The next few days were stagnant.
Cassian kept his distance, still upset over the holochip incident. He went out, supplied fresh food each day, then went back into his old bedroom like clockwork. Some hours he felt too little, laying on his bed motionless. He stared at nothing in particular, experiencing nothing but the calm heartbeat in his chest.
Other hours he felt too much, hunched over, hands clawing at the skin on his chest. Through heavy tears, he begged for the emotions to stop. Cassian used to think knowing what happened to his mother would put him at ease.
Only to find out he was horribly wrong.
Talia spent her time coming up with things to say to the senators, that is, if any were going to be present at the base when they arrived. A part of her yearned to make an excuse to stay at home base to make use of her mechanical skills. She fought against her wish to be more realistic. Fieldwork was always in demand, especially with so much ground to cover.
The only thing that kept her going was the need to avenge her.
Her train of thought crashed when Cassian left his bedroom for the first time in days, breaking his cycle. She turned to him as she stood in the center of the living room, arms crossed. Talia sucked in a breath. "Are we on speaking terms?"
She hoped they would. It wasn't a necessity, but it surely made things less awkward.
Cassian stepped towards the couch, reaching for both his captain's jacket and the heavy blue one. Should I take her with me? An immediate defense set itself up in his mind. No! She kept that message from me. He averted his worn out eyes and focused on putting his jackets on. The softer side pushed its way through. She's been stuck in the house the entire time. Going stir crazy isn't the best. His mind lunged as the defense yelled. If I hadn't gone to her, I would've never seen it! Forever wondering what happened to my mother!
"Enough," he whispered, ceasing his thoughts altogether. Cassian's eyes drifted to Talia's, his mouth drawing breaths as if he were trying to catch words in the back of his mind to say. She waited patiently, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. Cassian put on his gloves and declared steadily, "We need to get some air."
Agreeing wholeheartedly, Talia hastily put on her jacket as Captain Andor left the house. She followed behind, minding her step into the crunchy white snow. Cassian stayed ahead of her without stopping, so she let him have his space. She peered around at her surroundings, eyes burning from the freezing wind.
The two spies passed by groups of people of all kinds. Little Ewoks brushed against their legs as they squeezed by. When crossing the first bridge, Talia peered down at the gaping crevice below. Pitch black darkness waded in the depths, causing Talia's stomach to drop. She glanced away and slid her hand along the railing.
Tall skyscrapers lined the land, leaving no ground untouched. With so little space in the valley, the people had to make due with what they had. A strange symbol composed of two different shapes mashed together had been painted in random spots all over town.
Talia caught up with Cassian, standing next to him as he pushed his way through the crowd. "What does the symbol stand for?" She shoved her numbing hands into her pockets and shivered.
"We were at war with Mantooine some time ago. After the Empire formed, the Imperials attacked them. We set aside our differences and joined forces with the survivors to create the Atrivis Resistance Group, named after the star system we're in," he said lowly, his warm breath forming into a white fog against the cold air. "Mothma convinced the group to join the Rebellion. Since the Alliance doesn't have an official symbol yet, we made their own."
"Why doesn't it have one?"
He shrugged, keeping his eyes forward. "Hell if I know. We're more worried about surviving at this point."
The line of buildings ended at the start of a giant open area covered in glistening white snow. Gigantic blue ice structures jutted into the skyline, carved by nature and citizens of the city. Children ran among them, hiding in between to avoid the snowballs being hurled in their direction. One of the sculptures, after many years of wear and tear, resembled a big tree. The branches stuck out in every direction, casting many thin shadows along the ground.
"This is my favorite spot in the city." Cassian looked around, passion and a flicker of nostalgia in his eyes. Talia peered up at the ice structure in bewilderment as Cassian continued, "I used to play here all of the time unti-" He cut himself off quickly, and attempted to cover it up by abruptly starting the next sentence, "I climbed the ice one time. Made it almost to the top. Then I slipped and broke my arm on the way down."
After all that had happened, he opens up? Something must've happened while he was alone. Talia contemplated, staring at him in wonder. He appeared calm and collected, as if he were at peace with the world. She knew he had felt otherwise. Most of the time, she was good at reading people. When it came to Cassian, it was a whole other story.
Snow began to fall from the sky. Soon, it would be a regular snow storm. Cassian's brown eyes watched the tiny snowflakes gracefully float down to the ground. The children running around heard echoes of their parents calling for them to retreat inside before the weather turned worse, and complied immediately, silencing the area around the two spies. Cassian spoke softly, to the point where he wasn't sure if he did at all, "No one is going to remember me when I'm gone."
"How can you say that? With what we do..." Talia instantly trailed off the moment reality hit her. Spies were almost always undercover. Very few lived at the base full time. They mostly lived among the shadows, following as many orders as they were given. Would anyone remember the deeds done by these heroes? Or would they fall flat in everything else publicly going on?
"I have friends back at the base, but who's to say if they'll even be alive by then..." He bit the inside of his cheek. Everyone he knew would be dead at some point in the close future. With everything at stake, it's bound to happen. Being the last one standing was not on his agenda. "None of them know about this place."
A small shock of surprise flickered inside Talia's brain, but she kept a straight face to not reveal it. The fact that someone like Cassian had friends was amazing enough. If they can take his half-deadness on a daily basis, more power to them. He does have a softer side inside that hard shell, though. "Well, this place is beautiful. I can see why you like it so much, even though I'd prefer beach sands over ice."
An inkling of a smile appeared on the captain's lips. "You're the only person that will know of this place." No one else had the time to visit. A small hope arose in him that one day when he was gone, Talia would take his fellow spies here to make a memorial. Have drinks, tell stories, and share their best memories about him. Death didn't have to be a sad thing.
"I feel honored, Captain." She smiled softly. Talia caught onto what he was implying. Finding out he had friends and that none of them knew this place? Instant giveaway. She would do it for him. It was the least she could do for the rebel spy that saved her life. "Thank you."
Cassian remembered the situation at hand and frowned. His mood plummeted drastically. "I needed something to take my mind off of all that's happened." He shoved his gloved hands into his coat pockets and glanced down at the ground.
This is what I was expecting. Talia shook her head slowly, knowing this would be just one vicious circle of arguing. Attempting to go another route, she calmly stated, "Look, I don't know what you expect of me, b-"
Captain Andor cut her off and got in her face, spitting his words with ferocity, "I expect you to do your job. That entailed delivering that hologram after the battle."
"I was trying to find a way to send it without it being intercepted by the Empire." She defended herself sharply. Her stare melted into an icy glare.
Now he could say all he wanted to. He thought about it for hours about the right thing to say, and now he had the opportunity to release his emotions. "Two weeks! All you needed to do was give it-"
Talia intervened, throwing her arms up to emphasize her frustration, "Giving it to my handler? Who, by the way," she glanced around and hushed her tone, "was being followed by a bounty hunter? Are you insane?"
"That holochip means everything to me! And to think I might've never seen it."
"I told you I was sorry. How many times do I have to say it?" She ran her hands down her face and dropped her hands to her sides. A sigh escaped her lips before she could stop it. "Yes, it was my fault. I'll own up to it. But you know what? I'm glad you didn't see that until a few days ago. You were recovering from overexertion and exhaustion. Because of all the runs and missions you've been doing, you've been slowly killing yourself. Putting that hologram on top of that? You wouldn't have fared well."
Cassian's voice lowered to a growl, "You don't know me."
"I know enough to make that assumption."
On one hand, she's right. He could've killed himself by overworking. Would it have been worth it? Sure. He'd give his life for the Rebellion. On the other hand, Talia was completely wrong. He stood his ground, not moving from how close he was to her, "I've been in this fight much longer than you have, Talia Revik. I know what I'm doing."
Talia got closer, teeth grit and eyes full of fire. "You aren't the only one who's seen death and destruction. People I have loved are gone. We're all victims of this war."
The memory of his panic attack flashed through his mind, and Cassian instantly tried to calm down. Taking this too far might trigger another one. He watched her eyes, which stared deep into his soul. "At least you don't go through half of the stuff I do." The guilt, the memories, the heartache, it all seemed to be a part of a horrifying ride he couldn't get off of.
"You don't know me."
He threw her words back in her face, "I know enough to make that assumption."
Talia clenched her jaw tightly. After a few seconds, she spat, "I'll find my own way back to the house." The spy spun on her heel and left in the opposite direction, her feet stomping in the snow.
Cassian was left staring at the falling snow and the field of ice structures. A harsh wind swept up once more, causing a chill to run down his spine. He sat down at the base of the tree structure, anger and loneliness circulating in his system. He scrunched down into his coat to keep himself warm and succumbed to the vague memories of his childhood spent here.
AN: Aesthetic for Cassian's home planet Fest <3 Sorry for not updating. School got in the way