Silas halted in front of our gate, pressing on the car horn twice. Ilang saglit lang ay bumukas ang gate at sumilip si Manong. Nang makita na hindi familiar ang kotse ay lumabas siya. I immediately brought down the window and peered outside.
"Manong." tawag ko at kumaway pa. Nakuha ko agad ang atensyon niya. Recognition plastered on his face when he saw me.
"Ay, Ma'am! Sandali lang po!" nagmamadali itong pumasok sa loob at agad din na binuksan ang malaking gate.
Hindi na kami bumalik sa office para kunin ang sasakyan ko. He just said he'll fetch me tomorrow morning instead. Hindi na ako umangal. Bakit ako aangal? Gusto ko naman.
Nauna akong lumabas ng sasakyan pero hindi na muna ako naglakad para hintayin siya. He locked his car with the key fob before walking towards me. He casually held my hand, entwining our fingers like he'd been doing it for the past four years.
He cleared his throat and looked straight ahead. His face was painted with faint red. "Let's go."
I bit my lip and nodded. I know he can see me through the side of his eyes. I tightened my hold on his hand and walked with him towards the main door.
The main door wasn't locked when Silas twisted the door knob. Kasabay nang pagpasok namin sa loob ng bahay ang pagputok ng kung ano. Napasinghap ako sa gulat. Colorful streamers showered down on us and it was followed by a lone chuckle.
"Congrats!" Hadeon's familiar voice filled my ears. I turned my head to his direction. He's holding a big party popper on his hand.
Silas chuckled. My head turned to him but he was looking at Hadeon. He shook his head, boyishly grinning. "Idiot."
My lips parted. That's the first time I heard Silas say that word. Wow. Looking back, I can't remember a time when he bad mouthed someone. He's just too nice. He's like a saint to me!
"So, kayo na ulit?" twin asked, looking at our joined hands, then at me, with a raised brow.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Naramdaman ko ang bahagyang pag-init ng mukha ko. Silas was distracted, which is why I was able to unclasp my hand from him. Hindi ako nakatingin sa kanya pero ramdam ko ang pagtitig niya sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko.
"W-Where's Mom and Dad?" I stuttered at first, but was able to finish my sentence.
"Not yet home." Hadeon smirked and looked at the guy beside me. "Mom would be thrilled to see you here. Finally."
I pursed my lips. "I'll go and get changed."
I glanced at Silas but quickly looked away when I caught him watching me. Nag-umpisa na akong maglakad patungo sa hagdan nang hindi siya tinitingnan. Hadeon will take care of him. And it's not his first time here... parang bahay niya na rin ito dati.
Scalloped shorts at maluwag na shirt lang ang sinuot ko bilang pambahay. I got rid of my make-up and let my hair down. Nang makuntento sa sariling itsura ay bumaba na ako.
Maliban kay Kuya Xavi, nasa living room na ang lahat. Their attention was all over Silas. Seeing all of them together... It's like I stepped out of time machine and was taken back to four years ago. Tanggap na tanggap ng pamilya ko si Silas. They are warm to him. Anak na ang turing ni Mommy at Daddy sa kanya habang ang mga kapatid ko ay parang mga kapatid na rin niya.
"Ayan na pala si L." my mother announced when she noticed that I've graced them with my presence. Napatingin ang lahat sa akin. She grinned. "Let's eat?"
Sa pool side nagpahanda ng dinner si Mommy. She said tonight's special, so our dinner must be special, too. Nang matapos kumain ay hindi agad umuwi si Silas. My father invited him for a drink to catch up. We all stayed except for Hyon. Umakyat na siya ng kanyang kwarto para magpahinga.
They mostly talked about Silas habang ako ay tahimik na nakikinig. I'm interested in what he's been doing for the past four years without me, too. Especially about a certain topic... if he's been with someone else, particularly, Francheska... pero kahit kailan ay hindi lumabas ang topic na iyon. It's either they're avoiding it for my sake or it's just a topic that they didn't want to hear.
It's been only a few days since I last had alcohol. It used to be my daily companion. Pero ngayon ay parang wala ako ganang uminom. Hindi ko pa nga napapangahalati ang bote ng Smirnoff ko. I feel a little sleepy, too. That thought made me yawn.
I caught Silas shift from the side of my eyes. He's sitting on the chair next to me. Napatingin ako sa kanya dahil doon. Wala na ang atensyon niya kay Daddy at Hadeon na nag-uusap. Sa akin na siya nakatingin. Malambing ang mga mata niya.
"Do you want to rest?" tanong niya, mahina ang boses at nakalaan lang para sa akin ang sinasabi.
I slightly felt hot at the attention he's giving me. I glanced at my family and they seemed to be oblivious about our little interaction. I licked my lips and looked at Silas. I wanted to stay longer, but I can't lie to him when we're this close. I nodded.
He nodded. He looked away from me and turned his head towards my father. "Tito, Tita. Can I take Laurene in her room?"
Umangat ang dalawang kilay ni Daddy. Ako naman ay nalaglag ang panga at nanlalaki ang mga mata habang gulat na nakatingin kay Silas. Inilipat ko ang tingin kay Daddy na ngayon ay nakatingin na sa akin. Pinigilan ko ang sarili na mamula.
Damn! I can't believe he'll ask my father that! Dati kasi ay sobrang allergic si Silas sa kwarto ko. Saan siya nakakuha ng lakas ng loob at nakuha niya pang magpresenta na ihatid pa ako?
"Sure. Just don't lock the door." Dad chuckled.
"Zion!" my mother hissed. Hinampas niya sa tyan si Daddy. Mas lalo lang nagpahalakhak si Daddy. He caught my mom's hand and raised it to his lips to kiss it. Umiling siya bago lumingon sa amin. "Go ahead, Silas."
It was awkward to stand up and leave with Silas because the attention was on the both of us. Silas grabbed my hand before standing up and pulled me with him. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod sa kanya.
Nang makarating sa kwarto ay siya na ang nagsara ng pinto sa aming dalawa. Hindi niya ni-lock iyon kagaya ng sabi ni Daddy. Hinila niya ako patungo sa kama pero huminto rin sa tapat nito.
"Are you still going to use the bathroom?" he asked.
"Uhm... Yeah. Just gonna wash and brush my teeth."
"Okay." he nodded and released my hand. "I'll wait. I'm gonna tuck you in bed."
His words pinched my heart. I bit my lip and nodded before turning my back on him.
Habang nasa bathroom ay tumakbo ang isipan ko sa mga nalaman ko at sa mga nangyari ngayong araw. My thought drifted to my family and how they conspired with Silas just so we could get back together, thinking that it'd bring my old self back and make me happy.
Hindi ko mapigilan masaktan sa isip na nasaktan ko sila dahil sa nangyari sa akin. I thought I was hurting alone. I was caught in my own pain to realize that seeing me hurt was hard for them, too.
Now that Silas knows the truth about what I did and why I did it... Now what? Does that mean we can be together again? Can I love him without my insecurities haunting me?
And the truth is... No. At least, not yet. I still haven't healed and I know he still has lingering pain and hatred for what I did to him. Four years already passed and I never did anything to deserve him, because I thought it was pointless... that Silas wouldn't want me after what I did.
Will I stay away? No. I can't do that anymore and I'm sure Silas won't let me. But I want to be worthy for him first. I want to prove something to myself before I can really be with him. I have to be better not just for him, but for myself.
The light was already turned off when I stepped out of the bathroom. Ang tanging bukas ay ang night light sa pader. Silas was seated on the side of the bed, still waiting for me. Seeing him there reminded me of the last time he was in my room... the first time we made out. I can't help but flush.
"Come here." Silas called when he realized that I don't have any plans on moving from where I was.
Para akong na-hypnotize sa boses niya. I can't help but follow. My feet moved on its own and made its way to him. Nang makalapit ako ay tumayo siya para padaanin ako. I lifted the comforter and slithered in the bed.
Silas grabbed the comforter from me and gently placed it over me. He crouched on the side of my bed. His arm was placed on the comforter over my stomach. His other hand brushed the hair away from my face. It was soothing.
He carefully scanned my face, like he's trying to imprint an image of me in his head. His eyes found my lips and remained there for a long time.
"If I ask for some time... Will you give it to me?" I quietly asked.
Umangat ang mga mata ni Silas sa akin. May maliit na kunot ang namuo sa noo niya. His lips went thin and he let out a sigh.
"Your father warned me that Fajardos asking for time means going away."
I looked away and pouted a little. That didn't even cross my mind. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Really?" he softly asked. I looked at him. His gazes were gentle. He looked like a sleepy drunk. Para siyang nang-aamo at naglalambing sa tingin na pinapadala niya sa akin.
I bit my lip and gave him a small nod. He smiled and nodded back at me. His eyes dropped at my lips. He lifted his body and leaned on me. I held my breath as his face drew closer. My eyes closed the moment the tip of our nose touched.
I could imagine a ball of light exploding within me, seeping out from my body when our lips connected. Kissing him makes me realize how much I've missed him, having him.
His lips moved slowly, spoiling my lips with soft and shallow kisses. I puffed when he moved his lips away from mine. A small smile curved on his face.
"Goodnight, Laurene."
Hindi ako nakatulog agad nang umalis si Silas. I couldn't stop thinking about us, about everything that happened. I thought about the things I planned to do and how I'll do it.
Hindi kami pwedeng maging maayos hanggat hindi ko naayos ang sarili ko. I still have to fix myself before I can fix us. I can't give him the love that he deserves if I can't even fully love my own self. I still have so many things to learn. Kailangan ko matuto na huwag makikinig sa sasabihin ng iba. I shouldn't mind people who doesn't matter. I should believe in myself and Silas more than anybody. I shouldn't let anyone's words affect me.
I fell asleep that night, thinking of the things that I should and shouldn't do.
Silas kept his promise and stayed away. Hindi siya nagparamdam sa trabaho. Nobody knows why he's absent, but the management doesn't seem to mind. I'm thankful for it. Kapag kasi nasa paligid siya ay hindi ako nakakapag-isip nang maayos.
I sorted my plans in my head. First, I have to talk to my parents and apologize for the past four years. I want to fix my academics, too. I have back subjects that I have to retake. Malapit na ang enrollment para sa summer, pwede kong i-take ang mga subjects na available para makahabol ako.
And... Orion. I need to have a serious talk with him. Manghihingi rin ako ng sorry. This is all unfair to him. Mula una pa lang ay mali na sinali ko siya sa gulong ito. I have to make things right.
Pero bago ang lahat, kailangan ko munang makausap ang Daddy ni Silas. Kailangan kong mapatunayan sa sarili ko na kaya kong panindigan ang desisyon ko. Facing his father will be my starting pistol, that I am ready to face everything with him.
Nagpaalam ako sa office na maaga akong aalis para ngayong araw. Gusto kong maabutan si Mr. Gallego sa office niya.
My heart raced the whole drive to the Gallego building. Nadoble ang kaba ko nang sumakay na ako ng elevator. I didn't set an appointment, but he won't send me off, right? He can't be that cruel. Dati ay naintidihan ko siya. As a father, he wants the best for his son and he doesn't think I fit the bill.
"Good afternoon, Miss. How may I help you?" iyon agad ang bati sa akin ng tingin ko'y personal assistant ni Mr. Gallego.
"C-Can I... speak with Mr. Gallego?" I asked.
She smiled, an orchestrated one. "May prior appointment po ba kayo?"
"I'm sorry, Miss. Mr. Gallego doesn't accept any guests without any appointment. Lalo na at paalis na po siya ng opisina."
"He knows me." I said and she didn't seem impressed. Na parang nagamit na ang linya na ito sa kanya dati. I bit my lip. "Sige na, Miss. I just really have to talk to him."
"Sorry, Miss. I can just set you an appointment if you want-"
An appointment with a chairman? That would take me... months!
"I can't wait long. I have to talk to him now." I cut her off.
"Miss-" muling naputol ang sinasabi nito nang may bumukas na pinto.
Our heads both turned to where the noise came from. It's Mr. Gallego's office door. Napasinghap ako at napatayo nang maayos nang makita siya.
His eyes settled on me and I knew he recognized me from the way his eyes slightly went wide. The surprise in his face disappeared and his face became impassive.
"Sir..." the personal assistant sounded frightened.
"Mr. Gallego." I formally greeted.
He lifted his arm to check on his wrist watch. He let out a heavy breath and looked at me. "Follow me."
Muli siyang pumasok sa kanyang opisina. Hindi ako nagdalawang isip sa pagsunod. Bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob ay nakuha ko pang huminga nang malalim nang ilang beses.
Nakaupo siya sa kanyang swivel chair sa likuran ng desk nang makapasok ako sa opisina. I took a few steps away from the door, but not too much. I was slightly afraid to face him. I need the exit near me.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked. In other words, why are you here?
Huminga ako nang malalim. Mariin na isinara ko ang parehong kamao. Naninikip ang dibdib ko sa pinaghalong kaba at takot pero kailangan kong gawin ito. Pumikit ako at muling huminga nang malalim.
I opened my eyes and looked at Mr. Gallego with a brave expression. I'm not backing down.
"You were right when you told me that I'm not worthy of Silas. You're probably right when you said I'll drag him down. You're also right when you said my best isn't good enough. You're right when you said I'm just not enough for him." my voice shook a bit, but I tried my best to sound strong.
"I'm really not..." I shook my head and smiled. "I'm everything to him."
He was still and unmoving on his seat. His forehead slightly creased as he watched me speak.
I've memorized every word he said to me that night. It haunted me even in my sleep. And this... this is what I should have replied to him.
"I am failing some of my subjects, but the lessons I've earned from those failures won't measure up to my successes. You're wrong when I don't excel on anything. My ambition may not meet your expectation, but I am proud to have one."
"You may not want me for him, but he wants me, and that's all that matters." I licked my lips. I was cold from head to toe, but I need to finish my piece. "I love him. I am so deeply in love with Silas. And no, I'm not breaking up with him again."
I felt a sudden move behind me. A gasp escaped me when someone gripped on my hand. My head turned to who it was and another gasp came from me when I saw Silas. His expression was dark and angry. His jaw was slightly clenched.
He inhaled sharply and dragged me away from the office without a word. Hindi man lang niya pinansin ang sariling ama. Dere-deretso siya at mabilis ang bawat hakbang patungo sa elevator. Nakabukas ito at mukhang sadyang hininto lamang sa floor na ito.
He pulled me with him inside the lift. He roughly pushed the close door button and the ground floor. What is he... How did he know that I was here?
"Silas..."
He breathed in violently. My muscles tightened. My eyes wide when he grabbed my arm and swiftly pulled me to him. I crashed against his chest. His arms quickly slipped around me, holding me tight. He leaned down to meet with my height and pressed his lips against my ear. He was breathing hard.
"Baby, I'm in love with you..." his arms around me tightened, pressing me closer to him. My face was buried on his chest. I could hear his heavily and wildly beating heart. It was in sync with mine. "So bad, Laurene..."