As I walked away from him, Chris, I felt strangely numb. My brain felt like it was full of cotton, and my thoughts were slow. Bear was reluctant to follow me, which only added to the complete strangeness of my day so far- all two hours of it. The cold in the air was more evident, biting into my skin where I had barely felt it before. I slipped my flip-flops back on, realizing that they were still uselessly dangling from my hands.
The pressure behind my eyes increased as I attempted to make my way out of the park. I glanced down at Bear, trotting on resolutely beside me. Last time that I'd felt sick, he'd freaked out; I wondered if that had been a coincidence. Nothing fazed him now.
All I wanted to do was crawl into a nice, warm, clean bed. This headache, or whatever it was, was making it hard to think straight. I jolted, unsteady, and noticed belatedly that we had made it to the parking lot and that I had stumbled over the park pavement.
Bear pushed my hand with a cold nose, pointing me in the direction of our car. I simply followed the unspoken command. It hadn't really hit me, before, how strange Bear really was. He acted like a dog, most of the time, but he seemed to have more knowledge and intelligence than the average German shepherd. A sharp pain in my temples forbade me from pursuing my line of thought. I groaned, placing my hands over my forehead and stopped dead in my tracks.
After a patient moment, Bear put a little weight on my left leg, guiding me forward and rumbled shortly, deep in his chest. Meekly, I complied and tried to concentrate on getting to the car.
It was a small victory when I got there and sank down in the driver's seat. I could only pin the sudden strange feelings down to having caught something, and not noticing the symptoms until now. I had been awfully distracted, in any case, with my nightmare.
I leaned against the head-rest, feeling the urge to go back to sleep. I'd been up so early this morning; it wouldn't hurt to sleep now, just for a little while.
On cue, my eyes slid closed and presented me with intense relief, just from the absence of light.
As I faded into sleep, I wondered what was wrong with me. A sharp explosion of sound from beside me yanked me out of my momentary bliss. Startled, I felt my muscles snap to attention, tightening as Bear barked with such intensity, that I thought my head was going to burst.
"Stop it!" I yelled at him, flinching, and my hands flying to save my ears.
He wouldn't stop, and no amount of coaxing or yelling would get him to be quiet. The mist cleared from my mind and everything settled back into normal intensity. His barking was now, at worst, a mere annoyance.
"Fine, look, I'm not tired anymore!" I shouted, fighting to be heard over his booming vocals, "Stop it right now!"
I don't know if it was the clear irritation in my voice, or my frantic gestures, but he stopped. The pain returned, but duller this time, more easily ignored.
"Could you tell me what you're supposed to do, anyway?" I ground out, forgetting that I was talking to a dog. "Because I just can't deal with this!"
It was the second time, or maybe third, that tears had sprung to my eyes, but this time, they fell. I felt the cool of the steering wheel on my forehead as my chest heaved with sobs. Was it crazy to want to give everything back? The apartment, the money, the computer... everything? I would trade it all in a second for a family, for a normal life- for everything that I didn't have.
***
Pushing his muzzle into the man's face once more, and giving him a quick lick, Bear followed his girl. He glanced back over his shoulder at the tall human sitting on the grass, then back at the shape of her; the one people called Blaise, though she was 'his girl' to him.
Why couldn't she feel the man's pain? Those humans were so blind to what each other felt.
Sad dark surrounded the man, the same that speckled the light around his girl. Bear didn't like that dark- the one that clung to humans. It confused him.
His hackles rose as he pulled his attention back to his girl. Her dark was different again.
It changed a lot, which was what was so confusing about it. Bear didn't know whether to chase it away, or let it stay.
Her darkness had gone while they'd played in the grassy place, and Bear had been happy. But that man had shown up, and the sad dark had come back.
His girl's dark grew, very slowly, but Bear was watching the change.
Then she was going the wrong way. She often lost her way. Couldn't humans remember where they were going? She tripped over her own feet, wobbling unsteadily where she stood.
Bear didn't want to bark at her again. She yelled at him when he did. He didn't like being yelled at, not by her. Instead, he nosed her in the right direction. Yes, that would do. It was easy to tell her to go somewhere, she never resisted, not really.
He looked up at her, questioning, when she stopped moving. She was cradling her head in her hands; the dark was thickest there. It was starting to worry Bear. He was beginning to think that this might be the bad dark.
Bear hadn't seen anyone else with the bad dark. He didn't know why his girl had it. All he knew was that it overshadowed her light. It made her act weird, and it was his job to keep it away.
He moved forward and pushed against her leg, urging her to move toward the car. It wasn't safe to stand in the middle of the place where the 'cars' rested. Thankfully, his girl obeyed, and carried on to her car.
Every once in a while, he looked up at her. The dark was growing around her, only pockets of silvery light showed through.
Bear whined, hating that he wasn't sure what to do. His girl didn't seem to hear him.
She opened the door, and he slipped through, crawling into his place. Maybe if she were somewhere she knew, his girl would stop the dark.
It was very, very quiet in the car.
Bear turned to look at her again, but her eyes were closed, and he couldn't see any of her light. He did the only thing he knew to do.
He barked.
The dark shrunk back from the noise, letting his girl's light shine through. Bear didn't stop there, though; he knew it would come back too quickly.
Then his girl started yelling at him, waving. Bear fought the urge to apologize to her and stop the racket. He kept barking, and the dark kept retreating, releasing its hold on his girl and her good light.
Finally, it had been held at bay. It never completely left her, but Bear knew it was his job to stop it from consuming her forever.
***
Bear's sharp barks resounded in my ears, behind the ringing. At least I was a little more clear-headed. I honestly didn't know what set off his sudden need to make as much noise as possible, but I needed to figure it out. Sighing, I noted that there were quite a few things that I needed to figure out.
I just didn't know if I wanted to.
Wearily, I slipped my key into the ignition and started the car up, fighting back fatigue and a general feeling of illness.
Throughout the journey home, I relapsed into the former blurry-headed feeling, and I could barely concentrate on which way I was driving, or whether I was at all.
It was only by a pure miracle that I made it home without incident, but I was too out of it to feel relief, or much of anything but total exhaustion. Bear stuck closer than usual, his fur firmly pressed against my leg as I stumbled my way down the sidewalk to the Taurus Building.
A bed sounded like heaven, at that moment, no matter how insignificant it may normally be.
"Blaise!"
I groaned to myself, wanting to ignore whoever was pulling me out of the fog and keeping me from passing out in my apartment. As it were, I just halted in my stride, not bothering to turn around.
"What are you doing?" It asked again, closer than it had been before.
"I was going back up to my apartment."
Suddenly, my vision cleared and my eyes met the shoulders of someone tall.
"Jenna told me that she couldn't reach you, and she got worried."
For some reason, that sounded really strange coming out of the boy's mouth. Then I realized why.
"Why would Jenna talk to you? And why would you talk to Jenna, Drake?" I swayed on my feet slightly, blinking and shaking my head to concentrate on staying upright.
He shrugged, lines creasing his forehead, "She was worried I guess, and couldn't come to make sure you were okay herself." Drake put a hand on my shoulder, peering into my eyes, "Are you okay? You look pale."
I shook off his shoulder, crossing my arms in front of me. "I'm fine. Honestly, I'm trying to understand why you keep disappearing so suddenly, then reappearing and acting like nothing weird has happened," My words slurred a little, but I brushed it off.
"Alright, you're going up to your apartment," Drake put his arm around my shoulders, and I gratefully sunk into them.
It was so warm and comfortable, walking toward the building like that, even though I knew I should still be mad at him. I felt my eyes sliding shut, and a smug chuckle from Drake.
"Don't get too carried away," I said. "I'm just tired."
"Excuses, excuses."
I glared up at him, shaking my head. "Don't you have a girlfriend, or something, anyway? Someone else to bother?"
It took him a beat to answer. "No. What would make you think that?"
The clarity in my head reduced again, and I spoke before my filter could kick in. "You have that bad boy image all the girls in the books and movies go for."
A bright smile, achingly beautiful, graced his face, and it broke through the cotton barrier in my head. "Is that right?"
My mind caught up with my mouth, and I looked at the ground, unsuccessfully trying to hide my blush. "Yeah, whatever."
"Don't worry, I won't hold it against you."
I shoved at him, sticking out my tongue at Drake and his unbelievably gorgeous face. "You're such a-"
"Jerk, yeah, I know. Are you going to come up with a new insult any time soon?"
Reduced to an indignant silence, I just looked angrily ahead, and realized that we were in front of my apartment. My bones ached, even, and I was definitely starting to regret getting up and going out so early. The last thing I needed was to get sick.
I leaned more heavily into Drake's side, utterly spent. He took the keys from my hand and unlocked the door, bringing us both inside.
With the last of my energy, I looked around my apartment; so full of things but devoid of people, memories... everything that made a house a home. Drake sat me down on the couch and moved to leave, but I held onto his sleeve.
"Don't go."
It was pathetic, and weak; everything that I didn't want to be, but it was so quiet here. I just wanted someone to be there, besides Bear, when I woke up.
So he sat down and I let myself fall asleep.