The sea is a mesmerizing thing. Some days it can be calm and hypnotizing. It lures you in with its gentle touch. Other days it's a destructive force with no mercy. I had known it in both ways, yet I loved it all the same. Now the only emotion its depths evoke is fear.
In my dream I'm drifting along its surface, staring up and the ever changing sky. Suddenly it turns from a soft pink to a menacing dark gray. Clouds roll in and thunder sounds. The waves begin to turn violent as they push me around, threaten to bring me under.
I scream as a giant wave sweeps me down. I thrash and panic until I hear my name being called, soft and welcoming, pulling me towards it. It's coming from below me. I squint into the darkness and hear my name again, louder this time.
"Annie, Annie," it calls. I see a small pinprick of light. I reach my hand out to it. As soon as my finger touches it I'm pulled down violently.
I lurch awake and look around frantically. I struggle to lift my stiff and shivering body. I look around groggily and see that I'm lying on the beach, a good distance from the water. I can't believe I fell asleep and have been here the whole night.
I hear my name being called again. I look over and see Dad come over the sand dunes. He stops short and then begins running once he spots me. He's still in the clothes he was wearing the day before and looks like he hasn't slept. Dad kneels in front of me and hugs me tightly before looking at me in exasperation.
"Annie I told you to not stay out long! I was looking for you half the night," he says.
I don't respond. I just turn back to the ocean and stare at its ebbs and flows. I hear Dad sigh sadly behind me. He leans down and I feel myself being lifted as he carries me home.
Weeks passed in the same manner and instances like that were no longer uncommon. Frequently I would wake up screaming from a nightmare. Then I'd leave and wander around most of the day.
People stopped trying to say hello. Even Belle no longer tried to start a conversation. I guess she grew tired of me trailing off in the middle of my sentences and staring off into space for long periods of time. People think that when that happens, I don't hear or see them. I do, but I don't end up remembering until they're gone and I'm alone. One way or another it always comes back.
So I wasn't ignorant about the rumors that I lost it. That I was crazy. I wanted to deny it all, but I wasn't sure if I could. After all what they were saying made sense. I definitely felt unhinged. I didn't even know what to do with myself anymore.
My only consolation was my family. Dad and Luke stuck by me no matter what everyone else said. Luke would frequently get into fights whenever I go into town with him. He said he won't stand people talking about me like that. I tell him not to make an issue. That it doesn't bother me, but I'm grateful. I think he's braver than me.
I can tell Dad isn't having an easy time taking care of me. I try to make it easier for him, but I'm not doing a very good job. Whenever I get lost, I forget about what I tell myself. Despite everything, he never gets mad at me. He looks tired and drained, but never angry.
He and Luke say they're never going to leave me. I want to believe them, and most days I do. But there's this other part of me waiting for the day when they realize none of it is worth it.
One day Luke came in with a bruise blooming on his cheek. Dad was shocked. "Luke what happened to your face? Did you get into a fight?"
I watched from the living room as Dad handed him a bundle of ice that Luke placed gingerly to his cheek. He nodded and Dad groaned.
"Luke," he began to scold but was quickly interrupted.
"Dad I had to! Jerry called Annie crazy and he wouldn't stop even when I told him to," Luke said in his defense. Dad instantly went silent. He was stunned and didn't know what to say. I on the other hand felt guilty. Luke was only eleven and shouldn't have to deal with any of that.
"Dad, is Annie crazy?" he asked quietly. I felt Luke's eyes on me. I began to quickly return to working on my bracelet. I sat rocking slightly on the floor as I wove it obsessively.
Dad took a while to answer. "She's just struggling to cope with what she went through."
"But she's different now," Luke argued.
"Were you the same person you were last week? Annie is different, but she's still your sister and the Annie you know in there somewhere."
I stood up from my spot on the ground and walked over to Dad and Luke with a smile on my face. Dad smiled back, but Luke just watched me curiously. I took his hand and placed the bracelet I was working on in his palm. It was like the ones Mom used to make.
Luke stared at it for a while, speechless. "Are you going to try it on or just stare at it all day?" I joked like I used to.
Luke smiled. "It looks a little girly," he said as he admired it on his wrist. The bracelet was made of different shades of blue string with a dash of red and green. I thought it looked pretty good on him.
"Just appreciate it. I worked hard on that," I told him.
"I do," Luke said. "Thanks!"
I ruffled his hair playfully and sat down at the table to eat a snack with him. Dad brought out a plate of cookies and we sat the rest of the day talking.
I want my life to be like that afternoon. But as much as I want it, life doesn't work out that way. If you could get what you wish for by just wanting it enough, then the world would be a perfect place.
Nightmares still haunt me at night and trap me even when I'm awake. I'm far from the arena but I don't think I'll ever escape it.
I hear the front door open and Luke comes in with bruises along his knuckles. He got into another fight. Dad quickly walks over to him, concern etched all over his face. Dad touches Luke's knuckles gingerly and he winces. I can't stand to see him in pain because of me.
"I'm going for a walk," I announce before rushing out the door. Dad doesn't even try to stop me. He knows where I'll be if I'm out too late.
I walk to the beach like I did every day. Ever since that first day on the beach, I came back to try to overcome my fear of the water. Unfortunately I wasn't getting too far. The closest I could get was the wet sand before my breathing became shallow and panicked.
I slip off my sandals and begin to slowly walk closer to the water's edge. The sand begins to cool and dampen underneath my feet. My chest starts to feel tight, but I push myself further. I need to overcome this.
The water laps gently across my feet, but I flinch like it burned me. I can't do it. I hurry back far away, the sand flying behind me, and struggle to catch my breath.
I close my eyes and place my hands over my ears to ward off the memories and sound of rushing water and terrified screams. They're all I hear now. Once I feel like I regained some sense of control, I stand up shakily. I turn my back to the ocean and begin to walk away. It's still early to go home though. Usually I spent a good amount of time building up the courage to walk to the water. I decide to call it progress just so I have something to make myself feel good.
I look around and decide to walk to the pier. I always liked the life involved with the place. All the fishermen coming in with their hauls. The laughter. The feeling you get when you know everyone and everyone knows you. It was what District 4 was about.
However when I arrive it's mostly empty except for a few men pulling their boats in. I forgot that it was Sunday and most people spend the day in town or at home.
I feel people staring at me as I walk along the pier. I see the questioning and wariness in their expression, but I ignore them as best I can. Might as well go with what they believe and pretend that I don't see anything.
Once I reach the end, I throw my shoes off and sit down at the edge of the dock. I let my feet dangle in the air as I swing them back and forth. My thoughts begin to wander faraway as I stare at the clouds drifting by.
Light peals of laughter slowly permeate my thoughts and tug me back to reality. I glance back behind me and see three kids chasing each other up and down the wooden planks. A feeling of nostalgia suddenly overcomes me. I miss the days when I was that carefree. They seem so long ago. So far that they don't even exist.
Suddenly I feel a strong nudge as one of the kids accidentally bumps me. For a terrifying moment everything slows down. I see as my world tilts out of balance, too far forward. The surface of the sea shimmers brightly. Then suddenly I'm falling, slowly at first, then faster and faster. I try to grab the edge of the pier, but my fingers only scrape by. I watch as the waves come to meet me and I scream.
I close my eyes as I crash painfully into the water. I feel bubbles rising up around me. I open my eyes and I'm surrounded by water and white foam. I can't see. I can't breathe. I can't think.
Panic fills my mind. I forget where I am. I'm tossed around and I realize I'm back in the arena. The world is drowning in water and there's no way out. I hear the taunting of the other tributes saying I was going to die. Looks like they're right.
My body freezes and I feel myself sinking, drifting lower and lower. I try to fight. To kick and propel myself up, but I couldn't move my body. My limbs felt like lead and weighed me down. My mind begins to turn foggy as I feel myself drifting away in another cloud of bubbles.
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Sorry for not updating in a couple weeks. My other story is my priority right now but this one is coming along. Hope you like it! And if you did don't forget to vote :)