I loved you once, but no longer now.
- Perry poetry
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Chapter 47
Lauren's POV
Breaking News: Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello are officially engaged! The couple—
The tv suddenly shuts down. I lift up my gaze and I saw Ally standing beside me with an awful face.
"Camila's inviting us to her engagement party."
Her words caught my attention, "Us?"
Ally nod her head, "I can't believe what she just did, Laur. This is so not Camila."
"I guess you were right. I never really know her that much. I guess the Camila we all knew was long gone... all because of me."
"Stop blaming yourself. You did what was right at that time."
"When will I get better? Will this pain ever stop?"
"Yes." Ally sat beside me and give my hand a gently squeeze, "Only if you accept that she's really gone in your life. Only then the pain will stop."
But... how do we accept that things are not meant for us when we badly want them to? How exactly do we let go of something that we already see our future with? How exactly can we tell to our hearts to stop loving someone when it's the only thing they knew? There's no way or how or any easy way out in this. Cause the truth is, love can make you feel stronger and can make you feel so powerless at the same time. Love is a very dangerous thing. It is terrifying, so scary. And it's not the heartbreak that's scary, no, it is the aftermath of the damage of loving someone so dearly. The memories that always haunts you even in your sleep. The different choices you could have been made. The what if's... a hundred thousand of what if's. That kind of feeling where you couldn't do anything but to sit in the dark and pray that things will start getting better because you're at this very edge of your breaking point. And it doesn't matter how empty or lonely or how much pain you're in cause as much as love is patient and kind and humble and beautiful, love doesn't have mercy. Love is a cruel bastard.
And I know this very well, that as long as my heart beats for Camila, I'll just keep on breaking and breaking and breaking and the pain won't go away. And how I wish I wake up and not be able to remember things. Maybe when that happens, I could finally be happy. And so, I did what Ally told me. I try to move on. I try to let her go by quitting my job. As soon as I secure that Camila and Shawn are not home, I go inside the house and handed my resignation letter to Alfred.
"As much as I want you to stay, I want you to be happy as well just like Camila. So if going far away from here will make that happen then who am I to stop you?"
I flash a weak smile, "You talk to me like this will be the last time we will see each other. Who knows? Maybe a year or two I'm finally okay. And when that happens, I'll come back and visit you."
Alfred smiled though his eyes are saying otherwise, "I will miss you, Miss Jauregui."
He came closer and pulled me in for a hug. And that's when everything breaks down. I fall into tears yet again. I was sobbing hard in his arms that I couldn't breathe. God knows I don't want to leave but I needed to.
"I will miss you too, Alfred. You've been good to me, and I couldn't be more thankful for that."
"Have you said goodbye to him?" He asked referring to Clark.
"Actually," I pulled away, "I still don't know how to."
"I'm about to fetch him to school but I think you should do the honor." Alfred gave me the keys to the car as well as the medium brown envelope, "Your salary."
"Thank you, Alfred." I smiled and gave him one last hug before driving to school.
My mind's not with me as I hit the road. My brain went to so many places that I don't know what to think first anymore. Lucky for me I still manage to arrive safely at Clark's school despite of my state right now. I pulled the car to the side and pace towards the school gate. I still have 5 minutes to think of a words how to say goodbye to Clark without upsetting him. I know I promise him that I won't leave him but things turns out the same way it did 5 years ago. I have to say goodbye yet again.
As I pace back and forth thinking of the right words to say, my eyes darted on the pet shop just across the street.
....
"Dogs!!! Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!" Clark bark along with the dogs displayed at the pet shop making me laugh.
"You like them?"
"I love them! Especially that black one!" Clark pointed at the black german shepherd puppy who's wiggling it's tail while looking at us, "Lawren, can you buy me one? I really want that black one."
....
I quickly slip my hand inside my pocket and reach for the brown envelope. I open it and started counting my money.
I think this is enough to buy that puppy Clark wanted so badly.
I didn't waste any time as I run across the street. I push the door open and told the lady that I'll take home the black puppy and she gave me smile.
"I'm guessing you had a thing for black german shepherd, young lady."
I smiled back, "Actually, I had a thing for all the breeds of dogs. It's just that this is the puppy that my kid wants so badly."
She beamed a smile as she hand over the puppy to me, "I'm sure she'll love this."
"He." I corrected her, "It's a him."
"Oh," She chuckled, "I'm so terrible in guessing games."
"Me too. I guess we're in the same club."
"You're a cool mom, I could easily tell that."
I open my mouth to say something but decided to just play along.
"Thanks. And I could tell you're a cool mom too."
After our conversation, I headed straight to the car and put the puppy in the back seat.
"Promise me you'll always make Clark happy, okay?" I pet his head and the puppy started licking my hand, "I'm leaving him to you, buddy."
I planted a soft kiss on the puppy's head before I close the door and head straight to the school gate in which I was greeted by tons of kids being fetched by their parents. I made my way to the crowd and there I saw Clark sitting at the lobby with his back pack on his back. He's looking down and obviously he's thinking something deeper. His eyes doesn't show the same glow I usually see every time I look at him. He's sad and my instincts of comforting him suddenly kicks in.
I walk towards his direction and take a seat next to him. Still, he's not aware of my presence.
"Who's responsible for making my superman sad? Cause I swear I'll kick their ass for making you so."
Clark's head immediately shot up. His eyes darted straight to me with tears forming in his eyes.
"Hey, why are you—" I didn't finish what I'm saying when he suddenly hug me. His face buried against my stomach and he's already crying.
I rubbed his back and comfort him the best I could, "Did something happened? Did you get into trouble? Come on, you can tell Lawren. I'll help you."
"Don't leave me, Lawren."
His words sent a thousand of daggers in my chest. I clenched my jaw as tears began to form in my eyes as well.
"There are... things you don't understand, Clark."
He pulled away, "Mommy hurt you, Lawren. I know that and I hate her. I hate her and Yawn."
"No, don't say that." I cupped his face and used my thumb to wipe away his tears, "Promise me to never ever hate them, okay? They are your parents—"
"Yawn's not my real dad! He's just trying to be even though I don't want him to!"
I sigh, "Okay, okay." I tried to calm him down by agreeing, "Whether he's your real dad or not, you shouldn't say things like that. Clark, they love you."
"But they hurt you, Lawren."
"I'm fine, Clark. See?" I smiled at him, "I'm okay. I'm happy."
"No, you're not! Why do you have to lie, Lawren? I can see that you're not okay."
"What Camila did to me... is nothing compared to what I did to her. And I know when you grow up and understand things better, you'll hate me too." I look away, "Just like how I hate myself." I mumbled.
A moment of silent took over us both.
"Come on," I get back on my feet, "I have something for you."
A timid smile shoot across his face, "You bought me a toy, Lawren?"
"Let's say... more than a toy."
Clark jump from his seat and take my hand as we walk back to the car. He's been nagging me what my surprise is all throughout the period we're walking. I hold the car door while looking at him.
"Are you ready to see what I got for you?"
"Yes! Just please don't be a ghost."
I chuckled, "How am I suppose to give you a ghost?"
"I don't know," He shrugged his shoulders innocently, "But I'm scared of them."
"Honestly, who doesn't?"
"Yawn looks like a ghost."
"A gross ghost?"
"A gross ghost." He nodded and we both giggled. I'll be honest and say saying mean things to Shawn behind his back makes my heart feels happy.
"So, Clark Zachary Cabello Estrabao Mendes, are you ready to see my present?"
"Yes, Lawren! I am more than ready!"
"In three... two...." Then I open the car door and the puppy instantly jumps its way out making Clark squealed in happiness.
"Puppy!!!!!"
I watched him chase the puppy for a couple of minutes before picking it up and showering it with kisses.
"Lawren! Isn't this the puppy I always want?"
"Yes, kiddo. And he's all yours now."
"But... I thought you said it's expensive."
"Yes, but Lawren got some money."
"Where?"
"My first and last salary."
His mood quickly changes and I know why.
I walk towards his direction and cupped his shoulders, "Hey, Clark, listen to me. This is not going to be the last time we'll see each other. Lawren needs to take care of things for a moment but I'll be back."
Clark remains silent as tears began to swell in his eyes yet again, "So that's why I gave this puppy to you. It is something to remember me by. Something that would look after you while I'm away."
Clark shed a tears before he pulled me in for a hug.
"I love you, Lawren. Promise me you'll come back for me."
I planted a tenderly soft kiss on his head before I hug him even more tighter. I close my eyes and savor the feeling of his little arms around me.
I'm sorry, Clark.
***
Camila's POV
"Congrats on your engagement, Camila, Shawn." Karen gave us the warmest hug as Shawn's parents settled in their seats.
"That's my boy right there! You're finally getting married, Shawn."
Karen and I giggled at the overwhelming excitement Manuel is showing to us right now because of our engagement.
"Thank you mom and dad." I smiled at them.
"What makes you say yes to our son, dear? Tell me, I want to know."
I look down to have a quick glance on the shinning diamond ring on my finger before I look up to meet Karen's gaze with a genuine smile plastered on my lips.
"Because I honestly couldn't imagine myself marrying someone else other than Shawn."
"Does your parents already know about this good news, Mila?"
"Yes. We've already talked over the phone and they were more excited for the wedding than I am."
"We're so glad to hear it. I couldn't believe our only son—"
"Only son? You sure about that, dad?" Shawn suddenly cut off Manuel, breaking his long defying silence.
I look over to my boyfriend with a worried look on my face. I place my hand over his knee and I could feel his muscle tensing up as he locked eyes with his father.
What exactly is going on right now?
"Shawn, I—" Manuel cut Karen off. His look became intense as well.
"What does that even mean?"
And then Shawn suddenly get back on his feet, "I don't know, dad. You tell me."
I could easily feel the tension rising between them. I glance over Karen's direction and she's giving me a look which I immediately understand.
"You don't get to talk to me like that!"
That's it. That's the que. I get back on my feet and wrapped my arm around Shawn's, pulling him back from the table.
"I'm sorry, dad. Shawn's not himself today. Doing plenty of interviews are pretty much exhausting. I hope you understand."
"Right," Karen get back on her feet as well and place her coat around her arm, "I think we should reschedule this lunch some other time. You need to have some rest, son."
"Yeah." And then Shawn pulled away from my touch and started walking away.
Manuel is still glaring at Shawn while Karen's giving me an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry about that. Drive safe on your way back, mom and dad."
"You too, Camila. You're such a sweetheart."
I smiled one more time before I followed Shawn. The moment I step outside the restaurant, the paparazi quickly flashes their cameras on me.
Camila Cabello, what does it feel to be engaged to Shawn Mendes?
Camila when will the wedding takes place?
They bombared me with lots questions about my personal relationship. I couldn't give any response as much as I want to because my eyes hurts at the constant flashes of their cameras on my face. I tried to take cover by putting my hands over my face but that doesn't lessen the pain and the pressure they're causing to me.
Camila, is it true that you only said yes to boost Señorita to number 1?
Is there any chance that this marriage proposal is just a pr strategy?
"Stay the fuck away from her!"
And before I even know it, a leather jacket was being covered above my head and I was being wrapped in his strong protective arms where I always feel safe. Shawn leads me inside his car as the security of the restaurant restraint the paparazi from going anywhere near us.
"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Shawn cupped my face while checking up on me worriedly.
I shook my head, "I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me."
Then I look over his hand where I saw a taint of blood in his knuckles. I hold his hand and softly wipe the blood away using my thumb.
"I thought he's hurting you so I ran back there and punch him hard. It's pathetic, really, how I easily get worried when it comes to you."
I bring his hand up and kiss it tenderly, "I love you. Every beat of my heart belongs to you."
Shawn placed his free hand to my chest. He smiled upon the feeling of my heart racing because he's near me.
"Your heart's beating loud and fast."
"It always does that when your close to me."
"I want to feel you, Camila. I want to feel what's mine. I want to touch you. I want to feel your pulse racing as I aligned my body to you. I want to feel your skin burning as I touch you."
"Then touch me. Feel what's already yours."
And then Shawn pressed his lips against mine, kissing me passionately as he shoved me inside the back seat. As soon as the door clicks, Shawn pulled away. We were both breathless from the kiss.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered. His voice is husky and eyes are turning dark. He ran his fingers on my cheek and tuck a few strand of my hair behind my ear.
I smiled whole heartedly as I bumped our nose together before I flip us over. I'm already sitting on his lap. I started to button his polo shirt while his hands endlessly roaming my body.
I let out a moan when he deliciously squeezed my thighs, nails digging on my skin. I can't remember when was the last time we make love on the backseat but I'll be surely have the best time of my life today.
***
I glance over at Shawn as soon as we hit the stop light. He's been quiet ever since we left the restaurant. His eyes turns to the window on his side. I know something's bothering him. Sighing in, I took his hand and squeeze it gently.
"You can tell me." I spoke warmly.
There was a long pause before Shawn says a word.
"They lied to me." Then the traffic light turns green.
"Well, I'm sure they had a good reason to it."
Shawn suddenly pulled the car to the side. His expression suddenly changes sadistically.
"Good reason?! Camila I deserve to know the truth! I deserve to know about my sister!"
"Sister?"
"All my life... I thought I was the only one. And now... suddenly I feel like I don't really know my family very well. Like I was a stranger. And this pang of guilt won't leave me. While I was living the best life... is my sister okay? Did she get everything she needs and want?"
I nod my head lowly before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. This is the only way I know to calm him down from his own demons, "Whatever happened, it is not your fault, okay?"
Shawn clenched his jaw, pain and guilt shoot across his eyes. "What if... it is my fault why they abandoned her?"
I shook my head eagerly, "Whatever your parents decided, it is not your fault. Whatever happened, it is beyond your control."
Shawn sinked himself to my arms, his face against my neck. "I want to find her, Camila. I want to make it up to my sister."
"We'll find her, Shawn. I promise we will. Before our wedding."
"Thank you, Camila."
As soon as we hit home, Shawn immediately called every single person he knew that could help him find his sister. I walk straight to my office and do the same by gathering all of my resources that I think would help. I told to myself that I will bring home his sister before we got married, and that's the promise I would do everything to happen. I don't want to see Shawn like that ever again. Seeing him in pain hurts me as well. I just want him to be always happy just as much as he makes me happy.
"Yes, Miss Cabello. I understand. Rest assured that we'll do everything we can to find her."
Then someone suddenly knocks on my door. I cover the mic of my phone as I speak.
"Enter."
The door twist open and it was Alfred.
"Thank you so much Mr. Danford. I'll expect your call in a few days."
I ended the call and motioned Alfred to have a seat.
"What can I do for you, Alfred?"
"This document arrived at your mail this morning, Miss Cabello." Alfred handed the brown envelope to me.
I took it and it was all the documents I requested for Clark to finally carry the last name Mendes.
"Thank you." I said politely and turn my gaze back to the screen of my computer and continue what I'm doing.
I shot my head up again when I noticed Alfred is still here looking at me.
"Anything else?"
He handed another brown envelope to me, "It's Lauren's resignation letter. She dropped it off this morning."
I could feel my blood boiling in anger just by hearing the sound of her name.
"Finally, the long torture is over."
"I hope you're doing the right thing, Miss Cabello."
"Oh sure I am."
"Does that make you feel better?Hurting her?"
I looked up from the screen with a furrowed eyebrows, "Yes. Yes, it did. And I've never felt so better until I saw her heart breaking right in front of me."
Alfred nod his head lowly, "You told me you want what's best for Clark. But really, did you truly mean that?"
Alfred's words get the best of me. I don't like what I'm hearing right now and the way he spoke to me. I know where he's coming from. He's butt hurt for what I did to Lauren and he's looking for some excuse to get in my head. For what? To feel guilty? Cause that would be the last thing I'll be able to feel towards that cheater who abandoned us when we needed her most.
"You don't get to talk to me like that!" I said through a gritted teeth while pointing a finger at him, "I know what's best for my son. And I did what I have to do to protect him from emotional trap that is Lauren—"
"No, Camila! You did that to satisfy your ego. Everything you did was for yourself and not for your son."
I clenched my jaw while looking at him.
"Cause for once, if you will look at the picture without minding your hurting ego, you'll see how important Lauren is to Clark. You'll see how much Clark cares for Lauren, his mom. You only did not hurt Lauren but also Clark. You've already took away his chance to know about—"
"Lauren took that herself. She abandoned us, Alfred. She left us in the cold alone because she was a fucking coward! What do you think Clark will feel if he finds out his mom abandoned him?"
"What if Lauren didn't know you're pregnant at that time? What if Lauren left something before she go? What if it took everything of her to walked away from you that night? What if she's breaking every single day and you broke her even more when you said yes to him?"
"But that's not the reality now, is it?" I turn my gaze on the window, "Cause the reality is... Lauren never regret leaving me. Not even a single ounce of regret. She never cared about me, she only cared about herself. That's the truth."
I grab the paper before heading to the door. I don't think I can stand more minute in this room with Alfred. As soon as I grab the door knob, Alfred suddenly speak.
"I hope you're marrying the right person, Miss Cabello. Someone who doesn't keep a secret from you."
I stopped from my tracks, look over my shoulder and smile, "I am marrying the right man, Alfred. Shawn's always been true to me."
"I really hope he is cause you deserved someone who is entirely completely honest with you."
I turn around to face him with a furrowed eyebrows and a questioning look on my face, "What are you trying to say, Alfred?"
He looked at me for a couple of minutes before he flashed a polite and professional smile, "I'm just saying." And then he started to walk away. As soon as our shoulders leveled, Alfred stopped. "Congrats again on your engagement, Miss Cabello."
I shrugged Alfred's odd behavior as I walk out to my office. I decided to stop by at Clark's room to share the good news with him. I knock on his door two times before opening it. I saw him sitting on his bed while gazing through the window. He doesn't make any movements so I assumed he didn't notice my presence. I walked in and as soon as my foot step on the doormat, I was greeted by a running black puppy who started licking my toes.
I chuckled as I pick up the puppy, "You got a cute puppy in here, tiger. How come I didn't know about this?"
I pet his head down to his body. His tail continued on wiggling, "And he's a boy. Got a name for him?"
Clark remains silent, still not moving from where he is. I put down the puppy on the floor and walk towards the bed.
"Tiger, why—" I stopped at the mid of my sentence when I realized that he's crying.
"Hey, hey," I pulled him closer to me, "What's wrong? Did something bad happened today?" I asked as I wiped his tears using my thumb.
"A-are you really g-getting married, mommy?"
I let out a soft chuckle. I think I know why he's crying. "Married or not nothing will ever changed. You're still mommy's number one boy."
Clark shook his head, tears continuous to fall down on his cheek. "I don't want you to marry Yawn."
"Tiger—"
"I want Lawren for you. You told me you love her mommy then why did you hurt her like that? Why did you have to sent her away?"
I took a sigh, "Whatever happens between Lauren and I... it's over. It was a mistake."
Clark shook his head, as if what I said is a poison in his ears.
I cupped my son's shoulder to calm him down, "Listen, tiger. I love Shawn and he also loves us. He cares for us deeply unlike Lauren, and—"
I got cut off when Clark suddenly push me away from him.
"You're the one who doesn't care, mommy! You hurt Lawren and I hate you! I hate Yawn! I hate you so much!"
I get back on my feet and stare at him unbelievably. I was so taken aback by his action that I lost control to myself and slap him.
"I'm the one who doesn't care?! Everything I did was to protect you, Clark! Everything Lauren shown to you was a complete bullshit! You know why?! Because she doesn't care about you! About us! She only care about herself!"
I can see the anger reflecting on his brown eyes. The hatred and despise as he looked at me.
"You hate me, fine by me. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm marrying Shawn and he'll become your dad—"
"He's not my real dad! And he will never be!"
"Clark!" I said through a gritted teeth, "I won't be having the same conversation twice, and I also won't tolerate this kind of attitude! I think you need to learn how to accept that Lauren's gone in your life now. She's never been part of your life anyway."
I started to walk away and head towards the door. Before I could exit his room, I look over my shoulder and speak.
"You're grounded. You won't touch your gadgets nor any of your toys."
"Like I care about my toys." I heard him mumbled before turning his gaze back to the window, "I only want Lawren."
I spotted Veronica standing a few inches away from the door with a curious look on her face. Then my gaze landed on the puppy who's sleeping beside his closet.
"Lauren gave that puppy to you, isn't it?"
Clark quickly turns his gaze to me while I motioned Veronica to confiscate the puppy.
"Take the puppy away from here."
Veronica nodded as she obey my command but Clark quickly rush towards the puppy and hug it tight.
"No! Get away from us!"
"I'm sorry I had to do this, young man." I heard Veronica whispered before she forcefully take the puppy away from Clark.
"This serves as your lesson, Clark." I said before walking out of the door.
***
"Thank you again, Mr. and Mrs. Mendes." We stand up from our seat and gave our private lawyer a handshake.
"Thank you again for your help, John." Shawn beamed a smile as he put his arm over my shoulder, "It really means a lot to know Clark will finally carry my last name. As you know, that kid is like my own son already."
He chuckled, "I understand, Mr. Mendes. And I'm really happy that I get to work on your case."
"You've been nice to us, John. And I've been meaning to ask you to attend our wedding."
"Speaking of which, when will the wedding takes place?"
I wrapped my arms around Shawn's waist as we locked eyes with a genuine smile both plastered on our faces.
"It actually depends on what Camila wants. But if you will ask me I want the wedding to happen one to two weeks from now."
"After his tour." I answered firmly, "I guess it'll give me more time to prepare for my big day."
"Not just a big day, princess." Shawn pinched my chin, "It's your most special day."
"Our special day." I corrected him, "It's ours."
"So three months from now, huh?" John asked for a confirmation.
Shawn raised his eyebrows while looking at me, and I smiled.
"Three months indeed."
After we walked John to the door and watched his car drove away, Shawn turned around to face me. His eyes are scanning my whole face before it settles in my eyes. I've never seen this look in his eyes before. There's... there's so much love in his eyes. An overwhelming love that I could easily get drown to. And suddenly, I could feel it in my body. And I've come to realized that I love this man beyond anything else. This is the man I would gladly spend the rest of my life with. I could see the passion in his eyes. The will to protect me and my son— our son at all cost. That I could count him in anytime I needed him.
"I'm lucky to be loved by you." I said the thought out loud.
His lips twitched a tight lipped smile, "Are you a mind reader? Cause I swear I'm about to say the same thing."
We both giggled. As soon as our giggling died, Shawn pulled me in a tight embrace.
"I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Camila. I've been dreaming this for so long and now... now it's happening."
"Are you crying?"
Shawn didn't answer. I just heard him sniff. I pulled away so I can see his pretty face, "Yeah, you're crying."
"I'm just happy, you know? To be able to live in this lifetime with you. That you actually chose me over her."
Lauren.
....
"I hope you're marrying the right person, Miss Cabello. Someone who doesn't keep a secret from you."
"I really hope he is cause you deserved someone who is entirely completely honest with you."
....
"Shawn?"
"Yes, princess?"
"You're not keeping anything from you, right?"
Shawn shook his head, "I will never lie to you, Camila. I will never do anything that could ruin us in the future. I'll always be true to you, that I promise you."
I smiled knowing he's telling the truth.
"Come, I have a surprise for you."
I tangled our hands together as I followed Shawn's lead. He led me to the garden that was filled with roses and a romantic candle light dinner table set in the middle.
"Wow!" I gasped upon seeing the sight Shawn prepared, "Is this all for me?"
"All for you, baby."
I look in his eyes and he smiled, "And I wrote a song for you, if you don't mind."
"You surely know how to make women blush, Mendes." I tease.
"Not just any other women, Camila. You're that girl who's always been on my story. My only girl."
I smiled as I take a seat and watch Shawn grabbed his guitar. He knelt on the ground as his delicate fingers started strumming the guitar strings harmoniously. He started humming, making such harmonic melody before he starts singing his heart out.
"It's a fairytale I can't explain
Full of words I don't know how to say
And without a little twist of fate
I know I'd still be searching, baby
I swear that you've been sent to save me
You're the only one that my heart keeps coming back to
It's always been you, it's always been you
It's always been you, it's always been you
It's always been you
And you've seen all my darkest fears
Like you've known me for a thousand years
The boy who's really underneath
All the scars and insecurities, baby
I swear that you've been sent to save me
You're the only one my heart keeps coming back to
It's always been you, it's always been you
It's always been you, it's always been you
It's always been you, yeah
You're the only one that my heart keeps coming back to
It's always been you, yeah
It's always been you
You're the only one that my heart keeps coming back to."
I didn't know I was crying until I felt Shawn's soft thumb caressing my cheek.
"I fell for you, and I am still falling."
I sinked down my body to his bold arms and smiled to myself. I found home in his arms.
After our fun date at the garden, Shawn and I headed inside. We hang out in the living room for a moment binging some interesting documentary on Netflix when Shawn excused himself to talk to his manager about the resume of his leg tour in Europe.
"Miss Cabello?"
I shot my head up to meet Veronica's gaze. She's standing a few inches away from me with the puppy in her arm.
"What will I do with this puppy?"
"Post an ad for adoption."
"But what about Clark?"
I clenched my jaw as I remember how he talked back to me a while ago, "He doesn't have any say in this."
"Can I... can I at least keep the puppy?"
"If you no longer love your job and prefer babysitting some puppy instead then yes, you can keep it."
I stand up from my seat and about to walk away when Alfred suddenly appeared in front of me.
What now?
"Bring the puppy back to where you got it, Miss Iglesias."
I narrowed my glare to Alfred, "No." I said firmly.
"You heard me, Miss Iglesias."
"I am your boss, Veronica."
Alfred and I stare at each other for a couple of minutes before Veronica spoke, breaking the heated silence that surround us.
"Fuck it! I'm keeping this poor puppy myself."
I watch Veronica run upstairs before I settle my eyes on Alfred. I gave him a cold stare.
"You can't just say things around this house and contradict every single damn of my decisions, Alfred!"
"You're stepping out of the line, Camila. Are you really that heartless? You even want to get rid of the innocent puppy all because of your ego? Come on!"
"I'm just helping Clark to move on from her, okay?!"
"You want something impossible, Camila! It takes time for Clark to move on from something he loss all because of you!"
I breathed out in disbelief, "I'm the one who's been hurt here and yet I'm still the one to blame?!"
"Because you're being blinded! You cannot see how much you killed Clark by taking away the person who means so much to him."
"I raise Clark all by myself for 5 years without her. We don't need her, Alfred."
"You don't need her, Camila. But Clark needs her. There's a difference."
"We don't, and there's no difference between 5 years ago and now."
"Keep the puppy. That's the least thing you could do for your son."
Then Alfred started to walk away, leaving me all alone.
Dinner came, all of us are present in the dinning table except Clark. The room of his door is closed and locked unlike the usual. I decided not call him out to join us to give him space but told Veronica to take his dinner upstairs. Around 8:20 pm when Veronica headed downstairs with the meal on hand. It's untouched. When I asked her how's Clark doing she told me he won't stop crying and refuses to eat dinner no matter how much Veronica forced him to.
I nod my head in understanding before I head upstairs and go to his room. Before I could open the door, I can hear the sobs coming from him.
"Tiger?" I called him out as soon as I open the door.
"Leave me alone." He mumbled, burying his head on the pillow.
I sit on the edge of his bed and caress his back lovingly, "Are you still mad at mommy?"
He shook his head, "I just want Lawren back. I missed her so much."
"But I'm here. Don't you want me anymore?"
"You're marrying Yawn then you'll have a new baby and everybody will forget about me just like how you will forget about Lawren."
"There's no way in hell it will happen. Clark, you are my life. You're the first boy I've ever fell In love with."
Clark turn his body around and suddenly, he crashed his little body on me.
"I want her back, mommy. Please let Lawren come back to us." His voice cracked as he pleaded me with so much desperation.
It breaks my heart to hear the pain in his voice. To feel him crying while hugging me tightly. As much as I want to grant his request, I can't. Not after everything that happened between Lauren and I. Not when Clark is her son. I couldn't let Clark feel the same pain I've felt because I loved Lauren.
"Can I join?"
We both shot our head up to see Shawn giving us a warm smile.
"Of course, you can."
Shawn smiled before leaning closer so he can hug us. But before he could lay his arms on us, Clark pulled away and turn his back. Shawn gave me a questioning look so I escorted him outside the room.
"What's the matter? Is everything alright between you two?"
"He just missed Lauren, that's all. But I'm sure after a day or two he'll be alright." I hope so. I really hope so. "You know how kids are. They are like a walking roller coaster of emotions."
He nod his head, "I really hope Clark gets over her soon."
"So, what does Andrew wants to you now?" I asked changing the subject.
"Nothing much. He just informed me that the tour resumes two days from now."
"When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning."
I took a sigh, "I will miss you."
"I will miss you more, Camila."
***
The whole night went so fast that I found myself standing at the airport door saying goodbye to the man I love yet again. Everyone came to say goodbye to Shawn except for Clark. Until now he's still not okay. He locked himself up in his room the whole morning and I'm afraid this cycle will go on for days.
But I guess my hunch is wrong after all.
The days turns into weeks— 3 weeks to be exact. Clark refuses to talk to anyone, refuses to eat his meal. He's just crying. Crying while looking at the door whenever he's at the living room and looking at this window when he's in his room waiting for some miracle that somehow Lauren would show up. I did everything I can to chase his sadness away but the more the day passed, I could feel him drifting away from me. And I hate it. It pains me seeing my son like this.
"I'm hoping you're aware why I called you, Miss Cabello or should I say Mrs. M—"
I glance at Clark who's sitting right in front of me. He's looking down while playing with his thumb— exactly what Lauren always does.
"Miss Cabello. I think it's better if we stick to that for the meantime."
"Right," Mr. Benedict cleared his throat, "Clark's recent behavior raises awareness not just to me but also to his teacher,"
Ally and I exchange glances on each other. She's standing by the door frame with her hands behind her. I lent my eyes on Benedict and nod my head to acknowledge his concern towards my son.
"Is everything alright at home? I am honestly not used to see Clark being so quiet. Being so... depressed."
I glance at my son who remains in this seat, still looking down.
"Yeah. Actually, he just... missed his dad I guess."
"Yawn's not my dad!" Clark suddenly burst out. Tears began to sprang in his eyes, "I-I just... I just missed—"
"Ssssh," Ally suddenly came up and pulled him in for a hug, "I know. We all do."
I looked at Benedict who's adjusting his glasses, "Family issues?"
"Something like that."
After our council meeting, Benedict escorted us outside his office. Ally and Clark are already walking away while I stay behind with Benedict.
"You don't have to worry about him, seriously. I'll do everything to make him feel better."
He nod his head, "Please do, Miss Cabello. And congratulations on your engagement."
I forced myself to smile and say thank you. I cannot smile genuinely lately knowing Clark's being like this. As his mother I need to do something to make him feel better. I gotta try. Whatever it takes.
I bid my goodbye to Benedict when Alfred and Ally suddenly shouted my name from across the hall.
"CAMILA! CLARK PASSED OUT!"
My world suddenly stopped spinning as soon as their words sinked in my head. Too much worriedness suddenly flash over me with tears continuously tainting my cheeks. The next thing I know, I was running after the doctor while they're taking Clark in some hospital room that I'm not allowed to. It took 5 nurses to stop me from going after my son and to calm me down.
This is all my fault. This is all my fucking fault!
"Ally," I wipe my tears away using my arm as I get back on my feet, "Where's Lauren? Tell me where can I find her."
Ally remain silent. I could tell she's having an internal battle with herself whether she will spill the information I needed or not.
"Camila..." Ally trailed off.
"Ally, please! Clark needs her. Our son needs her."
Ally took a sigh, "She flew back to Miami. I can tell you where her address is but after what happened—"
"I'm willing to swallow my pride for the sake of my son. So please, I'm begging you. Help me find her."
As soon as the sun sets the next morning, I flew straight to Miami as fast as I can. I don't know what to say when I come face to face with Lauren. But I really need to do this for Clark. If Lauren is his medicine then I'll gladly give it to him even though there's a thousands of complication to it, I don't care. Forget about my ego. Forget about myself. Forget about our history. Clark is my number one priority. He always comes first.
As soon as my plane landed on Miami, I called a cab and gave the address Ally wrote in a piece of paper. My heart is practically hammering inside my chest throughout the whole drive. I couldn't tell if I'm being nervous, scared, or anxious or all three. The moment the cab stopped in a two story house, my world seemed to slowdown.
Here goes nothing.
I get out of the cab as I try to walk steadily up to their porch. I took a series of deep breath before I knock two times on the door. I wait for about two minutes but no one pick up the door. I lift up my hand to knock again when a voice of a man suddenly speak behind me.
"How may I help you?" He asked. His long hair dancing as the wind blows.
"U-Uhmm, is Lauren Jauregui home? I really need to speak to her. It's a... very important matter that we needed to discuss immediately."
He chuckled, "Laur didn't tell me she got herself a hands down gorgeous girlfriend."
I almost got chocked, "We're not together."
"Oh," He's mouth formed a small 'o', "So... you're her boss?"
"Ex-boss, actually. But I'm trying to win her back." And then I realized what words I used, "As my employee, of course!"
"Right," He giggled before walking pass me and jiggling through his keys as he open the door, "But I'm afraid Lauren won't be able to work for you in the meantime."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "What do you mean? She got herself another job?"
"No." He shook his head, "She got herself in a bad car accident this morning."
My pulse suddenly beats loudly yet so slow. "Do you know which hospital she's in?"
"Yeah, I could give you a lift if you want."
"Thanks."
He smiled over his shoulder, "What's your name again?"
I hesitated to answer his question at first but I still gave away my name to him, "Camila. Camila Mendes."
I heard him crack a small laugh.
"Is my name that funny?"
"No." He shook his head, "It's just that... I find it so ironic how Lauren really finds a workplace who had a boss named Camila who happens to be the name of the girl she can never get over with." He finally manages to open the door while I remain dead silent to where I stand, "Camila's the love of her life. Pity me, I didn't have the chance to meet her personally. I bet she's great."
"You okay?" I looked up to meet his gaze and realized that I haven't giving any response to everything that he said, "I'm Chris, by the way. Lauren's brother."
I smiled at him and wait at the porch as he fetch Lauren's stuff. After a couple of minutes, Chris came down with a duffel bag around his shoulder. He escorted me to his truck as we head down to the hospital where Lauren is. Chris kept me occupied throughout the whole drive by telling me stories but my mind is somewhere else.
"We're here." Chris finally pulled his car in front of the main lobby of the hospital, "You should head out first. The line in the parking lot is hella long and I don't want to waste your time, Lauren's boss."
I remove my seatbelt and give him a smile, "Thank you for giving me a ride, Chris."
"No problem. She's in room 402."
I open the passenger door as I hop out when Chris suddenly speak again.
"Hey, Camila Mendes? Has anyone told you yet that you really looked like Camila Cabello?"
I chuckled lowly, adjusting the black cap around my head. "Honestly, I get that a lot."
I close the passenger door and headed straight to room 402. I slip my hands inside my pocket as I walk calmly.
You got this, Camila. You got this.
As I get closer and closer to her room, I could hear muffled voices.
Someone's in her room.
I check the door of her room and it is slightly open. Inside, I could hear voices of a man and woman having a heated argument.
"See?! I told you, Clara! She's okay! You shouldn't bother yourself coming here!"
"She's our daughter, Mike! It's just normal for a mother like me to get worried about her."
"She's not our daughter, Clara! The only reason why we're taking care of her until now is because of that fucking debt! You can't even take care of our own child and you still had the guts to worry about someone else's child?! Ridiculous!"
"Do you hear yourself?! We take care of her for 23 years! Ever since she was a baby, Mike! And I can't imagine that after all these years you still think of her as a seal to your debts!"
I breathed out in disbelief. Lauren... is not their real daughter?