Flashback - 11 Years Ago
"Hey, baby girl!" I perked up as I heard my father's voice.
I spotted him coming in the office door and I jumped up with a smile. He squatted down and held his arms out so I could jump into his arms.
My father was a relatively big man. He had Chestnut brown skin and sparkling brown eyes. He had strong arms for the best hugs and a gleaming smile for the happiest moments.
"How was the last day of school?" He asked as he picked me up, signing me out and waving to the staff.
"Have a wonderful summer!" A staff member yelled.
He nodded and I smiled. "It was really fun! We ate a lot of food and we watched movies!"
"Oh, really?"
"Mhm, but my bestest friend said she wasn't coming back next year so I cried a little bit." I said sadly.
"Aw, well, you'll make new friends next year." He kissed my forehead and I smiled widely.
We walked outside to the car and I saw my mother leaning on it. My father put me down and I raced to my mom, only to be picked up again. "Hi, mommy!"
"Hey, sweetheart. Ready to go?" She asked, smiling tiredly.
I nodded and let myself be put in the backseat. I swung my feet back and forth happily as I watched the scenery passed by.
And then I noticed it.
The silence.
It was thick and strained. I watched as my mom didn't dare to look in my dad's direction. My dad's hand was gripping the steering wheel with a grip that stretched his skin tight along his knuckles. There was no music playing from the radio and I didn't dare complain as it wouldn't do any good. They would just start back up again.
I frowned and fiddled with my fingers in my lap all the back to the house.
"You hungry?" My mom asked quietly when we got inside.
I shook my head and she sighed, nodding. "Go upstairs and go play."
My shoulders slumped further but complied nonetheless. I went upstairs to my room and pulled out my coloring book, finding a page that I haven't colored yet. I grabbed my crayons and laid on my stomach, starting to color.
Slowly, the murmur of their voices got louder until there was the sound of glass shattering. "You're a fucking coward!"
I flinched and my hand stilled. There was the sound of glass shifting along the floor before the front door slammed closed.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I quickly went back to coloring. I acted like I didn't see him standing in the doorway and focused on coloring the frog sitting on a lilypad.
He sighed and came into the room, sitting on the floor beside me. "Come here."
Before I knew it, I was crying. He pulled me into his lap and rubbed my back. I laid on his chest and let myself cry. "Why do you and Mommy have to yell at each other all the time?"
"Mommy and I aren't just getting along right now but we're going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright."
He lied.
It happened three more times before the last straw broke the camel's back.
They didn't even wait until I was upstairs to start screaming at each other. I ran upstairs and buried myself under my covers, trying to block out the sounds of frustration and aggression.
It suddenly quieted down but I could hear my mom's muffled sobbing. Footsteps came up the stairs again and my door opened. My grip tightened on my blankets and my dad sat on the edge of the bed. "I am so, so sorry. You have to promise me that you'll take care of your mom for me. Alright, baby girl? You have to be strong because when...I'm gone, you and your ma have to watch out for each other."
I didn't respond and he pressed a kiss on top of the covers. "I love you."
When he left the room, I slowly followed him out and watched as he stopped in front of my mother who was still sitting on the floor crying. He crouched and kissed the side of her head. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I love you, Loey, I do."
"Then stay." Her voice cracked and wavered.
He stood up and walked over to the duffle bag placed by the door, picking it up. "I can't."
-
That was the last time I heard my father's voice.
When I grew older, my mom told me what happened. My father was an army man and he settled down with my mother, taking him out of the draft for a while. However, as I started to get older, he felt that it was time to go back into the army force. My mother fought and pleaded but my father had made up his mind. That day, she realized what he loved more than his family and that was serving his country.
He left.
As a child, my sadness grew into anger and resentment but now, after eleven years, I was just indifferent. I didn't know how to feel about him coming back. Was I supposed to feel angry, happy, or sad?
Nothing would change the fact that he was my father but would he still feel like one or would he be a stranger after eleven years?
I kissed that photo every night before bed because I wished him the best and it reminded me of easier times. I still loved my father after all these years.
But something cold and heavy churned in my stomach after thinking of seeing my father again. It caused me to lose my breath like I was choking and curl in on myself so I could hide from it. It still lurked and managed to find me when I least expected it. When I was exposed and distracted by other people, feelings, and situations.
It was emptiness.
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With his gun, with his head held high, he told me not to cry
Oh, my daddy said shoot, oh, my daddy said shoot
Y'all imma try my best...
To make y'all suffer for the next five or more chapters lmao
Happy Reading!!! 😘😘😘