I suddenly bumped with Karen who's staring at nothing. Her face reflects pain and worriedness and I wonder what happened. As my mind started to scrabble seven scenarios of what could possible happen, our eyes met.
"Lauren," She breathed out in relief. She get back on her feet and started to walk towards my direction, "You came back."
I stopped my emotions from creeping in. This woman doesn't deserve to know what I feel nor anything about me. So I did what I do best; I remained cold and emotionless.
"Of course. I'm not heartless like you."
She smiled timidly, "Thank you."
"I'm doing this not because of you nor for your useless husband." I said calmly but I make sure that she can feel the anger lacing on every words in that sentence.
"Let's go, Laur." Lucy wrapped her arm around mine and drag me away from Karen.
"Lauren, I'm so sorry. I hope you forgive me."
I stopped from walking. I clenched my jaw so tight that I could practically hear my teeth breaking inside my mouth. I felt someone squeeze my hand so I look to my left and I saw Lucy giving me a warm smile. I instantly calm down and release the force binding on my jaw.
"I don't think I can. And I hope you forgive me for that."
I'm about to walk away when a group of nurses and doctors suddenly run past us. Lucy pulled me to the side as my green ones watched where they're going— Shawn's room.
"No!" I hurriedly run and follow them. The nurse escorted Camila outside the room who's still unaware of my presence. She's crying so hard and right then and there my world seemed to slow down.
"Let me in! He needs me!" The brown eyed brunette desperately pleaded but the nurse remain stoic.
"I'm so sorry but you're not allowed inside. The patient's condition is very sensitive."
"But he—" Camila's sentence got cut off by Shawn's agonizing scream. I look over the nurse's shoulder and I saw how much in pain he was. My heart broke inside followed by the tears that fell from my eyes.
"Why aren't you doing anything?! He's in pain! Give him meds or something!" Camila spat angrily.
"We don't have the medicine—"
"You have now, so take me. I'm the test subject you need. I'm his fraternal twin."
Camila and the nurse eyed me, both surprised at my presence.
"You're gonna die, Lauren!"
"I don't care!" I snapped at Camila unintentionally. The pain in her eyes became even more clearer and that's when I realized what I just did, "He's my brother so I need to save him." I said in a rather calm voice.
"Well, I care! And I don't want to lose you, Laur!"
"You don't have to worry about me. We're over."
"Doctor Maggie," The nurse called out. After a few seconds doctor Maggie step out of the room. The nurse whispered something on her and she only responded with a nod before she focused her eyes on me.
"Lauren Mendes,"
I cringed at the sound of the name she used to call me but I didn't bother myself to correct or argue with her about it.
I nod my head in response and she gave me a weak smile, "Better late than never, I guess? Follow me."
Doctor Maggie lead the way and behind her are two nurses who will probably assist her to do the procedure they needed to do. I'm about to follow her when Camila grab my arm, stopping me from walking away.
"I don't—" Camila didn't finish what she's saying when Lucy suddenly run towards my direction, pulling me in for a bone crashing hug.
Camila let go of my arm and even though I can't see her, I can easily feel the jealousy radiating off of her body.
"I know it's dangerous and there's no other way to save your brother. But I'm really hoping that I'll still get to see you. Please come back, for us."
I can't help not to hug her back. My shirt is already soaked with her tears. She's been crying so hard on my shoulder as if this is the last time we're going to see each other— as if? No, that is not my reality. This is. Me, the fucked up miserable kid who'll give her life to save his good brother.
I pulled away from the hug to say my farewell to Camila but the brown eyed brunette is no longer there. I look around in hopes to find her but I failed. She's nowhere to be found.
"Lauren Mendes? We're running out of time. Come and hurry," The nurse called out from across the room.
"It's time to go. Goodbye, Lucy." I smiled genuinely at her. "Tell Shawn I love him so much despite of everything. Tell him to take care of Camila and never hurt her. If he does I will haunt him down."
Lucy wipe her tears away and just nod her head as her response. I look at her for a good long minute then I smiled at her. I don't know when will be the next time I get to smile at her like this or if this will be the last time, so I flashed my most genuine smile ever.
I don't know if it's appropriate to say 'See you later' or 'I'll see you soon' knowing my chance of survival when I undergo the procedure is as impossible as touching the stars, "I'll see you on the finish line, Luce."
And with a deep breath, I started to walk away and swallow the pill of truth that maybe this is what I'm destined to be.
***
They started to put a lot of stuff in my left arm; most of them are big needles attached to some kind of big machine I don't even know exist. It suck my blood out of my body in a rapid pace that I started to feel more and more dizzy. My vision begins to get blurry, my whole body goes numb. So this is what it feels like to have your life sucked out of your body.
Just as I'm expecting everything to black out, I suddenly felt something rush circulating on my body. Soon, I could feel my limbs, my nerves, the beating of my heart, the numbness of my body slowly fades, and my brain slowly coming back to it's right consciousness. As soon as I'm on the right state of mind, I immediately looked at the nurses with a question look. They all had a devastated looked on their faces that leaves me so confused. Then my eyes landed on my left arm that was now free from the previous stuff they put on.
"What's happening? Why did you stop?"
Silence.
"Please answer me. Why did you stop? I thought we're in a hurry?"
Another silence and I grew even more frustrated than ever.
"ANSWER ME GODDAMNIT!"
"Shawn cannot be cured."
"I am his fucking cure! You were already taking out my fucking blood to save him, so what do you mean he cannot be cured?!"
"Exactly. You're blood cannot save him anymore."
I furrowed my eyebrows as my confusion grows more and more same with my frustration and anger. "What do you mean it can't?! So what, we're going to let him die?! No! We need to do something! We need to save my brother!"
"We can do something— Pray. That's the only thing left to do for him at this very moment."
"But—" I was cut off when Maggie put her hand over my shoulder.
"Shawn wants to talk to you. Come on."
Maggie and few nurses helped me sit on the wheelchair as they took me to Shawn's room. He was lying on his bed, breathing short and heavy. Beside him is Camila who's caressing my brother's head while singing love song softly in his ear.
"Miss Cabello?" Doctor Maggie called.
Camila turns to our direction. She looked at the woman beside me but never turns her eyes to look at me. I felt pang in my chest at Camila's action but I shrugged it and focus my attention to Shawn who's now wide awake.
"Will you please excuse us?" Shawn mumbled weakly but enough for all of us to hear it.
"Call me if you need something. I'll be right here outside your room." Camila leaned in a plant a soft kiss on his forehead.
"Thank you, Mila. I love you."
"I love you too."
And then Camila walked away along with Doctor Maggie and the nurse. As soon as the door shut close, I push myself towards Shawn.
"Hey," He beamed a smile but all I could feel inside is guilt. An overwhelming fucking guilt.
"I'm sorry. If I could just... made up my mind earlier then—"
"Shh," Shawn cut me off. He reach for my hand and squeeze it gently, "No, don't do that. I don't want you to blame yourself. Even if you made up your mind earlier that doesn't change the fact that I would rather choose to die in this illness than to see you die because of me. I'm not worth it. This morning, my head hurts so bad it felt like it was being drilled and the pain won't stop no matter how much I scream, pray, and cry. They ran some test and then it came out awhile ago. It's not just my blood killing me but also my brain begins to deteriorate. The doctor said I have only one month left to live. I'll be a damn lucky bastard if I ever get chance to live for two or three months."
My world crashed down completely, burns and turns into ashes. Why did I waste so much time hating him? Why do we have to go to this point where he needs to be ill first before I forgive him? He's my brother and no matter how much he fucked up and hurt me, I still love him. I still want him to stay.
"T-there's must be some other way to stop your brain from decaying. You can't die, Shawn. I won't let that happen." I was already a crying mess causing Shawn to cry a river as well.
He close his eyes and let the tears continuously falls on his cheeks. But despite of the sadness, there's a smile creeps on his lips. "I'm getting weaker and weaker. My head hurts from time to time, but I'm happy. You're here, Camila's here, what's there for me to be scared of?"
"I want to be with you and make up for all those wasted years we're apart."
"We can start now. Let's just pretend that those wasted years never happened. For the few months left, before I go, let's just be happy. I don't want us to shed anymore tears."
I wipe away my tears to make my vision clearer, "Okay. Okay, let's do that."
I forced myself to stand up and even though my body is still suffering and weak, I practically drag myself to him and hug Shawn so tight like I'm not going to see him tomorrow morning.
"I won't leave your side."
Shawn hug me back and I can feel his arm quivering a bit, "Lay next to me?"
"Okay," I nod my head as I scoot closer to him and let myself get comfortable in his bold arms.
"Lauren, I'm sorry for not being a good brother to you. I'm sorry that because of me you've lost a family. I'm so sorry that I ruined your life. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just want you to know that I never regret that you're my sister. In fact, I'm thankful that it's you. And somehow, I hope you don't regret that I'm your brother too."
I shook my head, "Never."
"That means a lot to me, little sister."
We stayed like that for hours; just us talking and getting to know each other again as if this is the first time we met. And I am so glad that we had this kind of conversation because I learned that we have a lot more common than I thought we had. We were sharing jokes that eventually made us laugh. We talked about music, Shawn singing a song for me and I do the same to him. We talked about soccer, our dreams, and so much more that we completely forgot about the painful reality that we're living in. And it's crazy how a few hours can make such a huge impact on your life. That the short period of time can make the past became irrelevant.
"Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
Shawn nod his head, "Burger and fries. And oh! Add a box of pizza and ice cream."
I giggled, "Are you that hungry?"
"I'm always that hungry."
"Okay, I'll be right back." I leaned in and kiss his forehead, "Wait for me."
"I won't leave. Not yet." He muttered the last two words but I still manage to hear it.
I can feel the sadness creeping in inside me but I chose to ignore it since we both made a promise to never shed anymore tears.
"I'm gonna go and call Camila so you won't be alone while I'm away."
"Thank you, Laur."
I smiled as my response as I step out of the room. I saw Camila sitting on one of the hospital bench beside Shawn's room while typing something on her phone.
"Hey," I said to make my presence known but Camila didn't bother herself to look up, "I'm gonna go head out to buy some food. Do you want something to eat?"
"I'm good." The brunette responded in a plain and cold tone as she get back on her feet and walk inside Shawn's room.
I shrugged the way Camila acted towards me and head outside the hospital. Lucky for me there's a nearest pizza parlor around here so I don't have to go blocks away.
As soon as I bought everything, I put it in one plastic bag and head back to the hospital. I swing it back and forth as I walk casually
until I step foot in front of Shawn's room. The door is partly opened and I can easily tell that Dinah's accompanying Camila inside. With a deep breath, I step my foot forward but immediately stopped when I heard the song currently playing on the radio.
"No, I never liked San—"
The music cuts off immediately as if listening to it will make them sick followed by the silence that filled the entire room.
"Walz, why did you turn it off? That's my favorite song!"
"Because if I listen to it then it will only remind me of the beautiful memories that it held."
"So? Isn't that a good thing?"
"Not when those beautiful memories are something I can't bring back."
Before I could even think what would be the next thing I'll do after I overheard their conversation, Camila suddenly step out of the room which leaves me caught of guard. Our eyes met for a little while. I wanted to say something but my throat is getting dry and I cannot seem to find my own voice.
Camila remained emotionless and I find it so hard to read what she's thinking. She's keeping it void as possibly as she can.
"Was Shawn really the reason?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. "What?"
"I know you don't want anything to do with me anymore, but I was hoping that you were being completely honest with me as to why you just dumped me right on the spot. Are you really that coward?" Her voice remained calm yet it possessed so much anger she's trying to compress inside her.
"I didn't just "dumped" you, Camila. I broke up with you decently and you know the reason why."
"Yeah, I know— That I was just your temporary until you found the one. I think it's more better if you just said that to me instead of using your ill brother as your excuse. But if that makes you feel better after what you did then good for you."
Her words struck a nerve but I chose to keep the raging fire of anger deep within me. Camila have every right to be angry at me after what I did.
"I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. But I hope that you'll still believe me somehow after what happened. I didn't lie to you. I never did. Everything I did is for Shawn. Please understand me, Camila. None of these are easy for me."
Camila didn't bother to say anything but her glare that was full of hatred and the way she hit my shoulder hard as she walk pass me already answered my question.
***
My bond with Shawn gets stronger and stronger everyday. And it's such a shame, really, that it needs to come to this point where someone needs to die in order for us to love and appreciate someone we used to hate, in order for us to forgive someone who sinned against us. And now it's been 3 months and I've been thanking god for letting me be with Shawn a little longer than it should be.
A lot of things happened in those 3 months. For starters, Camila and I... well, technically I can't say that we're friends. We're more like a strangers being civil with each other. She's less cold to me now but I can still sense that the wall she built three months ago is still existing until now. To talk and have a short professional conversation became an unwanted obligation, at least I can say that's how Camila felt. The only time we're talking with each other is about Clark or who will stay with Shawn for the night.
I also visited the Cabello's in Miami to personally apologize and return the ring. Sinu and Sofi understands me somehow and they're not completely mad at me. They're sad and upset to what happened, that's all. However, Alejandro Cabello is a different story. I can say the word 'Chaos' is a perfect way to describe what happened that day. Alejandro was fuming mad that I ended up going back to LA with a busted lip. I can't blame him though I hurt her eldest daughter and he's just a father who only wants to protect his children. And if he could only resent me and throw me to hell he already did. That's how much he despise me now.
As for our son, Clark, he already knew that Camila and I broke up. He was really devastated that he ended up crying for straight 15 days begging for us to "Stay In love with each other". As a grown ups, we both explained to our son the situation as simple as we can so he can understand. I know he's just scared to lose one of us and we assured him that it will never happen even when the day comes we found someone new. Slowly, Clark wrapped the situation around his head in a baby step. He's getting okay with the kind of set up that I'm living in a separate house away from them but not fine at all. Camila and I always do our best to make it feel like it was all normal like it used to be but it's so hard especially there's a kid who suffers and you know that things will never be the same again.
As for the girls nothing really changed. They never picked sides nor have something to always favor to. They remain the same when it comes to us but the dynamic as a group completely changed. There's no hanging out happening that we're complete. It's either they were out with me and without Camila or with Camila and without me.
And Karen and Manuel, well, I continued living like they didn't exist, like I never found out that they are my parents. Our situation became even more worse than before. Manuel was so consumed by an overwhelming hatred and it was all on me because his "only child" is about to die. He calls me selfish countless of times and shove down to my throat how much worthless of a person I am and that I should be the one to die and not Shawn. I completely laugh at it to piss grandpa even more. And Karen, she goes from a worried mom to a mom who pretends I didn't exist. She's been giving me a silent treatment ever since she found my blood can't cure Shawn anymore. I know she's mad deep inside but chose to stay silent unlike Manuel which is not a big deal to me. In fact she's been doing me a huge favor. The only thing that makes me wanna stay here is because of my brother. When he's gone, I'll be gone too and I'll make sure they will never going to see my face ever again.
I was sitting on the couch reading some magazine while Shawn's writing a song to pass time while we wait for Camila and Clark. Today is my schedule to be with my son and Camila to be with Shawn.
I toss the magazine back to it's place and look at my brother instead, "Why do you love Camila?" I asked the thought out loud. I'm curious.
I saw the smile shoot across his pale face. "I fell In love with the way she dreamt about forever; she was a girl of adventure and I was her writer. She's wild, but she's soft kind of like when it rains during summer and she smiles in such a way that makes me feel lighter. She's a traveler filled with chaos but she feels at peace in the serenity of saltwater."
I beamed a smile to him and Shawn return the same gesture.
"And I think this is the part where I will throw the same question to you."
I shrugged, "We're done."
"But that doesn't mean you stopped loving her. I know you never did."
I'm not really comfortable talking about this with Shawn. Sure, we talked about a lot of stuff over the few months that we spent together but none of us dares to open up about Camila and Keana.
"She's the mother of my child, so... I guess there will always be something to that."
Shawn's about to respond when I heard a knock against the door.
Saved by the bell.
"That must be them." I immediately get back on my feet and open the door. As soon as it swings open, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist.
"Mom! Mom! I missed you!"
"Hey, Kal-El! I missed you too!" I get down on my knees so I could level his height. I messed with his hair playfully before I looked at him overall.
He's wearing his school uniform neatly, newly hair cut, and a banana scent that radiates off of his body. He looks so beautiful I want to cry!
"Why is my son so handsome?" I brush up his hair to complete his superman look.
"Because I'm a product of Lawren and Camila!"
Both Camila and I chuckled, "Dinah taught him that. That's what he always responded when someone asked him why he's so handsome."
"Dinah being Dinah, of course."
I stand straight and Camila handed Clark's bag to me, "Please take him home before 7."
"No worries." I smiled as I swing his bag over my shoulder. I look at Clark who's giving me a toothless smile, "Ready to go?"
"Hmm!" Clark interlace our fingers together.
"I'll see you later at home tiger, okay? Good luck on your first day. Mommy loves you." Camila leaned down and planted a long kiss on our son's cheek.
"Clark loves you too, mommy!"
The brown eyed brunette smiled before she turns her eyes on me, "Drive safe. Call me if something happened."
"Will do."
We started to walk away as Clark looks back and wave to Camila once more, "Bye mommy! Tell Yawn I said hi and I love him!"
"Okay. I love you, tiger!" Camila sent a flying kisses to Clark's direction before she went inside the room.
"Are you excited on your first day?"
"I am!"
I open the passenger door for him and he hops in with a toothless smile plastered on his lips.
"What makes my son so happy today?" I asked curiously while putting his seatbelt on.
"You and mommy talked."
"We always talked."
"But she said 'Drive safe' to you mom and that's another word for I love you!!!"
I chuckled, "Who taught you that? Dinah?"
Clark shook his head, "No one, mom. I just thought about it. If we love someone we want them to be safe always because we care about them. Mommy... I think she still loves you, mom."
"Just because we're over doesn't mean we don't love each other."
"So you and mommy still In love with each other? Are we going to be a complete and happy family now?"
"Well, not technically. There is different types of love; romantic and platonic love."
"What's platonic love, mom?"
"It means you love that person because you're friends with them but you're not entirely attracted to them romantically."
"So that's you and mommy? You're just friends with her?"
I rubbed the back of my neck because I don't know if I could consider myself being friends with Camila. I can't just spit to our son's face that 'No, your mommy and I are nowhere to be friends. Just strangers with bunch of memories to share'. I don't want to upset him even more so I practically lied straight to his face.
The entire drive going to school is pretty much Clark telling me random stories about Camila and most of them are seductive and dirty stories which only adults can get. I know he just loves his mommy so much but I do feel like someone is behind this scheme why this conversation is happening. Someone who's name rhymes with Dinah Jane Hansen.
I park the car right in front of his school. I turn off the engine and I noticed that Clark's been silent for a good long minute now and it seems like he froze on his seat.
"Clark, are you okay?"
He turns his brown eyes on me, "Mom, I'm nervous."
"Don't be. I'm sure you'll do great on your first day."
He stayed silent.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
His pale face turned bright, "Yes, mom! Thank you!" He pulled me in for a tight hug, "I love you, mom."
"I love you more, son."
We hop out of the car together and the way Clark's clinging in my arm is so funny and at the same time it melts my heart at how sweet he is.
"Lauren! Clark!" A smiling Ally approached us in her teacher attire.
"Hello teacher Bless."
"Hey, Ally!" I kiss her cheek as my greeting, "Excited for first day?"
"You mean excited to have headache for a year? Definitely!"
I chuckled, "You'll do great. And you look good, Ally."
"Thank you, Lauren. Such a good mouth of yours."
"And since we're best friends and you look so beautiful today maybe I can accompany Clark today? He's nervous."
Ally looked at my son and he beamed a nervous smile.
"Oh okay. So that's the compliment is for."
I giggled, "Please? Just for today."
"Please teacher bless?"
Ally sigh, "Okay, but just for today!"
"Yes!" Clark and I do a high five before we turn to Ally and said our polite thank you.
Ally personally escorted us to the classroom and it was already filled with children. Clark and I occupied the vacant seat in the back.
"Okay class, before we start I just want to introduce myself. I'm teacher Ally Brooke Hernandez. I'm 25 years old and I'm originally from San Antonio Texas and I'm funny."
I giggled at how she added the word "funny" in her statement and Ally shot a glare right at me.
"So now that I'm done introducing myself, it's your turn to do the same thing in front of the class so we can get to know each other better."
The whole class nodded except for Clark who's still nervous.
"Starting from the back." Ally pointed Clark using her lips and I gave her a 'Are you being serious' kind of look which she responded with 'I'm the teacher which means I'm the boss' kind of look.
"Do you want me to come with you or...?"
"Come with me, mom."
"Okay."
Clark get back on his feet and drag me in front of the class with him. I heard him took a deep breath before he speak.
"My name is Clark Zachary Cabello Jauregui. I'm 5 years old."
"Share some interesting facts about you, Clark. Like your hobbies or hidden talent."
"Well, my mommy is Camila Cabello so I'm rich and famous so don't mess with me. And my hidden talent is I can make my pee reach the ceiling."
Ally and I do the face palm while the whole class started laughing. Clark continued to brag about Camila aka the interesting facts about him. His nervousness finally goes off and now he's being comfortable with other children around him because he simply won't stop talking no matter how much Ally and I tried to stop him.
"Is it just me that as Clark grow up he's looking more like Camila and not you?" Ally whispered which got me curious.
"Wait, really?!"
I looked at Clark's face intensely. Sure he got Camila's brown eyes but he looks like me— oh no. Not Camila stealing my carbon copy son away from me.
"I think you were right."
"You're phase finally ended." Ally giggled and I pout.
"I want a kid who looks like me. This is so not fair."
"Oh I'm sure there's a lot of Lauren Jr. out there. You just don't know it yet."
"Are you saying that I'm a reckless jerk?"
"Your words not mine."
"That's so mean!"
Ally lets out a small laugh before she approach Clark and motioned the brown eyed boy to go back to his seat because he's turning the "introduce yourself" class portion to a comedy segment.
"He maybe got Camila's looks but he got his funny jokes from me cause there's no way he inherited being funny from Camila."
Ally and I shared a laugh, "If only Mila's here I'm sure you'll get a hard smack on the back of your head."
"It's my lucky day today, I guess."
I'm about to walk back to the place when I felt my phone vibrate against my pocket. I fished it out and it was Camila calling.
Speaking of the devil.
I turn to Clark with a big smile on my face. I know I looked dumb but I can't wipe it off of my face.
"I'll be back in a sec." I mouthed and my son nod his head.
I headed outside the classroom before I answer the call.
"Hey, Camila? I'm still at Clark's school. Is everything okay?"
"Hey, Lauren,"
I raised both of my eyebrows, "Shawn?"
"I borrowed Camila's phone so I can call you."
"Did something happened? Do you need me back there?"
"No, no. Everything's okay. I just miss you that's all."
I chuckled, "It's been an hour since we last saw each other, Shawn. You made it sound like I've been away for years."
I heard his faint giggle on the other line. The sound is almost fading. As if he's just forcing himself to make a sound.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Thank you for everything, Lauren. Despite of how bad things may get you still chose to stay by my side until the very end. Thank you for taking care of me, for loving me. Thank you for giving me a chance to be a brother to you even if it's for a short period of time."
Tears quickly fills my eyes, "What are you talking about? You sound like you're saying goodbye."
"That's how everyday is for me, but today is different."
"I'm coming back. Just... just wait for me, okay? I'll be there in a—"
"No, just stay with your son. I'm all good, Laur."
"But Shawn," I can't help it anymore as I burst into tears, "I don't want to lose you!"
"But that's how life works, little sister. Without death, we will never learn how to appreciate the things or the people we have in life."
"I'm not yet ready to see you go."
"I'm not ready to leave you behind too."
I'm crying so hard that I cannot utter a single word anymore.
"I just have one favor to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Take care of Camila for me, okay? Look out for her, you know how clumsy she is sometimes." He chuckled weakly, "Thank you for making my dream came true. I will die happy knowing you forgave me and I got Camila by my side. Thank you so much, Laur. I love you, always. See you soon?"
Everything in me falls apart. Hearing him saying goodbye to me is so painful that it breaks every bones and limps in my body. I cannot explain the tremendous pain I've been dealing inside. I feel like half of me is about to die along with my brother.
"See you soon, Shawn. Until then, I will miss you."
I dropped the phone on the floor along with myself. I pulled my knees to my chest and hug it as I cry my eyes out.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I muttered the same words over and over again.
I don't know how long I've been sitting here. Eventually, the tears dried up but not the throbbing pain in my chest. I picked up my phone and I noticed that Shawn is still on the other line.
I put my phone to my ear, "H-hello, Shawn?"
He couldn't hear me but I could hear him and Camila having a conversation. They were both crying.
"Thank you for giving me the best memories of my life. Thank you for loving me, even if it's for a short period of time. I love you Camila and I'm so sorry for everything I did. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You don't have to apologize. I forgave you long gone."
"I know that you and my sister are over now. But can I ask you a favor? Will you please take care of my sister for me? Always look out for her? Sometimes Lauren can get so stubborn, so lazy, and so complicated. Please always be patient with her, Mila. No matter how hard it gets, don't leave my sister. Promise me that you will love her."
Before I could hear Camila's response, the line went off. And it took only one hour before I received a call saying Shawn was now gone. I felt the whole world turned cold as I broke down into tears. The pain I'm feeling right now is beyond imaginable. I put my hand over my mouth to silence the sobs as they come out but it's no use. I have no strength left and my whole body is shaking.
My brother is now dead. Shawn is dead. He left me... forever. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. You don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it, because you can't get around. It doesn't "get better", it just gets different. And I guess that's what it feels like when you grief about someone you loved so much. You lost a part of you. There's a hole inside your heart that you couldn't fulfill no matter what you do. Pain will always be there, and that's when you know you truly loved someone.
The empty hallways are now filled with people passing by but I don't care. I stayed where I am, crying. I was filled with so many emotions; I can feel everything. And at the same time my mind is running with so many thoughts, so many what if's—
"Mom," I felt a hand over my shoulder. I look up and my green ones met brown eyes, "It's okay. It'll be okay. Yawn is in heaven now. I've read in one of my books that when you lose someone you love, you gain an angel. Just because we don't see Yawn physically doesn't mean he's not here with us. He's always there because he's our guardian angel."
I pulled my son for a hug and cry about everything in his shoulder. Clark wrapped his tiny little arms around me, rubbing my back to comfort me.
"I placed an early out today, Laur. Let me accompany you and Clark to the hospital." Ally came into view with her bag on her shoulder.
"But Ally, your job."
"It's okay. My workmates can fill me in. Right now, you need your best friend and I cannot let you go through all of this alone. You got me."
"Me too, mom. You have us."
"Thank you." My voice cracked as Ally joined in and hug us both.
Ally drove us back to the hospital. I was crying nonstop that my head begins to throb and my eyes begins to swell. My son's arms became my safe haven during this vulnerable times of my life. As soon the car pulled in front of the hospital, I carry my son in my arms as I run inside and headed to Shawn's room. I saw Camila crying while Dinah and Mani are consoling her.
"Mommy!" I put Clark down and the brown eyed boy hurriedly run towards the younger brunette's direction.
"Laur," Normani approached me with a sympathetic look on her face, "I'm so sorry for your loss." She pulled me in for a hug which I quickly reciprocated.
"Where is he?"
"Your parents took him. They decided that it's better to cremate him." Normani pulled away, "Also, Karen told me to ask you if you wanted to the honor of talking to the media about his death."
"Okay."
"They already called the media and they're probably be here in an hour."
I nod my head and glance over her shoulder to see Camila. I took a deep breath before I walk over to her direction.
"Camz,"
Camila glance up. As soon as our eyes met, more tears came off from her eyes as she run towards my arms and hug me.
"He's gone. He left us."
"It's okay. It's gonna be okay."
"Lauren Mendes?"
I pulled away and I saw a nurse standing beside me, "Yes?"
"Shawn left you this."
She handed me a letter and I quickly take it from her.
"Thank you." I said politely before I sit down on the bench and read the letter my brother left for me.
Dear Lauren,
Thank you for making the three months left so memorable to live— No actually, thank you for making my life worth living. And most importantly thank you for accepting me, for taking care of me, for loving me. All those sleepless nights, all those secret crying you did at night when you thought I'm asleep, all those caress you do, all those times when you played with my hair every time we talked about random things, thank you and I appreciate it so much.
You're a wonderful person, Lauren. And I truly believe that you will become what you always dreamed of. And even though I'm not there physically anymore to congratulate you, always know that your big brother is so proud of you. Don't forget about the favor I asked you, okay? Even though you don't admit it to me, I know you're still In love with Camila. And now that I'm gone, there's no reason for you to stop getting what you want. Deep down inside, I always knew that you're the one Camila will always choose to spend the rest of her life with.
It was always you, Lauren. And I'm happy that I'll be leaving her in the hands of a person who loves her so much more than life itself. I know whatever it is that you do to push Camila to be with me... I know it went down pretty bad. Every night I can hear her cry. She's smiling but her brown eyes screams sadness. It's not love why she chose to be with me but sympathy because I'm dying. You're the one she truly loves, Lauren.
And I know what's running through your mind right now. You think you don't deserve to have her after what happened, after every pain you put her through. And if this death ever taught me something that's probably this:
Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.
So what are you waiting for, little sister? Go get your girl. Tell her you love her, because if you don't then I will haunt you down.
Don't cry for me. This isn't a goodbye but more like see you on the finish line soon. Just think of this as a race and I just finish it more earlier than you. Goodbye doesn't mean forever, always remember that.
Sing me no song, tell me no tales, cry me no tears, but remember me kindly. Somewhere somehow I know we will see each other again soon. Until then, take care of yourself and I will miss you dearly.
I love you, Lauren.
Love,
Your big brother, Shawn.
I folded the letter neatly and put it over my chest to feel him closer to me. Now that he's gone, I have nothing more left but his letter and his memories in my head. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Soon, the media came in and I was accompanied by Karen, Manuel, and Camila. When I broke the news, Shawn's name became aloud in every radio station, tv programs, and in every street. Fans expressed their sympathy on twitter while some even rushed to the hospital and offer candles and flowers.
I head home to change my clothes. The cremation is done and his funeral is all set up and it will be open in public at exactly 3 pm. I wore black polo, black pants, and black converse before I head out to meet our parents, Camila, and Clark at the funeral.
3:00 pm went by so fast and the people continuously coming inside the church. Karen motioned Camila to take the stage to deliver her farewell speech.
"A farewell letter to the man I'm still not actually ready to say goodbye. We understand death only after it has placed on someone we love. I've come to realized nothing in life prepares us for losing someone we adore so dearly— nothing. Shawn has been an incredible best friend, partner, lover, and as a person. I know there are times that I hurt him, and it's because I am nowhere to be perfect. But despite of the pain and tears I put him through, he always stay by my side. My mistakes never make him love me any less. And it's really true, you don't know who is important to you until you actually lose them. Now I realized how much important Shawn is to me. I loved him, I always loved him. And maybe it's not how he wants it to be but I truly do. To say goodbye is to die a little, but knowing he's now in a better place where there is no pain and sadness... somewhat part of my broken heart feels happy. The last words Shawn said to me before he die was... 'When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind'. So fly high, angel. We know you'd be with us today if heaven wasn't so far away. I love you everyday and now I will miss you everyday."
Camila wipe away her tears as she ended her speech. She hops off of the stage and Karen motioned me that it's my turn to give my speech. With a deep shaky breath, I get back on my feet and occupied the stage. I find it so hard to deliver my speech because I was so emotionally wreck at this point. But somehow I still managed to end it off.
"Lauren, can I talk to you?" Karen approach me as soon as I walk back to my place. I have no strength left to argue with her so I just nod my head as my response.
She took me to the corner so we could take privately.
"Shawn wants to gives this to you." She handed me a brown envelope.
Curious what's inside, I open it and I saw a bank check under my name amounting to a million dollars, a plane ticket to Arizona, and admission slip to Barça Residency Academy.
"You don't have to worry about your tuition. I got it all covered. Shawn told me you want to be a soccer player so we both agreed to give this gift to you. I hope you accept this."
"Okay." I nod my head lowly, "When will I leave?"
"Your flight is 2 weeks from now."
"Okay, thank you."
Karen just smiled timidly as her response before she walked away. The funeral lasted for an hour before we take Shawn to his final resting place. We were playing Shawn's favorite song as we let the doves fly as well as the white balloon.
I look up at the heaven with a sad smile, "Rest well, brother. I'll see you soon."
***
Grief, after initial shock of loss comes in waves... when you're driving alone in the car, while doing the dishes, while getting ready for work, all of a sudden it hits you— how very much you miss someone, and your breath catches, and your tears flow, and the sadness is so great that it's physically painful. And that's how I've been with for almost two weeks. The pain didn't lessen. The sadness never fades. Instead, it grows more stronger and stronger but life goes on no matter how painful it gets.
Sadness and happiness are conjoined, you don't get one without the other, and this day proves that— Normani is about to propose to Dinah tonight and I couldn't be more happier for my two best friends to tie a knot and be together forever. So that's what I've been doing the whole day, help Normani prepare and transform their favorite restaurant into a very special place.
"This place looks incredibly perfect, Mani. I'm sure Dinah will love this."
"I'm nervous. I'm really, really nervous." Normani chuckled nervously. She's been sweating pretty cold while looking around the place.
"You. Got. This." I tap her shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze, "Dinah's a mother fucking stupid if she ever said no to you."
"I know I got this and I also know that Dinah will say yes. Otherwise, she has no home to go tonight, but,"
I laugh at Normani's statement.
"My heart is beating a thousand times faster that I feel like it's about to explode off of my chest. Is this really normal?"
I nod my head, "Remember when the day I'm about to propose to Camila? You're feeling the same exact thing I felt."
"Is that a bad thing?"
I knitted my eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
"Am I going to ditch this proposal because something is about to came up?" Normani joked and I simply rolled my eyes on her.
"What a funny joke, Normani. I truly wish Dinah turn you down. It'll probably the best day of my life— Ouch!" Normani slap the back of my head pretty hard that I feel like my brain flew out of my head.
"That is so mean to say, Lauren!" Normani pouted as she walk towards to one of the table. I trailed behind her and sit next to her, "I'm already done with my proposal speech."
"Is it long?"
"Not really."
"Can I read it?"
"You're taking the risk, but... sure go ahead."
I scoff, "What risk are you talking about now, Normani Kordei Hamilton?"
"The risk that you might fall In love with my inner writer being. Remember, I'm already taken."
I giggled, "We're so full of ourselves now, aren't we?"
Normani shrugged her shoulders while laughing. I took the notebook in front of her and read the note she wrote for her soon to be fiancée. It melt my heart completely that I wanted to cry at how much Normani loves Dinah. And to think that they were best friends since college and now here they are heading to church and about to make their vows to each other to always be there through ups and downs forever just makes me so emotional. This could have been me and Camila but our story is much more different and complicated than theirs. But nevertheless, I am so happy for the both of them.
"This line is my favorite."
"Which one? Read it for me."
"You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. I love that line."
Normani's face fell down and the smile on her face vanished.
"Why? What's the matter?"
"That line... that was from Camila's letter."
"Letter? What letter?"
"The day you got hospitalized because of Manuel... that was the day Camila's about to propose to you. She wrote her speech but we all know what happened next so... she threw the letter and I took it and asked for her permission if I could copy few of her lines and she said yes."
My heart sunk deep within me. Camila's.... about to propose to me that night?
"Oh," The only word I manage to say. I look at Normani who had a sad expression on her face, "It's okay. I'm okay." I beamed a smile to uplift Normani's mood. The least thing I wanna happen is to make my best friend sad in her most special day.
We continued planning everything until Dinah texted Normani that she's on her way to the restaurant. Normani asked Camila to distract Dinah which eventually works out. Soon, Ally and Clark finally arrived. They were still in their student and teacher uniform. Clark expresses his happiness to Normani by giving her a congratulations card which leads to them teasing me to do the same thing to Camila.
Ally and I helped Normani changed in her glittery silver dress which makes her super stunning. She really makes sure Dinah will have a very hard time saying no to her which is pretty understandable.
"I don't want to experience being rejected three times in a row." Normani teased and I glare at her.
"It's just two!" I exclaimed and they laugh.
"And you're proud of that?"
"No!"
And they laugh again. After a few minutes, Dinah and Camila finally arrived.
"Mommy!" Clark run towards her direction and launch himself to the younger brunette with Ally trailing behind him.
"I missed you too, tiger."
Normani signaled me and that's my cue to play their favorite song.
[I'd never gone with the wind
Just let it flow
Let it take me where it wants to go
'Till you open the door
There's so much more
I'd never seen it before]
"Hi," Normani approached Dinah with a 'I am so In love with you' kind of smile.
"Hey," Dinah responded breathlessly as her eyes go up and down to Normani's body, "You... you look stunning, baby. What's up? What's the occasion we don't know about? You could've told me about it so I can at least dress up nicely not like this."
"Actually," Normani wrapped her arms around Dinah's neck, "I love seeing you in your casual clothes. An oversized sweater and baggie sweat pants. It makes me so In love with you because you're being you. You're being this beautiful absolute perfect human being without even trying, without even knowing that you are. And I love you for that."
Dinah chuckled, "Why are you so sweet, baby? Did you do something or did I do something? I remembered I washed all of the dishes this morning and I've been a very good girlfriend. You're not saying this because you're breaking up with me, aren't you? Because this is so not you. You're a violent piece of shit."
We crack a laugh especially when Normani can't help but rolled her eyes to the moon and back. She was trying so hard to be this sweet hopeless romantic girlfriend but the mood she built up for hours ended up being ruined by the great Dinah Jane Hansen.
"There is something that I need to tell you. And no, I'm not breaking up with you so please shut your mouth and just listen to every words I'll say."
[I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings
But you came along and you changed everything
You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I am lost in your eyes
You make me crazier, crazier, crazier]
"Dinah Jane Milika Ilaisaane Hansen Amasio, you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of life trying to make you feel the same way. And mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. And as the day goes by that you're right here next to me, I could not ask for a better person to be my wife. So, Dinah Jane, will you make me the most happiest woman in the world by marrying me? Please say you want to marry me too."
Normani get down on her knee while propping the ring. The Polynesian girl broke down into tears while nodding eagerly.
"Yes, yes I will marry you! God, I love you so much!"
We all cheered and clap our hands as we watch Normani slipped the ring on Dinah's finger and shared a passionate kiss after. My green eyes trail to where Camila is and she's already looking at me with a sad expression on her face at the bittersweet taste of our almost. Before I can get through her, Camila broke our eye contact and walked out of the restaurant. And it seems like my feet has its own brain because now I found myself outside following her.
"Camila, wait!" I run after her. Camila stopped walking the moment she heard my voice but didn't bother to turn around to face me. I swallowed heavily before I walk in front of her so I can look at her face.
I slip my hands inside the pocket of my jeans. I'm nervous. And as I look in her face, I can't shake off the feeling of longing, the feeling of missing her.
"Hey," She smiled timidly, finally making an eye contact with me.
"I just, uhm" I swallowed the lumped stuck on my throat, "I just want you to know that I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Karen enrolled me to Soccer Academy in Arizona."
"That's nice. Congrats, Lauren I know this is your dream."
"Thank you."
"How long will you be away?"
"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders, "Probably 2-3 years."
Camila just nod her head, sadness is pretty clear in her brown eyes. And I took that as my gateway pass that maybe I still have a chance to fix what was left between us.
"Are you going to wait for me?" I asked with so much hope in my eyes.
"I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye, so I don't really see any point why I should wait for you. What for?"
I stayed silent for a couple of minutes, "Just chose what makes you happy." I said. "Choose me," I wanted to say.
"This time I will. Take care of yourself, Lo." And with that, Camila walked away.
I open my mouth to say something but no sound came out. So I just stood there watching her disappear from my sight.
I am still In love with you, Camila Cabello. I am still hopelessly In love with you.
***
Attention! Calling all the passengers of flight G167 bound to Arizona USA please proceed to Gate 7 immediately. Thank you.
I look at the entrance gate once again, hoping to see Camila for the last time but I was out of luck.
Again, calling all the attention of the passengers of flight G167 bound of Arizona USA please proceed to gate 7 immediately. Thank you.
She didn't show up.
I look at my friends with a heavy heart and a sad smile, "It's okay. I shouldn't expect for her to come here after what happened."
"Maybe— maybe Walz got stuck in a traffic or something. I know she will come!"
"We've been waiting for 3 hours now, Dinah. It's okay. Just tell Camila to always take care of herself." I smiled timidly at Dinah before I kneel down and cupped my son's shoulders.
"Be a good boy, okay? Mom will be away for a couple of years but I will make sure that we will facetime everyday and every night so you won't miss me."
"Does that mean you're going to miss my birthday too, mom?"
"Hell no! I will go home on your birthday, I promise. While I'm away look out for mommy, okay? Make her happy all the time."
"I will, mom. And I won't let mommy date someone else."
I chuckled, "As much as I love that idea, but... if mommy will find her happiness to other people then we should let her."
"But what about you, mom? I don't want to see you sad."
"I have you, and you are enough to make me happy."
Clark launch himself to me. He hugged me so tight that I ended up suffocating at how tight he's holding me. "I will miss you so much, mom." He buried his face on the crook of my neck while crying hysterically which leaves me into tears as well, "Can you just take me with you?"
"I really want to, Clark. But I can't. Mom needs to go to school so I can give you a better life."
I picked him up and turn my attention to my friends.
"You've been waiting for this for too long, Laur. Now here it is." Ally wipe her tears away, "I couldn't be more proud of you. Take care of yourself there and always remember that you have us."
"I will never forget."
"Yo, Lauser. You better kick their ass and come back here on our wedding. If you miss it I'm gonna kill you."
"I won't, Mrs. Hamilton. And congrats, you're a literal slave forever." We all crack a laugh except Dinah who's glaring at me.
"Go to Arizona already! You think we will miss you? Ha! Keep dreaming!"
I playfully rolled my eyes on her as my response.
"You better come back here as the world's greatest soccer player of all time!"
I chuckled at Normani's statement, "No promises, but I'll try."
I put down Clark and kiss him tenderly for a good long minute before I picked up my duffel bag and swing it over my shoulder.
"I should get going now. The least thing I wanna happen is for the plane to left me." I giggled in attempt to lighten up the mood but it's all useless because they were all a crying mess.
"Stop crying! I am not dying!" I laugh as I pulled them in for a hug for the last time. When the announcer called my flight for the third time, I pulled away and give my son one last kiss before I started to walk away.
I gave my passport and my boarding ticket to one of the attendants who's on standby so I can enter the gate connecting to the plane I'm boarded to.
"All clear, ma'am. You can now proceed. Enjoy your flight."
I look back for the last time in hopes to see Camila rushing through the entrance gate, to feel her warm loving embrace for the last time. To hear her say that she'll wait for me and that we'll be together someday. I waited but all I had is silence. And with the absence of the person you're longing, I took that as an answer:
No matter how badly you want someone, some things truly reach a point of being completely over.
We're really over.