Chapter 12- The Aftermath
"Mel!" He shouted down the hallway after her retreating form, when she didn't stop, he turned to me: "What is wrong with you Maddy?" Dom asked me with a disappointed look on his face. The look I hated the most from people, especially from Dom.
"I was trying to help you Dom. You weren't going to sort it out and you know it. This has all been blown way out of proportion." I mustered the remainder of my courage that had hidden so conveniently when Mel had shouted at me.
"Don't even try and spin it that way. You were thinking of yourself when you did what you did. And now look what you've done" I flinched at Dom's words, knowing they were partly true.
"Please Dom..." I begged losing all of my dignity. I didn't care- I wasn't going to lose two best friends in one night. He had to forgive me. I reached and touched his arm comfortingly. He shook it off in disgust.
"You really outdid yourself this time, I never thought you could be so selfish. Just leave me alone Madeline" I flinched again, knowing he was completely serious. Dom left without another word, ignoring my pathetic cries of protest. My knees gave way and my body crumpled to a heap on the floor. I didn't realize I was crying until the sleeves of my blazer had darkened, soaked by the salty tears. His last words hurt like a slap to the face.
They wouldn't go away, they echoed relentlessly through my mind. It was a night of firsts: I'd never felt so wretched before and I had never seen Mel so angry with me. For a moment, when she was shouting at me, I glimpsed something of what she'd been like just after Greg. The look in her eyes had wracked me with guilt, but I still didn't understand. Whatever was happening between her and Dom, it was serious and I was no closer to finding out than I was before.
I sat there in silence for a while, calming myself along to the beat of the music. No one had come to find me, no Dean, no Lily, no Joe- it was then that I realized Dom must have told them what happened. What an achievement Maddy, losing all of your friends in one night, yeah really good going. Vaguely, I registered strong arms lifting me up and taking me outside.
The unknown pair of arms set me down on the bench in the garden, my guess was Dean. Mostly because Joe was in no fit state to carry me anywhere.
"Are you okay Maddy?" Tom's voice was concerned. He sounded so gentle and caring that my heart broke a little all over again. My eyes widened in surprise and I looked up at him and smiled in gratitude.
"No, but thank you for helping me" I sniffled and Tom gave me a heartbreaking smile.
"Anytime Maddy, you know that. Do you want to talk about it?" He prompted and I knew he would get it out of me sometime. Just not tonight.
"Not right now." He intertwined our fingers and for once I didn't protest. I liked the comforting pressure of his fingers and the smile that made my heart beat slightly faster in my chest. In fact, I liked too many things about Tom Winter. Too many things to count.
"Oh shit!" I covered my face with my hands. "Don't look at me, I must look hideous!" I cried out in mortification. He gave the rich, throaty chuckle that I knew too well.
"Only you would be worried about that now" He cradled my face in his hands and looked into my eyes intently. "You are beautiful, no matter what. Today, tomorrow, 10 years from now. You are stunning" He said sincerely, and I wanted to believe him. But Dom's harsh words were still raw and painful in my mind. I blushed and shook my head at him.
"Thanks for trying to cheer me up Tom, but don't flatter me: I don't deserve it." I assured him. He frowned, but didn't protest. In the state I was in, I had momentarily forgotten everything. The contents of Greg's laptop, Tom's mysterious phone call. Everything that was holding me back. For a moment, I had come close to trusting him completely, and that was foolish, even for me. So, instantly my guard went up again, Tom's possible ulterior motive had pulled me back to reality.
Raising my head, I looked up to see Tom staring at me. He was also closer than I thought. Close enough for me to count the faint freckles dotted across his nose or those irresistible light brown eyes that had an almost golden edge to them. Snap out of it Maddy! The corner of his lips turned upwards slightly at my staring and he inclined his heads closer towards mine.
There was a loud clearing of the throat. I whipped my head around to see Dean, keys in hand. I couldn't help but smile slightly at Tom's sigh of frustration.
"Maddy are you ready to go?" He asked bluntly, ignoring Tom entirely. I nodded, grateful he had come before I'd done something I'd regret. I got up without saying anything, but then felt bad:
"Thanks Tom I forgive you for that dreaded kiss on the cheek now" I teased lightly, trying to raise the mood a bit. I worked as he let out a light laugh, I couldn't help but smile back at him as I walked away, Dean in tow. It wasn't until I looked at Dean closely that I saw the nerve working on his jaw, a sure sign he was angry about something. I braved myself for his wrath.
"What were you thinking Maddy?" He asked through gritted teeth.
"Please don't. You understand why I did it: you've seen the two of them, someone had to do something." I pleaded, feeling guiltier by the second.
If Dean said something wasn't right, then it definetly was: his moral compass didn't exactly point due north. Then suddenly, Dean laughed and I couldn't describe the relief that filled me: maybe I hadn't lost all of my friends.
"Don't get me wrong I understand why you did it.Wait.." He looked at me, noticing the look of relief on my face. He laughed and I flushed.
"You thought I was really angry didn't you?" I nodded and he laughed again.
"Thanks for earlier Maddy." I smiled, remembering the look of terror on his face when Alex had approached him. After tonight, I know longer had trouble believing the picture Dom had shown me was real. Alex went crazy at parties, that much was undeniable. I had never seen this side of Dean before: he looked like he would have liked nothing more than to run away from her.
"Your welcome, care to explain?" I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at him and he groaned. I wasn't going to let him get away that easily- it was his turn to be in the hot seat.
"I thanked you didn't I? Do we have to braid each others hair and talk about our feelings now?" He grumbled mockingly. I chuckled and played along.
"Oh, but Dean, you would totally rock a couple of braids" I teased. He glared at me playfully and I swatted his arm.
"You like her don't you?" I blurted out, determined to find out some truths tonight. He froze.
"No" He muttered, averting my gaze. I raised my eyebrows at his pathetic attempt to lie to me, reminded of my own attempts with Tom. He stared me down for a minute before relenting:
"Fine, yes. I like Lily" He confessed and I resisted the urge to coo in delight.
"You really like her don't you?" I grinned.
"Yes" he sighed, looking like a lovesick puppy and I giggled.
"The great Dean Johnson.... in love" I heaved a dramatic sigh and he tussled my hair good naturedly. He put an arm around my shoulders and whispered in my ear:
"If you hadn't helped me earlier, I would have definitely shut you up by now." He said and I looked at him challengingly as if to say: 'yeah right'. He snorted quietly at my expression and kissed me on the cheek.
"Seriously though: thank you Mad" He murmured seriously.
"There's nothing to thank me for, you've already returned the favour by forgiving me. Is everyone else angry with me?" I asked cautiously, thinking of their absence earlier and hoping I'd misread it.
"They're and I quote: not taking sides" he made air quotes with his fingers, an exasperated look on his face. I rolled my eyes, thinking of Ana attempting to be objective and subtle.
"Good, how long do you think?" I inquired in a forced casual tone, but really that was the question worrying the most. How long was it going to take for them to forgive me?
"That's the million dollar question Maddy" He replied absentmindedly, opening the car door and climbing in. I imitated him and heard him speak under his breath:
"Years if it were me, don't have to put up with you now" I smacked him on the back of the head.
"I heard that! What's that supposed to mean?" I exclaimed.
"That you're a lovely, sweet tempered girl who'll be forgiven as soon as possible" He grumbled sarcastically. I snorted despite myself: even I would admit that 'sweet tempered' would definitely not be next to my name in the dictionary. Dean dropped me off at home and I waved at him as he pulled away, feeling the faint happiness ebb away like a shooting star across the night sky.
My phone buzzed as I stepped through the door and I checked it immediately hoping for a text from Dom or Mel. However I opened the text to find the sender was Tom:
HOPE YOU GOT HOME SAFE. I'LL COME ROUND TO SEE YOU TOMORROW AND NO YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. TOM XX
I smiled despite myself at the boy's overconfidence and replied in the affirmative. There was truly no point in arguing with him- he would win in the end. He had worn me down so much that I didn't have the energy to protest. I couldn't ignore what I'd found out and spending more time with him was my way of finding out more about Greg. Perhaps I could move on and find closure at the same time, that's if it didn't get complicated. Like my life always seemed to.
I headed to bed, exhausted. Kicking off my heels and drawing my hair up into a messy bun, I felt another spike of guilt as I looked around my spotless room. It felt like years ago that Mel and I had laughed together over the state of my room. Had I ruined it all? Had I really become one of those people who just walked through life like a bull in a china shop? Not caring who I hurt as long as I got what I wanted? As sleep enveloped me, I made the decision. That wasn't going to be me- I refused to let myself become that person. Starting now.
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Flashback:
I'd had a shit day. A remarkably shit day. Firstly, my teacher had told me I was failing and that I didn't get my act together, there was no way I was going to pass. Then, after that joyful discussion, some girl had come up to the table and started tearing apart my ego. She'd seen me with Dean this morning and jumped to conclusions, saying I was a slut for being with him. He was hers and I was too ugly to be going any where near him anyway. I'd tried not to let her upset me, but I'd be lying if I said what she said didn't hurt.
So when I was alone in my room, and I heard footsteps coming upstairs, I was desperately in need of cheering up.
Greg stood in the doorway, sounding like he'd ran here by the uneven breaths he was taking. We didn't need to say anything. Like magnets, we moved towards each other without resistance.
He looked at me and I met his gaze unwaveringly. His iridescent blue eyes had an almost primal look in them, such was their intensity. This time I didn't hesitate. I closed my bedroom door behind me, pulled my top off and attacked him with my mouth. He moaned and kissed me back immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist. Greg lifted me up and strode towards my bed in eagerness. He wanted it as much as I did.
This was the first time I'd been this close to him since that morning; I had tried with difficulty to avoid him ever since, afraid of my lack of restraint. He hadn't been making it very easy, in fact Greg had made sure to be around practically every time I came over. He also had no qualms making his presence known - he was the epitome of annoying and frustrating. Unfortunately I knew it was only a matter of time before he got his own way.
And here we were. We weren't drunk, which means I had no excuses anymore. He kissed me with an eagerness no doubt rooted from the agonizing weeks of trying to persuade me without success. I kissed him back with weeks of pent up lust, trailing my tongue over his lower lip. He shivered and I loved that I could have such an effect on him. He hovered his lithe, lean body on top of me and I nearly cried out with need for him when he broke way to kiss my neck.
"You have no idea what you're doing to me" he breathed throatily against my skin. I gasped quietly as his hot breath fanned across my skin, leaving behind a burning trail from his touch. I pulled him up to kiss me again and he stopped me:
"No seriously- you have been driving me crazy Lin" he murmured in a low voice, normally I would protest at the nickname, but the feel of Greg's lips on mine melted away my objections. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he looked at me for confirmation before losing all his inhibitions.
..........................
We lay there momentarily stunned. I looked at Greg to find the same expression of disbelief and surprise mirroring my own. Then I looked away, unable to swallow down the guilty feeling creeping into my veins in the afterglow of being with Greg. I pulled my shirt on, secretly glad it was one of those baggy, shapeless tops that preserved my modesty. Greg mirrored me, pulling on his boxers and shirt with the same zoned out look on his face,
"That was so much better than last time. I mean last time was good. More than good, but that was unbelievable Lin" He exhaled sharply and I blushed slightly at his words, though I agreed with him completely. It was chemical, it was like Greg was the fire and I was the oil. Together we created flames so blazing that I could imagine a whole forest devastated by the force of it. Maybe that was a bit overdramatic, but you know, that's the effect he had on me.
He studied me for a minute before adding:
"Don't make me beg, this has to become a regular occurrence." He exclaimed, in a deadly serious voice. I was about to say that watching him beg wouldn't be completely out of the question, before I stopped myself- probably best not to tease him anymore
"Fine, you have my number don't you?" He laughed at my bluntness, all previous seriousness forgotten. Silently I told my heart to calm down as it went into a sprint from his smile. He was still chuckling when I cut him off again:
"Good then get out. I need to have a shower." I said mock sternly. He got up and headed for the door.
"Oh and Greg?" He stopped on the threshold and turned to me, unable to keep the triumphant smile from his face.
"I have two conditions: 1) this stays between us, right?" He nodded eagerly and waited for me the say the second, I hesitated momentarily before adding:
"Don't fall in love with me. None of that feelings crap" I said bluntly and he grinned.
"You read my mind Madeline" He replied, laughing again. I observed how happiness never seems to leave his face, it lingers irresistibly, emphasizing his handsome features to the point that I found it hard to look directly at him. He was still laughing as his long legs carried him downstairs and I didn't move until I heard the unmistakable sound of the front door closing behind him.
The shower quietened the warm feeling in my stomach and the flutter of my heart that Greg had so instinctively created. I was glad, that I was able to smother those emotions so readily- it meant that I could remain detached from Greg. I was playing with fire, I knew that, but I was god damn certain that I was not going to get burnt.
"Maddy!" I heard a faint shout echoing from downstairs. I turned the shower off and hastily got dressed.
I ran downstairs to see Dean standing in the kitchen. I tried to keep the look of guilt and surprise off my face as I smiled at him- how long had he been here? Was he here long enough to spot Greg leaving? I really hoped not.
"Errr... Hey. What are you doing here?" I cursed the squeaky voice coming from my mouth.
"Do I need a reason to come and see my best friend?" He asked. He gave no indicator to make me think he knew anything, he was acting normal as far as I could see. I suppressed a sigh of relief.
"You were bored, weren't you?" I smiled wryly.
"Yep" he replied and I laughed. Then I noticed how he was fidgeting with his keys and shuffling his feet on the ground.
"Are you ok Dean?" I coaxed, concerned at the uncharacteristic look of vulnerability on his face.
"Mum's not here again. You know what a disaster I am in the kitchen" he laughed without emotion and I knew he didn't want a fuss. His mum was away a lot and though he'd never admit it, he hated being in the big empty house.
"I'm just about to cook dinner. What do you fancy?" I offered and the bitter expression was replaced with a grateful smile.
He replied with his usual request. Tacos. As I set to work the unease I'd felt at Deans arrival disappeared as he became his usual obnoxious self and started throwing bits of food at me. All was right in the world.
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Sorry for the extra long chapter but I really wanted to fit all of it into one. If anyone is confused, the dotted lines indicate a change in scene. I want to show the progression of Maddy and Greg's relationship up until a couple of weeks before his death, so expect more flashbacks.
I included the last bit with Dean because I wanted to show he isn't as one dimensional as he appears. And it becomes more significant later on, concerning him and Lily.
Chapter song:
"Cause I made my mistakes.
And I feel something's changed"
Foals- Bad Habit
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NotOriginal1997
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