Rian came over on the 2nd of March, the worst of the rain coming to a hault as Spring graced the skies. He was joined by two bakery bought sandwiches and a cinnamon roll. That man was truly God's gift to the world.
"Andrea."
I was in for a serious discussion, Rian never used my actual name. My mind filtered through all the possibilities it could be about, what did I do wrong? I choked on a piece of lettuce as my breathing temporarily paused before thumping my chest and looking worriedly at Rian with watering eyes, "yeah?"
"I'm worried about you."
Of course he was. He had every reason to be, I completely understood that. I knew my situation inside and out, I was messed up inside and my life itself was a complete mess. And because he was my best friend I wasn't going to lie to him and tell him I was fine.
"I'm fine Rian, really. There is nothing to worry about."
Rian reached over his armchair and reached for me, placing his fingers gently across the back of my hand, "I know you Andie, you're not fine. It's been nearly ten years since you've locked yourself away from the world, you need to get out there. Meet people, see things, experience life."
"Rian," I pulled my hand away from his and placed the plate balanced on my knees on the coffee table in front of us so I could turn my entire body towards him, "you know it's not that easy for me. I appreciate you and your effort but this is my life, I'm experiencing it my way."
"I know you want to experience it differently."
"And I do, trust me, I'm not going to lie. But I can't change this, I've tried. Nothing works for me."
I sighed and pulled my legs up onto the arm chair while folding my arms around my knees, "Rian I really appreciate the attempted motivation, but the last time you had this chat with me you wanted me to come to Effys first birthday, and before that your wedding. Are you having another child you want me to see?"
Rian shook his head and leaned forward to pull something from his back pocket. He handed it to me, a small flyer in the all too familiar blue and white colours. "They're having a High School reunion for the class of '07, I wanted to personally invite you, and I know it's not your cup of tea--"
I raised my eyebrows at him and chuckled, "you think?"
"But, it is familar faces, and people you know. And Lily and I are more than happy to escort you in a blacked tinted window car to and from the venue so no one can see you and vice versa."
"Rian, I can't. They may be familiar faces, but some of them are an addition the reason I'm like this. No one even remembers me, I'm totally sure everyone thinks I'm dead. I haven't taken a single step out of my house for nine years, not even for your wedding! Do you seriously think I can do it for an auditorium full of people that I hated in high school anyway?"
"It's three months from now, I want you to think about it. Baby steps."
"You call a high school reunion baby steps?"
"I call a room full of people you know 'baby steps.'"
"Rian Watts, you are unbelievable."
Rian leaned back in his chair, "no Andrea Stone, I am your best friend and I am trying to help."
And he was, he truly was. I still felt awful about declining his wedding invitations, but I knew he understood completely. So far, it was my biggest regret in life. What person, ill or not ill, turned down going to their best friends wedding? One of the most important dates in ones life. I promised myself I would make it up to him one day, in the best way possible.
"Andie?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you promise you will think about it?"
It was an easy promise to make, because I knew I would be thinking about it non-stop for the next three months, and then regretting not going for the following three. It was the way my brain worked, non stop thought.
"I do, and I will."
Rian hummed and laughed, he was so obviously remininscing. He did it a lot, and I admired that he always had something positive to think back to.
"Eloise will be there, no doubt, she probably misses you like crazy."
Eloise. A true angel, my saviour through out high school. She was like a big sister to me, but younger. But after high school, she just left. Not a trace.
"If Eloise missed me, then why has she never come to see me? She knows where I live, as soon as Summer ended she went away to University and I never heard from her again. It's literally like I never existed, surprise surprise."
Rian looked down at his watch, before grazing his palm across the stubble that grew across his square jaw, "I have to head away soon and pick up Effy from the play center. Lily has an appointment with the doctor."
I raised my eyebrow, "oh so you are having another child? Mister Watts, did you not listen to Mister Robins sex education classes? Don't be silly wrap your--"
"No, it's just her tri-yearly check up. You know Andie, at least you still have your youth and you haven't been affected by the realness of adult life. I bet you don't know the half of what goes on outside."
"I have the latest iPhone thank you very much, with the news app. I know much more than you think Rian Watts, do not underestimate my knowledge on the future world."
He stood up and brushed off his pants, "I'll take your word for it Andie. Walk me to the door?"
After Rian departed I was left to my own devices once again. It was nearing three in the afternoon and both my parents would not be home until later when they finished work. I busied myself by clearing away the food packets that Rian had bought and the glasses we had drunk from and then tidied up the living room a bit -- being indoors so often meant I had developed a mild case of OCD, or had simply become a neat freak.
It was after the magazines were perfectly centered on the coffee table next to the potted succulent, I decided it would only be fair to do my share of paid labour. After all, I did not live in this house for free. I worked for a small online magazine, contributing art pieces and short articles. I got paid a nice amount per submission, and since I had a lot of time on my hands, I had a lot of submissions.
In my bedroom, on one wall I had a large window that faced a tall wooden fence that seperated our house from the neighbours. Growing against that fences were tall, bright sunflowers, always in perfect condition. It always improved my mood, and inspired many thoughts. Hence why in the corner of my room, on an angle, right next to my window I had an easel.
Mum and Dad, and everyone I knew always thought I'd end up at some fancy art school. I applied for many, and was initially going to go to one, Rhode Island School of Design, but I ended up pulling out on the last day of summer break, cancelling all my flights and everything. Only days before, something in my brain had broken -- completely.
Art was my passion, and I had all the time in the world to work at it and improve my skills. The artworks too good for the magazine I sold online and the artworks too good for anyone to buy stayed tucked away, or plastered on the walls of my home.
I positioned myself in front of my easel, an incomplete canvas perched up. Recently, I had been using oils as my medium and it was one of my favourites. Through art, through my painting, I was able to express my emotions and remove the toxic feelings in my body by splattering them on the canvas. It worked every time.
I found solace in the four walls of my bedroom, and in my bedroom I found solace in my art.
But that was short lived, for as I made my first brush stroke the doorbell echoed through the house. Crap. Answering the door was not something I found easy, I tiptoed from my bedroom to the front door and perched on the tips of my toes to look through the small peep hole. If it was someone I did not know I would tip toe back to my bedroom and hide, and waiting for them to leave as if no one was home.
Thankfully, I recognised the logo on the cap and the scruffy untamed eyebrows of my regular delivery guy, Mason. Because I would not leave my house, I had everything ordered to my house and because my deliveries were so frequent I had warmed up slightly to the lad.
Pulling the copper door knob towards me, Mason looked up and grinned. He had braces, two rows of blue and orange stuck against every tooth. To me, Mason was a 15 year old stuck in a 32 year olds body, he was so youthful and enthusiastic, it was refreshing.
"Mason, you've been delivering parcels to me for nearly 10 years, and every single year you've had those braces. When on Earth are you going to get them removed?"
He handed me the clipboard and chuckled, "haven't you heard Miss Stone, braces are all the rage in todays youth. An accessory, and I'm down with the youth."
"Of course you are. But I'm not sure if braces on a middle aged man is a good look, aren't they damaging your teeth?"
I exchanged the clipboard for the large parcel and put it on the side table that sat next to the door.
"Miss Stone, have I ever shown you a before picture of my pearly whites?"
"Yes, but I thought braces were meant to stay on for three years."
"Depends on the tooth, Miss Stone. Have a lovely afternoon."
With that he sent me a wink, and turned on his heels, heading back down the path to his van, painted with the same logo on his cap. I quickly shut the door and grabbed the parcel from the side table and retreated back into my bedroom.
Using the point of my craft scissors I dragged it through the masking tape and tried to remember what I had bought recently. It wasn't a very large box, but it was reasonably heavy. I pulled open the two flaps and hummed, remembering the purchase. In the box sat a pile of novels, to add to the ever growing collection that lined the shelves on one of my bedroom walls. The fresh, new book smell wafted up as I pulled them from the cardboard. One of the best things about always being home was always having that extra time, and when I wasn't painting or working I was usually making my way through a good old book.
I held the new books to my chest briefly before flicking through the titles. Picking out one to place on my bedside table, I put that aside and took the rest over to my bookshelf where I placed them in size and colour order.
"Andie."
I jumped and dropped half the books in my arms, before turning towards the door frame, "Mum! You scared the crap out of me."
"Well surprise, I'm home early. I brought cupcakes back too."
Shaking my head I declined her offer, "I just had a sandwich and cinnamon roll about an hour ago, I'm not hungry."
"Dessert perhaps."
I nodded and scrambled to the ground to pick up the books that had fallen from my arms, cringing at the creased pages and slightly bent spines.
"New books?"
"Yep. Just arrived not too long ago."
"That Mason guy is pretty attractive, is he not?"
"In a 15 year old boy stuck in an adults body sort of way, sure."
My mother hummed, and I looked her in the eye noticing the playful glint sparkling in her iris.
"No."
"Fine but I'm not letting you grow old and lonely."
"I know, and I promise, one day I will find someone but all in good time."
She entered my room cautiously and took a seat on my bed, "honey, you're not going to find anyone if you do get out there and look. Mister Right isn't just going to show up on your doorstep."
"Fully aware," I sighed, "it seems everyone is grilling me about leaving the house today. Rian's trying to convince me to go to the high school reunion."
"If only Rian wasn't married."
"Mum! Look I'm not looking for a relationship right now, and I won't be for awhile. Especially if I feel pressured into it constantly."
"Sorry, sorry. It's just, you're nearly thirty and I don't want your body clock catching up to you and you wanting a child when you're not mentally ready but you feel physically ready."
I nodded, and placed the last book on the shelf before turning completely and standing in front Mum. She sent me a small smile and reached up to rub the side of my arm, before getting up off the bed.
"Butter Chicken for dinner?"
"Sounds good."
As she left down the hallway I fell onto my bed, my gaze falling on my easel. The canvas still propped up, with a single stroke of paint across it. I could get up and add a few more, and get some work done. Or I could just lay here, and stare at the ceiling, maybe take a nap. I knew deep down I should focus on completing some artwork but as per usual out of nowhere I had suddenly lost all motivation to do anything. So I decided to do the latter, and shut my eyes, sleep overcoming my body.
Finally some peace.