I was stumbling looking in the dark, with an empty heart
Blake was right, I arrived at Wake Forest at midnight. Earlier, when I was stuck in traffic I called my mother to tell her that I might be spending the night at the bed breakfast I passed by on my way home but decided against it since there was only a couple of town left before I reached the place I grew up with. I am exhausted from the long drive at sat a couple of minutes inside my rental car parked in front of my mother's house before getting off of it.
It's dark but I still managed to see the familiar neighborhood I used to love and the house that witnessed my childhood. A pang in my chest kicks in as I lay my eyes on the house beside ours. It's been seven fucking years and the memory of the past felt like it only happened yesterday.
My eyes water and I immediately blink the memories away. I shouldn't think of the past. I am a different person now, I am a Taylor Allison Swift, the most in-demand advertising senior agent in Manhattan. I shouldn't let the past get to me. It won't do me any good like it didn't seven years ago.
I knocked on my mother's front door, hoping that they aren't in deep sleep. The long drive took all my energy and the last thing I want is to look for a motel around town at midnight. I want to either have a long warm bath or settle myself in a soft mattress with fresh sheets. I suddenly missed my king-sized bed in our apartment. It's only been a day, I am so used to the city life I have in New York, I hope I can survive the rural life here at Wake Forest.
After three loud knocks, or you can call it banging, the door opened by a tall gray-haired guy in his early 50's Tom, my stepfather. He was wearing matching PJs.
I think he is still sleeping cause he was brushing his eyes using the back of his hand.
"Hey!" I gave him a weak smile.
"Taylor?" He said sounding unconvinced. Maybe he thinks he is just dreaming or he saw a ghost.
"Yeah, it's me."
When he realized that I was indeed a real person, he pulled me in a tight hug. "Taylor Alison Swift!" He mumbled. "Andrea, Taylor is here," he shouted from the front door, calling out my mother.
We walked inside the house and he helped me carry my luggage.
"I thought you said you'll spend the night at a bed and breakfast along the road?" He asks as we were settling down ourselves on the couch.
The house is still the same, the placement of the furniture is all the same, although I noticed that the walls are newly painted with pastel color.
"Yeah, that was the plan, but I thought about it and decided against it," I answered.
He was about to say something when a woman in her late 40's with the same blonde hair color as mine walked inside the living room. She was wearing a royal blue nightgown. Her skin is a little wrinkled compared to when I was still living here with her but her beauty in her younger years is obvious not to notice.
"Hey, sweetie," she smiled at me.
I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her. God! I've missed her so much. Talking to her on the phone once in a while and video chatting with her on a weekend doesn't compare to having to hold her.
"I've missed you, honey!" She whispered to me sweetly.
"Yeah, me too," I replied. "Apologies for changing my plans about staying at the motel for the night. I didn't mean to interrupt your night." I explained.
She caressed my hair and pulled me in a tight hug again.
"Don't be silly, I prefer to have you here with me. We have so much to talk about but it's getting late and we should all head to bed." She said. "Tom, sweetheart, could you bring her luggage to her room please?" She turned to Tom who was already standing up with his right hand on my luggage.
"Of course!" He immediately went upstairs to where my old room is.
My mom wrapped her one hand on my waist as we followed Tom on the second floor of the house. The pictures I've had sent her over the years are neatly framed and mounted on the wall.
"I've had the housekeeper prepare your room, we didn't change anything, cause I knew you won't like that," she tells me.
She knows me well, back when I was still living with her. No matter how messy my things are when studying I never liked anybody else cleaning it up for me. I want to be the one to clean it up so I would know where I put my things. Until now, I still carried that attitude with me which most of the time annoys Blake cause we have our weekly cleaning lady.
"So how's New York? How's work? Are seeing someone?" She asks as soon as we get inside my old room. Tom just put the luggage inside and went back to the master's bedroom giving us some privacy.
So much with the twenty questions, I thought myself.
"It's been good, actually," I replied, keeping it vague.
She nodded at me. "You must be exhausted from the long drive, I will let you get rest, tomorrow we'll talk more okay?"
"Okay," I nodded.
I was once again pulled in a tight hug. "I'm really glad you're here, sweetheart," she whispered.
"Me too, Mom."
Before she leaves my room she planted a kiss on my forehead and I said my goodnight.
I scanned the room relieving the moments when I used this place as my sanctuary. This is the only place in the world where I knew no matter what I am safe. I may not have my dad with me but when I knew I had my mom and Olivia with me everything was going to be okay. I used to be contented with what I had and not want anything more than what I was entitled to. All I knew back then was acing my classes, maintaining an unstained track record, and moving to New York. Never once I had imagined that I will get shattered and leave a deep cut in my heart.
My room is just the same as what my mother told me. I loved her for being able to preserve all my things, from the same queen-sized bed I had to the cherry wood desk set I used whenever I cram for school. The lavender wallpaper with butterfly print still looks as new as when I was last here.
I walked towards the window where I used to sit at night with Olivia. From there the bushes from our backyard are very visible. My eyes went on the window of the room of the house next door which is opposite mine. I closed my eyes as I felt a lump in my throat. Remembering him sitting on that window at the same time as me while we talk on the phone till dawn makes my heart feel the familiar ache I had carried on for the past seven years. He did break my heart, no broke in underrated, he shattered not just my heart but my whole being.