"Your headmaster," Professor Scamander growled, surveying the class with a glare that didn't become any less scary the more you were exposed to it, "Thinks that you imbeciles are old enough to know exactly what wants to take a bite out of a bunch of little innocent runts like you."
Remus leant his chin on a fist, bored. He glanced at the chair next to him. He could feel Helia's absence, a tangible thing. He felt it when his knuckles clenched at the thought. He shouldn't need Helia's presence in the way he did. In the same way that something felt off when Sirius or James or Peter couldn't be bothered to do a prank with the rest of them. Like some integral part of the machine was missing.
An old projector, the type that you put slides in, was set up at the back of the room. Scamander marched over to it and hit it with his crane in a way that sent a bang! cracking across the silent classroom. The first slide flashed into being, a troop of black robed people wearing skull masks way too detailed to be party to a Halloween parade.
"These," the professor growled, "Are Death Eaters. First on the left are Jim and Mary Flint."
That got Remus's attention. Martin Flint's dad, he knew, had been a confirmed Death Eater who had met his end six years ago, at the hands of Helia Blacksmith. Remus was suddenly very glad that Helia was missing the class.
"Mary tortured fifteen muggles to death after her husband died." Professor Scamander continued relentlessly, "She had a particular penchant for the imperious curse, as I understand it. People were reported leaping off buildings all over London." The teacher leant forward so that he was right in the face of the person in the front row, who happened to be Jade. Spittle flew in her face as the ancient man spat, "And they still haven't found her."
Someone to the left of Remus yawned, and he didn't need to turn his head to know that it was Sirius, trying to get his attention. But all he could see was Helia's face when McGonagall had walked into the library the day of the Hogsmead trip to tell Lilly the truth about her parents. He wondered if Mary Flint knew who killed her husband.
The rest of the lesson slid past slowly, but Remus wasn't taking any of it in.
He was torn between thinking about Helia too much and telling himself that it wasn't healthy to think about Helia so much. He wondered if Helia ever felt the same. Sometimes he caught her watching him, or thought about the way she used to smile, and he wondered. But then he remembered the blankness of her eyes on those few occasions that they made eye contact. She had cared about him once, he had figured out too late, but no more. Maybe, he could hope, Helia missed the shadow of what could have been.
No, no more hope. No more caring whether she was looking at him or not. No more lying awake thinking about all the ways he had gone wrong. Next week was the end of the year, and he would have a whole six weeks to get over her.
It would be fine.
Finally, the end of class was signalled and the students hurriedly stuffed their books into their bags, grouping off as their minds and conversations drifted to more important things like Quidditch, and who had managed to fall foul of the Marauders that week. A familiar bouncing figure appeared at the entrance to the classroom. Remus ducked his head. Other than Helia, the last person he wanted to see was Linette Bell. Surprisingly, Jade seemed to feel the same, darting out of the room as if her speed would make her less visible.
...........................................
"What's wrong?"
Sirius half grinned at Lin, but it wasn't real and they both knew it. The rest of the Defence Against the Dark Arts class had filed out ten minutes ago, yet neither of them could find it in them to say goodbye. "I'll never understand how you can read my mind like that."
"Don't get cocky. I can do it with everyone." Lin teased, the look in her eyes letting him know that she wasn't done with the subject. "And it's not mind reading. It's easy if you know how."
"And how is that?"
"Your eyes." Lin replied instantly. Sirius felt the overwhelming urge to cover his eyes. Lin, of course, knew what he was thinking and wrapped her fingers around his wrists lightly, keeping them in place. She frowned slightly. "Do you remember what happened last week? At the party?"
Sirius grinned. "Absolutely not."
"Yeah." Lin matched his smile, "Me neither."
"We were pretty hammered, huh?" Sirius asked.
Lin released Sirius's wrist with one hand to hold her fingers slightly apart in front of him. "Lil bit."
"I.. Er..." Sirius stuttered. He didn't think that he had ever stuttered before, "I remember waking up though."
Lin looked down, dropping his wrists instantly. Sirius took a step forwards, but Lin backed up and he stopped instantly. He cursed himself.
"What's the problem then, Siri?" Lin asked.
He sighed. "Moony. He's been all moody and stuff since the party."
"Helia's the same." Lin said thoughtfully. She lifted her head her head again and their eyes met. The two of them shared a single thought.
"Meet you back here in two days?" Sirius asked, conscious of the full moon that night. Lin nodded and he grabbed his bag, strutting over to the door.
"Oh, and Sirius?" Lin asked.
He turned back, hope burning in his eyes. "Yeah?"
"Helia's one of the best friends I've got. Don't fuck this up."
Sirius saluted and took his leave.
...........................
"Moony?"
Remus looked up from his potions homework to see Sirius bounding over to him, grinning.
"What's up, Padfoot?" Remus asked, slightly warily. Sirius slid into the seat in the library opposite him. "I need to go, in, like, five minutes. It's the full moon."
"I know, and I will accompany you, my Wolfy friend." Sirius bowed exaggeratedly, "But just one thing first."
"What?" The suspicion was real now. Remus's eyes darted around, searching for a stray dung bomb or the imprints of footprints left by an invisible James. Anything to suggest a prank.
Sirius gave him the very definition of 'puppy dog eyes'. He looked at Remus through lowered lashes, occasionally batting them to further his point. "Ask Blacksmith out again?"
Remus's quill slipped, sending a line of ink scattering across his parchment. He stared at Sirius in blank shock. "Can you please repeat that last question?"
Sirius sighed, leaning on his elbows as he shuffled closer to Remus, "Look, you keep trailing around looking like someone murdered your cat-"
"-I don't have a cat." Remus interrupted him. Sirius glared. "Cats hate werewolves."
"Anyway." Sirius persevered with great self control, "You keep going around like that and even Filch is gonna think there's something up with you. And Blacksmith's not much better."
"I haven't seen her since the party." Remus feigned indifference.
"Yeah, well, Lin says she's miserable." Sirius supplied subtly, rolling his eyes.
"There are a number of things that could be the cause of that." Remus muttered, picking up his quill again. Sirius snatched it out of his hand.
"Don't be thick." Sirius snapped, "You like her, she likes you. It's not fucking rocket science. Just ask her out."
"She told me to stop, okay?" Remus's hand gripped the edge of the table until his knuckles went white. "She told me to stop trying. She made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me."
"Dude..." Sirius trailed off.
"No." Remus stopped him with a raised hand, standing and packing his things up. "I have to go. And I think I'm going to sit this night out alone."
And just like that, Remus swept out the room. Sirius was left mentally swearing at the small desk. He didn't notice how Remus's hand had tremored slightly as he left.
..................................
"Helia?"
"How'd you find me?"
"Dude, it's not like you're making yourself invisible."
"I am sure I have no idea what you're talking about."
"For Merlin's sake. Helia Blacksmith, stop moping about some boy and get down off that damn chandelier. And put the cat down!"
Helia glared at Lin from her position at the roof of the Great Hall. Everyone else had gone to sleep hours ago. It must have been midnight, or later, well past curfew anyway. Her magically fireproofed feet were each positioned on a separate floating candle, suspending her midair. Honestly, Helia impressed herself with her balance, especially so far off the ground. And it wasn't her fault that The Spot had followed her and wouldn't shut up his incessant yowling until he had joined her with a simple Wingardium Leviosa.
"I'm not on a chandelier." She said, trusting the echoey old chamber to carry her voice down.
Lin rolled her eyes, staring up at her. "Yeah, but it sounds better than 'get down off that floating candle'."
"I'm fine." Helia said, "I'm not moping. Look how un-moping I am. If I saw a mope, I wouldn't know what it was. That's how little I am moping right now."
"Hey!" Lin called, "I am the rambler here!"
"Well, I'm supposed to be the annoying one who follows people around at ungodly hours and fails at witty quips, so I guess I felt peer pressured to take up your role."
"You know, I am getting seriously tired off your sass, young lady." Lin commented, perfectly seriously.
"Took you long enough." Helia muttered.
"What?" Lin made a gesture that Helia could quite grasp the meaning of from her height, "One guy breaks up with you, and me and Jade are chasing you all over the castle every other week to console your angsty ass?"
"I'm sorry, if that helps." Helia muttered.
"Yeah," Helia didn't think she had ever seen Lin so angry, "Sorry that you got called out, sorry that you're being held responsible. Not sorry about what you're doing to us, or yourself, or that damn idiot of a Gryffindor."
Helia's wand wavered in her hand. The Spot was giving her several long measured looks that made Helia think that he knew and understood more than she gave him credit for. She glared at him as she slowly lowered him to the ground. Like the traitor he was, The Spot rubbed along Lin's ankles, purring loudly.
Something broke in Helia's mind. Every thought and feeling that she had lacked the capacity to think, to feel over the past six years attacked her exhausted mind at once. It felt like tiny creatures were charging around her brain, throttling all the most important parts slowly. She couldn't help spilling everything out in a giant tirade of everything she had been missing out on for all this time.
"I am sorry." Helia reached down for the next candle below her, using it as a hand hold to slowly climb down. "I'm sorry for what I've cost you and Jade. I'm sorry that you think I don't see every little thing you've done for me in the years I've known you. I saw it all. I wanted to thank you for every smile and every allowance you gave me, because without that, I would have lost what made me human a long time ago. But I lost a lot before I came to Hogwarts, and one of those things was the magical ability that humans have that teach them how to be grateful, and decent, and real. And I'm sorry for what I lost with Remus, because I think I hurt him. And I don't know when or how, but I care about all of you. I care so much. And I'm terrified. Because what do I do with this much care?" Helia finally touched down on the flagstones of the Great Hall. She could feel Lin's eyes on her but didn't dare look up, "What the hell do you do with this much care, Lin? How do you deal with it every day without breaking?"
She sensed Lin getting closer to her, and could feel the warmth when Lin wrapped her arms around Helia, though it was more like Lin was supporting her weight than hugging her. All Helia could feel was overwhelming relief.
"Go find your Gryffindor boy with the secret eating him alive." Lin whispered in her ear. Of course Lin had noticed Remus's werewolf tendencies.
Helia didn't say anything, just nodded and walked, more unsteadily than she ever had, out of the Hall, The Spot padding nervously at her feet. And, for the first time, she almost tripped over the edge of a flagstone. And, for the first time, she was okay with that.
............
A/N
I just realised how close to the end we are. Only five or six chapters left and I've written most of them. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. That's just a sidenote.
Mischief Managed,
BecauseBecky