She was a beautiful chaos, made for the night. A black rose that grew by the moonlight.
- ventum
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Chapter 60
Lauren's POV
I barged inside the bookstore and I saw Jillian reading a book by the counter, "Where's your grandpa? Please I need to talk to him!"
She looked up and quickly put the book down when she saw how fucked up I am.
"Oh my god! Lauren, are you—"
"I don't need your fucking pity!" I yelled angrily at her. As soon as I saw her expression became terrified, I quickly apologized. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean— just please let me talk to him."
Just as she's about to speak, the door beside the counter opens and there stood an old man wearing a sweat shirt and baggy peach pants.
"Lauren," He spoke and I immediately run up to him.
"You were lying to me." I laugh frustratedly, "She's not my mom. T-there's no way that she is."
"I'm not lying to you, what's the point?"
"No," I shook my head, anger was quick to build up inside me.
"She really is your—"
I cut him off by grabbing the collar of his sweatshirt, "NO! KAREN MENDES IS NOT MY MOTHER!" I was breathing heavily while waiting for his answer.
"Lauren," I felt a pair of hands around my arm. It was Jillian, "You're hurting my grandpa. Please let him go."
And that's when I realized how tightly I am gripping on his sweatshirt that I unintentionally ripped it off. I immediately let him go and look down, feeling ashamed of how I cannot seemed to have a good grip over myself. My anger that feeds the demon residing inside me grows more and more stronger and I can feel it happening; I'm slowly losing myself in the depths of madness and insanity.
"Lauren, listen to me." Alvaro's about to approach me so I stormed off and run outside. Whatever he has to say, I don't wanna hear it. Everything that leaves his mouth is a lie. How I wish it was.
I don't know where my feet is taking me. All I know is I wanted to be as far away as possible. I run and run and run. I kept running even when my own body is desperately pleading for me to stop and have some rest. I didn't listen. I didn't give a fuck about myself. Why would I when my own parents don't? Why would I when my own mother told me a hundred times that I'm not her child and pretended that didn't know me? Why would I when my own father told me I am nothing and only care about Shawn? Fucking Shawn who happens to be my brother. Tears continuously falling down on my cheeks before I tripped over and collapse on the cold ground. My whole body was in pain and I can't breathe. It's like I'm already squeezing my lungs tight so I could gasped some air but there's no oxygen coming in. No matter how much I try, I just couldn't. I feel like I'm drowning.
My whole body goes numb, but why do I still feel it? Why do I still feel this throbbing endless pain in my chest?
"Stop. Stop. I don't want to feel you. Stop." I said in between punches. I continued to punch my chest with everything I have left, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO NUMB ALREADY?!" I yelled angrily until I have no strength to release anymore.
I hail a cab going back to LA because I don't have enough strength to find my car wherever I left it and drive. I was exhausted, not physically but emotionally and mentally.
I stare at the car window and my tears never stops from falling down. What do you do when you realize that sometimes when you break, you can't be fixed? You just keep on losing more pieces of yourself with time. You break and break and break, peices scattering all over till there's barely any of you left. You are nothing but a mere shadow of yourself. And whatevers left, hurts and aches making it impossible to breathe.
My phone keeps buzzing on my pocket but I didn't bother myself answering it. I let it ring for hours and hours until the battery burns out. The four hours of drive didn't take too long for me. The cab pulled in front of the coffee shop and I slip my hand inside my pocket and hand a bill to the driver before walking out. I push the coffee shop door and roam my eyes around until I saw her sitting at one of the table near the window.
I walk over to where she is and occupy the vacant seat in front of her, "Why didn't you tell me right away?"
Guilt creeps on her face with her eyes pleading for my forgiveness, "I can't, I'm sorry. Manuel will kill me if I did."
"You lied to me once, please don't lie to me now." I can hear how desperate I am through my own voice and I hate it.
"I wish I have all the answers you needed... but all I know is that you're Lauren Michelle Mendes and you were Shawn's biological sister. I was the one who carried you for nine months since Karen can't give birth naturally. It's too dangerous for her. But your name... Karen's the one who picked it."
I ignore the fact that Karen's the one who chose what my name would be. I ignore how it makes my heart throb even more painfully yet it gives me a small ounce of bitter-sweet feeling. "How did it happened?"
"Our company got bankrupt because of Mike's unhealthy obsession with Casino. We were in debt of 900 million to your father. He knows we can't pay so he sealed our debt by asking me to give birth to you and raise you like our own without saying anything about the said arrangement between the four of us."
I know there is much more deeper reason why they chose the Jauregui's to be my family. And I need to know that reason.
"Why you?"
"Because they want to stay close to you."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "Close to me?"
"They were monitoring you, for what matter, I don't know. They want to stay in touch with you without revealing that they're your real parents."
"And because the Jauregui and the Mendes are friends, choosing you was a wise decision?"
Clara nod her head as her response.
So that's that. They kept it that way because they needed something from me. Like I'm some kind of experiment subject bullshit that they need to monitor. For what, exactly?! I could feel my anger rising again at the thought alone. I will never let them use me. I swear to god I will never let them.
Clara's about to say something but I cut her off by standing from my seat. I don't think I can take whatever it is that she's about to say.
"I think I've already heard enough."
Clara immediately get back on her feet. She tries to reach for my hand but I quickly distance myself from her.
"I'm so sorry, Lauren. None of these were easy for me too. I've been carrying this guilt for 23 years and I swear I didn't mean to hurt you like this. Even though you're not my child, in my heart that's never been the case. I love you, Lauren. I love you just like how I love my own children. This... doesn't change anything between us. You're still my monkey, my Lolo. You're still my hard headed daughter who always gets in trouble."
I blink my eyes couple of times to drive away my tears. But instead, they fell down. Continuously.
"Just tell me if I can do anything for you. Anything."
"Don't call me Lauren Mendes ever again. That's not my name. That person doesn't exist, only Lauren Jauregui. And those horrible people are not my parents. You are. You and Mike. Shawn's not my brother. Chris and Taylor are. Those people took away 23 years of my life. They made me live in a lie. Please don't take away the only thing I have left."
Clara's already shedding a tears too, "You will always be a Jauregui. You will always be my daughter no matter what happens."
"Thank you, Clara. Thank you for everything."
Then I walk out of the coffee shop without waiting for her response. I headed straight to the nearest bar I could find. The place I'm currently in was so noisy and too crowded. I found myself slowly getting irritated as I push everyone out of my fucking way. I occupied the table near the restroom and ordered dozens of strong liquor. This is the only thing that could help me right now because the rest that I have in my life is useless. Useless for they can't help me forget about everything I found out tonight.
I pour my glass some and drink. Shot after shot after shot, I started to become dizzy. But instead of forgetting, I drink to remember everything more clearer as to when I did when I was sober. I drink to feel the cruelty brought by this swirling emotions inside me.
What is wrong with me?! I got drunk before and I used to forgot things, so what's the difference of that to now?! I thought Keana's death and having to deal with my nightmare brought by her death is worse. But I'm wrong. This is far and beyond from worse. I don't know what name should I call it but if I were describe the unknown, it would be like, I don't have to sleep to have a nightmare because my existence itself is my own nightmare I could never escape. A lifetime torture.
Maybe I need to drink more. Maybe drowning myself to alcohol until I couldn't open my eyes and breathe will do the trick.
I drank straight to the bottle vigorously. As if this is the first time I ever felt thirst in my whole life. And I never stopped even if I'm already choking, even if I already threw up on the floor. I just wanted to forget. That's all I want. That's what I badly wanted. Am I asking too much?
But then no matter how many bottles of liquor I drowned myself into, the burning feeling that I have in my chest never left.
"You took everything away from me. You took the love I deserve to have. You took the life I deserve to live. WHY?!" I slam my glass against the table followed by my tears that keeps falling down.
"I'm always trying to find a way to understand things why it happened the way it did. Even when it's hard for me I still chose to love and forgive you, mother. But right now... I cannot understand and make sense of everything as to why you have to throw me away like I'm nothing. You say you care about me but you're the one who gave me away. I am your child too but you didn't fight me. How am I suppose to understand that?"
I hold my glass and that's where I focus all of my strength as I let out everything in my chest— Anger, pain, and hatred. With every force that I apply in my hand, the more it hurts. But the pain is something I could bare. And maybe because it's something I am so familiar to feel very well. I'm used to it. All my life, I could point in my fingers how many times I felt genuine happiness. That's how fucked up my whole fucking life is. Fucked and nothing but a lie.
And then the glass breaks from my grip, causing my hand to bleed excessively. I stand up from my seat and head over to the restroom. I open the faucet before I look straight ahead, my green eyes meeting my own reflection.
I gulped heavily with tears beaming in my eyes. The Lauren I'm seeing... is the same Lauren I grew hating. The same Lauren who was called by everyone a 'monster'. The same Lauren who consumed every last bit of the girl she loves the most.
"This is not who I am anymore." I whispered as enormous fear swallowed me completely. I stare back at the reflection I couldn't recognize anymore.
But this is who you really are.
"No." I shook my head vigorously, "No, it's not."
I don't know if it's because I drank too much and the alcohol in my system intoxicate my brain that I started seeing things that is not real because I swear to god I saw my reflection smirk devilishly at me.
A monster will always be a monster.
"Shut up."
And maybe that's the reason why they threw you away, because no one can, not even a single person in this world have the heart to love a monster like us.
"No, that's not true. Camila loves me. She loves me for who I am and what I am."
Camila only said that because she feels pity for you. But sooner or later, she will leave you. Just like how everyone left you. Just like how your parents left you.
"Stop."
A girl like Camila will never settle for less. You are far from being enough, Lauren.
"I SAID STOP!" I yelled angrily before I punch the mirror causing the broken shard of the glass to scattered around the sink while some are on my knuckles, inflicting wounds.
My hand begin to tremble at the amount of blood I'm losing every passing minute. My world seemed to shut down for a bit. I couldn't feel the weight of my body nor the throbbing pain of my hand. What I feel is like I'm some kind of thin air floating around. And the only thing I could hear is the dropping sound of my blood.
I wish I could forget how cruel the world is to me. I wish something or someone could save me from this feeling that takes over me completely. But then I realized that nothing could save me from all of this. No medication, no religion, nothing. It doesn't matter how long I get on my knees, the pain won't simply stop and I have to live with it whether I like it or not.
***
It was past 7 am when the cab pulled in front of Camila's house. I slip my hand inside the pocket of my jeans and hand over my fare.
When my feet met the ground, I instantly felt incredibly dizzy. Everything around me is spinning in a very fast pace that it makes my vision blurry. I tried to walk but I tripped over so many times that I ended up inflicting a wound right in my left cheek bone. With all of the strength I have left, I try to walk again but I found myself collapsing on the cold ground.
Shawn is everything while you are nothing, Lauren.
"I'm better than him. I'm better than him." I muttered while crying.
I forced myself to stand up. I don't care if my body can't. I don't care how intoxicated I am because of the drinks I drank last night. I don't care about everything else. All I care is to prove myself that I am way more better than him. I can't be weak. I can't be like this.
"Lauren? Lauren, oh my god!" A hurried footsteps approached me. It was Normani. "What happened to you? We were so worried about you." She's about to grab my arm so I push her away from me.
"I don't need your goddamn help, okay?! I can handle myself!"
Normani just stood there watching me try so hard to stand up. After many failed attempts, I finally managed to get back on my feet.
"Yeah, you sure can." Normani answered sarcastically. There's a long silence in between, "Is this about your mom?"
I could feel my anger rising again but I tried so hard to conceal it.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Lauren, I'm here for you. We all are. But planting hatred in your heart is not a good thing. Life is short and whatever happens, she will always be your—"
I cut Normani off by grabbing the collar of her shirt, "I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT! What was so fucking hard to understand in that?!"
Normani didn't flinch or anything. She's just looking in my eyes, "You were hurt and I understand, Laur. It doesn't have to be this way."
"What do you mean it doesn't have to be this way?! What do you meant by that, huh?!" I challenged her and I never been more angrier than I am right at this very second.
"Lauren—"
"Say it, Normani! That I'm slowly turning into what?! A monster?! The same one who killed Keana and hurt Camila?! Is that what you meant?!"
"You know I didn't mea—"
"FUCKING SAY IT, NORMANI!"
"YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER, LAUREN!" Normani yelled back with the same tone of anger, "I know you! You're a better person, Lauren. You're more better than that."
I push her away from me. As much as I don't want to cry in front of everyone, it just happen. I break down in front of her because I know what Normani said was a lie.
"You don't fucking know me, Normani! I don't even know myself anymore! I don't even fucking know who I am and what I am! You know why?! Because that fucking selfish woman didn't abandoned me because of some tragic circumstances. She abandoned me by choice. And it hurts. It hurts so much when no one chooses you. It hurts so much when your own mother never fights for you. If I'm a better person then why she didn't choose me? WHY?!" My body started to shake at how much pain I'm dealing right at this very moment. I can't even control it anymore.
"You still have a family, Laur. You have Camila and Clark. You have us. Your dumbshit mother never chose you but you have us who will always choose you and fight for you no matter what. We all care about you."
"Liar!" I spat angrily at her, "Y'all just care about me because you feel pity for me! Because you knew how fucked up sorry ass life I have!"
"That's not true, Lauren."
"I don't care. Just leave me alone." I walk groggily inside the house, trying to walk straight but I couldn't. I can hear the footsteps trailing behind me and I know it was fucking Normani who couldn't understand a simple words.
As soon as I step inside the house, I saw Dinah and Alfred talking, too busy to notice my presence. I continued to walk and head upstairs when I tripped over my foot and I accidentally leaned over to the vase, causing me to fall down along with the vase.
"Lauren!" Normani, Dinah, and Alfred immediately comes to my aid but I push their hands away from me.
"I said leave me alone!" I slam my hand on the floor so I could pull myself back up without realizing there are tons of sharp broken shards under my hand.
"Hold on, I'll go get the first aid kit." Alfred immediately run towards the bathroom.
"Lauren, you're bleeding! Let us help and don't be a moron!"
I glare at Dinah, "Don't touch me." I warned her, "This is nothing. I handled living in a lie for 23 years and this is nothing compared to that."
I finally managed to get back on my feet. I used every wall I passed on so I could walk properly and maintain my balance. I headed upstairs and I saw the door of our room wide open so I walk over and I saw Camila peacefully sleeping with the television still on.
And suddenly, the demons that's controlling me suddenly get down on their knees and tame. The hatred that consumed me disappeared for a moment. It was like a drug that suddenly wears off from your system and you were left with nothing but the indescribable sadness. It's like everything in me fell completely silent. Too silent that it became so loud in my ears. Too silent so I could perfectly hear how my soul breaks and how my heart falls apart over and over and over again.
So if you really love Camila and Clark then you better choose what's best for them. Leave and let Shawn marry her.
"No, that's not true. I am the best thing that's ever happened to you, right Camz? That I am enough to be loved. Please say it because it really hurts. It really, really hurts and I don't know what to do." Tears continuously stream down on my face. It just keeps on falling down that it makes my head throb in pain.
I curled my wounded hand and clenched my fist tightly just so I could feel something other than this. It made the bleeding even more worst but I couldn't feel any pain from it. And then I look at Camila again and made my way towards her. I carefully sat next to her and caress her cheek softly with my trembling hand.
I was wishing Camila will not wake up so she won't see how miserable I am. But as soon as my hand connects with her skin, Camila open her eyes.
Brown met green.
And I found myself crying hysterically in front of her. It's the way she look at me with so much love and adoration. It's as if I was the best thing that's ever happened to her. As if I was the most perfect girl she'd ever seen. It's the way she look at me and gave me the space to become vulnerable and that it's okay to be emotional sometimes. And that's the whole problem with that. It's not okay for me. I don't want to look weak in front of everyone, in front of Camila. So I look away and clenched my jaw as tight as I can to prevent the sobs from escaping.
"Do you remember my promise to you? Through winning and losing, through laughter and tears, you have me."
I nod my head, "I remember."
Her eyes that screams worriedness gaze through my wounded face and hand, "What happened?" Her voice breaks, "Who did this to you? Tell me and I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna fucking kill them and I meant it."
I look down and shed more tears.
"Lauren, please say something. What happened?"
I shook my head, "I hurt myself."
"What?"
I look up and her brown eyes are filled with tears.
"Because I wanted to feel something other than this."
"Why do you feel that way? Please tell me what happened so I know what to do. Tell me how to make things better for you, Laur."
"Why are you staying with me? Was it because of pity?"
"Because I love you. Because you are my life."
I scoff, "You are insane. Look at me, I'm fucked up. I'm beyond broken. I'm not even in the half of being enough. You fell In love with someone because you see the best in them. Every part of me, none of them were best. Hell, it wasn't even enough to make people stay."
"But I do. I stayed, didn't I? I don't want to love you at your best. I want to love you at your worst. I want to love at your most darkest and lowest time of your life. I want to love you when you can't even love yourself." Camila cupped my face with her tears falls down to her cheeks, "Let me complete you. Let me make you feel that you are worthy and enough of everything."
"I'm scared. I'm so scared, Camz."
"There's nothing to be scared of. I will protect you."
Camila leaned in press her lips against mine. I could taste our tears as we kiss. It was soft and innocent, just enough to drive my fears away.
I pulled away and gaze through her brown orbs, "Will you stay with me? Hold me... because I'm falling apart." I whispered the last four words so I'm the only one who could hear it.
"As long as you'd let me, I'll stay with you forever." Camila kiss my tears away. Her kisses trails down to my wound. I felt her hand reaching mine. She intertwined our fingers together as I watch her planting a soft kisses on my all bruised up and wounded knuckle before she settle her brown eyes on me.
"I love you more than anything else." She whispered, "For as long as the world still turns, for as long as the sun rise and sets down, for as long as you love me, this arms is yours and will hold you until the day my lungs gave out and my life sucked out off of my body. I'm yours."
I choked on my tears and pulled Camila for a hug. I buried my face on her shoulder and cry. I know at the tip of her tongue lies the burning question but I'm not ready to talk about it— to tell Camila that the man she almost marry is my brother. That two siblings fell In love and fighting over one girl, and that it's her.
We stayed like that for about an hour. Her arms wrapped around me protectively and I never felt so secure and safe to be in someone else's arms other than Camila's. I never felt like this with anyone, not even with Keana. And it terrifies me so much that one day, due to this circumstances, I might lose her again. I don't think I can still handle going through that so much pain again.
"Just in! Señorita singer Shawn Mendes just won a total of 15 VMA's breaking the record of most awarded artist of all time. Mendes really set a high standards at the award show, and of course there's no one who couldn't be more proud of the singer's achievement than his own parents. And they're message for Shawn will melt your heart. Take a look..."
There's a sharp sting of pain shoot across my chest while looking at the tv. I detach myself from Camila and watch how my goddamn parents praised their favorite child.
Their happy fucking family flashed on the screen with Shawn standing in the middle. Both Karen and Manuel had this huge smile on their faces and the anger was building so fast inside me.
"I was so proud of my son and I couldn't describe how much I love him. I hate being so dramatic in live tv but I'll make this day exceptional. My little boy yesterday, my friend today, and my son forever... I will try and respect the fact that the decisions you will make are your own but you must understand that to me, you will always be my little boy. I may not carry you in my arms anymore but I will always carry you in my heart. I am proud of you and love you more than anything in the world."
Karen showered her favorite son tons of kisses before Manuel takes his turn.
"I'm gonna be dramatic like my wife did because this is my son's special day for breaking the record of winning the most VMA's of all time, so," He giggled, "Shawn, my son, sometimes I wish you were still small. Not yet so big and strong and tall. When I think of yesterday, I close my eyes and see you play. I often miss that little boy who pestered me to buy toys. Who filled my days with pure and delight, from early morning to late at night. And I want you to know how proud your mom and I to you. For all the thoughtful things you do. I'll love you till my days are done and I'm so grateful that you are my son."
I was too numb to notice that I'm already crying but not numb enough to not feel the aching pain in my chest. Just by looking how happy they are kills me. I'm falling apart at how lonely this fucked up life that I have gets. And it's so painful. So painful that everything is aching inside. So painful that I couldn't breathe. So painful that I wish I was born as Shawn and not as Lauren.
And to make things even more worst, Camila and Shawn's picture appeared on the screen.
"And of course, the singer's fiancée Camila Cabello also sent a heart warming message which I know will swoon everyone's heart."
I clenched my jaw as I watch Camila's video appeared on the screen.
"Shawny!!!! Congratulations, my love! I am so proud of you, really. I know I say "I love you" all the time, but that's not enough. Those three words can't describe the way I feel about you. You make my tummy do flips and my hands shake. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, and I don't think I will ever love someone this much again. You're everything I have ever wanted and needed. I love you so much, you're my everything, my entire heart, and world. Can't wait to see you and hug you!"
I look at Camila dead in the eyes with anger getting the best of me. I lost myself control.
"What was that?!"
"Lauren," Camila tried to touch me but I yank her hands away.
"Don't fucking touch me, Camila!"
"Calm down and let me explain first, okay?"
"You just told in that fucking video that you never loved anyone as much as you love him, and here you are telling me to calm down?!" I laugh angrily, "Are you even fucking for real?!"
"That was a pre-recorded video, Lauren. I made that video long time ago. This is not even worth arguing for, please."
"Oh really?! Then care to explain why the fuck that interviewer still addressed you as his fiancée?!"
I can see Camila's getting annoyed but she chose to be calm and be so understanding, "Are we really going to argue about this? Because I don't know, Lauren. You're the only one I care about. I love you and you're my priority, not him."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know, Lauren."
"You really don't?!" I scoff as I walk over to the tv and throw it across the room, "Bullshit! And you expect me to believe that?!"
Camila was taken aback by my action but quickly recompose herself. Anger immediately plastered on her face as she walk towards my direction.
"What the hell is your problem?!"
"You wanna know what my problem is?! You, Camila! You're a goddamn liar! There's still something going on between you and Shawn!"
"There is nothing going on between us! Are you seriously making that stupid pre-recorded video a big deal?!"
"Why, you thought that was nothing?!"
"Yes, Lauren! And you're being unreasonable right now!"
"Well, that stupid fucking thing is a big deal to me! Why don't you just admit that you still have feelings for him!"
"I don't love him anymore, Lauren!"
"But you regret being with me! That sometimes you wished you chose him instead because clearly, he can give you a better life!" I scoff bitterly, "Y'all are just the same!"
Camila's expression soften, "I never regret being with you, okay? That thought never crossed my mind even for once."
"Then prove it. Tell your label you're out."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"I can't just quit like you wanted me to. I already signed a contract."
"I don't fucking care."
Camila furrowed her eyebrows, annoyed. "Well, I care! And maybe because I don't want to quit to something that was way more better than any other labels out there who won't push me to do a PR with someone else or to hide who I am!"
"You don't want to quit, so what are you trying to tell me? That I can't fucking provide for my family because I don't have a fucking stable job?!"
"I didn't say that!"
"You didn't but that's what written all over your face!"
"Lauren—"
"I'm fucking useless burden that you need to carry all the damn time. I fucking got what you meant, Camila!"
I storm off the room and slam the door behind me. I heard Camila calling my name but I didn't bother looking back nor stopping from my tracks. I hop into the car and sped off without bothering myself to put my seatbelt on. My mind was so occupied with a lot of things that I let my right foot press the gas pedal all the way causing the car to accelerate in a devious speed. I don't know how the fuck did I manage to dodge all the cars that were on my way, but I did. Right then and there I wish my car collided to one of them then woke up not remembering everything so I could start my life over. I know it sounds so selfish but I was so desperate to escape this pain I've been dealing with. If breathing is living then I am alive but inside I died over a million death. My life is a sad and tragic poetry.
I pulled my car right in front of the abandoned subway station. The place is pretty much secluded from the city so I felt a little bit relief not to get caught. I hop out from my car and headed downstairs to the place I knew so well.
I slip my hands inside my pocket as the two bouncer who's wearing black polo shirt and leather pants blocked my way.
"Off to where, beautiful?" He smirk while his partner kept checking me out from head to toe.
"Go home, little girl. This isn't a runaway show."
I look at them dead in the eyes before I harshly grabbed the collar of bouncer 1's shirt and landed a strong punch straight to his throat. My adrenaline kicks in and reacts immediately. Before bouncer 2 could do something, I elbowed him in the face, grab his head, and slam him against the dry wall.
I looked at them with no sheer of guilt but rather a feeling of intense urge of satisfaction, "What a shame."
"Impressive."
I tore my eyes from the two unconscious freak to look who owns that voice. The owner was a man in his mid 20's, if I'm not mistaken. He's wearing a blue suit and pants. He's giving me a mischievous smile while clapping his hands.
"Did they harass you? Perhaps, insulted you?"
"I came here to fight. I don't have a money to get in so I hope these two are enough token so I could get in."
"Of course. Your impressive talent shouldn't go on waste. Follow me,"
I did he told me and trail behind him. The chants and cheers of thirst men who seeks nothing but brutality and blood echoed in my ears. It was terrifying but I never felt anything. I feel nothing. Just a hollow shell of a woman with nothing inside.
He introduced himself as Rex and he's one of the men running this illegal street fight. I can't help not to compare this to the underground fight in New York. This one is more brutal. Fighters who step foot on the devil's playground doesn't have any mercy at all. And there's only one rule inside— You kill your opponent or get killed.
He was so impressed by me that he lined me up for 5 fights. He asked me if I really wanted to do this and I nod my head, never been this sure in my life. He told me I'll be very lucky to get out of here alive with $30,000 dollars inside my pocket. And I told him I don't need luck and by the time I leave this place, he'll finally understand why storms are named after people.
After all, I'm a monster who's hands knew what blood taste like and knew how cruel life could be.
And that's what I did the whole day until the moon replaced the sun. I fought inside this damn octagon with everything that I have. And no, I didn't fight to survive. I fight to prove myself to Shawn, to my fucking parents, to Camila, and to myself. I fight to make myself feel better. I fight so I could have something to shove down my throat that I am and will always be far more better than him. And every opponent that steps in, I imagine it as Shawn. Blow after blow, strike after strike, blood keeps squirting on my face down to my body. And it wasn't mine but it belongs to the men I beat up mercilessly until they fell unconscious. None of them hurt me or lay their dirty hands on me because I was too fueled by my anger and hatred, too aggressive that they couldn't handle me.
Everyone in that hell fear me, and I love it. I love the feeling it gives me. It makes me feel better.
It was past midnight when I drove back home. Both of my knuckles are swollen and bruised up but I pocketed $60,000 dollars so it was all worth it. I stopped at the small connivence store on the way home to grab three bottles of Jameson so I could sleep without dealing with my fucking head that always overthinks all the damn time.
When I pulled the car in front of the door, I turn off the engine and stay in there for a moment. I open the first bottle of Jameson and drink it straight ahead until it was left empty. I was breathing hard by the time I toss the empty bottle on the backseat. My mind and my body is already taken to another place which makes me smile.
Finally! I could temporarily forget everything!
I wipe my lips using my arm before I open the second one. I could feel the alcohol kicks in to my system. My whole body feels warm and cozy and I feel like I'm one giant vibrating being. I look myself in the rear-view mirror and though I couldn't see straight and everything in my vision slowly becomes blurry, I could still see my reflection.
I laugh humorlessly, "You're not Lauren. Lauren is a good girl and you're bad," I poke my reflection through the mirror, "You're not her. You're... you're Lauren Mendes. L-Lauren Mendes?" I laugh again, "That person was pathetic! No one loves her because her parents abandoned her! But Lauren Jauregui? That shit was damn lucky!"
I open my third bottle and drink it straight. My lungs desperately pleading for me take a break to breathe but I didn't stop drinking until the alcohol spilled all over my pants.
"But who the fuck did I fool? I'm Lauren fucking Mendes and Lauren Jauregui doesn't even exist. It was a lie. A FUCKING," I smash the rear-view mirror with the empty bottle until it was broken into pieces, "LIE!"
I push the car door and step outside but I was too drunk to even stand up so I ended up crawling in the cold ground all the way to the front door.
I grip tightly on the railings of the porch so I could get back on my feet. I step foot forward and rest my body against the door to hold up my balance. "Camila, baby, open up. It's me." I called out while knocking nonstop.
"Cam—"
The door suddenly swing open causing me to fall straight to the floor.
"Ow!" I clenched my eyes shut while I'm rubbing my head in hopes to subside the pain caused by my fall.
"Oh god, Lauren! Are you okay?" I felt her warm hand against my shoulder so I open my eyes and smile sweetly at my beautiful girlfriend.
"Hey Camz." I groggily greeted, "You're so beautiful and so perfect." My words are slurring.
The concern look on her face vanished in just a blink of an eye. She's not smiling nor blushing over my compliment like she usually does. She's just looking at me, disappointment lingering on her brown eyes.
And I want to break down at the familiarity of the look she's giving to me. It's like I was being thrown back to being 17 again. Her stare burns me and it fucking hurts.
"You're drunk." The way the words rolled off from her tongue lace a bitter sound of it.
I lift up my weak trembling hand and cupped her cheek. I used my hand to caress her skin softly and lovingly. Her brown eyes focused on me but soon trail down to my other hand. She took it and examine the bruises marked on my skin.
And just like that, everything disappeared and only love and worriedness remain on her beautiful brown eyes.
"What happened? Did you got into fight?"
I didn't say anything.
Her brown eyes met mine, "Lauren, talk to me! Did you... are you doing underground fights again?"
I trail my thumb to her soft red lips and stroke it as gentle as I can.
"I'm so fucking sorry about earlier, Camz. I didn't mean to yell at you, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." I reach for her hand and hug it desperately as if my life depends on it, "I didn't mean to upset you. Please say you still love me because I need you. I need you, Camila."
The brown eyed brunette leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.
"I'm sorry about earlier too. I love you, Laur. I love you so much." Camila cupped my face, "Tell me what's wrong."
"You can't protect me from everything, Camz. You always tend to fixed things but you cannot fix this. I need to figure this out on my own."
"I'm scared," Camila muttered but enough for me to hear it, "I'm scared that we're falling back to that same cycle and then you'll leave me again. I'm so scared to feel that same pain again twice. It'll kill me, Laur."
I cupped her cheeks and shook my head, "We're gonna be alright this time. I'm not gonna leave you, do you understand me?"
Camila nod her head.
"Do you believe me?"
"Yes."
I stare at her, my eyes studying every feature of her face though I've already memorize them all. I trail my eyes down to her soft lips and I instantly felt a lifeline on my desire to touch her, to feel her with my hands, to set her skin on fire. My stare got caught up to her chest as my sexual needs rapidly increase. I look back up so I could see her breathtaking brown eyes again.
"I don't know which part of me wants you more. My lips that crave yours pressed against mine or my skin that is starving for your fingers. But I guess it doesn't really matter. Because I wouldn't mind having every part of you." The butterflies erupted on the pit of stomach the moment I brush my lips against hers. It gives me different kind sensation I never felt before.
Camila's breath hitch. Her mouth was slightly agape while looking in my eyes. Her brown eyes becomes dilated. It was slowly filling with lust and desire to taste the things I can do. And it gives me a different feeling knowing in just one look, one touch, I've had Camila surrendering all of herself to me.
It's more than a satisfaction knowing I have a power over her.
"Make love with me." I plead to feel her and Camila simply nod her head with a smile.
I cupped her cheeks and kiss her. I own her lips like a throne that was made for me and only me to sit. I kiss her slow, gentle, innocent, and passionate just exactly how Camila wants to be kissed. And as our lips dance in sync, I can feel Camila putting everything down. Her defenses, her walls, her thoughts, completely submitting herself to me.
But within minutes, the kiss became hot, heavy, a kiss filled with lust and desire. My tongue snake it's way towards her mouth and explore it vigorously while Camila's panting so hard just to keep up while I mercilessly destroy her and her clothes.
Moans. Whimpers. Heavy breathing. Those are the things that filled the four wall corners where we're in.
"Get on the couch." I ordered her as soon as we pulled away from the kiss.
Though Camila's still in the process of catching up her own breath, she quickly obliged what I told her to do. She sit on the couch, half naked and legs widely spread all for me.
The sight of Camila half naked makes my mouth watery.
I walk towards the brown eyed girl and hover on top of her. I gasped when Camila palm my hardened member.
"Someone's happy to see me." She smirk while bitting her lower lip. I wasn't able to respond when she grasped my crotch and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"C-Camila." I moaned as my breathing becomes erratic.
Camila flips us over and she's now on top of me. She retracted her fingers inside my pants. Her delicate fingers brushed on my pants, tracing the outline of my dick.
Camila's eyes visibly darkened, reflecting the current state of my eyes. I groped her ass and squeeze it tight. She rolled her hips in fluid motions while my hands palming her breast. For a moment, Camila do a lap dance and I can't contain my moan from slipping continuously. The pleasure that she's giving me drives me insane.
When my arousal is already at the edge of my fingers, I motioned Camila to pull away from a moment. I tear off my clothes and the brown eyed brunette mirrored my action.
"Lay back down." I told her and Camila quickly obliged.
I hover on top of her, aligning my body with Camila. I put my hands on each side of her shoulders as I position myself to her entrance. We both moan at the contact as I begin to move in forwards and backwards motion to stimulate her clitoris and everything outside her center.
Camila pulled me down and capture my lips. She kissed me passionately with all the love that residing to her heart, bones, and soul. And it instantly melt me like a soft ball. Her hands worked their way up and down on my legs, I shiver and vibrate a moan against her mouth.
I change my motions and pick up the pace. I thrust so hard against her that the sound of our pelvic colliding against each other was too loud to ignore. Camila pulled away from the kiss and throw her head back down on the couch. Eyes shut, mouth open.
Sweat keeps dripping off of our body. Skin burning. Heart racing.
"L-Lauren," Camila cried out in pleasure while digging her nails on my skin out of the pleasure.
I run my hand over her forehead and wipe the sweat away. My hand trail to her neck down to her chest. I settled my hand in there so I could feel how hard her heart beats because of me.
I leaned down to her ear, "I love you." I whispered as I slowly gyrate my hips, stimulating the walls of her pussy.
"Oh god," Camila moaned. Both of our body is slowly filled with ecstasy. The liquor that I drank awhile ago is no match at the euphoric feeling this moment brings to me.
I continued thrusting on her fast and hard. Her center felt hot and tight around my shaft, the slick walls grasping and sucking me in deeper.
The air that circulated around the living room is nothing but a smell of sex and desire, our desperate groan and scream, and the sound of the couch that kept squeaking that mirrored the intensity of how I fucked Camila tonight.
A few more hard thrust is all Camila needs to arched her back and reach her orgasm. She screamed for my name as I fuck her through it.
"Camila," I gasped breathlessly. My eyes rolled at the back of my head when I felt myself explode inside her.
I collapse my exhausted body on top of Camila. We were both panting, trying so hard to catch our breath. Camila wrapped her arms around me, pulling me even more closer if possible. I could feel sleepiness sucking me in so I rest my head against her chest and close my eyes. Before I completely doze off, I felt a loving kiss on the crown of my head.
"I love you too, my Mrs. Cabello."
***
I woke up with a pounding headache and feeling sick in the stomach. The memories of last night before I got drunk was bit blurry and vague in my head. I remember a little like I slept on the couch but right now I'm already in the bed with empty side next to me.
Camila.
I made love with Camila last night and she called me her Mrs. Cabello. An idiotic smile creeps on my lips. The feeling of butterflies roaming around my body gave me a tingling sensation. So despite of my hangover, I still make enough room for my emotions. I buried my face against the pillow and squealed in happiness.
Lauren Michelle Cabello.
The thought alone makes my cheeks blush even more. And my heart, my oh my, it was beating so hard.
After my hopeless romantic teenage girl moment, I hop out of the bed. I squeeze my eyes shut at how hard my headache pound against my head the moment my feet step on the ground.
I headed downstairs and the smell of delicious food lingers on my nose that makes my stomach growl.
I walk over to the kitchen and I saw Camila standing by the oven. I carefully approach her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
"Good morning, beautiful."
Camila turn around with smile on her face, "How are you feeling?"
"Terrible."
"Is there something I could do to make you feel better?"
"Kiss me."
Camila smiled before she wrapped her arms around my neck and kiss my lips. I kissed her back with so much love and need. And I just hope my kiss is enough to let her know how much I love her. When the air becomes an issue, I pulled away.
"There, you just made me feel hundred million times better."
Camila bumped our nose together before she walked over to the table and occupy the vacant seat. I follow her and sit next to her. I slip my hand inside my pocket and hand over the check to her.
Camila knitted her eyebrows while looking at it, "Where did you get this?"
"I got a job."
She met my eyes, "What job?"
"Something stable."
She took a sigh, "Lauren, if you're doing undergr—"
I cut her off by cupping her face, "No, it's not. You don't have to worry, Camz. I got us. You do trust me, right?"
It took a while before Camila answered, "I do trust you, Lauren."
"Okay." I pecked her lips, "You don't have to go out there and work. I got enough money for us."
Camila looked away as she stand up from her seat, "You must be hungry. Let's eat breakfast, shall we?"
I shrugged the fact that Camila avoided the conversation. I simply nod my head as Camila prepare our breakfast. We ate in silence for about 10 minutes before Camila brought up the unfinished topic.
"Could I at least finish my contract with them?"
"You don't have to. I'll take care of it." I replied in bored tone, hinting Camila that I want to end this conversation here.
But she's fucking oblivious.
"But Karen helped me and this is the only way I could repay her."
My whole mood wears off after hearing that woman's name. I let go of the utensils I'm holding, making a loud sound.
"I AM THE ONE WHO FUCKING HELPED YOU, CAMILA! NOT HER!" I yelled angrily at her. Camila flinched from her seat as fear creeps into her face, "So you could at least fucking repay my kindness by quitting that damn label! I don't want Shawn or anyone out there claiming to be your boyfriend when you're my girlfriend to begin with! I told you I got us, didn't I?! You say you trust me but that's not what I see in your eyes!" I flip the plate over, "Fucking liar!"
I get back on my feet and started to walk away.
"Lauren! Lauren, wait!" Camila grabbed my arm and spun me around so I could face her.
"What?! Are you not done insulting me?!"
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."
I pulled my arm away from her, "All I'm asking is for you trust me. Was that even fucking hard for you to do?!"
Tears fell down on her cheeks but my anger was too dominant that I couldn't feel anything but that. "You're Camila Cabello who can do everything, right? Then fucking prove it!" I poke her chest hard before walking away.
I head over outside the house and get on the damn car. I revive the engine and sped off without any idea where the hell am I going. My stomach keeps growling so I decided to stop by at the Pancake house to grab something to eat. There's a lot of people and paparazzi blocking the entrance door of pancake house, impossible for me to get through.
What the fuck is this?!
My patience runs out so I stomp in there wearing my anger on my sleeve. I push everyone out of my way until I felt someone put their filthy hand over my shoulder.
"Hey, what the fuck is your problem?!"
"Get your hand off of my shoulder before I fucking break it." I told him through a gritted teeth.
His hand remain on my shoulder and just laugh at me. I turn around and snatch the camera from his free hand and use it to hit him in the head. Hard. He fell down on the ground and I took it as my advantage. I jump on him and throw punches to his face. His fellow paparazzi immediately grab me and pull me away from the helpless guy.
"Now you laugh, bitch!" I hissed at him and spit straight to his face.
The man holding me from behind was too strong that I couldn't escape from his grasped.
"You messed with a wrong one, darling." I heard him whisper. And before I even know it, I felt someone strike a blow to my stomach that sent me down on the cold ground, coughing. I saw him swing his leg, ready to kick me. I balled my fist anticipating the pain from coming in, but it never came.
I saw the guy falls down on the ground with a blood on his nose.
"Don't you dare."
My anger boils even more as I look up to see the guy standing beside me— Shawn.
He looked at me with a furrowed eyebrows, annoyed. Beside him is Karen who's looking at me with a worried eyes. She tap Shawn's arm as the Canadian boy begins to speak.
"Show's over so leave! And next time never hurt someone especially a woman!"
I scoff at his ridiculous statement. Coming from the man who beats up a woman. The fucking nerve!
"Lauren, are you okay?" Karen run towards my direction. She's about to hold my arm so I push her away from me.
"Don't touch me!"
Shawn immediately went on defensive mode and pulled his mother behind his back.
"Fucking watch it, Lauren!"
I get back on my feet and stood face to face with him. I'm pretty sure that green was nowhere found in my eyes anymore. The thin fine line between beating the hell out of him and holding back myself slowly disappearing.
I never felt this much anger and hatred before.
"Or else what?" I challenged him.
"I'll go beyond hell if you ever hurt my mom."
"You and your mom can go to hell."
Shawn grabbed the collar of my shirt with a clenched jaw.
"I dare you to say that again."
"Shawn, stop!" Karen immediately come in the middle between us. She's holding his hands but this jerk still had his hands on me.
With all of my heart, I smiled at him. "Fuck you." Then I strike a blow to his face causing a huge commotion around us.
Shawn immediately picked himself back up and launch himself to me. I fell down on the ground with Shawn on top of me. Karen was already screaming and calling their bodyguards who quickly run towards our direction but neither Shawn and I wanted the brawl between us to end without hurting each other physically. He lift up his balled fist aiming for my jaw. Before it could connect, I knee him on his groin causing his defenses to falls down. He lost control over us so I took advantage of it by flipping us over, I'm now on top of him. I'm about to throw another punch on him when a huge bold arms suddenly pulled me away from Shawn.
"What the fuck is your problem?! You're fucking lunatic bitch who doesn't deserve Camila!" Shawn yelled angrily. There's a blood streaming down at the edge of his lips which sent a satisfaction to my nerves. He tried to launch himself to me again but the two guards who's holding him down prevent him from doing so.
"And who deserve her? You?!" I laugh angrily, "No wonder why she's with me and not with your pathetic ass!"
"I'm pathetic?! Then what do you call your fucking self?!"
"Enough, please!" Karen tried to cut the tension between us but it's already too late. This isn't just about Camila. This is about Shawn taking everything away from me. This is about my fucking parents I wish never happened in my life.
"Me?" Smirk devilishly, "The one who had the balls stuck inside Camila."
He clenched his jaw. His eyes slowly turning into red, "Don't you fucking dare talk about her like that ever again or else I will kill you!"
"Why? Is it too much for your ego to handle that she chose me twice over you? I guess I'm way more better in bed than you."
Now it's his turn to plastered a smirk, "I remember you told me you've changed. Jokes on you, isn't it? Look at you. You're that same immature and insensitive 17 year old Lauren. That same Lauren who drove Keana to kill herself. Monster will always be a monster, I guess."
The table must have turned to his favor because I suddenly felt weak to the core. His words are like a cold water that suddenly splashed right into my face. My anger wears off as well as the demon that controls me the entire time. And now what was left was the girl who was so terrified of what she's slowly turning to be. So afraid of herself.
Shawn laugh devilishly, "Truth really rendered you speechless. It must have been hurt that 5 years later, you still can't change yourself. You're still that sick deluded little fucking girl—"
"Shawn, I said enough!" Karen yelled angrily that made Shawn shut his mouth. She focused her eyes on me but I didn't bother to look back because I know if I do I will just break down into tears.
I pulled my arm away from the man that's holding me and started to walk away.
"Lauren! Lauren, wait!" I felt her hand against my arm, stopping me from walking away.
I didn't bother to turn around. Her hand is like a fire and her touch is burning my skin. It hurts.
"Don't touch me." I said coldly and Karen immediately let go of me.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
"I happened." My voice nearly breaks but I tried to conceal it with more firmer voice.
"What do you mean you happened?" There's a confusion lace on her voice. Karen spun me around so our eyes could meet.
There's this huge sharp blade pierced straight to my heart the moment our eyes met.
"Normani told me you had an emergency in Miami. Just tell me if there's something I could do to help."
I forced myself to fake a smile but the anger that's residing in the depths of my soul is making a grand entrance yet again, making it impossible for me to do it.
"You've done enough. I wish you and your family with nothing but happiness and I wish you a life long well-lived, Mrs. Mendes. In hell."
I saw the hurt shoot across her eyes as she stare right back at me but I don't care. I want to hurt her and Manuel so they could feel what I felt. They abandoned their child and then act like nothing happened. As if Shawn only happened. And they still had the guts to called themselves a fucking parents?! The irony!
"Lauren—"
"WHAT?!" I yelled angrily at her. Karen was taken aback by my action, "Did it hurt you?!"
There's a long pause before she nod her head, "Did I do something that upset you? I'm so—"
"Good, cause I like seeing you hurt... mother."
Her face becomes pale. Her mouth dropped open with unsteady and heavy breathing. Her body was shaking a little. She tried to say something but no sound comes out from it.
I look at her one last time with so much hatred and despise in my eyes before I turn around and walk away. I hop back inside my car and drive off. I needed something to distract my mind so I won't cry like a sore loser again. I need to do something to release the hatred that completely swallowed my whole being.
I pulled my car to the nearest bar and do what I do best— drowning myself to alcohol. I'd give everything to finally stop feeling this pain because I could feel myself slowly fading. Like some parts of me just stopped functioning because they were too damaged and tired. And my heart... I could feel it slowly turning into a cold stone who doesn't want to feel anything. The beats are slower. The sound it became faint and slowly... slowly... it fades and then there's a long silence in between before I heard another beat.
9:00 am went by so fast. It was like a blink an eye and now it's already pass 10 in the evening and now here I am more drunk than ever. I pulled out the bill from my pocket and hand it over to the bartender before standing up from my seat. But when my eyes landed on the guy sitting at the table not far away from me, the alcohol seems to wear off from my system. Anger is all I could feel.
I walk towards his table and occupy the vacant seat in front of him. He's sipping from his drink when his eyes met mine. He looked surprise at first before an irritated expression permanently plastered on his face.
"Get the fuck out of my sight, Jauregui! I'm not in the mood to argue with you."
"I think this is the perfect time to settle our indifferences. Why don't we find out who's really better between us, huh?"
"You're drunk so go home. I won't waste a single time on a trash like you."
I grabbed the collar of his shirt and harshly pulled him towards me.
He didn't flinch. He just smirk, "Let's face it, Lauren. You're better than me back then. But now... you are absolutely nothing and I am everything you wished you'd be. I have a better job, I have a money, I have college degree, I have a loving parents,"
My free hand clenched at the side of the table. His eyes trail down to my hand causing his smirk to grew even more wider, "I struck a nerve, didn't I? So why don't you just go home and whine to your parents why they don't love you instead of nagging me." Shawn push me by my shoulder, hard. "Pathetic."
I'm about to punch him when I saw the book sitting right in front of him.
"Between the two of us, you are more pathetic. And I bet even your own sister will be disappointed if she knew you were her fucking brother. But lucky for you, she's dead."
His expression immediately changes. He grabbed the collar of my shirt with so much force that half of my body are already on the table, "My sister is not dead. Don't you fucking talk about her because you know nothing about my family!"
I laugh angrily, "Oh trust me when I say how much she fucking regrets to be your sister."
Shawn punch my jaw that sent me down to the floor.
"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER!"
I laugh again, "Your fucking mother abandoned her. Your fucking mother gave her away and act as if she doesn't exist. Your fucking father talked to her as if she was the biggest mistake that ever happened in his life. Your fucking father treated her as if she was the most useless crap he'd ever seen. And you, you took everything away from her. You took the love she deserved to feel. You took the life she deserved to have. And I think you and your parents should rot in hell."
"SHUT UP!" Shawn landed another punch to my face, "You are a fucking liar! Who are you tell me that?! You don't know shit so shut the fuck up!"
"Don't look for her because you will never ever fucking find her."
Shawn lift his fist aiming for my face but he didn't hit me. Instead, he slam me down on the floor two times before getting back on his feet.
"You're a useless trash, Lauren. You have no worth and I will make sure Camila will realize that!"
He started to walk away while I remain on the floor, trying to breathe through my blooded mouth and nose. I don't know what happens next but I heard a loud thud on the floor followed by people rushing in out of panic.
I can't describe the feeling I felt inside me. Despite of being drunk and in pain, I felt the need to stand up, so I did. And that's when I saw Shawn laying on the cold ground, unconscious.
I was suddenly get slapped by reality as I look at him. Everything becomes slowmo and muffled in my ears. I don't know what happened to him. Did someone struck him or what, I don't know. My hands became cold and sweaty. The next thing I know I'm already sitting inside the ambulance with the nurses who checks Shawn's vital signs and other shit I don't even know.
He was rushed to the hospital that our father owned. They took him to ER and I was left sitting outside waiting for any updates.
Why am I even here and why the fuck do I care?! So what if he lost consciousness? I should be fucking happy with that because if the doctor ever comes to me and pronounced that he's dead then it will be very painful for our parents and I want them to feel that pain. I want to see them fall apart right in front of my eyes for losing the son they chose over their daughter.
After almost an hour, the doctor came up to me.
"How are you related to patient Shawn Mendes?"
"Nothing. Is he already on the morgue? Is he dead?" He better be.
He shook his head smiling. He thought I was just joking but he didn't know how much I wanted that to be real.
"No. We already transferred him to his room," Annoyance creeps on my face but there's something I felt inside me that I don't wanna feel. "He's okay for now."
I knitted my eyebrows, "What do you mean for now?"
"We can't discuss the patient's information unless it is within his family members."
I nod my head and flee from the scene. I want to get out of this place as soon as possible because being in the place where both Shawn, Karen, and Manuel could be is a hell for me. I need to breathe.
Nearing to the elevator door, I saw a familiar figure standing face to face with a doctor. It was Karen.
"We need to find his special donor, Mrs. Mendes. I'm afraid we're running out of time."