Rory
Walking away from Caden hurt.
It was like ripping off my arm and leaving it with him.
How had I become so attached to him so quickly?
When did this even start?
The pain made my vision blurry and tears burned the back of my eyes. My chest felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly and my breath had become short. I can't remember much of the drive home only that somehow I made it back safely.
The minute I get to my house I run up to my apartment and walk right into the door.
Because it's locked.
And it seems I was too distraught to realize that.
Talk about graceful.
I can't even get my keys out of my purse my hands are shaking so much. Instead I decide to just slide down the door and bawl like a baby. Time is irrelevant to my pent up emotions and frustrations. Tears are endless and tremors are nonstop.
It isn't until my neighbour comes out to see what the noise is that I get enough strength to take out my key and let myself in.
I can make a mess of myself on my own time, but when other people are involved, especially strangers, I need to be a mature woman and suck it up.
Walking into the apartment I collapse onto the couch. And then my phone rings.
"Merry Christmas sweetheart!" Mom's voice chimes into my ear and I groan.
"It's midnight already?" The clock above my TV shows its five past midnight and I groan even louder.
"What's wrong with you? You love Christmas."
"I'm sorry I'm just not in the mood right now... I had a bad day earlier. Merry Christmas mom. I'll be over around eleven okay? Love you." I don't wait for her response I just hang up the phone.
I'll definitely get in trouble for that later. No matter what race no mom likes to be hung up on abruptly.
That's a big no-no.
Sighing I sink further into my couch and turn on the TV. I need the distraction. A Muppet's Christmas flashes onto the screen and I relax a little bit. I love Christmas movies.
When I was in Atlanta I'd have to force Jamal to sit still for a few hours so we could watch them. He'd mumble and complain about the recipes he could be creating in the time wasted but he'd still pull me into him so I could snuggle.
It's one of my favourite parts of Christmas. That and the music.
I LOVE THE MUSIC.
My eyes light up at the "It Feels like Christmas" scene and I find myself singing along. No matter how many variations of A Christmas Carol is made I enjoy every one of them. Especially the Muppets.
For the first time in months I genuinely feel happy. There's no pressure, no worries, no secrets or sexual urges. It's just me and my TV.
Me and the Muppets, and Michael Caine.
Me time.
I've been so focused on my problems with Jamal and Caden that I never got the chance to enjoy the holiday season. Work has been crazy busy too so there's that added stress as well. Any time I've had to myself was spent worrying and contemplating about my future. Not once have I gotten a chance to enjoy the now.
Glancing around my apartment I grimace.
The place is utterly bare.
Not one decoration in sight.
Mom's right. I love Christmas. How could I not decorate? I bought the damn lights and tinsel and stocking but they're somewhere hidden in shopping bags. I don't even have a tree!
Oh my Lord I don't have a tree!
I never got to play in the snow which is beyond scarce in Atlanta! I didn't catch a snowflake on my tongue. I didn't go ice skating or build a snowman. I didn't have hot chocolate by a roaring fire or even roast marshmallows. I haven't belted out any Christmas tunes or decorated a gingerbread house. There's no cookies baked for me and my friends to snack on and no egg nog to drink with it.
There's so much I've missed, so much I'm missing. And it's already Christmas. I never got to do anything on my holiday bucket list.
I can't believe I've wasted all of that fricken time!
Getting up I march to my room to find that bag of decorations. As suspected it's in the back of my closet and there's a lot in it.
How much did I buy?
Dragging the bag to my living room I dump it on the floor and put my hands to my hips.
"Let's start with the lights shall we?" Untangling said lights I drape them all over the apartment. Taking out the extension cord I was thankfully smart enough to buy I plug them in and the soft glow of multi-coloured bulbs fills the room.
"And now the tinsel." I loop it around the base of the TV, on the coat hook, on the edge of the doors and around the door knobs. Its excessive yes, but I love it. I follow that with some ornaments and hang my stocking right beside my TV.
By the time I'm finished its half past two and I feel so much better.
Frosty the Snowman has taken the Muppets place and I flop onto my couch with a bowl of popcorn and a cup of apple juice. Not exactly Christmas festive but I love it.
I love it all.
This is how this holiday is supposed to be.
Watching the old cartoon I let my mind drift back to Caden and my conversation and the ache that had long been subdued by Christmas spirit intensifies. The look on his face when I made the decision to choose Jamal.
Lord.
I never thought I could hurt someone the way I hurt him. I never knew I had that power over anyone. I have no one else to blame but myself for the predicament I put myself in. I encouraged his antics and basked in the sexual tension we created. I'm just as guilty as he is for the result of our lust.
Why did I do it?
What's wrong with me?
Jamal said he's seen the way I look at other men... I don't even notice myself doing it but I know that I do it. Does that make any sense?
I'm sick.
How could I claim to love a man and cheat on him with someone I'd only known for less than half a year? I know if the roles were reversed I wouldn't forgive him. I'd be angry and hurting and betrayed. I'd be a mess and I'd be spiteful.
But Jamal... he was angry yes but he was also understanding. And he forgave me. I didn't deserve it but he forgave me anyways.
What would my father think of me if he knew what I did?
The thought makes me scoff. Who cares?
I don't.
Not really...
I should call him and say Merry Christmas. It's been months since we've spoken. I may detest him but he's still my dad.
My phone rings again and I think to ignore it and try to get back into the festive mood but I choose to answer anyways.
"Aura? Are you awake? I suppose it must be pretty late where you are." Jamal's voice sounds heavy with sleep... so why is he calling me?
"J–Jamal? I thought you didn't want me to call until later today." My voice stutters out.
Of course he'd be the one to call me after I end things with Caden. It's like he knew.
"Well yes... I... I missed you. I wish you'd just come now instead of tomorrow."
"You know I can't."
"Yes I understand. I just needed to hear your voice. I've craved it. I love you Aura. So much. You know that don't you? You know how much I love you?" In my now tired state I miss the anxiety in his voice. I mistake it for urgency to see me.
Stupid move.
"I know babe I do. I miss you too. And I... I cut things off with Caden. I'm all yours now I promise. And I'm sorry if my eyes may have wandered or if I may have seemed unfaithful. I won't allow that to happen again." I tell him earnestly. He sighs.
That's it.
Just a sigh.
"That's great Aura. Just great... You sound tired. We'll talk later okay?"
"Alrigh–"
"I love you Aurora. I can't wait to see you again.
"Me too." He hangs up and I continue to watch Frosty until I pass out.
When I wake up again it's nine in the morning and I feel a little better.
Key word a little.
I grab a sweater and jeans and brush my teeth before heading out to see my family. The drive to mom's is easy and Nathan and Nadia are already there looking happy and in love.
"You could seem just a little bit happier today Aurora. It is the day of our Lord's birth." Mom says as I make my way into her house.
"Yes mom."
She hugs me close and then hits my arm before walking into the kitchen.
Knew I'd get in trouble for hanging up on her like that.
"Merry Christmas sis." Nathan says pulling me into a big hug.
"Same to you baby brother." He growls playfully at the name and shoves my shoulder.
"The only baby here is the one in my beautiful wife's belly." He rubs her stomach as he says this and she laughs.
"Technically it's my uterus sweetie but sure." She steps away from him to give me a side hug and I return it eagerly.
"Hey sis how ya holding up?" Nadia smiles wide and pats her round belly.
"This little one seems just about ready to come out. We're doing great." She waddles to the couch and turns on the TV.
Breakfast is set up in the kitchen and I eagerly devour it. I didn't know I was hungry until I smelled the food. Bacon and eggs with festival fill me up and I wash it down with a large glass of orange juice. Every time I come over to my mom's I feel like a kid again.
The house is festive with a large tree in the living room and presents underneath it. There's tinsel and lights all around and Santa hats waiting to be donned by us as we do every year. The smell of sugar cookies and shortbread makes my mouth water even more.
Mom shares out the cookies and hot drinks and I pass the presents around.
Stylish gifts like dresses and purses are exchanged between the women. I bought Nadia a very sexy negligée for after the baby comes so they can spice up their marriage on their down time. Mom got me a gorgeous purse from Aldo and I got her boots from Uggs. Nathan bought me a Fujifilm Instax camera which I loved. And I got him a new tablet for his vlogging.
Every moment spent is one I've missed for much too long.
Christmases with father consisted of us going to church in the morning and spending the day feeding the needy. Don't get me wrong I didn't mind it at all but the sense of family was replaced with the duty of fellowship.
Mom always knew how to celebrate Christmas properly.
Right now we're just sitting in the living room watching The Nightmare before Christmas.
"You gonna fess up about why you seem so shut off today?" Mom asks softly.
"Sorry. I've had a rough couple of days." Nathan's passed out next me with his head on my leg just like when we were younger and Nadia is in the arm chair squirming every few seconds. She likes the arm chair for its support on her back.
"What's wrong? Man trouble?" Mom's voice hints at her distaste for Jamal but I ignore it. I've made up my mind and I'm marrying him.
End of story.
"Yeah you could say that. But it's fine now. I guess it's just the after math of everything that has me so tired." She nods at my answer but we both know I'm hiding something. And knowing my mom she will get it out of me eventually.
But today isn't just about me. It's about my family so I focus the attention on someone else.
"How are you Nadia?" She looks over at me with a forced smile and she blows out a breath.
"I think I'm having contractions." At that Nathan shoots up and is by her side in five seconds.
"Have you been timing them baby? How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" His attentiveness to her situation tugs at my heart.
I wish that could be me...
"Yes. They're five minutes apart. And they lassttt–"
She slurs the word as I figure she's having another contraction. Her face goes deep red as she tries to breathe deeply and Nathan is right next to her helping her breathe and stay calm. When it's over she sighs and smiles weakly.
"They last about a minute."
"Then it's time to go." Mom says standing up and getting her jacket on. Nathan and I help Nadia up and he rubs her back gently.
"The car seat and baby bag are in my car. We'll take that." Nathan says as we help Nadia put on her boots. We both throw on our jacket and puts quickly and slip on Nadia's coat.
Mom has the door opened for her and we get outside to a blast of cold air. Nadia's grip on my arm tightens as she experiences another contraction and I disregard the pain and push her hair back from her face.
When it stops we get her in the car and mom starts driving to the nearest hospital... which is in Portland. Mom is flooring it and Nadia is doing amazing considering. To my surprise and most likely immaturity the fact that Nadia's water hasn't burst yet is shocking.
Maybe it isn't like it's shown in the movies.
I obviously have a lot to learn.
We arrive at the hospital just as Nadia's contractions start to become worse. Nathan and I have to carry her to a wheelchair because she has no strength to walk. As soon as we get in and make our way to labour and delivery they take her to a room to change and see how dilated she is.
Thank God my mom called ahead of time so they were prepared for us to come.
I wait with mom in the waiting area and Nathan rushes to us to let us know Nadia is ready to push and he'll come back once the baby is born.
Not thirty minutes later do I find Nathan grinning like a maniac.
"It's a girl." They'd chosen to keep the gender a surprise and with the tears forming in his eyes I'm happy to see it's a great surprise.
"Congratulations bro! This is so exciting! When can we see her? Do you have a name in mind?" He hugs mom and me and wipes at his tears.
"We're gonna name her Ava. And they have to clean her up and measure her and stuff. I'll text you when she's ready to see her grandma and aunty."
Aunty. Not mommy.
I force a smile and give him one more squeeze before he runs back to greet his wife and daughter.
Aunty.
Not mommy.
***
"You've been distracted the minute you landed. Are you not enjoying the party?" Jamal's lips are at my ear and his tongue darts out to lick the lobe as he speaks.
I don't know what's been going on with him lately but ever since he visited me in Houghton is lack of public affection has completely disspated. It's like he literally can't keep his hands off of me. No matter where we go.
I've been back in Atlanta for three days now and every single day Jamal and I have had sex. You'd think he was trying to get me pregnant with his urgency.
"I'm sorry I'm just thinking about Nathan and Nadia. I wish I had more time to see Ava. She was so precious and so small and pink. She's such an adorable baby and the little sounds she made–"
"Can we not talk about babies at my work party? I thought we agreed to no kids?" He whispers a little harsher this time.
"We never agreed to that. You just stated you hated kids and that was that." I whisper back just as harsh.
He eyes me curiously before he smiles and kisses me gently and yet hungrily. It's confusing and arousing. His mouth moves to my ear and his hand travels down my back.
"I want to fuck you so hard right now." The statement gets me wet. Like soaking wet.
But it isn't him you're thinking of is it? Caden's eyes flash into my mind but I push that thought away. Like far, far away.
"Where has this amazing sexual drive come from? You've gone from scheduling sex to demanding it every time we're alone." My question surprises him but again that smile comes back.
Well I–"
"Chef! I'm so happy you decided to come tonight. You're looking dapper as usual and Aurora. My God it's as if you've gotten even more beautiful since the last time I'd seen you."
The owner of Jamal's restaurant Tremaine Meyer smiles brightly at the two of us. He looks no older than forty five and he's filthy rich. I don't particularly know what other businesses he owns that help to contribute to his wealth but I know obviously the restaurant is one of them.
Standing just a little shorter than Jamal his salt and pepper hair makes his olive skin tone look more distinguished and the sleek grey suit he's wearing definitely knocks a few years off for sure. And his happy-go-lucky demeanor is always fun to be around.
He's a sweet man with a heart of gold. And pockets full of gold too... well I'm not sure that that last part is true but you get it.
"It's great to see you Trey. You're just getting better and better with age I see." I tease and he take the bait. He loves attention.
"Oh I do wish you'd came to my birthday celebration in September. It was a blast! Jamal and I were the talk of the party weren't we?" He nudges Jamal but his face has gone rigid and he's not smiling.
I decide to intercept because being disrespectful to the big boss is always a no-no.
"I have no doubts. I fear for all of the hearts you two must have broken when the women learned you were taken." He laughs heartily at my joke and I smile. "Would you excuse us we're just going to look around the veranda outside. It's nice enough weather for a walk."
"Of course! You two enjoy yourselves and say hi to the missus. You know how she's fond of you." I nod in reply and push Jamal towards the door.
When we get outside it's a little chilly but nothing compared to Houghton. The moon is just rising into the sky and casting its glow on the garden in front of us. The water from the man-made pond glimmers and ripples with the light breeze. We walk around in silence for a few minutes before he clears his throat.
"I'm sorry baby. I need to confess something... Well it seems–"
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you." We both turn to the sound of a woman's voice and I come face to face with Tasha Holder.
Great.
She's wearing a gold dress that hugs her curves too perfectly and her hair is pin straight and parted down the middle, kind of like how Kim Kardashian wears her hair. With shimmer gold eye shadow and a soft pink lipstick she looks just as gorgeous as I remembered her to be.
Jamal tenses up even further but he grips my hip hard and a low growling sound builds in his chest.
He's mad.
"Tasha... What are you even doing here?" She grins at his question and slides into his arm like it's openly waiting for her embrace. Which it's not.
"I wanted to talk to you–"
"You need to go now. I have nothing to say to you. And get away from me." He slips his arm from around her and moves to my side that's further away from her.
With the way she's looking at him, like... I don't know like their lovers all over again I feel my stomach start to turn.
You need to trust him Rory. Trust him.
A hurt sound comes out of me but I don't mean for it to. Tasha takes great delight in the control she can hold over me even though I've won.
I've won. Jamal is mine.
He turns to me, his eyes wild and grabs my hands. "Please believe me when I say this was not planned and everything I told you before is the absolute truth."
Trust him.
Squaring my shoulders I give him a sultry smile, one that melts away his anxiety instantly and his eyes ignite with desire.
Desire that I give him.
Because he's mine.
Snaking my hand up his chest I pull his head closer to mine and kiss him softly at first. His hands grip my butt eagerly and his groan is low, long and full of lust. As I continue to kiss him I open my eyes and look Tasha dead in the eye to make sure she knows who's really won here.
Pulling back slowly I peck him one more time and smile.
"I believe you. Let's go back inside." I take his hand and we walk away from her without a second glance.
I can't deal with her.
Not right now.
I'd probably choke her out.
Is that how Jamal felt about Caden?
"Aura–"
"I'm not going to ask because I trust you and I love you. Alright?" I see him nod and we continue our night as if she never appeared.
But she's still here.
She's talking with people like she belongs and laughing loud so we can hear.
She's ruining my night and pissing me off and I don't know why.
What the hell doesn't she want now? She's been gone for years without a trace and she chooses now to just pop up and bother the hell out me.
"Why is she–"
"I don't know. I really don't know. Do you want to go home? We can snuggle and watch a movie. Or we could do other activities." He presses his erection into my side and I smile.
"Yes. Let's just go home." He doesn't wait another second before we're making our way through the crowd and straight to the door.
"Aurora! Sweetie you weren't going to leave without a goodbye, were you?" Honey Meyer grabs my arm and pulls me into a tight hug. Her breasts suffocate my own but I enjoy the embrace anyways.
She's as sweet as her name. And her long honey brown hair compliments her deep red gown and strappy heels. Her long lean legs are making a show through the slits of her dress and her full and wonderfully natural breasts are almost begging to be freed from what looks like the tight confines of her dress. She's gorgeous and has just hit forty-three this year. Light brown eyes stare at me in curiosity as she examines the distress I'm most likely showing on my face.
"Is everything alright? Has that little whore been bothering you? God, I don't even know who invited her in the first place. How did she get in here? This is supposed to be an exclusive party. Trash." She mutters staring daggers at Tasha.
Yeah okay so she's not all sweet but it's what makes her so enticing to be around. You never know how she'll act and who will be on the receiving end of her wrath. In this case it's Tasha.
"I don't know and I don't want to know. I only have three days left here till I have to head back to work and I'm not going to let her ruin it." Both of us are now glaring at the wannabe homewrecker even as we kiss each other on the cheeks.
"Be sure to text me. I want to catch up before you're gone."
"Of course. Tell Trey I said bye." She nods and starts to maneuver through the crowd towards Tasha.
"Are you ready?" Jamal takes my hand and I follow him out of the party.
The night is beginning to get chillier with the darkening sky and I cling to Jamal's side comfortably.
"You had asked me earlier why I've been all over you lately." Jamal says opening my car door for me.
"Yeah I actually forgot about that." He closes the door gently and sits next to me in his sleek midnight blue Mustang.
"I'm sorry if I'd seemed like an over-controlling bastard before." He says silently starting the car.
The statement has me stunned.
"Jamal where is thi–"
"I used to be very carefree with Tasha. I'd go with the flow and have a good time, damn the consequences. But when she left me it hurt. I thought if I were to ever be in another relationship I'd take it more seriously. And I guess with you... I took it too far. I was too controlling and I found that I was not only boring myself but I was boring you too. I'm sorry Aurora. I mean it." His hand reaches across to take mine and I allow him to.
I don't know what else to do.
"The way I am with you now. The way I want you constantly and can't stop touching you. The jokes we make and the time spent cuddling and laughing... That's who I am really. And I–"
"Thank you for that explanation but it's okay. Even through the tough times of our relationship I still loved you and I love you even more now. I'm here because I want to be with you and I want to be invested in you. How about when we get home we get naked, watch wedding movies and start planning for our own?"
"And what happened with Tasha today... Are you mad? Do you have any questions?"
"Has anything happened between you two? Honestly?" He looks me in the eye and shakes his head.
"Absolutely nothing has happened."
"Then there's nothing else I need to know." Jamal kisses my hand and focuses back on the road.
When we get to our home a chill passes over me that I refuse to acknowledge. This is my home just as much as Houghton has become. Jamal leaves for the bedroom and I undress in the living room, allowing my dress to slip to the floor. But the goosebumps won't go and the chill won't cease.
Looking around the place seems so unfamiliar all of a sudden. Shaking my head I follow Jamal to our bedroom for another round of vivacious sex.
I need to accept the fact that this will be my home permanently.
And most likely much sooner than I'd originally planned.
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