To the Author and Finisher of My Faith, Jesus, who gave His life as a Sacrifice for mine!
To the countless Men and Women in Uniform serving our country, and especially to those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom with their very lives!
To every military spouse and family member who sacrifices his or her life by sending the military member to combat. Families serve, too! Thank you!
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Iraq, 2007
Mission Briefing
Given by Col. “Max” Mackson
“Graves and Vickers, you’re in front. Holbrook and Hart, you’re center. Thompson and Harris, you’re pulling in the rear.” As Max gave positions for the mission, Joe Holbrook looked at Dan Vickers. He knew the front was dangerous. I.E.D. (which was the acronym for improvised explosive devices) attacks had been on the rise, and many a man injured lately. They’d even lost several of their team members, Smith, Williamson, Flores, and Ling, recently.
Some of the team had been to Basic together, and others trained alongside each other during Advanced Training. Being stationed together had formed this team and they had a bond that was closer than just working together. They were a family! The wives, for those that were married, were also close, though some had never met for different reasons. That thought led to Cammie. Joe missed his wife. Just before they’d received this mission, he’d talked to her. This was his third deployment in less than 5 years. She had decided to go back to Tennessee. She couldn’t take the pressure and anxiety of her husband being deployed so often. He didn’t blame her. It was too much for some on Active Duty, and the spouses had to do everything while their husbands, or wives, were in harm’s way.
He reeled his thoughts back into the mission briefing. They had to make a two hour drive to the next F.O.B. (Forward Operating Base) to deliver some supplies, and pick up others. Going outside the wire was always dangerous, but for some reason, Joe couldn’t shake the feeling of extreme hesitation about this mission. He always could tell if something wasn’t right. It was his “sixth sense,” so to speak. He felt the same way when Smith and Flores had gone on their mission, fourteen weeks ago now, and they’d come back in body bags. This was not something Joe liked facing. He’d seen enough good men and women go home maimed, and others lose their minds. P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) was all too common. Battle ruined more lives than he cared to admit.
On the other side of that coin, they believed they were doing some good for the decent people of this war-ravaged country. The people were grateful for the help and protection the “Americans” brought. Other troops from Canada, Australia, Great Britain, and several other countries, were also there securing this area. The “local nationals” even had new policemen who were training to protect their own neighborhoods.
The Chaplain stood up and prayed a prayer of protection over the mission and the team. He did this every time, and Joe was grateful. Joe wasn’t a super spiritual person, but he believed in God and always appreciated any help from above. The old saying, “You won’t find an atheist in a foxhole” seemed to be a little bit too true.
With assignments affirmed, the team suited up and prepared to go out. They were a good team, and well trained. He knew they’d do their best, but the disquieting apprehension continued to fester in the back of his mind.
They circled up and did their “before the mission” ritual. They each said a short prayer or made a little “you’re my best friends like family” type speech. Each member knew the significance and danger that awaited them outside the wire, and didn’t want to leave the chance that something went unsaid or undone. They also used this time to pump up the adrenaline; much like a team does before an important game. Each had called family, though the service members didn’t divulge the fact that they were getting ready to leave. Operation Security (OPSEC in the military world) was always of the utmost importance. If they said something about their mission, it could potentially endanger their lives, and very possibly cause major trouble on a National level as well.
“Brothers” Aaron Graves said, “I love each of you as if my mom had given birth to you. You know it! I know this goes without saying, but I need to say it anyway: God forbid the worst thing happens, Joe is the only one I want telling Natasha, okay? He’s known her for years. She’d only hear it from him. Nothing against the rest o’ y’all, okay? Let’s do this!”
Dan Vickers butted in: “Nothing is going to happen! We got this, right? I love each of you and thank you for all you’ve done for me and Mandy! Y’all know it!”
Joe had to put his queasy feelings aside and talk to everyone. “Y’all be careful. Watch your backs. If you suspect you see something that could even remotely be a possibility of a danger, you stop and radio it in. Got it? Let’s go, brothers!”
“OORAH!” They all sounded out the Marine Corps battle cry!
Even though others didn’t see this side of them, they all hugged one another before the trip.
Jumping up into their up-armored vehicles, they started the engines, and each gunner took his place in the turret.
Dan didn’t feel ready for this mission like he had in the past, but he kept his reservations to himself. He’d called Tash (his pet name for his wife, Natasha) and gave her his love. He had an ominous sense of foreboding; he felt like it was the last time he’d ever give her his affections. The last thing he wanted was to leave his wife of a year and a half alone. He loved her with so much of himself that he couldn’t have married anyone but her. He prayed for her as he climbed into his gunny position, loaded his weapon, and braced himself for movement. Aaron was his driver, and he trusted him with his life.
Aaron didn’t express his apprehension for this mission. Something seemed off, and there was no other way to put it. He’d talked to Mandy, and even told her his gut was saying it was not going to be a safe mission, but she reassured him with her love, and told him she would be praying for him. “No matter what!” They always said to each other. After two years of marital bliss, they were still as in love as the day they married. No I.E.D. could change that.
As they rolled out, each man said another prayer. The other vehicles in the convoy were also ready to go, and to say the adrenaline was pumping did not explain the intense feelings accompanying the men as they embarked on this mission.
Some parts of the trip, they could drive fast, but for the most part, they drove slowly in case of explosives. “A few more months, Vickers, and we’ll be home.” Aaron said to Dan.
“Yeah, I hear ya, there. I can’t wait to see my wife and walk my dog. The simplest things: a lawn chair in the grass, a beer in my hand, and a steak on the grill; these are the things that make life wonderful. Let’s get this done.”
“I hear that, brother!”
“Hold one. Something’s not right. It’s too quiet; the calm before the storm.”
Gunfire erupted and showered them like hail; each gunner returned fire. A bullet whizzed past Dan’s head so fast and so close that he felt the heat of the round. “That was too close.” Aaron heard him swear under his breath and asked, “You okay, buddy?”
“Yeah, it just came too close for comfort.” For fifteen minutes, and all the way through the town, they were in a firefight. Coming out of the town, the bullets stopped. “Whew! That was nuts!” Dan said. Aaron radioed to the other vehicles to check on them.
“Everybody’s okay! Let’s get down there and get back already. I’m over this mission and we’re not halfway done.” They both heard Joe’s exclamation. And they drove on towards their destination.
After three hours instead of the two it was supposed to take, they arrived at the other F.O.B. They fueled their vehicles, dropped the load off that they brought and reloaded; then they ate. They were allowed a few minutes to regroup and assess any damages; there weren’t any. Dan’s ear was actually nicked by the bullet, and he had it bandaged up. “Are you okay to be gunner on the way back? We can switch if you want.” Aaron asked him.
“I’m good. If anything, I want to return the favor, if you get my drift.”
Joe butted in: “We’re taking the alternate route on the return drive. I think that particular town knows our schedule a little too well. We will circumvent the town and take the “highway” back. Be on the lookout for I.E.D.’s and any sniper or other suspicious activity going back. Our mission just became a little more dangerous than originally anticipated. I’ve already radioed ahead to Max and he agrees with the plan.
The return voyage was under way. They had already detected and destroyed three I.E.D.s thanks to the explosives experts on board the convoy. Not the easiest mission, Joe thought, but they would more than likely make it back safely.
Just as the thought crossed his mind, an explosion blasted that forcefully shook his whole vehicle. He watched in slow motion, like in the movie “The Matrix” as his friend and battle buddy, Vickers flew from the turret and landed more than one hundred feet away in a heap of blood and bones. The angle at which he landed told Joe he died on impact, breaking his neck. Aaron was still inside the fireball that was once his vehicle. Shock tried to glue him to his seat, but adrenaline forced him out, as well as Hart, Thompson, and Harris.
The medics were already at Vickers’ side, and astonishment would not let Joe process the scene just yet. The rest of the team was alongside E.O.D. trying to put the fire out.
After an exhausting forty-five minutes, the medics brought a stretcher with a body bag to retrieve Aaron Graves. There wasn’t much left.
Stunned, they returned to their vehicles. Joe radioed to the F.O.B. what had just happened. As if on auto pilot, they drove back to the Base. Words could not express the loss or the pressure from this event.
Joe had to go back to the States to honor his best friend’s last request: informing his wife. A torrent of tears accompanied that thought, and Joe did not sleep that night. The whole team stayed together in a large room. No one spoke and no one slept. The hardest days were ahead and fitful sleep filled with explosive dreams was what awaited their nights.
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After almost twenty hours traveling, his flight landed in Atlanta, and transportation had been arranged, to include a driver for him for the two hour drive to Amanda and Dan’s (gulp) house. She was a detective for the Grubbs County Sheriff’s Office. He’d already called ahead to see if she was at work. She happened to be off, as well as Natasha. He would go to Amanda’s house first, and then to Natasha’s, ten minutes further down the road. The good thing was that the two women were close friends. They’d have each other to lean on. Joe knew he and Cammie would also be there for comfort, as well as Will and Matt, when they returned, and Terry and Lola. These thoughts were of very little comfort as Joe and Chaplain Mark Stevens, who was from the nearest Military Base, readied to go to the two homes. Joe had to stop at his own home, not too far from the other two places, to put on his Dress Blues. He cried putting them on. He prayed for guidance and asked for Divine intervention in regards to what he would say to them.
Fifteen minutes later, he arrived at Amanda’s house. As they pulled up to the curb, Chaplain Stevens asked him, “Are you ready?”
“No sir, I’m not. These guys were my closest friends, and I am telling their wives the hardest thing they will ever have to bear. I’m not ready, and I’m not okay. I was there when it happened. I actually want to get his over with so I can get back to the rest of my team. We only have two more months before redeployment. On the other side of that, I want to stay here to help them through this! I will be here for their Memorial Services, and then I have to go back.”
“Thanks for being honest, Gunny. I am praying for all of you. Let’s go talk to Mrs. Vickers.”
Amanda’s doorbell rang, waking her from a restless sleep. The last few days had been hard on her, and sleep didn’t come easily. She was still waiting to hear from Dan. She put clothes on and went to the door.
What she saw shook her to her core, and she almost collapsed. It was Joe, and a Chaplain, in Dress Blues. As she opened the door, her worst fears were confirmed.
Before either could speak, she did. “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! JOE! NO! HE CAN’T BE! NO! JOE! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOO---OOO---OOO ! ” Amanda couldn’t breathe.
Joe thought she was going to hyperventilate and pass out in his arms. Tears racked her body as Joe engulfed her in an embrace, attempting to bring comfort in a comfortless situation. Joe could say nothing, and he actually was crying with her.
Even Chaplain Stevens was moved by her grief. This was never easy and, though he didn’t have to do this often, he hated it every single time he did have to do it.
Joe led her into the familiar living room. How many times had they sat together here, laughing and joking, and talking about different events? Joe knew he’d miss his friend almost as much as Amanda would.
Once she could curb her tears a little, she said, “Joe, what happened?”
“I’m not sure you can handle it just yet, Mandy.” ‘
“Joe, you’re right. I can’t, but I have to know. I have to!” The statement was reinforced by sniffs, and she excused herself to get tissue.
When she returned and sat down, Joe recounted the incident, with his own tears as proof to the story. He hugged Amanda fiercely. “He loved you, Mandy. He and Aaron both asked me at different times to be the person to talk to you and Natasha, or I’d still be over there with the rest of the team. They were also the ones I had asked to talk to Cammie, in case anything ever happened to me. I’m sorry; more than you can know, Mandy. This is the last thing I’d ever wanted to happen and if I could be in his place...”
“No, Joe. Don’t say it! It doesn’t change anything. Have you talked to Natasha yet?”
“Not yet! We’re going to see her after we talk to you.”
“I’m going with you, Joe. She’s going to need me there.”
“Thanks. Are you up for it? If you’re not, you don’t have to, but you are on the contact list, too. Aaron requested both of us. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We’ve lost six members during this deployment. Aaron and Dan are the hardest ones, though.”
Chaplain Stevens then began speaking. “We’re ready to help you with any and all arrangements. Dan’s remains are already here at the Base. All you have to do is tell us what to do next.”
“I guess the funeral home in town, since it’s the only one, will have to do. Our church is across the street, so I can talk to our pastor about the services. This can’t be real!” Joe just hugged her. He felt the exact same way.
A few hours later, Amanda, Joe, and the chaplain arrived at the home of Natasha and Aaron Graves. She took a ragged breath and rang the doorbell. The chaplain and Joe stood to one side while they waited for Natasha to answer.
Amanda’s tears would not hold back, and what she felt when Joe came to her door flooded into her brain and out of her eyes. When Natasha answered, she said nothing, but hugged Amanda. Her eyes met Joe’s, and she only hugged him. Her reaction was the polar opposite of Amanda’s. She wept, but quietly, and invited them in to sit down. Natasha was a strong woman, but her weakness was her husband. They’d only been married a little over a year when he left.
She sat in silence for almost ten minutes before speaking. “I knew. I knew as soon as he hadn’t called me after that last mission. I guess no one was allowed to call me until you three came to the door? That was the protocol when we went to Smith’s house. Lanie took it a lot harder than I am, but I guess it’s because I’m in shock.”
Joe gave her the message Aaron had asked. “Before we went on the mission, Aaron said that if anything happened, to tell you he loves you. He said that before every mission, so it wasn’t like he expected to die.”
“Can you tell me how it happened? I need to know.” For the second time in as many hours, Joe recounted the last moments of her husband’s life. Amanda started crying again, and excused herself, but the other three could hear her anguished cries bellowing down the hall. She was not doing well.
“When I get back to the team, we will be having a Memorial service for both men. Would you...” Joe almost couldn’t ask this question, but he’d heard of others who wanted it. With a shattered breath, he bolstered his courage and asked, “...would you want us to send you a video of it? The team members usually talk about their friendships and some people like to know those things about their service members.”
“I’d love one! Thanks, Joe.”
“I’m staying until after the services here, then I am going back to be with my team.”
The chaplain explained the same things to her as he had Amanda. Natasha wanted the same arrangements. They were even members of the same church. She decided to ask Mandy if she would want to have them at the same time, for the sake of the people who would be coming, so they wouldn’t have to make more than one trip.
When Amanda had come out of the bathroom, several minutes later, she agreed to have them on the same day. She figured it would be easier on both of them, as well as the families and Marines who would travel for the services. “As long as you sit with me. They were together when they died. We’ll be together to remember them!” She hugged her best friend.
Amanda did not know how Natasha was so calm. She would ask her later.
To say the Memorial Service for Dan Vickers and Aaron Graves was emotional would not do it justice.
Amanda, after having had time to come to grips with this shockingly awful reality that had become her life, was somewhat more subdued. She did cry, though.
They both decided to have their husbands cremated, but would have their ashes interred at the local the cemetery.
“Taps” was played, and every person there was in tears.
After “Taps” played, the “Twenty-One Gun Salute” resounded through her body. That was when Natasha crumbled. Amanda on her right and Joe on her left were the only reason she wasn’t laying on the ground in a heap. This new reality was harder to face than she first expected. Jesus was the only reason she was alive. He was the only source of her strength.
Amanda knew that she would have help from the family group and Natasha. The men would be home in two months and she’d put on her happiest smile and welcome home the remainder of the team, as well as the rest of the company.
She would hug Hart, Joe, Will, and Matt. She would accept the medals when they were awarded posthumously to her husband, and cry through the ceremony. The empty shell that she felt like would not be evident to anyone else. And that’s the way she wanted it. She wanted to grieve alone, and didn’t want sympathies, or the empathetic looks from people who didn’t understand; who couldn’t possibly.
Her husband was in the presence of the Almighty, and she was still on this wretched Earth; left to pick up the broken pieces that were her life and move on. She’d help those when her job dictated and would survive. Living seemed too difficult. “Goodbye, my sweet. I love you!” She kissed the box that contained what was left of him, and then bawled as the friends who could be there threw roses on top of the little box, now in the ground. So much for “happily ever after,” she thought.
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Author's note: The song is "Some Gave All" by Billy Ray Cyrus.