What would you do?
Would you wanna stay?
If I wanna say. . .
I wanna be your last first kiss
My phone is ringing for the second time. It was Harry again I have already ignored his first call for today. And I am planning on doing the same on this second call. Yes! I am avoiding him. Ever since the awkward moment yesterday at the tutoring center where he told me he has feelings for me. I just sat there not saying anything and when he was about to speak again, I pretended that I have something else to do when in reality there isn't because I skipped Math class.
To be honest, I also couldn't understand myself. I know I should be happy that he likes me or that he is having feelings for me since I already have a little crush on him. But it scares me. I don't know what to feel. It was a mixture of excitement and anxiety. It's not a secret how people look at me at school. They hate me for some reasons that even I never understood. While he was hailed as the heartthrob given that he had only been in our school for less than two weeks but somehow, he was able to capture the hearts of the student body.
Why me? Why does he like me? I am not pretty and I definitely don't have a supermodel figure like Kendall. I am naive and as sure as hell I am not popular.
I have canceled our tutoring session yesterday too, reasoning out that I have a project due that I have to finish but the truth is I cannot stay in the same room as he, let alone breath the air he breaths.
Maybe you think I am crazy and maybe I am. But I was okay with just me having feelings for him. Cause I am afraid that if we continue to hang out knowing that he has feelings for me will make me like him even more. What if he's just confused? What if it's not real? I might be the only one with real feelings in the end. And I am not ready for that. For my entire teenage years, I have never been attracted to another person except for Zayn which I think lasted for only two seconds because he was a complete jerk so that doesn't even count. So yeah, I am chickening out but I also wanted to still help him to get his grades back up. So, I am so confused right now. I am completely torn between helping him and avoiding him.
"Sweetie, you have a visitor. Come down here please," I heard my mom call from downstairs.
It might be him. Oh my God! Today is Saturday and both my mom and I stayed at the house. I meant stay because I haven't gone out of my room for the entire day unless I was going to eat cause the last thing I want is to make my mom worry about me. She gets a little over the top when it comes to my health since I have inborn asthma, to the extent that a simple cough she rushes me to the emergency room. So, feigning an illness is a no-no.
"Who was it, Mom?" I shouted back.
It's already noon but my room is still dark cause I haven't turned the blinds off. Two days ago, I realized that my room window is at the exact opposite of Harry's window so whenever the blinds are turned off, I can see him from there which happens to be all the time because he seems to not close his windows or turn his blinds on. So, I don't want him seeing me from here because I am avoiding him until I can decide on what to do.
"Hey, it's me."
I almost jumped off the bed when I heard that beautiful British accent. When I turned my head, I saw him standing in the doorway wearing, of course, his white V-neck t-shirt, a pair of faded jeans, and converse. I like how he looks in converse but I also like seeing him wearing his Chelsea boots. He just looks so handsome and hot with the bird tattoo on his collarbones are very visible. Oh my God! What am I doing drooling and lusting over him?
"Hi," I gave him a weak smile.
My heart started pounding so loud that I can even hear it when he started walking his way towards the bed, then I realized that I am still in my pajamas. This is such an embarrassment, because it is not the sexy pajamas you can see people are wearing on TV, it was a Hello Kitty set of pajamas. I pulled the covers to somehow hide my embarrassment.
"I was calling you," he sat on my bed.
I moved towards the right side of the bed keeping a little distance between us.
"My phone is dead," I lied, trying to find the power button of my phone under the blanket. The last thing I want is for it to ring in front of him and for him to find out that I was lying.
"Are you okay? You look ill," he then noticed.
He must've been right. Due to lack of proper sleep for thinking about him all night and not enough exposure to sunlight I must've looked like a Kristen Steward from the Twilight series. And not to mention that I haven't combed my hair too. So yeah! I look like I could be having some sort of disease.
"I'm good, just a little tired from studying all night," I lied again. I haven't lied this much in the past. Cause I try not to since I attend mass every Sunday so I am trying to be good. I stayed up all night, staring at the ceiling seeing Harry's beautiful face in it. My books are sitting on my desk in the messiest way one can ever imagine.
He glanced at my study table. "I can see that," he sounded sarcastic. "Are you avoiding me?" He asked.
Harry is looking straight into my eyes. My heart is doing the pounding again, this time harder. I tried to stare at him in the same manner as he but I just couldn't last for so long. He is good at this staring contest. I was first to look down.
"No, I wasn't," I lied again, for like the third time. If he keeps interrogating me like this, I might lose track of all my lies for today, God forgives me. I mumbled a silent prayer. "Why would you even think that?" I bite my lower lip.
"Cause you ran away from me at the tutoring center yesterday, you skipped out classes together and went home earlier so you won't give me a ride, then you canceled our tutoring session and you weren't answering your phone." He answered. " And your blinds are up until now."
I looked down, nipping the dry skin around my nails. Everything he said was true. I don't know what to say, I didn't want to lie to him cause it's not right.
"I'm sorry if I caught you off guard," he then spoke and I remained silent. "I was just being honest, seeing you with Horan's arms tightly wrapped around you pissed me off."
I bit my lip while chasing my breath. My heart is jumping from my chest and it's beating even faster than it did yesterday when he first told me about this.
"I am not asking for you to feel the same way," I was still looking down when I felt a cold but soft hand on my chin. He pulled my face up so I could meet his gaze. His eyes are full of sincerity. I can see and feel it. "All I wanted is for you to still be friends with me and let me just admire you." His thumb brushes my bottom lip making my face turn red. This is the closest I have ever been with a guy. My breathing went harder as I watched him move even closer towards me.
"You are so beautiful Swift and I might not stop myself from kissing you," What? Is he kidding me? Does he think I am beautiful? Maybe he has an eye problem but why does my face heat?
I grasp as he moves his face forward towards mine and my heart stopped pumping blood through my vein when I felt his soft lips crashes into mine. I've never been kissed before so I was completely clueless on what to do. Should I kiss him back? But how? Should I wrap my arms around his neck like what I see in the movies? What if he might not like that? And why am I even thinking about that? I am supposed to be pushing him away. We're not together so he shouldn't be kissing me. But I feel like my body is frozen from where I was sitting.
His tongue started brushing my lips and I didn't know what to do so I parted my lips. His tongue entered my mouth and it's doing its circling movement with my tongue. He tastes like mint, it was fresh. His tongue teased the roof of my mouth making me let out a slight moan. It was ticklish.
Harry smiled on my mouth and moved even closer, his hands wrapped around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck just like in the movies. The kiss became a little harder, he was even biting my bottom lip slightly. It wasn't painful, I thought of it as sexy, I remember the way Rachel McAdams kissed Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. It gives me flutters in my stomach.
Harry was the first one to let go, we were both chasing our breaths. I can feel the heat on my cheeks. I am so damn sure that my face is so red now. Something that I have never felt before. Everything that just happened I have never experienced before. I never had a guy gets jealous of another guy because of me. I never had someone who looks as hot as hell kiss me. Actually, I have never been kissed before. We may have let go of each other's lips but his hands remained on my waist.
I looked around and I realized that my door is open. Thank God my mom didn't happen to pass by while I was making out with Harry. Yes! I said it. Harry and I were making out. I immediately took his hands off of his grip on me.
"Are you mad?" He then asked looking at me intently.
After letting out a sigh I shook my head. "No, I am not," I answered. It was true. "I was just surprised," I explained.
"Didn't you like it? Was I bad?" He chuckled.
I shyly shook my head, feeling the warmth on my face again. How could I tell if he's bad? When I have zero experience? "I don't know," I whispered nipping on my nails again.
"What do you mean you don't know? Did you not enjoy it? Was it too much?"
Why does he want to know if I enjoyed it? I don't have any basis for what a good kiss is. And telling him that I have never been kissed before is an embarrassment on my part. Cause not only I am ashamed that I am almost eighteen and I still haven't experienced a kiss, I just finished making out with a hot guy with soft brown curls and a pair of gorgeous green eyes who isn't my boyfriend.
I bit my lip. There is no way in hell that I am telling him that he is my first kiss. He might just laugh at me.
"Wait for a second," he then said. "Are you telling me that you've never been kissed before?"
Oh my God! How did he find out? Well, it's obvious how clueless you are! My subconscious glared at me.
"No! Of course not!" I squealed.
He chuckled showing his dimple. My heart jumps a little.
"Oh Yes! I was your first kiss," he insisted.
I shook my head again. I am not admitting that to him. "No, you're not, I've kissed someone before," I lied again. What am I doing?
"Who?" He asked.
Without any second thought, "Niall!!" I blurted out. That wasn't planned.
His face shifted from the playful Harry to a serious Harry. And guilt suddenly runs through me.
Harry nodded and he stood up, making me regret what I had just done right away.
"I'll see you at school," he said and I watched him make his way out of my bedroom.
I let out a hopeless sigh. I shouldn't have lied. But he shouldn't have insisted that he was my first kiss. It's true but he shouldn't have rubbed it in my face and I should've been sensitive too. He just said that me hugging Niall pissed him off. What more when he thought I kissed him?
You screwed up Taylor! Good job!