Six Months Ago
Monday (Eight Days After Graduation)
I feel silly, meeting in the early hours of the morning like this. It isn't daylight yet. Dressed in all black with my hair tied back, I watch as Penelope's red Malibu pulls into the parking lot. Mia's in the passenger seat.
"OK, here it is!" Mia carefully sits a large striped gift box, complete with a huge bow, down on the picnic table. "It's been sitting, fermenting for a week. I used my roommate's milk kefir recipe. She warned me that fermenting too long causes it to explode, especially when sugar is added during the second fermentation. She drinks this stuff ninety going north. Don't ask!" She holds her hands up in disgust.
"OK, so how does it work?"
"I put it in a plastic container, so you don't have to worry about glass shards or anything like that. The bottle top is glued to the box top. It's sealed shut, so as soon as the box top is pulled off, the seal will be broken. The milk will explode everywhere."
Nervousness rises in my chest. "Are we sure we want to do this?"
"Are you serious? Don't you remember what he did to you?" Penelope asks. "It's harmless really. I mean milk kefir? Health foodies drink this stuff for fun. Really, we're doing him a favor."
"One that he never asked for . . ."
"Well, chica, he gave you something you never asked for, so I say we're even."
"Trust me, Penelope is right. It's harmless. I tried a mini version out in my back yard. It just splatters everywhere."
"And by now, it probably smells like caca." A sly smirk takes over Penelope's face.
"This is gonna be lit!"
Mia and Penelope stare at me, waiting for my response.
"OK. If you say so . . ."
"This is epic! I borrowed my neighbor's drone, so we can watch from a distance. We're recording this!" Penelope rubs her hands together like an evil villain.
"We should post it online too," Mia adds.
"Under an anonymous profile!" I add, still clearly afraid of what we're about to do.
"Ari! We got you!" Mia wraps her arm around my shoulder as we all walk back to Penelope's car.
"Wait! We're taking Penelope's bright red ride? Someone's gonna notice us," I squirm.
"Well, we can't take your trap. It's too hard to get in and out of that thang." Penelope turns her nose up at my car.
Mia gives Penelope a look that tells her to lay off. She turns to me. "Relax, girl. We'll be careful. Worse comes to worst, we won't drop it off. We'll just drive away."
My heart creeps into my throat. "I'm trusting you two."
"Good. Now let's drop this bad boy off." Penelope takes her keys from her purse.
We pile into the Malibu.
Penelope starts the car. "Where to?"
"He's moved out of his campus apartment by now. I think he's back at home. Let's go there."
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Still dark as we pull into Sebastian's exclusive neighborhood, we park quietly near his house. We rock, paper, scissor it out. The first one out has to drop the box off and of course, it would be me.
As I get the "surprise" out the trunk, Mia runs to me whispering, "Put this on." She hands me a black baseball cap. "Keep your head down, girl!"
Pulse racing, I look around at the neighboring houses before creeping to the front door. As soon as I make it to the front porch, I gently set the box down, noticing the tag marked "To Sebastian From A Secret Admirer," and run back to the car.
"Did you ring the doorbell?" Penelope asks as soon as I slam the door shut.
"No! Pull off! Turn here!" I direct her.
"Well, how will they know they have a package?" she whispers as if they can hear us.
"Let's pay a kid to ring the doorbell and run away." Mia looks down both sides of the street to see if she can spot a kid.
"Or better, let's order food and send it there. Once the delivery guy rings the doorbell, they'll see the package. They'll tell the guy wrong address, and no one will have seen us. It's cleaner, no witnesses."
"Good one, Aria! Now you're thinking like a real criminal!" Mia and Penelope cackle loudly.
A small, nervous giggle escapes my lips.
"Chica, calmte. Your eyes are about to pop out of your head. Take it easy."
"Sis, you've got to chill. The worst is done. Let's get coffee and wait till a delivery joint opens up."
"We need to operate the drone, just in case they find the present before we can send someone." Penelope turns into a café parking lot.
"I'll get some coffee and pastries. Wait here." Mia gets out and goes into the café.
The sun is rising, lighting the sky and waking the sleeping world. We ride back to the park and wait.
"You know, I think the café we were just at delivers." Mia whips out her phone.
"Make sure your number is blocked." I caution as a lump takes residence in my throat.
Less than an hour later, we watch the drone's remote screen as the delivery guy rings Sebastian's doorbell. A woman comes to the door. It's Mrs. Duvall.
"Is that her?" Penelope munches on her orange-cranberry scone.
"Yes. That's her." I reply, rolling my eyes in annoyance.
"Penelope, the camera on this thing is spot on! I can see every wrinkle in her face. How old did you say she is?" Eyes glued to the screen, Mia reaches for her coffee.
"Sebastian told me she's in her early forties."
"Talk about Benjamin Button!"
"Right! Aunt Paige is pushing sixty and looks younger than that!" I remind Mia.
"Some people don't age well, chica."
"No. That lady is rotten from the inside out. Downright evil. And it's written all over her face. Age is just a number, it's the way a person lives, that matters." I shake my head. "And she ain't living right."
"Mean and bitter." Mia purses her lips.
Penelope adjusts the driver's seat. "It's like life kicked her ass and she's trying to make everyone else pay for it."
"I can see her kicking a puppy or two!" I add, snickering.
Mia and Penelope join in.
"That's so wrong, but I bet it's true!" Penelope points to the screen. "Look! She turned the delivery guy away. You were right, Ari."
"She sees the box. Why is she going inside? She's not buying it. This is a bust." I throw my crumpled napkin into the paper bag. My disappointment is surprising.
Penelope talks with a mouth full of scone. "No, she's buying it! She's back with her glasses. I think she's trying to read the gift tag."
"OK. Now take it inside to that Bastard Sebastian. Or better, bring him outside!" Mia talks to the screen.
"Uh-oh. She's not doing either. Is that nosy bat prying into his gift? Unbelievable! This is not meant for you! Whatever happens, she has it coming." I throw my hands in the air.
"This is recording, right?" Mia asks wide-eyed.
Penelope nods without blinking. "What is she do—oh! She's not!"
"She is!" I shake my head, exasperated.
"Walk away, lady! This is for your bastard son, Sebastian."
"Chica, if she keeps at it, it's gonna blow!"
"She won't quit! She's determined to get it open. Look at her! She keeps tugging at the top trying to get it off."
"—Oh shit!"
"—There it goes!"
"Whoa! Did that just happen? Did we just do that? We're gonna get caught! They probably already know." I gasp, panicking.
"She's completely covered in it! Ewe. It's thick and chunky." Mia's mouth drops open. "Well, at least the glasses kept it out of her eyes."
Before anyone can contain it, full-throated, deep belly laughter hijacks everyone in the car.
"No, no! It's a pop-up day spa! Best anti-aging treatment ever!" Mia doubles over.
"Cows came home — all over her face!" Penelope high fives Mia.
"More like the bulls came home!"
"I heard protein makes the best facial!" I'm laughing so hard, my side hurts.
"Cruddy old bat!"
Tears of laughter stream down my cheeks.
An outsider looking in, would probably see a bunch of silly, screeching girls laughing so loud, we're shaking the car and fogging up the windows.
"Ari! Look! It's Sebastian!" Penelope points to the screen.
"Aww. Isn't that cute? Trying to rescue Cruella!"
Faintly I hear Beyoncé's "Sorry," playing on the radio and it is music to my ears. The timing couldn't be better. Feeling good, I turn it up. The radio DJ says it's her favorite throwback jam.
And now, it's mine too.
Dancing and singing in the back seat, my middle fingers are cocked and loaded. "Enjoy that Gas Station Milk, Mrs. Duvall! Drink on that, Sebastian!"
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A/N: Lovers! Revenge can be so sweet! What do ya'll think? Did they take it too far? Let me know.
I dedicated this chapter to @badbitchdev because she's such a fun, engaged reader. Your comments were entertaining. Thank you!