Chapter 23::Jar of Hearts::Christiana Perri
~PART ONE~
"Grief doesn't change you it reveals you." -John Green
The hospital was all white, cold, and smelt too clean. My heels scrapped against the white tiles and I wrung my wrist in my hands, ignoring my bandages. Lucas sat beside me, his arm around my shoulders. I didn't feel comforted.
My mother, one of the things I hated moet in the world. After all she has done to me. How she treated me... I was worried sick. And Max, my little brother who deserved a better mother and sister. I couldn't lose him. I barely got to know him.
"This isn't right." I said. I jumped up from the seat and rushed over to the recoptionist. I could see her eyeroll but I really didn't care.
"Are you sure I can't see them?" I asked again.
"I told you miss." she sighed. "You can't see them right now."
"Can you at least tell me that they're okay?" I begged. "Please."
"I can't." she stressed. She clicked away on the computer in front of her and a urse behing her looked over at me.
"Fine." I truned away and walked over to Lucas.
"Come on let's get you something to eat." he said pulling me into the direction of the cafeteria. Other people sat in the waiting room. Some looked more anxious than me. I was the only on repeatedly bugging the resecptionist.
But I hated waiting. I hated it. My heart fell like it was trying to beat out of my chest and the whole room was closing around me and I couldn't breathe until I knew my family was okay.
"No." I snapped releasing myself from his hold. "I need to stay here. In case... in case they have something new."
"Nadya..." he said hesitently. "You suffocating in here. We jut going down the hall, we'll be back."
"No."
"Nadya." he looked at me and I felt it. He understood.
"Okay." I said. "Fine." I walked with him over to the general direction of the cafeteria.
I could hear the whirring of the hospital doors behind me. And someone loud came stomping in.
"I'm here for Max Sterling."
The voice was frightenly familiar. If I thought my chest felt constricted now, I could barely get oxygen to my head. Please... not now, not with Lucas here.
Lucas tunred around to look to check out the commotion and in return I was forced to turn with him. And there he was, Tyler. He looked like a wreck. His hair was a mess and he looked out of breath.
"That patient isn't allowed vistors at the moment." the receptionist said.
"But I'm his father." he shouted. And there it was.
"I'm sorry." she replied, not really seeming to pay attention.
I held my breathe waiting for Lucas to connect the dots as Tyler looked over at us. Lucas looked at him curiously and then I realized, Lucas doesn't know who Tyler is, what he was to me and what he did to me.
"Do you know him Nadya?" he asked, still confused. "He looks a little young to be your father."
I took a deep breathe. "That's because he's not."
"Nadya." he rushed over to me. "Have you heard anything?"
I clenched my teeth and took deep breaths. "No. They aren't telling me anything either."
"Who is this?" Tyler said tensely. Lucas straightened at the threatening tone in his voice.
"Don't start Tyler." I hissed.
"Don't start what? Huh, Nadya." he said. "Why didn't you call me? My son's in the hospital and you couldn't call? To busy slutting it up?"
"Hey." Lucas said with a warning tone.
"Me! What about you? When you found out about Max you ran." I said.
"No, I didn't! You and your mother ran." he shouted.
"Excuse me." a nurse said. "If you can take this conversation outside."
"No, because this jackass thought he could judge me. How do you think I felt, huh? Telling Max about his father and why he wasn't there." I pointed my non-injured finger at his chest. "You cheated on me Tyler. And you left me and my mother to deal with it, alone."
"I was fourteen!"
"I don't give a-"
"Miss!" it was now a security guard behind the nurse. "I need to ask you to leave!" I didn't bother replying I was already on my way out.
It was quiet outside the hospital apart from the cars cruising down the road and the occasional honking of the horn. It felt good to actually breathe. I took a couple deep breathes clutching my torso as I closed my eyes and focused. I tried to think, willing this all to not be true. This cannot be happening.
"Nadya!" Lucas called rushing out of the hospital doors. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm over here." I said. He turned to me and gave me a hesitant smile.
"I thought you would have ran away." he said. When I didn't reply he approached me. "After that, Tyler guy."
"He's my ex-boyfriend." I sighed. "And my brother's father." The look on his face told me he already figured this out but it felt good to say it.
"Your mother is a-"
"Yeah I know." I snapped. She was. She was basically every bad thing in the book. The emotional neglect and abuse she put not only me but Max through... She deserved every name. But I still loved her. Even when my dad was alive, I was always closer to my father. He understood me more, since we were more alike. My mother was more on the sideline. They were both only child’s with parents who passed away, so it was just my mom and my dad. Then he died and my mom died to. She stopped paying attention to anything but her grief. And that day she snapped.
I didn't realize I was shaking until Lucas wrapped his arm around me yet again. We didn't talk for a while and I just breathed him in. He was still in his suit and I in my dress. My makeup was probably ruined from all the crying I did today.
"This was not how I imagined my prom." I said finally. "Thank you."
"It's nothing really."
"No." I looked up at him and he looked back down at me. "Seriously. My best friend-or supposed best friend-isn't even here. None of them are. But you. I didn't have anybody when my dad-"
"No, Nadya Sterling they are not dead. Do you hear me?" he said. "You deserve so much more than that."
"Not really." I smirked. "I was a real mess the last time I lost somebody. Grief doesn't change you. It reveals you.”
"So was I." he shrugged. "But this is different. I didn't have anybody either." I keep forgetting that he went through the same thing. Orphaned. Like I might me.
I looked away from him and back at the parking lot. I watched the cars and the people. No matter what happened to my brother and my mom, time wouldn’t stop. The world would not stop. Because to them, this was just another statistic, nothing personal. I took a couple deep breathes and turned my body directly to Lucas. “Can you take me home, there is something I have to do.”
He didn’t even hesitate.