Finally time to whip out that song ♥
♕♥ ♕♥ ♕
We went to see a soccer match in Barcelona, but after everything that has been going on in my mind, I didn't enjoy one second of it. So people wacked around a ball with their shoes, big deal. I was a princess with feelings for a female commoner. One of those had priority over the other.
I couldn't tell anyone. This was so wrong. Royals and commoners were already frowned upon, even if it was slowly getting more acceptance, but a girl? What would my parents say?
I couldn't allow this, I just couldn't. I will have to keep my feelings hidden and just get over it. It was a phase, I just knew it. Or rather, I hoped it would be. I was obliged to find a nobleman to make King, so what kind of problems would this cause? I couldn't put her in such a problem. She didn't deserve that.
She deserved to be happy, and even if Alejandro tells me to be less selfless, I couldn't help but be selfless in this situation. Sarina had to go free from me, and now that I was debating it, maybe I had to let her go. Permanently. She was already neck deep in all my problems and with royalty that this would be the anchor that drags her down. She was like a mockingbird, listening to others' and getting caught in their problems, but secretly wants to go free. I had to let her go.
Which might be easier than I thought it would be. My thoughts of all this were my own, and I would be the one to suffer when she left but it was for the best. However, I was sure that Sarina didn't see anything like that for me. She was just being a good friend, and I misinterpreted everything in my mind as signs. Signs that she felt the same way.
But she didn't, did she? She wasn't like that and her life was way too busy to even be thinking of a relationship, much less some messed up one like the once I was secretly craving. Why did you do this to me, Alejandro? I would've been much happier not knowing any of this. It would have caused lass pain.
I liked a girl, and I was a girl. They didn't teach me this in Princess tutoring.
"Melanie?" I turned to see Alejandro, our seats in a secret booth as we watched the muddy soccer players run around like lunatics. I wasn't one for field sports.
"Yes?" I responded, sceptical.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I scoffed in irritation and turned my gaze away from him.
"This is all your fault, you know," he sighed and sat next me, his eyes on the field but I could tell he wasn't focusing.
"I would've thought you were happy," I turned to him with surprise.
"Happy? My mother will have my head if she ever found out! A bisexual princess? Execution is right around the corner for me!" luckily we were alone in the VIP booth so I didn't care about how loudly I spoke.
"How do you know you're bisexual?" he questioned me, eyes curious. "After your idiot of a boyfriend, I honestly thought you might have strayed from... well, males," I couldn't understand how he could be so calm.
"I'm attracted to you," I admitted in my worrisome emotional state, and I couldn't understand why he had suddenly started to laugh hysterically. He was a really strange man I had begun to realize as I learned more about him.
"You're overreacting. This is modern times," he tried to sooth me.
"Yeah, the world might accept me but my parents won't. They have a thing for piercings, tattoos and dyed hair. They're classic and prejudice like that. Imagine this? They're so... they have this image of the perfect person they want me to be and if I stray from that path, then they'll be upset. Extremely upset. They'll disown me. That's the kind of strict people they are," I shook my head, worry settling into my veins. My stomach felt heavy and nausea swept over me. I was terrified of what they might do to me, and I know that this time, I won't get away with it. This was different than my hair. This they couldn't just accept and tell me to change a few years later. This was a lifestyle.
"I think you're just panicking. This is all happening suddenly. I think after some rest, then you'll be able to think clearly," he tried to reason, but I felt fidgety and anxious. I didn't want to go home now. I took deep breaths, calming my nerves. Why? Why was I so affected by such a little thing as a crush? "Ah come on!" he suddenly cried out, shaking me from my state. I looked to see that one of the Barcelona soccer players was tackled to the ground, the opposing team member getting a strict penalty from the referee. This was such an aggressive game.
♕♥ ♕♥ ♕
Six hours. That's how long Alejandro and I had dealt with each other in a car. For some reason we couldn't take a plane from Barcelona to Bilbao. He called it a road trip but this one wasn't exactly fun in my books. I still wasn't feeling too well, my chest fuzzy as my mental state returned to what it was before. Unfortunately, Alejandro was getting into a high as he became excited for the San Fermín festival. He kept pointing out buildings and places as we rode past them, and it was then that I realized Alejandro's bad side. He was great listener and great in conversations. He could always keep them going and that had eased me at the beginning because I was awkward around him. He got me to open up.
Now I realized exactly how talkative he truly was. He couldn't stand for long silences and it got on my nerve, because I enjoyed silence. I believed everyone needed a part of the day where everything just has to be quiet so that you can think. Alejandro, no matter how adorable or sweet he was, he had finally managed to get onto my nerves.
Usually when we went out it was for a couple of hours and then I would get to rest in my hotel room or the palace room or when we visited an attraction, he would let me marvel at everything in silence. A quarter of a day I was spend sitting next to him, listening to him ramble about his pet dogs and his trips to other countries. We had begun the journey fairly early in the morning, so I was tired. I wanted to strangle him.
But he was my host, so I had to be considerate. It was also probably rare for him to find someone to talk to about these things. I had to be decent.
I hadn't talked to Sarina in three days. She send me a message asking if something was up but I just responded by saying that this week is hectic. Luckily she left it at that and said that her schedule was also full. That gave me a week without having to worry about talking to her. I'm afraid I might say something inappropriate. I had to calm down.
"So we're staying at Bilbao for two days before we head to Pamplona for the Running of the Bulls. Bilbao doesn't have that much to do but there's a beach a few museums. Also there's still some cuisine I want you to try," I nodded, not really listening. "You'll love the flower dog," I nodded again, and I think he finally realized that I wasn't listening. He turned away and sunk into his seat, acquiring his phone to browse around on. I felt bad, but I was more pleased that than guilty. I just wanted a little rest.
I turned to him and laid myself down, my head on his lap. He smiled a little but I pretended to not notice, closing my eyes as I tried to catch a catnap.
Alejandro looked over my form as I slept, a little concerned but generally happy that I wasn't lying to myself anymore. Whatever denial there was is now gone in the wind, somewhere forgotten at the Ibiza Island. He awoke me when we reached our next destination, and I was grateful for the little rest I got. This extended vacation was draining, especially the travelling.
I checked up with my parents after we settled into our hotel, having finally a break. Alejandro went down to the hotel's private swimming pool, but I remained in my room at the top of the skyscraper. I was eternally thankful for not having a fear of heights, and instead enjoyed the view. It was a beautiful sight and I absolutely loved the scenery. It was so magnificent to see the world's different architectures and how wonderful it is that people from all over can appreciate that.
I just wished Sarina was by my side to see it as well.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts as I slumped onto my bed. I was tired, emotionally. I wanted to curl up under my blankets and continue watching Sarina's series. It is absolutely devastating when you start a series and then have no time to continue it. I should have probably found something better to do on the plane because this is haunting me. When are they going to find out the truth about the main character?
Maybe I could convince Alejandro to stay in tomorrow. He had said two days in a place with not much to do. Although, even if he rejected me, I doubt I would play along with whatever he has planned for tomorrow. I'm still a teenager and I need my space.
I scrolled through my phone and realized that I didn't have a single photo of Sarina. She wasn't very photogenic, I realized, but I still felt bad. In all the times we had been together, never once did we take a picture together. Still, even if I couldn't confront her face to face, I still wanted to see her. I send her a message, requesting she send a photo of herself. It made me feel awkward to send the text, because it truly was a weird request. I send another one to explain that I wanted to show off my awesome friend.
I felt bad for lying, but it wasn't technically a bad lie. I would probably show off her picture to someone. I just didn't have anyone to show to as of now.
Her response back clenched at my heart and brought a frown to my brow. Just a simple 'no' and 'I'm sorry' was all she offered. Why didn't she want to send a picture? Was she embarrassed? Maybe she truly hated photos. Maybe she had a fear and I just messed up badly by asking that of her. Maybe she was angry at me.
I messed up, and I felt it within. My stomach made me feel uneasy and the butterflies were rebelling against my emotions. I knew that nothing could ever happen between Sarina and me, yet I still asked her for a photo. How stupid could I be? I was supposed to be letting her go, not try and pull her closer. I was now being selfish and I knew it, and I didn't want that.
Why were these feelings so hard to control?
♕♥ ♕♥ ♕
The day for the Running of the Bulls came quicker than I had anticipated and I was still dreading what I had requested of Sarina, but now my mind was focused elsewhere. Two days of resting allowed me to calm myself but now this event was making me feel anxious. Alejandro had gotten a beautiful red dress made for me which I was required to wear to this event, but I had not expected what my part in the festival would be.
I now stood nervously at the bullfight arena in a hidden booth, waiting to be announced. I was suddenly thrown into this mess this morning, Alejandro telling me nothing as he dragged me to the arena. He had disappeared, wearing completely white clothes and a red scarf tied around his neck. After spotting the rest of the crowd, I realized it was tradition. And here I was, standing in a plain red dress that luckily fitted the Princess code, having a high neck and back, the arms reaching my wrist and the skirt touching my knees. Ian stood with me, assuring me that everything would go according to plan, even if I didn't know what was happening.
There were so many people, the sight of their cheering and excitement making me feel a little lighter. They seemed so thrilled about the event that I envied the culture.
"I thought the Prince was only going to run. What's with all this?" I asked, referring to my dress I wore and my hair that he requested I wear down.
"Princess, you are a part of the event today," he told me simply, a look of expectance on his face. I shook my head in disbelief. I had only expected to watch from the side-lines, yet here I was. Awaiting something I wasn't anticipating. I groaned which caused Ian to chuckle at me. "Prince Maximiliano will be running in your honour," he explained, smiling in response. I rolled my eyes.
"My honour?"
"Yes, Highness. The... pañuelico, the scarf they wear, is an important historical tradition. Tourists can buy them on almost every street corner, but the royalty of Spain feels that it is to... mediocre for someone of your calibre," he continued, looking over my shoulder toward the door where we were expecting someone to come fetch me. "The Prince will personally run in the event to deliver your scarf to you, as a symbol of Spain extending their tradition to the United Kingdom. Not literally, though. He will also be delivering a normal handkerchief alongside it to you, as a symbol of Spain honouring your coming of maturity," he let out a sigh of relief. I didn't know what I was expecting. So basically this was like the olden times where the princess would expectantly await her prince to deliver her handkerchief to her. Classic, but it made me feel a little giddy. Spain was so thoughtful.
I just wished I had been informed of all this earlier.
A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts and I looked up to see a Spanish man enter, wearing the traditional clothes. He got onto his knee before me, resulting in me blushing slightly. I wasn't used to being bowed to by someone of another country. It almost felt... wrong.
"Su Alteza, ellos están esperando por usted," I did not understand a single word of what he said. Nevertheless, Ian gently pushed me forward and I nodded. I was feeling a bit nervous yet I followed the man out of the room and towards the arena. I could hear thousands of excited shouts throughout the stadium, making me feel a bit queasy. I was vaguely aware of Ian behind me, but I nervously tucked at my dress. This was technically my first public appearance of my own free will, and I didn't think it would go down like this. I had expected my parents to publically announce my heritage and present me with a crown on my head. This I had no time to prepare for.
This event was famous, and now my face will be plastered on Spanish news. It will reach the UK, I just knew it. I better not mess up.
I faintly heard an announcer speaking in quick Spanish, something I had no experience in trying to understand. I could make out a few words like 'prince', 'princess' and Reino Unido, which meant United Kingdom. These words were drilled into my brain. Finally the announcer turned around to face my awkward form, standing in the entrance to the high platform in the arena. He had a massive smile on his face, even when he kneeled before me. I could feel Ian gently push me forward and I reluctantly walked into the public light, the thousands in the arena placing their eyes on me. They cheered, but their loud voices were drowned away as I tried to calm my nerves.
I could do this.
Almost as if a signal, one by one they placed their hands over their hearts and bowed their heads lowly, seeming like messed up Mexican wave. I took a deep breath, not releasing it as a cracked a gentle smile that was integrated into my very being. I lifted my hand and gave them a gentle wave of my wrist, my heart pounding in my ears. I didn't even notice the announcer return to his straight posture, holding out the mike towards me. My eyes widened and I reluctantly took it from him. He bowed his head, slipping away gently out of sight. I turned to the arena, seeing all the expectant faces. I took a deep breath, and decided to wing it.
Alejandro was going to get it after this.
Better yet, I hope a bull gets him.