There were miracle in your kisses
They were medicine to my veins
- perry poetry
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Chapter 61
Normani's POV
"Right, left, right, left," I showed the steps I come up with to Mila's dancers for her latest single.
I was too focused dancing to notice another presence in my dance studio. The only time I did is when I look back up to the mirror and I saw Shawn standing by the door frame.
My demeanor immediately changes and my body was quick to stop from moving.
I motioned Missy to cut off the music before I faced the dancers, "Y'all did a wonderful job. Let's take a break first, shall we?"
They smiled and gave me a high five before they left the studio. I motioned Missy to leave the room as well so Shawn and I could talk in private and she quickly understood it and left.
The moment the door shut, I walk towards Shawn and I didn't think twice of punching him straight in the mouth.
"You really had the guts to show your face to me after what you did?!"
Shawn massage his bleeding lips, "I didn't come here to fight with you, Normani."
"Then why are you here?!"
"Lauren."
I rolled my eyes. Of course, it's about Camila and Lauren again, "Can you please leave them alone?! Let them live for god fucking sake!"
I walk over to the door but as soon as I walk pass him, Shawn grab a hold of my arm.
"You don't understand, Normani! We need to do something about Lauren!"
I pulled my arm away from him, "Incase you forgot, I'm out. I cut whatever relationship we have. Now leave!"
"If you care about Camila and Clark then you will listen to me."
I didn't say anything and just look at him.
"Lauren's anger issue is back and that's why I think... she's suffering from her nightmare again. I saw it with my two eyes, Normani! Lauren doesn't have any control to herself anymore!"
"And you expect me to believe that? Shawn, I know Lauren. She's not the same person as she was 5 years ago. You can't manipulate me again."
"No," Shawn shook his head, "You know I'm telling the truth here. You know I'm not just being delusional trying to find a way to break her and Camila off. Come on, Normani! Are you just going to stand there and do nothing about it? Are you going to watch Lauren destroy Camila again? Circumstances are different now. There is a child involved so think about him. Think about Clark."
I fell silent. I hate to admit it but Shawn have a point. Lauren's behavior drastically changed the moment she walked off that night to meet her mom.
"And not just her anger issue that made a comeback. Even her alcohol issues. And did you know? She's also doing an underground fight. Ring a bell?"
I didn't say anything.
"That was the same Lauren who killed Keana!"
"Watch your mouth!" I pointed at him, "Keana's death is no one's fault!"
He scoff, "Lauren drove Keana to her death! And you chose to believe that? Shame on you!"
"Why don't you just tell it to me straight, Shawn?! You want me to help you break things off between Camila and Lauren so you two could get back together, right? That is what you want!"
"Yes."
"I'm not stupid."
"I think you are."
"Lauren is no longer 17 years old. She's already 23. A mature and better person. And we are all right here for her until she gets through to all of her problems. Stop wasting your time. Just accept it Shawn, Camila is no longer In love with you."
"I don't really expect you to help me. But I think you should know what your best friend is up to so when things got fucked up, the guilt is all yours." Shawn walked towards the door and open it, "And you should also know that I'll take Camila back by hook or by crook. Tell your fucked up best friend to say her goodbye to Mila." Then the door slam closed and silence filled the whole studio.
When things got fucked up, the guilt is all yours.
It's happening again, isn't it? Is this just another example of history repeats itself? I walk back and forth while thinking. I made a huge mistake by helping Shawn before. I ended up hurting both of my best friend because I wanted to protect Camila. And right now is the time for me to do the right thing.
I'm gonna help Lauren. But how?
I think for a moment, listing all the possible methods in my head. But everything leads me back to one thing— I need to know who is Lauren's real mother. Maybe then, I'll finally know the right thing to do to help my best friend.
***
Camila's POV
I could feel the limbs of my bones shaking at the amount of anger I feel towards Lauren. I believe in her words, but what did she do?! She lied to me! She made me look like a fool! I fought for her against Shawn when he told me she was back at doing underground fight. I didn't believe in him because I trust her that she's being true to me like I was to her. But fuck that. Because everything Shawn said turns out to be the reality that we're actually living in.
It was supposed to be a quick night. I'm just going to talk to Karen and tell her I can't do this anymore and then I'll go home. Not until Lauren crashed the warm welcome party Karen threw for me and caused a scene. She was hovering on top of Shawn, beating him mercilessly. Karen immediately run to aid his son and I did the same to Lauren.
"STOP HURTING MY SON!" Karen shouted angrily and that's when Lauren stopped beating Shawn.
I push Lauren behind me to fully make sure that neither her or Shawn won't do anything stupid. I look at Lauren and I've never seen her green eyes being filled with so much hatred. On top of that there's also one emotion being evident— hurt.
"How protective!" Lauren laugh angrily, "I really fucking salute you at how good of a mother you are, Mrs. Mendes! I bet even Satan is clapping for you!"
"Lauren, can you please... stop?!" I squeeze the last bit of my patience. As much as I want to side her because she's my girlfriend, I cant. Not when I know she's the one who's wrong here and crossed the line. "Let's just go home." I reach for her hand but Lauren yanked it away as if my touch was some kind of plague.
"Don't fucking touch me!" She said through a gritted teeth before she storm off and headed outside.
"I'm really sorry, I truly am. I'm gonna talk to her." I apologize to both of them and I've never felt so embarrassed in my whole life. I run after Lauren and thank god that I managed to catch up on her.
I slam the door of the club before I grab her shoulder and spun her around with so much force so I can look her in the eyes.
It angers me that she lied. It angers me how insensitive she is. It angers me how childish she act back there. It really, really angers me.
"What is wrong with you?! You can't just go jump into someone and punch them whenever you want!"
"He hit me first, Camila! I am just protecting myself!"
"I don't know. I'm not there."
Lauren furrowed her eyebrows, "Are you siding with him?! I am your fucking girlfriend for god fucking sake! You should side with me and not with him!"
"I am not siding anyone!"
"I'm not a fucking idiot! Clearly, you do side Shawn otherwise you wouldn't question me! You would believe me like any other girlfriend does!"
"I believed in you and you know that! But what did you do?! You fucking lied to me, Lauren!"
"I never lie to you!"
"YES, YOU DID!" I yelled angrily at her, "You wanted me to quit my job, for what?! For that?! You called that a stable job?! You think I don't know, Lauren? You were doing an underground fight."
Her expression suddenly soften and her face became even more paler.
"You. Were. Doing. That. Fucking. Underground. Fight!" I said in between poke to her chest. Hard.
"I-I'm sorry, Camz. I didn't tell you because— I swear I didn't mean to lie to you." Lauren reach for my hand but I push her away. I can't even look at her in the eyes without being able to feel this much anger that resides deep within me, "Please don't be like this. Don't push me away, it hurts."
"Why did you keep this from me?! I was out here being honest and true to you! Am I not worth the truth in your eyes, Lauren?! Is that it?!"
"Because I know you'll react this way when all I want is for us to have something better."
"So it becomes my fault that you lied?!"
"I was going to tell it to you."
"Because you're caught red handed now!"
"I-I just don't want you to get worried, Camz. That's all."
"You don't want me to get worried?!" I scoff loudly, "You were not even doing it for us! You were doing it for yourself! To satisfy your goddamn ego or to prove something to someone, but not for us. So stop lying and just admit that you're fucking selfish! Plain and simple!"
"I AM SELFISH?!" Lauren breathes angrily, "I am putting my goddamn life out there because I want us to have a better life and instead of thanking me you'll call me selfish?! You're unbelievable, Camila! You are FUCKING unbelievable!"
"NO ONE ASKED YOU TO PUT YOUR LIFE OUT THERE! I have a job and I got us!"
"You know what the problem here is?! YOU! YOU ARE MY GODDAMN PROBLEM, CAMILA! Instead of being grateful for what I'm doing for us, you're right here shoving down to my fucking face that I cannot provide something for our family! That I cannot give you and our son a better life because I don't have a fucking stable job like yours! Well, let me tell you something. I can give something as much as you can!"
"Jesus christ, Lauren! This is not a fucking competition!"
"You wanna work for us and be the better provider for this fucking family of ours?! Fine! Fine, you do it! Since it's always you, right?! You, you, YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS GET THINGS RIGHT! While me? FUCKING NOTHING! Nothing I ever do is ever good enough!"
"Really, Lauren?! We're going to argue about this?!" I scoff in disbelief, "You're not serious right now, aren't you?"
"IT IS NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING JOB, OKAY?! This is about YOU looking down at ME like I am a PIECE OF SHIT WHO CAN'T DO A SINGLE THING RIGHT!"
"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"
"All I'm asking is for you to give me a little bit of faith, a little bit of trust instead of pestering me all the damn time! Was that even hard for you to do?! WAS IT?!"
"I'm pestering you?!"
"THAT'S ALL YOU DO! THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKING DO, CAMILA!"
"That's all I do?!" I asked before I punch her in the chest with all of my strength, "FINE! THEN LET'S BREAK UP! Problem fucking solved!"
I walked back to the car while Lauren trailing behind me. She was angrily shouting and whining about Shawn and everything but I never paid any attention to her. I was done with her. I was so fucking done with her.
"There! The truth is finally coming out that there's something going on between you and Shawn!" Lauren laugh bitterly, "How fucking kind of you, Camila! After everything I did for you you're just going to dumped me?!"
"There is nothing going on between Shawn and I! And could you please take a look in the mirror and asked your fucking self why I'm breaking up with you?!"
"Why don't you just tell it to me straight, Camila?!"
"I told you there is nothing happening!"
"You're obviously involved with Shawn!" Lauren pressed.
"I am not involved with anyone on anything, okay?!"
Lauren laugh angrily, "THAT WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE LIE I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE! JESUS, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!"
I stopped on my tracks and turn around to face her, "Stop shouting at me! Fucking stop!"
"I CAN FUCKING SHOUT IF WANTED TO! This is just a one plus one, Camila! He's basically here with you today on which I may add to the note 'the most important part of the day' in your life which I'm supposed to be here with you and not him!"
"I didn't bring him here with me, for god's sake! Karen threw this welcome party for me, and obviously Shawn is here because Karen is his mom! Think Lauren and don't be a fucking stupid!"
I turn my back on her and started to walk away.
"And you expect me to believe that?! Camila, I fucking saw everything! He was serenading you in front of everyone! He's giving you this lame ass speech wanting you to come back to him and you were just standing there doing nothing because obviously you like what he was doing! So just fucking admit that you still love him instead of playing bullshit with me!"
"Fine!" I said through a gritted teeth. I turn around and poke her chest, "I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM! HAPPY?!" Then I walk away again, not bothering myself to wait for her response.
"Camila, wait! Where are you going?!"
"To the moon— No, actually anywhere in this fucking world as long as it's far away from you!"
"Camila, I said wait!" Lauren grabbed my arm, stopping me from my tracks, "We're not done yet!"
"Oh we are so done! Look at you, look at your goddamn self! You're drunk. Again!"
"It was just was fucking few shots so stop making this such a big deal, okay?! We're talking about you and Shawn here so stop changing the damn topic!"
"Few shots?!" I laugh angrily before I hit her chest just to let out my anger and frustration, "Few shots, really?! You were always drunk, Lauren! For the love of god, ALWAYS!"
"Jesus fucking christ! Can't I have some fun and enjoy my fucked up piece of shit life?! Was that even a fucking sin now, huh?!"
"Oh! So what do you want me to do?! Praise you for getting drunk?! Make you a fucking throne that you could sit at every single damn time you cannot walk because you're too wasted?!"
"All I want you to do is at least be understanding and considerate for once!"
"AM I NOT?! I'm trying to understand you every single damn day when you're going home drunk! Isn't that enough for you?!"
"Okay, fine! I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry, my highness Camila!"
My anger boils even more because not just she's being sarcastic about it but her apology is the most lame and obviously fake ass piece of shit apology I've ever heard in my whole goddamn life! Lauren knew she was so wrong this time so why can't she just admit it and apologize wholeheartedly instead of being an insensitive immature childish little girl?!
I didn't say anything. I was just glaring at her, making sure that Lauren will feel how much my blood is boiling at this point. The green eyed girl seemed to understand because her expression becomes soft and calm.
"I'm sorry, Camz." Lauren spoke with so much sincerity. She step foot forward but I use my hand to keep her from where she is. The smell of alcohol radiating off of her body lingers on my nose and it doesn't help me calm down. At all. It only makes me even more furious to her.
I didn't bother myself to say anything to her. The furious expression plastered in my eyes vanished. It was replaced by disappointment that paints on my entire face and it becomes clearer and clearer the longer I'm looking at her.
"I'm truly sorry, Camz. Can we just... can we just make it up tonight, please? Please, I need you. I'm really sorry. I love you."
Lauren tried to touch me but I slap her hands away.
"Don't you dare lay your hands on me." I warned her, "You were giving me that same damn excuse every single time! We already talked about this, didn't we? You know why I am so disappointed in you right now? Because you promise me, you FUCKING GODDAMN PROMISE ME that you will NEVER drink again. But fuck that, right? Cause you showed up tonight, drunk!"
And then Lauren explodes in anger yet again, "I said I was fucking sorry! What do you want me to do?! Get down on my knees and kiss your feet for you to accept my goddamn apology?! Is that it, Camila?!"
"All I want is for you at least have some balls to stood up to your words! But no, you have no ounce of decency in your body! How by any stretch of the goddamn imagination you can call yourself A WOMAN?!"
With our eyes filled with despise and anger, Lauren grab both of my shoulders and slam me hard against the drywall. She lift up her fist and about to strike me but she aimed her punches on the the drywall instead. Lauren punched it a lot of times, harder, pouring every anger she feels towards me.
And right at that very moment, I couldn't recognize the person standing in front of me. What scared me wasn't that she almost punch me, it's seeing Lauren slowly turning into someone I am so terrified of. Turning into someone who consumed every last bit of myself until I was left with nothing. She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that's what love is— a total contradiction that somehow balance out.
"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" And then Lauren landed another punch against the wall.
I look at her hand that is now bleeding. I'm probably sure that she injured herself.
I throw my head back on the wall, staring at the sky. I don't know why is this happening to us. I can't actually believe that it's possible to have a fairy tale story then slowly turning into this dark, gloomy, and evil.
"I'm sorry," Lauren whispered. Tears keeps rolling down to her face as she cupped my cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Camz. Please don't leave me. I know I fucked up, but please I need you. You're the only thing I have left so please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. Please, I love you. I don't—"
"Sssh," I shut her up from rambling by placing my thumb against her lips, "I won't go anywhere stop crying now." I leaned in and kiss her tears away. As soon as my lips damp on her skin, Lauren breaks down and cry even more. Her body involuntarily shake at how hard she's crying.
Ever tear drops, every sobbed, I can feel how hurt Lauren is and it breaks my heart to see her like this. I don't know what to do to ease the pain she's feeling so I did what I know best, I kiss her, in hopes that she'll feel my love for her and that somehow it is enough to overweighs the pain she's feeling.
And now it's been two weeks since that night. Two weeks of Lauren making me feel like I'm absolutely nothing to her and then making me feel like I'm her world the next. It's been two weeks of pushing me away then pulling me back in her arms. It's been two weeks of fighting then making love then fighting again over unnecessary things. And honestly, I'm so scared of her. Nothing I ever did was right. Nothing I ever say makes her happy anymore. It wasn't the same as before. Something changed. Lauren changed. And it scares me so much how in just a blink of an eye, she can forget who I am and say hurtful things like I wasn't the person who meant the world to her. It scares me so much how good she is at turning her emotions on and off.
She's always staying up late and go out early just to avoid me. She's always drunk and I had to fetch her every night just to make sure that nothing bad will happen to her. All of these are too familiar to me. I've been here before, but I was just too afraid to see the painful reality for us: I'm losing Lauren again along with myself.
But Lauren told me we'll work this out. She told me I'm her life. She told me she love me and that we'll always be together. We'll get this thing right this time, right?
Unknowingly, I felt my tears falls down to my cheeks. When the other line went on and Clark's face flashed on the screen, I immediately wipe away my tears and fake a laugh to hide the fact that I'm a crying mess for several hours now.
"Mommy!!!! How are you? I missed you so much! Sofi and I are playing billiard the whole day and then we went to the park and play with some sand. Grandma makes us a delicious sandwich while Grandpa takes me to the cinema while ago. What about you, mommy?"
My son somehow brings a smile to my face, "I'm happy to hear that you're having a great time, tiger. Mommy's doing... great."
"Mommy, where's mom? Are you with her? Can I talk to her? I really miss her."
"Uhmm," I scratch the back of my head, "Mom is sick, tiger. She needs to rest for a bit so she could feel better." I lied. Of course it's a lie because Lauren's out there drinking again and I won't let our son see how fucked up she is that's why right after his school ended, I sent him to Miami to have a little time off.
Clark pouted, "Mommy, are you and mom will come and visit us?"
"Of course, tiger. As soon as mom gets better we'll be there, okay?"
Clark nodded with a smile on his face. Looking at him reminds me of Lauren, and whenever I think about her it doesn't bring me butterflies or goosebumps in the pit of my stomach. No, all it brings to me is a broken heart and an overwhelming sadness. It hurts.
"Clark, is that mommy?"
I heard the sound of my mom's voice, snapping me out from my deep thoughts.
"Yes, grandma."
"Can I talk to her?"
"Hmm."
Clark handed the phone as the camera focuses on my mom.
"Camilita,"
I want to break down the moment my mom called my name. There's something in her voice that tells me she knew something was up even though I never told her anything. But then I have to put a tough face and hold back everything because I don't want them to hate Lauren.
"I know something is wrong. You can tell mama."
I shook my head, "E-everything's okay. You don't have to worry about me."
"I am your mother. Do you really think you can fool me?"
I didn't answer.
"Is it because of Lauren?"
"No!" I immediately shook my head, "No, mom. It's just... I had problems with my former label and it's stressing me out. Please don't think like that."
"I know that look, Camilita. Just because 5 years went by doesn't mean I already forgot the look on your face when Lauren... I don't know what to call it and I don't want to hurt you too. I know how much she means to you."
"Thank you but we're okay, mom. I promise."
She simply nod her head. We continued to talk with Sofi, Clark, and dad present in the living room where mom is. We were laughing and somehow my mind takes off from thinking about the certain green eyed girl. But that only lasted for 15 minutes because I heard a loud drunken knock on the door.
"I need to go now. I'll just have to check Lauren if her fever comes down. I'll talk to you guys soon, okay? I love you. Tiger, I love you so much and I miss you. Good night."
"Good night, mommy! I love you too! Tell mom I said I love you and I hope she gets well!"
"Take care of yourself, Camilita! We love you and see you soon. Tell Lauren to take care of herself so she won't get sick." Mom and dad waved their hands goodbye while smiling.
And then there's Sofi who had a mischievous smirk on her face.
"Bye, Kaki! Don't exhaust Lauren too much from your playtime so she wouldn't get sick."
And I know what exactly she meant by playtime.
I rolled my eyes on her and Sofi just laugh. I bid them my farewell goodbye for the last time before I ended the call. I put my phone on the couch and hurriedly run towards the door where I was greeted by a very wasted Lauren in Alfred's arms.
"Miss Cabello, help me."
I took Lauren's left arm and put it over my shoulder. But as soon as our eyes met, I felt the shiver run down my spine. Her green ones are cold, so cold. It was filled with so much hatred and anger. It's as if I was looking at someone who's already dead. Someone who doesn't feel anything. No emotion and no soul.
It was a real struggle to go upstairs. For starters, Lauren was so heavy and she's way more aggressive when she's drunk. But somehow we still manage to put her to bed.
"Thank you, Alfred."
Alfred's looking at Lauren with his eyes laced with so much disappointment. The same look my parents gave to Lauren the very first time they saw her drunk. And it hurts me so much that they look at Lauren like that because I know her. She isn't like this. She's way more better than this.
"This isn't the Lauren I knew."
"This is the Lauren I knew." I told him and Alfred look at me worriedly.
"I feel like I'm watching a movie. The story you told me before... I'm now seeing it with my two eyes. It's happening again, isn't it?"
"We'll get through this, Alfred. We'll be okay."
"Let's face it, Camila. This is far from being okay. Day by day she's getting worst and you know that."
I snapped angrily at him, "What do you want me to do, Alfred?! Leave her like this?!"
"So you'll gonna wait for her to leave you? Again?"
"She's not gonna leave me, okay?! I need her and she needs me!"
"To people who's not blinded by love, it was so clear that Lauren doesn't need you at all."
I felt the steel knife deepen in my chest that I couldn't breathe, "That's not true! You're lying so take it back!" I said through a gritted teeth yet with so much desperateness in my voice.
"Even if I take it back the truth will never change." Alfred started to walk but stopped by the door frame, "Call me if you need something." And with that, Alfred close the door.
I let my tears falls down the moment the door shut close. No matter how much I wipe it away, it still keeps on falling down. I approach Lauren who's currently laying down to bed.
"Lauren? Lauren, wake up." I gently shake her body. As soon as she open her eyes, I help her sit up straight, "Let me change your clothes so you could sleep comfortably."
I'm about to lift up her shirt but Lauren spit a poisonous venom on me, "I don't want you to touch me."
"Let me help, okay?"
"Are you fucking stupid?"
I heard my heart shatter like a glass, loud and clear. Looking at her hurts. It hurts so much that I want to break down and get on my knees, plead if I needed to, just to get back the Lauren who loves me more than anything.
"Are you really shoving to my goddamn face that I can't do anything?! That I'm fucking useless?!"
"You are not useless to me, Lauren. You are so much more!"
"THEN ACT LIKE IT!" Lauren yelled angrily. Her eyes are completely red. She turned into this complete ice who doesn't feel anything but hatred and anger. And I'm drowning in them. "Because honestly, you're making me feel worthless! Being with you makes me feel like I am fucking useless and I am so goddamn sick of you!"
I know she didn't mean it. I know she was just drunk and it was just the alcohol in her system talking. No, Lauren doesn't mean it. At all.
"I love you, Lauren. Please stop because you're scaring me already." My voice breaks and all I do is cry in front of her, hoping her heart would recognize that I'm Camila. The girl she's In love with.
But she didn't. Her anger became even more intense. I know she still have a control over herself. But this time, she lost it all.
Lauren grabbed my arm and she's gripping on it tightly. Her nails dig deeper on my skin causing it to bleed. I took a sharp breath to withstand the pain, but I ended up shaking and feel how painful her grip is.
"Scaring you? Why?" Lauren whispered with no emotion at all, "What do you see when you look at me?"
"Everything I needed so I can live. Like air that my lungs crave so I could breathe, the beat of my heart, each bone in my spine and body. You are the only one I want to love, Lauren."
"Liar."
"I can't look at you without thinking that you're the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Shut up!"
"I wanna get married to you and love you until I die and even longer still—"
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE FUCKING LYING!" Lauren was breathing heavily, "Look at me! Can't you see what I am?! I am a poison for myself and everyone around me, so stop trying to fix something that wasn't meant to be fixed! I am beyond broken, Camila! You are trying to love a heart who doesn't wanna feel anything!" Lauren push me away from her, "Get the fuck out of here! It's not like you fucking care about me in the first place."
"No!" I stood on my ground. There's no room of being afraid anymore. Hurt me, so be it. But I'm not gonna leave her, not when I know Lauren needed me the most. "You think you don't deserve anything so you ruined it! But let me tell you something, Lauren Jauregui. I love you and I care about you! And I won't leave you no matter how much you hurt me or push me away!"
"Do you really?!" Lauren spat angrily, "I—"
I cut her off by crashing my lips on hers. I kiss Lauren with so much love and passion. I make sure that my kiss will make her feel that she's worthy of everything. Lauren didn't kiss me back but I don't care. I cupped her face and continued kissing her. I tilt my head to deepen the kiss, enough for me to capture her bottom lip. When the air becomes an issue, I pulled away and search for her eyes. The anger replaced with disgust and her lips twitched into smirk as she gaze through my brown orbs.
"After Shawn fucked you now you want me to fuck you too? I should have known that it must felt really good to sleep with sib—"
And that's when I reach my boiling point. I cut Lauren off by slapping her left cheek. Hard.
Lauren laugh as if she's already immune to the pain.
"Tell me, Camila. Who fucked you better? Me or Shawn—"
And then I slap her again. Tears keeps falling down on my cheeks but I don't care. I don't have enough strength to wipe them away.
"Fuck you!" I snapped at her. Lauren doesn't seem to care how much she hurt me right now, so why should I, right? Those two weeks I've been so patient with her. I swallowed my pride and chose to be there for her. But right now is different. She crossed the damn line. "You badly wanted to know?! Fine! Shawn fucked me better! His kisses drives me insane. One look and he can sent me on the edge of my seat. He doesn't need to touch me to make me orgasm. You are nothing compared to him! He can treat me better! He always makes me feel that I am everything he needed. He doesn't make me cry. He doesn't make me feel like I'm some kind of fucking object to satisfy someone's pleasure and ego! I don't even know what gotten into me that I left him for you! I'm so stupid for choosing you over him! I'm such a fucking stupid for settling less when I can have something far more better than this!"
And my heart can't breathe when I saw the hurt in her eyes. I hurt her, is that what I want? But she hurt me too. She hurt me more than I hurt her. I should only feel anger towards Lauren, but why am I feeling this way? Why is my chest so heavy knowing I hurt her? I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't.
Lauren was just looking at me with tears beaming in her green orbs. Her expression became soft. The anger, hatred, and disgust vanished. All I can see in her eyes is pain. I hurt her so much that I can hear how erratic and short her breathing becomes.
I wanted to touch her and hold her in my arms but I couldn't find the will to do so. And it breaks me entirely when Lauren breaks down in front of me.
"I know. That's why they chose him over me."
The wall of anger I built collapsed at how vulnerable and broken her voice sounds. I step closer to her so I could hold her in my arms but Lauren quickly distance herself from me.
"You don't have to stay with me. Leave. Manuel's right, everyone is right, you're better off without me. That Shawn is everything and I am nothing. You should be with him. You're right, you shouldn't settle for less. So go,"
"Lauren—"
"I SAID GO!" Lauren yelled.
I stare at her with so much pain in my eyes, "I don't get you. You don't want me gone but you don't want me either. And sometimes I wish I could read your mind to find out how you really feel about me because how you act is confusing me. I'm trying, Lauren. I'm trying really hard but I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt when it really does. The pain gets stronger everyday and I don't even know what to do anymore."
Lauren didn't say anything. All she gave me was a long defying silence.
"You're a completely different person now, Lauren. Who are you? Cause I honestly couldn't recognize you anymore. I look at you and I couldn't see the girl I'm In love with. That Lauren suddenly vanished and I want her back. I want my Lauren back." I didn't know I'm already crying as I say those words to her, "Tell me how can I stop losing you. Should I get down on my knees and pray? Say "I love you, I need you, I want you" a million times until my voice is gone? Pick up the broken pieces until I'm bleeding?"
Lauren's just looking at me with unreadable expression on her face. Tears are beaming on the edge of her eyes as she tries to keep herself altogether to hold it all back while I lost it all and cry another river for her.
A long unbearable silence surround us both before Lauren breaks it, "You're unhappy, I get it."
"I am not unhappy, Lauren! I never said that!"
"You just told me you can't see the girl you fell In love with anymore. What the hell does that even mean other than saying you're already unhappy with me? Why don't you just dump me already and be with someone who can give you everything?"
"Can't you see, Lauren? Nothing in this world makes sense to me if I'm not with you. What's the point of having everything when I can't have the only person I ever want and need the most?"
"Just stop lying to me, Camila. Stop saying things out of pity."
"Lauren, why are you like this? What did I even do? You seem to be the one who's unhappy in this relationship. You've changed a lot. You instantly gets mad at even the smallest thing I do. You always go home drunk like you don't want to talk to me, like you don't want to see me. What's your problem? Is it me? Are you just waiting for me to give up and let you go?"
Silence.
"Don't you want me anymore? You just can't say it to me?"
Another long silence.
"I'm begging you, talk to me because your silence is driving me crazy! If this is how you will treat me then maybe we shouldn't have gotten back together!"
"WELL MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT! MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER!"
We stare in each other's eyes for a moment. I felt the air being sucked out from my lungs. There's this tight grip around my chest, making it harder for me to breathe. My heart sink deep and my world completely fell apart. I can feel myself falling apart.
"Do you still love me?"
And how I wish I never asked that because her answer destroyed me completely— Silence. I get down on my knees as I cry rivers of tears in front of her. I hold her hands in hopes that somehow it would lessen the pain, glue the broken pieces together so I won't die.
Lauren's clenching her jaw so tight as tears rolled off on her cheeks. And it hurts so much that Lauren can't even to look me in the eyes.
"Why did you stop?" I asked, almost whispering. My voice mirroring what my heart feels— breaking.
"I don't know, does it even matter? I can't even bare to be in the same room with you. I can't even look at you in the eyes without remembering the things I don't wanna remember. Every time I look at you, all I see is Shawn. How he touched you, how he kissed you, how happy and convenient your life is with him. You don't make me feel complete anymore, Camila. Being with you only makes me feel how less of a person I am. So it doesn't really matter if I still love you or not." And with that, Lauren walked out of the room.
Loving her hurts. Wanting her hurts. Thinking of her every goddamn second of every goddamn day hurts. That's the thing, Lauren can fuck me over and over and over again... but at the end of the day my twisted heart still wants her. And it's tragic because I was left trying to put pieces together and make sense of everything.
***
Lauren's POV
I don't know how long I'm staring at the empty side of the closet where I usually see Camila's clothes. Now... now it's gone. She's gone. And all I could do is watch my whole world fall apart and stare blankly. The tears rolls down to my face as I collapse on the floor. My lips are quivering from the sobs I can't control. My hands are cold. I am cold, deep inside I was freezing and I need Camila with me. God, I need her. I need to feel her arms wrapped around me. I need to hear her say that it's still me despite how difficult it is to love me. I need her to say that we'll get through this together no matter how hard it is.
I don't even know what gotten into me that I left him for you! I'm so stupid for choosing you over him! I'm such a fucking stupid for settling less when I can have something far more better than this!
Shawn and Camila being together suddenly crossed my mind. It's so fucking painful, the thought of them together. I have never been a possessive person but the idea of her being with him makes me feel a kind of pain that crippled me. A kind of pain that takes away my strength; strength to breathe and strength to go on and live.
I sweep everything from my nightstand until I was able to reach Camila's picture. I'm just staring at it until her face becomes blurry because of the tear drops that keeps falling down.
"I'm so sorry. Please come back to me, Camz. I never ever meant to hurt you like that. I was just mad and I don't even know what I'm doing. Everything I said was a lie because the truth is, I love you. I love you in all ways I could never love myself. You're the only good thing left in my life. I am nothing without you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please come back home, please."
I throw my head back on the wall and close my eyes just to see her smile one more time. In my head, she's still here with me. Happy. In love. In my head, everything is still perfect. In my head, we're still together. And I chose to live in my head than to live in reality where there is no Camila. But then I felt the tears slowly rolling down on my cheeks again and the illusion I've been living slowly fades in my head.
I open my eyes and get back on my feet. I'm gonna take Camila back.
I headed downstairs and fished out the car keys from the bowl. I hop inside the car and drove off. I have a feeling that Camila crashed at Dinah's place so I headed there. I tried calling her phone but she never bother herself to answer it and it breaks my heart even more. I sped off and pulled my car right in front of Dinah's house.
I hop out and run towards their porch. I knock eagerly until the door flew open, it was Dinah.
"Dinah, I need to see Camila." I wipe the tears off of my eyes to make my vision clearer, "Please let me see her."
"Go home, Lo. Walz is not here."
"Dinah, please! I need to see my girlfriend! I know she's there."
"Oh," Dinah fake a gasp, "so you still remember that you had a girlfriend? Great."
"Please." I desperately pleaded, "Please, let me talk to her. I... I really need her right now. Please Dinah, I'm begging you."
"Camila doesn't want to see you."
I didn't think twice and get down on my knees, "Please, Dinah. Let me talk to her. Please, I need her to know that I never meant everything that I said last night. I was a fucking liar and stupid. Nothing ever make sense in my life without her. I-I love her so much—"
Dinah cut me off by grabbing my shoulders and help me until I was able to get back on my feet. She looked annoyed and worried at the same time as she wiped off my tears with her thumb.
"Alright, fine. It's me who don't want you to see Mila. Lauren, you fucking hurt my best friend and I honestly want to beat the shit out of you until it knocked off of your senses what you're doing. What are you up to lately these days? History field trip? A fucking throwback party? Jesus, Lauren! Stop throwing mix signals. If you want her then fix yourself and act like it and if you don't then leave her alone. It's just that simple."
"She's all I want, Dinah. She's the only one I ever want."
"Then act like it! Look, I am your best friend too. So tell me, what's wrong? What is your problem?"
I look away, avoiding her eyes. "I can't tell you. It's just... it was too painful for me to talk about it to other people."
"Can I be honest with you? You're slowly turning yourself into this massive self destruction because of that problem. I hope you do realize that it will not just affect Camila but it will also affect Clark. Lauren, the situation right now is very different. If you can't be better for yourself or for Camila then at least do it for your son. He needs you, Laur. You have a family to look for, so don't ever feel that you are alone because you're not. You have Camila, you have Clark, you have us. Do you remember? You're still going to propose to my Walz?"
I smiled timidly and pulled Dinah for a hug, "I know, I remember."
"Good, cause I already prepare my speech for your wedding. It would be suck if I won't have the chance to read it, right?"
I smiled before I pulled away, "Where is she, Dinah?"
Her face suddenly plastered a panic expression. "Uhm, well, she met a friend at some coffee shop nearby."
"Who's friend?"
"A friend."
"I know it's a friend, Dinah. I want to know who."
"Well," Dinah scratch the back of her head and it seems like the tv gave me the answer Dinah can't say.
"Just in! Señorita singer Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello spotted at the coffee shop together. The two seemed enjoying each other's company over a coffee dates..."
And a picture of them together flashed on the screen. They were sitting on this table for two while laughing at something. And then I felt a pang of pain in my chest. Did she finally made her choice? Is she really choosing him over me? Did she really meant what she said last night? Please dear god, no. Our parents already chose him over me, so please don't let Camila too. Otherwise, I have nothing left. I don't want to be alone, I don't.
"I'm sorry, Laur." I heard Dinah mumbled, "I don't know how to say that she's with Shawn without, you know, saying Shawn."
I look at Dinah and she's giving me an apologetic look. "It's okay. I'll just go home."
I turn around and about to walk away when Dinah speak again.
"Don't you ever think that you lost her, because you didn't. Camila only wants you so don't worry about who wants her."
You are nothing compared to him!
I found myself crying again. I bit my bottom lip to prevent the sob from escaping. When I know I had a good grip over myself, I speak. "But it's Shawn, someone who's much more greater than me wants her. So can you really blame me for thinking that way?"
"YOU are much more greater than that asshole and everyone knows that, Laur!"
"But they don't. Otherwise they will not throw me away like I was nothing."
"What do you mean they? Who's they?"
I started to walk back to my car and didn't bother to answer Dinah's question. I badly wanted to drive back home and cry like a sore loser that I am but I couldn't bring myself to start the engine. So I stayed inside the car instead and cry until I feel better which is pretty impossible because I've never been better ever since I found out the truth. Everything inside me hurts. I lost my parents and now I lost the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life. I fucking lost Camila.
What have I done? Why am I hurting the person I love?
But who else can I blame aside from myself? It's my fault. There are a lot of things going on in my head last night. The hatred that consumed me, the deep wounds I've been enduring, the anger I cannot seem to put out, it's all too much for me. It's the kind of burden I need to carry every single fucked up day of my life. And the only medication I have to forget everything is alcohol. Being with Camila alone is not enough to stop the demons from haunting me but that doesn't mean that I don't need her and love her. Because I do. Fuck, I really, really do. She keeps me calm. She keeps me warm in cold days. She makes me feel safe. And missing her comes in waves and it's the thing that drowns me right now. I couldn't breathe.
"This has been a very hot topic for quite a few years now. Shawn and Camila. Any thoughts though? Cause their third year anniversary is fast approaching and I wanna hear what you think about them."
I snapped out from my thoughts when I heard Camila's name on the radio.
"Shaw and Camila are match made in heaven. They are made for each other. Period. I love how their chemistry naturally blends and how they clicked without showing too much PDA. What they had was genuine relationship and I love how love changed both of them into a better and glowing person."
The only thing that I had that Shawn didn't... was Camila. And now he has that too.
I grip tightly on the steering wheel while listening to the podcast playing in my car. The way they say how much Camila is so happy with Shawn makes the happiness I brought to her irrelevant. As if it doesn't exist, it doesn't matter, because in everyone's Shawn is much better who could make Camila happy. And it's so, so fucking painful for me.
I shift my eyes straight ahead and there I saw Camila walking on the sidewalk while typing something on her phone. She's wearing blue sleeveless blouse and dark skinny jeans. My dead heart comes back to life and started to beat erratically at the sight of her.
"Camila." I gasp under my breath as I immediately hop out of the car and run towards her.
"Camz!" I called out with tears beaming in my eyes. I feel like this is the first time I've seen her after 50 years. The way my mind, heart, body, and soul aches, craves, and yearn for her too so much. I missed her and now that she's just fingertips away from me, I still find myself missing her.
Camila looked up from her phone and our eyes met. For a moment, I expect her to meet me halfway. Hug me and smile at me, but she didn't. There's no smile on her face. There's no spark in her eyes. There's no happiness can be seen on her face but rather anger, hurt, and fear.
And it made my heart shattered like a glass, mend back, and shattered again. What is there to fear about? Was it me? Is she scared of me? Am I no longer bring security and safety to her?
I'm about to touch her but before I can do, Camila distance herself away from me which breaks my heart even more. New fresh tears rolled down to my cheeks as I gaze through her brown eyes.
"Camila," My voice breaks. Hurt shoot across her eyes, "Can't I hold you? Don't you love me anymore? Is it really over?"
Tears fell down on her cheeks as well, "Why did you have to break me? What was so fun about it? Did it make your shitty egofeel a little less miserablewatching my heartfucking break for you?"
I winced at how painful her words are, "I am miserable without you, Camz. So please I'm begging you. I will swallow my pride and my ego, kneel in front of you if I have to, if that means you will be back home with me then I will gladly do it in a heartbeat. Give me another chance because I know how to love you so much better. Please say it's still me that you want. Please say it's still me you wanna marry. Please say it's still me. Choose me. Pick me, because it hurts not to."
"I'm scared of you. I am so scared of you, Lauren. It terrifies me how talented you are at turning your emotions on and off. How you can be so kind and loving one moment then cold like ice the next. Whenever you open your mouth, I never know whether it's going to be I love you or it's over."
And then my eyes landed on her left arm. I saw the mark of my hand imprinted on her skin. All bruised up.
"Scaring you? Why? What do you see when you look at me?"
The memories of how I hurt her last night flashed in my head. Right then and there, I wanted to hurt myself. What the fuck have I done to her?! I should've fucking hit myself instead because that's what I'm worth to feel— pain. But Camila? Camila is a fucking precious angel who doesn't deserve to get hurt. But... but I hurt her. I am that person who lay a hand on her.
"I'm scared of myself too." I mumbled but enough for Camila to hear it, "I'm so scared of what I'm slowly becoming. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Camila." I fell down on my knees and break down. I balled my fist so tight and started throwing hard punches on the ground. I could feel the blood streaming down from knuckles but I never stopped. I don't care if I break my owns hands, I just want this pain and this hatred that ruled over me to be gone. To feel numb and not feel anything.
"Lauren stop, please! You're already bleeding!" Camila hurriedly run towards my direction. She grabbed both of my hands to stop me then pulled me in for a hug and hold me protectively in her arms. I immediately tangled myself to her and buried my face on the crook of her neck.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. We'll be okay. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I forgive you. Please stop crying," Camila planted a soft kiss on the crown of my head.
I pulled away, enough for me to look in her eyes. I cupped her face and use my thumb to stroke her cheeks lovingly, "I love you, Camila. Nothing changed, I am still In love with you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I miss the way you held my hand. When you pulled me close, it was the most safest place I know. You were the only thing that felt right. You're all I think about. You're all I need. Now that you knew all these things, will you still let me go?"
Camila shook her head. She run her fingers to my cheeks and softly wipe the tears away, "I won't." She kiss the bridge of my nose, "Let's get you home."
***
I push everything at the back of my head. Tonight, my goal is to make up for what I did. While Camila's resting on our room, I bought her favorite flowers and cook her favorite meal. I dress up pretty nicely as well to impress her— I wore my black floral slit dress and I let my hair cascade over shoulder.
"Do I look okay?" I turn to Alfred so he can see what I look like.
He gave me a small smile, "You always look good, Miss Jauregui."
"Thank you, Alfred." I'm about to walk upstairs when Alfred called my attention again. I turn around to face him.
"I'm here if you need someone to talk to, Lauren. I'll be honest with you and say that it pains me to see the hatred in your eyes and drown yourself to alcohol just to forget. You're such a young lady who deserves to enjoy life as everyone should be. Don't let anything stopped you from living your life the way you wanted it to be. Life is short. Nothing is permanent in this world so you should be happy."
I smiled timidly, "I'm trying."
"I know, I can see."
"I know how much Camila means to you. I know I disappoint you so much so I'm really sor—"
"I don't want you to apologize, Lauren. God knows what you've been dealing with. What you feel is valid and for that you don't owe anyone an apology for having those kind of emotions."
It melt my heart to hear Alfred's words. "Thank you. Thank you so much for understanding me. How..." how I wish you were my father instead.
He raised his eyebrows waiting for me to continue but I leave my sentence as it is. I don't want to brought up another conversation topic regarding my parents. It is something I find so hard to talk about and my most hated thing to think of. I know I can't run away from the truth. I have to face this sooner or later, but not tonight. I still need more time to process and learn how to accept things the way they are even though it's like I was being forced to swallow a knife.
"Just thank you, Alfred." I smiled timidly before I pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and I close my eyes, pretending that he's my father. Not that I picture him as Manuel or Mike but as Alfred himself being my father. I pretend that in this lifetime that I had, I was his most beloved daughter. That he'll do anything to protect me. That he's proud of me despite of fucked up I am.
I stayed in his arms a little longer than I should, savoring the feeling of being loved. I pulled away and he gave me another smile before I grab the neatly arranged tray that I organized a while ago. I headed upstairs and knock twice on the door before opening it, only to find an empty room with no Camila in sight.
My heart slowed down from beating, scared that she already left now that I calmed down from my previous state outside Dinah's house a while ago. I'm about to pace downstairs when I heard the sound of piano being played right across the room— her studio.
A wave of relief floods right through me as I walk towards the room. The door was slightly open so it wasn't that hard for me to see Camila sitting on the adjustable stool in her checkered black and white dress with her dark curly locks cascading over her shoulders and barefoot. She was too invested on letting her emotions off through singing to notice my presence.
"I look up from the ground to see your sad and teary eyes
You look away from me and I see
There's something you're trying to hide
And I reach for your hand but it's cold, you pull away again
And I wonder what's on your mind
And then you say to me you made a dumb mistake
You start to tremble and your voice begins to break
So I asked to look back at all the messages you'd sent
And I know it wasn't right, but it was fucking with my head
And when I touched your face, I could tell you're moving on
And everything I know tells me that I should walk away
But I just want to stay..."
I know Camila said she already forgive me but as I look at her right now, I know she hasn't fully forgive me yet. I know there's still pain left in her chest and I couldn't really blame her for feeling that way. I hurt her.
"Camz?" I called out to make my presence known. She stopped from playing and look towards my direction. A faint smile creeps on her face.
"Hey,"
"I thought you might be hungry already so I brought you your dinner." I walk over to the table and put the tray down to the center table with Camila standing right behind me.
"You don't have to, but thank you." Her response was so casual and a bit off. I tried my best to ignore it and chose to be happy instead that she's with me and not with Shawn.
"I just want to make up for what I did. I know I was so horrible to you and I'm really sorry."
There was a long silence in between before Camila responded. Short and casual.
"It's okay."
We spent the entire night together in her studio, in silence. Camila ate her dinner but never touched the flowers I gave her. She can't even look at me in the eyes for too long like before and I know something changed between us and it's killing me that I drove that dynamic of change between us. I was sitting on the small couch while watching her play. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her but I felt scared doing it. Scared that I might make her feel being harassed and uncomfortable and at the same time I felt ashamed for what I did. I was drowning in sadness yet again and I wanted to kneel in front of her, beg until she fully and truly forgive me, not out of pity but because that's what her heart wants. I want to tell her that I'll do anything just so she could forgive me. But I ended up keeping the thought to myself instead.
It was already 11:30 in the evening and it looks like Camila don't have any plans to stop what she's doing. Thinking she just lost track of time, I get back on me feet and walk towards her leaving approximately 5 feet of distance between us.
"It's getting late now, Camz. We should head to bed now."
Camila didn't bother to look up to me. She continued experimenting chords in her piano and wrote in her notebook on top of the lyrics she wrote.
"I'm not yet sleepy. Take some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."
I felt the pang in my chest and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I just want to burst out crying at how her coldness is driving me crazy.
"I'll sleep on the couch tonight. I know your uncomfortable sleeping next to me after what happened. And... I'm really sorry. I hope you truly forgive me for what I did."
Camila looked up with guilt flashed in her eyes. She stand up from her seat and inch closer to me. For a moment, she gazed through my eyes and the only thing I could see in her brown orbs is love. Love? Am I hallucinating?
"I want to sleep next to you." And then she pressed her lips on mine, "Anywhere with you is everywhere I want to be."
I hold her bruised up arm as gently as I can. I softly run my thumb to her bruise, stroking it lovingly hoping my touch that always makes her feel safe is enough to erase the pain of the night I lay my hand on her. Then I felt a warm hand placed on top of my cold ones. Camila intertwined our fingers together and planted a soft kiss on the back of my hand.
"I'll never finish falling In love with you." A planted a soft kiss on her forehead, "I love you, Camz."
With a genuine smile on her face, Camila whispered. "Forever."
I walk back to our room so I could take some rest. I lay back down to bed, alone. Camila is still on her studio, finishing the song she's writing. I tried to close my eyes and sleep but it's really hard to sleep without Camila next to me so I ended up waiting for her in the dark instead.
One hour.
Two hours.
Three hours.
I keep waiting for her until I didn't realize I already fell asleep. The sunlight hitting my eyes wakes me up from my sleep. I immediately flinched when I remember I was waiting for Camila. I look next to me and the sheet, blanket, and pillows remained untouched.
She didn't sleep?
I walk out of the room and walk over to her studio. I saw Camila on the couch sleeping with tons of crumpled papers around her. I took a breath before I headed back to our room to grab the blanket then walk back to the studio. I put the blanket over her body to keep her warm. I don't know how long I'm standing there staring at her while she's sleeping so peacefully. I run my fingers to her face, tucking the few strands of hair that covered half of her face behind her ear.
"I don't know what will happen or what the future holds for me. But can I ask you a favor, Camz? Will you remember that I exist, that I stood next to you like this? Can you always remember me?" I whispered as low as I can to avoid waking her up.
I'm about to turn my back on her when the notebook sitting right in front of her caught my attention. I picked it up and read the song she wrote.
Do you miss me?
Am I crazy?
Am I losing hold of your love, baby?
Either you want me or you don't
I need to know
I need to know
Who are you today?
Will you be the sun or the pouring rain?
Who are you tomorrow?
Will you make me smile or just bring me sorrow?
Who are you gonna be when I'm lost and I'm scared?
Who are you gonna be when there's nobody there?
Who are you today?
'Cause I am still the same
It's so strange how the same thing
Can make you feel so right and bring you so much pain
It's so strange how the same face
Can make you love until it hurts
Where do we go?
I need to know
I placed the notebook back down on the table and look at the girl who means the world to me with so much guilt in my eyes.
"I'm so sorry for every pain I've brought to you. For all the tears you shed because of me. But I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry that I fell In love with you. I have no regrets. If I ever did something right, it is when I chose to love you. And... and when the time comes that you find out who I really am, I hope that it's still me because it will always be you, Camz."
***
There's nothing in this world I badly wanted to hurt more than Karen Mendes. And I'm probably out of my mind too because when she texted me to meet her at this certain restaurant, I immediately hop in my car so I could fuck her up even more. But now I'm regretting it because it's not Karen I've got to face to face with but rather the great Manuel Mendes.
"Don't have the balls to text me using your own number? As much as I'd like to think it was because of shame, I know you don't have that."
"I don't have enough time to listen to your childish whining! Sit down because have a lot of things to discuss."
And I know exactly what he wants to discuss.
I pulled the chair out and take a seat. His face and the way he moves was so calm yet I can see the friction of tension and nervousness in his eyes.
"Now talk." I demanded coldly, staring straight in his eyes that he's trying so hard to make it appear emotionless so I won't get through him.
"My son is sick and he needs a donor. Be his donor, Lauren. He... he badly needs it."
No matter how much he tries to hide it I can still see right through him. He's scared. He's afraid to lose something, and I like what I'm seeing.
"Why me?"
"Because you're his friend and he needs your help."
I laugh at the fucking irony of his statement. Now that he needs something from me I suddenly became a friend? Fucking please!
"Okay, I'll donate." A devious smirk plastered on my lips, "Only if you beg me for it."
And then he snapped, "What do you mean beg you for it?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT EVEN MEAN?!" Manuel slam his hands against the table, making my smirk to grew even more wider. "MY SON IS DYING!"
"Congratulations then. I'm so fucking happy to hear such a great news like—" I didn't finish what I'm saying when Manuel harshly grab the collar of my shirt.
"I am not fucking playing with you, Lauren Jauregui!" He said through a gritted teeth.
"Neither do I. Why don't we discuss the terms before I donate?"
He was just looking at me with so much anger in his eyes. In my end, my heart was bursting out with happiness. I took his silence as his gesture for me to continue, so I did.
"Like I said earlier, I want you to beg me for it. Beg by means you kneel in front of me and beg me desperately to save your fucking son as if your life depends on it. Can you do that? Kneel before the person you called nothing?" I chuckled, "It must have felt so good in your end."
"Fuck you!" He spit straight to my face and I just laugh at him before I push him off of me that almost make him flip over to his chair.
"If you can't do it then sorry your for son." I get back on my feet and started to walk away. But the moment I walk pass him, Manuel grab my wrist stopping me from my tracks.
I watch him stand up from his seat. And without any word, he kneel in front of me. I felt my heart breaking inside. I can't even fucking describe what I feel right now. I was suppose to feel happy to see him down on his knees, begging for me. I was suppose to hurt him, but why am I the one who's hurting so badly?! Why?! He swallowed his pride, is this how important Shawn is to him?! I am his child too! I am!
I looked at him with so much despise lingering on my green orbs. My vision became blurry at the tears that fills my eyes.
"I'm begging you, Lauren. Please be his donor. Please."
"Do you really love him?" I asked. My voice comes off with a mixture of anger and bitterness. I try so hard to hold back my tears from falling down.
"My son is my everything."
I laugh angrily as tears finally falls down and tainted my cheeks, "Funny, how you beg the daughter you neglected for 23 years just to save your fucking son."
A silence filled us. I can see the shock in his eyes but no evident of guilt nor regret for what they did to me.
"You made my life miserable. For 23 years you make me believe that what I had was actually real, when it wasn't! I keep thinking how can I take everything away from you, and now I know. I am his special donor, am I? Without me, he'll die. Now it's my turn to make your life miserable. I'm gonna make you watch your dearest son die because I will never ever donate for him."
I compose myself and gather my shit altogether. A smirk creeps on my lips, "At least now we're finally quits, father."
________________________________
A/N:
Hi! This chapter is getting pretty much intense and I am soooooo excited for the next chapter because it is much more intense.
And btw I'd like you guys to note that in this fic, Shawn is 3 years older than Lauren and Camila.
That's the author's note and tysm for reading and supporting this fic ❤️😊 I have no regrets reviving this story and thank god that I didn't delete this before.
Also, a little reminder that this exist (I legit threw my phone the moment I saw this. I was literally shaking!!!!! 😭😂)