Stiles dropped to his knees at Derek's side. "Derek?"
"I'm fine." Derek said in a strained voice.
"You're fine? Really? You know what I'm going to put that on your grave stone. It's gonna say; He said he was fine. He was wrong." Stiles snapped.
Derek gave a slight smile. "I just need to heal."
"Derek, let me patch you up at least." Stiles said helping Derek to his feet and to another table.
Derek laid on the cool metal as Stiles collected the bandages.
Stiles carefully cut open Derek's mostly shredded shirt revealing gashes across his side, shoulder and abdomen.
Stiles clenched his eyes and took a deep breath.
"You're not getting squeamish on me are you Stiles?" Derek asked his tone light but his voice labored.
"No, no, I just..." Stiles glanced at a still unmoved Theo.
"He's gonna make it." Derek spoke assuringly.
Stiles began to bandage Derek's wounds. "I already lost Kai. I can't lose him too." Stiles' voice came out as barely a whisper. "And you're severely hurt and I just..." Stiles fought back the tears in his eyes.
"Stiles, look at me." Derek touched Stiles chin causing Stiles to open his eyes. "None of this is your fault. Theo's gonna be okay."
Stiles wiped away a tear before finishing Derek's bandages.
"And you?" Stiles asked not meeting the alpha's gaze.
"What about me?" Derek asked in confusion.
"Are you going to be okay?" Stiles clarified.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Derek frowned at the druid.
Stiles swallowed hard as he pulled away from finishing Derek.
"You're still planning on leaving." Isaac spoke up in a betrayed tone behind him.
Derek sat up carefully looking at Stiles for any sign that Isaac was wrong.
"Stiles?" Derek asked.
"I can't keep putting you guys in danger. The more word spreads the more that will come for me." Stiles answered.
"The more reason for you to stay." Scott piped in.
"I can't let you guys get hurt again because of me." Stiles sighed.
"There's another option." Derek spoke cautiously.
Stiles pinched the bridge of his nose. "We've been over this, Derek." Stiles sighed.
"You still don't trust me." Derek spoke sadly. It wasn't posed as a question but Stiles answered anyway.
"It's not that I don't trust you I just know that you're only acting like this towards me because I can benefit you, not because you see me like you do Scott or Isaac." Stiles answered not wanting to fight.
Derek dropped his head. He didn't know how to tell Stiles that he felt more for him. He could feel Isaac and Scott's stare.
Before anyone could say anything Theo sat up with a groan.
"Theo." Stiles sighed with relief before gripping him in a hug.
"Stiles, are you okay?" Theo asked hugging him back.
"Me? Of course. I'm just glad you are." Stiles laughed.
Derek averted his eyes he couldn't stand the look of happiness on Stiles' face when he was with Theo. Even the smell of Stiles' happiness was beginning to make Derek sick.
"What happened?" Theo looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings.
Derek got off the table and went outside as Stiles caught Theo up on what happened.
"Derek." Scott followed the alpha outside.
"Not now, Scott." Derek grumbled. He needed to be alone with his thoughts.
"You need to tell him." Scott said ignoring Derek's request.
"What are you talking about?" Derek huffed.
"You know what I'm talking about. Isaac and I were practically choking on the jealousy in there." Scott answered jabbing a thumb towards the doors of the vets office.
"Scott, like I told Isaac, I don't know what this is so-"
"Yes you do. You're just too afraid to admit it." Scott interrupted.
"What am I suppose to say, Scott? That I have feelings for Stiles?" Derek snapped.
"Yeah, that's exactly what you're supposed to say."
"Well, I do. But he doesn't feel the same way." Derek huffed running a hand through his hair in frustration.
"You don't know that." Scott argued.
"Oh really? Okay well whenever he's with the pack he smells of content and trust. When he's with Theo he smells of happiness and excitement. Do you know what he smells like around me?" Derek was standing a foot away from Scott his eyes fixed on the younger wolf.
"Tell me, Scott, what do you smell when Stiles is with me?" Derek snapped.
Scott dropped his eyes. "Anxiety."
"Anxiety, stress and fear." Derek threw his hands up as if to say his point was proven.
"I don't want to feel like this. It's killing me. And he's pushing me away. I can't handle this. I admitted he was my anchor and he's still leaving. What am I supposed to do? Do you have any idea what it feels like to lose a pack member as an alpha? It's excruciating. Being rejected by one is just as bad as grief. It feels like you're being ripped in two. Now try having feelings for the pack member that rejects you. I don't know how to cope with it, Scott. I always heard being an alpha came with severe consequences. I'd heard it was hard work and stressful but I never..." Derek trailed off.
"Do you know why it's such a big deal to have an emissary?" Derek asked.
Scott only shook his head.
"Because they make you strong. Not just physically but emotionally. A lot of times an alpha's emissary ends up becoming their anchor. An emissary can help get an alpha through any emotional catastrophe. They are ritually connected so that even when they're not together the alpha is still just as strong. An old rumor talked about one particular pair that were able to communicate telepathically because their bond was so strong." Derek was glaring at the ground.
"If an alpha doesn't have an emissary and it's known, they're easy bait for another alpha who does have one."
"Can't Deaton be your emissary?" Scott asked looking at the brooding werewolf.
"No, once an alpha and emissary are disconnected. They can never be connected to another alpha. Think of it like mating for life." Derek explained.
"How is the bond disconnected?" Scott asked.
Derek looked at Scott. "Only by death."
"Til death do us part huh? Brutal." Stiles chuckled walking over to Scott and Derek. They hadn't been paying attention to the fact that the pack had come outside.
Derek clenched his jaw.
"Scott and Isaac are gonna take Theo home to rest. Chris is taking Allison and Lydia home. Derek you and I are going to find you an emissary." Stiles smiled at Derek who fought to keep the hurt off his face. He only wanted Stiles, but Stiles didn't want him.
*AN*
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