Song: River - Leon Bridges
__________________________
It was quite an unreal feeling being pulled from that place.
It was like dying and coming back. Being in limbo. But instead of coming back I was stuck. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it was lonely. The scenario my brain had stuck me in was a soulless Vancouver. Whether every other vampire desiccating was the same – a place with only yourself as company – I wasn't sure. This was mine.
Time passed but I couldn't decipher how much of it. I'd sat in my apartment, waiting to wake up but I couldn't. I'd tried sleeping and "waking up" but I'd still be in the same place. The only reason I knew I hadn't woken up – apart from the fact nobody else was here – was the colours I could see in. Everything was dull, there was no life in the trees, no brilliant blue to the sky.
Everything was grey.
The only thing keeping me sane was the fact I could wander around. Vancouver wasn't the same but it was similar and that was enough.
I knew the moment I was slowly coming back to life. I'd blink but couldn't open my eyes again. It was scary yes but it was a relief. I could feel the blood circulating through my veins, feel my body become my own again. My eyes closed one last time on my grey limbo; I felt myself slip into a dream. The colours were vibrant, the dream almost heaven like.
And then I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry at first, the sun peeking through the curtains made me flinch. Slowly, my surroundings started to come into focus. I recognised this room... I was at John and Amy's house.
Good lord, how much time had passed if I was back in Vancouver?
I slowly sat up with a wince. Although I felt a hell of a lot better, I still felt sluggish and tired. I glanced down at the tube coming from my arm and almost panicked, the memory of Henrik draining me of every drop of blood smashed into the forefront of my mind.
I took a deep breath at the blood bag hanging from the pole beside me and exhaled.
The door in front of me opened and I tensed. But it was only Amy. Her smile was cautious and I didn't blame her. I probably looked like a frightened cat.
"Hey," She spoke softly holding clothes, a toothbrush and a towel. I lifted the blanket and realised I was only wearing a large t-shirt. "Evie and I changed you. How're you feeling? There's water next to you, your throat must be dry."
I took a quick sip and cleared my throat. "Like I've got the world's worst hangover."
Amy's smile relaxed as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Good to know you've still got your sense of humour."
"How long have I been back in Canada?" I mumbled, crossing my legs.
"Three days, but you've been unconscious for five." She carefully took out the needle and patched up all the necessary bags and tubes. "Have a shower, come down and we'll talk about everything. You'll still be very thirsty so there's blood downstairs for you too."
Amy gave me a small hug and I hugged her back before she went downstairs. I stood carefully - I was a little unbalanced - and glanced at the note on top of the clothes.
I recognised the hand writing immediately: "If you wake before I'm back, I'll be by your side just as the sun sets."
I stood in the shower watching whatever blood the others didn't manage to wash off stream into the drain. The image of the human I'd killed when I'd been thirsty flashed across my mind and I flinched. I tapped my fingers against the tiles on the wall and took a few deep breaths to expel the thought.
Killing Dante, it was necessary and I didn't feel in any way guilty but it wasn't me. I hadn't killed anyone up until now. No matter how evil he was, he was still a soul. And so was the man I'd sunk my teeth into.
I grabbed the conditioner and shrugged the thoughts away. What's done is done.
Showered and in an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I dried my hair and made my way downstairs. It was always rare seeing Amy and John's house so quiet. In a time like this, I'd learnt that this house was the meeting point. I'm not sure why, maybe because of where it was located and how big it was but it was always their house. I'd always wondered if they minded.
Amy stood in the kitchen on the phone with a few papers on the island along with Mia stuffing her face with a sandwich.
Her hazel eyes lifted and widened toward me. "You're awake!"
Before I could completely brace myself, she was off the chair and in my arms. I smiled and carried her back to the kitchen and sat with her in my lap. "How've you been?"
She shrugged. "Okay I guess. I'm going bowling with daddy, uncle Mike and Anna soon."
"Oh really?"
"Yep!" I heard behind me. I turned my head and smiled when Evie came in with Michael and Anna. Mia jumped off me and hugged her second family whilst Anna took her place on my lap. "Mom said you were sick. Are you better now?"
"Much better, beautiful." I kissed her cheek. Just as she jumped off, Michael gave me a kiss to the head and a smile. "Been a minute, hasn't it?"
"You need to stop running off and getting yourself into trouble." He replied with a wink. "You're always missed. Last time I saw you, you were debating whether to follow good ol' Christian to wherever he'd gone off to."
John joined us in the kitchen with his cheeky grin. "And look how that turned out. Back from the dead?"
Amy smacked his stomach with a gasp. "John."
"What? She's quite literally back from the dead – kind of."
Evie was next to hug me. "At least she's alive. Hopefully you'll keep it that way."
I rolled my eyes and watched as the men said goodbye to their women and herded the kids out the door. Then my two best friends sat opposite me with identical looks of sadness.
"If you guys cry, you'll start me off." I said shakily. "I'm fine, seriously. Like you said, I'm alive. I'm a little thirsty but I'm fine. I half expected everyone to be here, where's Cal and Joe?"
Evie wiped her eyes. "Christian got rid of everyone two days ago. Joe's staying with Cal and Erinna and Constance left you a letter. They left for Brazil yesterday."
"What about Vlad?"
"He's still in Vancouver. And Kate's at home, said she said she'll see you soon."
The both of them looked at one another before Amy asked, "So what happened?"
I told them my side of what happened, everything from Henrik tying me to a chair and taking my blood to desiccating in front of the Steinsson's house. I told them what I could remember about the place I'd gone to after desiccating. I told them about the pain, fight and the fact I'd killed people.
Neither of them looked in any way shocked or judgmental which for that I was grateful.
Evie titled her head to the side. "Killing – a human or a vampire... of course it'll stay with you Chelsea. When Florence made all those vampires, I killed a few and I had nightmares for years. They were human once, they had families. I know how you must be feeling, but try not to keep it in. I'm glad you told us though." She took my hand. "Surround yourself with family for once Chels."
I exhaled a shaky breath. She was right. It was sad to think the only time I spent with them was when we went on our annual vacation. "Okay."
Amy stood suddenly and left the room only to return with a blood bag. I glared at it for a minute before glancing back into her innocent eyes. "You need to get your strength back. Evie and I will be around until this evening but you have us at your disposal until then."
"No, I don't want you fussing over me." I smiled, taking the bag from her. "You guys go ahead with your day; I'm going to nap."
The two of them frowned.
"I'm fine, guys really." I reassured as I tucked the chair under the table. "One thing though: I do not recommend desiccation if you want to wake up in a new era. I reckon after a year or two, it'll be considered slow torture."
I could feel their eyes on my back as I walked away. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to talk about everything again without the constant flashes of bodies and blood in my eyes. But for now, I'll drink and rest.
I finished off the blood bag easily and lay back on the bed, my thoughts turning to the one person I'd been to hell and back with. What was Christian out doing? He was probably coping with everything so much better than me.
A small smile curved my lips at the thought of his mischievous smile. He would probably shrug his shoulder and say something like, "They're nothing but starved statues now, kitten."
I shut my eyes and drifted off into my first dreamless sleep.
**
I woke around eight o'clock. The house was extremely quiet, not a soul outside or inside. All I could hear were the crickets outside and the startled rustle of a fox darting to its home for the night a few yards away.
I lowered Erinna's letter for the second time and stared thoughtlessly out the window. I wasn't angry with her for telling me what was about to happen. If anything, I was thankful. Reading that Christian was about to leave didn't affect me the way I thought it would.
Maybe it was because I was still numb. The only reason I was thankful was because it saved me the shock when I would finally see him. If I'd have heard it come from his mouth, it probably would have broken me. This way, I felt somewhat prepared. I read through it again and shut my eyes at the last part.
It was this part I wasn't prepared for. Whether he'd go through with it or whether I had to be the one to do it.
"It's what I've wanted." I reminded myself. But even to my own ears it sounded foreign.
The sun had almost finished setting. The last sliver of its light disappeared over the horizon; the recognisable sound of a car door slamming outside brought me out of my thoughts. Just as the sun sets, he'd said.
I heard his footsteps from the living room, to the study upstairs and outside my door. For a moment, all he did was stand there. I swallowed my nerves and held my breath.
And when he entered, his brilliant blue eyes grabbing hold of mine, it was impossible to even try to convince myself that I wasn't in love with him. Did it happen in Cairo? In Arish? When we danced in the rain in Cuba? It might have been all of them. It was frightening, the irrevocable love you can have for someone. To be able to think you'd walk into the devils den just to save them.
I'd done just that and somehow managed to survive... just about.
It was difficult feeling to mask, but I managed to do it quite well. I smiled softly at him and neatly folded the letter into my back pocket.
Christian shut the door behind him with a smile of his own, a smile I felt like I hadn't seen in so long. He approached me thoughtfully almost as Amy had earlier and sat beside me.
He lifted his hand, cupped my cheek and said, "There is no trouble either of us could get into that could beat this."
I leaned into his touch and nodded. "Agreed."
"How was it?" He murmured. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. And if you're talking about desiccation, it's... not something I'd choose. But I survived." I took his hand from my cheek and stared at it. "What happened after?"
"Kate and Erinna sealed the spell. We covered our tracks; the house to anyone's eyes other than Kate and Erinna's, is gone. It's over. You're safe now."
Hearing it from Christian's mouth made it real. I hadn't cried yet but after hearing him say that everything was fine, that we were safe? A few tears started to roll down my cheeks.
He pulled me closer to him, my head rested on his shoulder as I took a minute to truly smile. Safe. It was a euphoric feeling.
"It feels good, doesn't it?" His lips moved against my hair. "To know we don't have to watch our backs anymore."
"I'll miss the excitement." I grumbled sarcastically.
"You'll be saying that in ten or so years." He laughed leaning back.
Before he could lean back any further, I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him. He responded straight away, deepening it before I even had the chance to. It was like the first time all over again. Of course, there was something different. Whether it was my love or the fact he was kissing me like he was never going to see me again. I broke the kiss and smoothed my fingers along the hair on the back of his neck.
If it wasn't for Erinna's letter, I'd be surprised by the way he was kissing me. I'd be unprepared for him to tell me what he was about to tell me. I could almost imagine myself being over the moon with happiness. The thoughts of what the future could bring for the both of us would have been dancing across my mind. And then he would say he was leaving. And I'd be heart broken. More so than now I suppose.
He glanced away from my gaze first, lacing his fingers through mine. "I was with Vlad earlier, discussing where he was going next."
"Where's he going?"
"He said he'd come with me."
I was quiet a moment, letting my head register what he said. I could tell he was waiting for me to speak, probably waiting for me to yell at him or hit him. But I surprised myself when I nodded. It was a nod of acceptance, a nod of defeat. "You have to leave, don't you?"
"The things the Steinsson's asked of me – about the devil and the snake? I have to fix all of that. Now that they're gone, someone should clean up all the messes they started. That spy in British Intelligence is because of them and he has to go." He said. "The witch in Berlin is going to find out eventually that they've vanished and its best they hear it from me. And as for everyone else, deals need to be brokered to keep their silence. Wars in our supernatural world will erupt and that can't happen after everything we've done to get this far."
"How long will you be gone?"
I was met with silence and it was answer enough. He didn't know.
"It could be a week, a month, a year. Chelsea, look at me please," His finger tipped my jaw upward, my eyes clashing with his. "Are you upset with me?"
I stared into his pleading eyes. And it hit me that I wasn't upset. He needed to do this dangerous thing – thankfully not alone – and come back alive, that was the only thing I was worried about. Through this entire process I'd learnt that Christian Beaumont knew exactly what he was doing.
We'd ran across Egypt together and survived, I chased him to Cuba and survived; hell, he'd survived over nine hundred years. He knew how to escape death.
And who knows whether my love for him was purely adrenaline? It didn't feel like it was however, think about it: we'd been thrown into a situation where we had to spend every waking second together and it naturally got heated. So, whether it was a week, a month or a year, I hated myself for admitting it but this time apart from him might help determine whether it was real.
"I'm not upset with you." I murmured finally. "I'm worried, sure. But I'm not upset. Arguing with you over this would be pointless because I know you need to go. I trust you, Christian." And I love you. But saying it out loud now, what would that help? "You're one of the bravest men I know. Minus Vlad of course."
He cracked a small smile.
"We'll see each other again." I said, clearing my throat before it started shaking. "I'm sure I'll turn around and you'll be there when I least expect it."
"That's a promise I can make you. When all this is said and done I'll be there, no matter where there is."
He pecked my lips once, twice, then stood.
Something inside of me panicked a little. The fear of losing him to 'time' was frightening no matter how much of it we had. I grabbed his hand on a sheer whim. "Wait. When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning." He took a step toward me. "Do you want me to stay the night?"
Was that even a question? I nodded and scooted across the bed. I watched him shrug off his t-shirt and unbuckle his jeans. In no way was this sexual, I didn't view him as if I were about to devour him. I watched as if I weren't going to see him again. We climbed beneath the cover together; he didn't leave one inch of room between us.
We didn't sleep straight away, we talked about where he'd go first and what he thought he'd expect. But soon we were laughing. We joked about what had happened, he tickled me, I pushed his stomach for tickling me. And by 1am we'd started to doze.
It was a glimpse of what could have been after all this madness and it made me sad. Now I wished he didn't stay. It made saying goodbye all the harder.
I dozed off a few times and every time I woke, he'd either press a soft kiss to my neck or stroke his hand along my waist. And when the sun started to peak from the curtains, I felt him slip away from me.
I remained still, the last part of Erinna's letter flashing across the forefront of my mind:
"...he's a good soul, Chels. He'll be thinking about releasing you. Not just for him but for you too. You both must understand how you'll feel. But he might not have the courage to do it and for that you probably understand why. It's your choice whether to abjure him if he doesn't go through with it. In your case abjuring will be less of a hassle than releasing. But anyway, angel. You have my number. Stay safe."
I heard his belt buckle and knew that he wasn't going to go through with it.
The way Vlad described abjuring, it was almost a synthetic way of being released. It had all the perks of not being able to be controlled or bowing beneath them. It was a form of freedom, sure. But it was an illusion. It wasn't real.
It was my choice now. My choice to bring it up or just say goodbye.
"Christian," I spoke, waiting for his steps to pause before sitting up. He watched me stand, his cheek ticked with the clench of his jaw and his finger twitched into his palm. "Vlad... he told me to abjure his maker was only difficult physically but not emotionally."
He eyed me carefully as I stopped in front of him. "What're you saying?"
"I'm saying that... Erinna told me that you were going to release me."
Christian didn't look in anyway angry that I knew, just more so calculating.
I lowered my head, letting a tear fall freely and placing a palm on his chest. "You have to be the one to release me. We have to do it this way. We need to understand for ourselves that whatever we've been through together was real, and the feelings I have for you aren't just multiplied by the fact you're my maker. It's not fair for me to abjure you because it wouldn't be enough."
We both knew this had to be done. And it was in his hands now.
And when he nodded in acceptance, I slide my arms around his waist and rested my chin on his shoulder. "Hold me." I murmured softly.
He complied, his fingers bunching into my t-shirt as he squeezed. Christian took a long breath, his lips pressed against my temple as he started:
"Chelsea... I renounce the ties of our blood and the authority I had over you, as my protégé. You are no longer sired to me. As your maker... I release you."
I couldn't quite describe the feeling that passed through me. A sharp exhale escaped my lips as he held me tighter. My legs trembled as the part of me that was connected to Christian, the part of me that would abide his commands, snapped in half. I shut my eyes as a burn I couldn't soothe rippled through my veins.
"Kiss me, love."
I did. I turned my head and poured every ounce of emotion I had into it and so did he. And when we broke apart, he stroked my cheek, gave me his best smile, his eyes a glassy blue... and walked away.
Love. I'd give anything to hear him say it to me. It's not enough for me to assume he loved me, I needed to hear the words. I've felt them with every kiss, every embrace, every touch. And for now, it'll have to do.
The physical pain ceased. It was only hours later when I was joined in my sulk by Amy and Evie that Christian being my maker didn't change how I felt about him. It didn't multiply any feeling or enhance it any way. I loved him. I was in love with him.
I was free from his hold in one way but not really. Because he still held my heart.
"Did you tell him you loved him? And don't say you don't because you'll only being lying to yourself." Evie wondered.
I smiled despite myself. "No, I didn't tell him." Amy and Evie complained in outrage and I hushed them. "We both needed to know that what we felt wasn't just the adrenaline of what was happening and the fact he was my maker. You have to agree?"
Evie shrugged with a frown. "Sort of but not really. What if he comes back in who-knows how long and you're right? Everything was down to the action and adventure?"
"It's wasn't for me. It was real." I confirmed standing up. "Now that he's released me and I know that it doesn't contribute to how I feel? It's only made me love him more. He'll be gone a while, but... I had to love him enough to let him go. I'll be staying in Vancouver a while before I go back to work. You were both right though. I need to be around family. Especially the girls, they're growing up so fast and I feel like I'm missing it all."
Taking their hands with my new resolve written up, I smiled. "I love you guys... But I'm exhausted so can I go home tomorrow?"
"Is that even a question?" Amy smiled crookedly. "The girls have got it in their head it's a sleepover tonight so expect them to run in at any moment with Beauty and The Beast on DVD."
Evie nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, so you won't have one moment to sink into any destructive thoughts. But don't, you know, hesitate to tell us to disappear when you want us to."
The door creaked open and two giggles echoed. The mothers in front of me collectively rolled their eyes before the two little versions of them tumbled in.
"Anna pushed me." Mia groaned picking up the very DVD Amy had said they'd bring.
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Mom."
I couldn't help but smile as the girls jumped on the bed. Yes, I was hurting. Yes, it did feel like there was a small part of me missing. But having my best friends here and their girls snuggled up to me? It was more than enough. I needed my family.
The next day I went home and looked at my emotionless apartment with brand new eyes. Joe and Cal came over, both looking at me like I was a sheltered calf about to be eaten. I reassured them as easily as I could, kissing their cheeks and asked for their help to give my apartment a bit more character.
By the following week, I'd shooed Katherine from her permanent spot on my couch back to her own home and repositioned my furniture. I didn't need babysitting anymore.
The new paint had finally dried so I could hang up new photographs – some from Evie and Amy's wedding and some from the family vacations we went on. That Saturday, Joe left for Ukraine and I promised him a favour: day or night whether he needed me for something small or dire, I'd be there. He'd done so much for me; I didn't know if I could ever repay him. Same for Katherine and Callum, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for them.
I started to fall into a routine by week two, visiting the girls, picking them up from school, dinner with Evie and Michael on Wednesday's, dinner with Amy and John on Thursday's. Cal would take me out the house for a drink on Friday's and Katherine and Micah would come over on Monday's.
I booked a flight for New York to see my parents and brothers for two weeks' time. My mom was overjoyed to finally have me home.
The nightmares started to ease by week three. Not completely disappear but there would be nights where I couldn't wake-up without being afraid of the dark. The only thing that would soothe me back to sleep was reading the old postcards from Christian: I'm fine kitten, stay safe.
Or, 'If you wake before I'm back, I'll be by your side just as the sun sets.' That was the note I kept beside my bed. I imagined he would though, almost every sun set. I imagined he'd walk through my bedroom door with his Beaumont grin and his confident walk. It was probably silly of me but it kept me going. Kept me... sane somehow.
I didn't know when we'd speak again. Tomorrow, next week, next month. I knew somewhere out there he was okay. And for now, I'll carry on. I'll continue like that month running across the globe had been a small bump in the road.
Just as I was locking up my apartment for my trip to New York a few weeks later, I checked my mailbox on the way to my cab.
A postcard with "Greetings from Mexico!" caught my attention.
I turned it over and read it once, then again and smiled.
'It was always real, kitten. Don't forget about me."
____________________________
I have finished university guys, so I'm free to write until I start looking for permanent jobs! One more chapter and an epilogue left!! It's crazy, I feel bad for prolonging this book but life gets in the way! I'm gonna try finish this up by next week!
Hope you enjoyed it!