We realise that we can't just sit there in the pub, staring into each other's eyes and liking it. Not that pub, anyway, with its busy, mainstream Friday night clientèle. We stop leaning into each other and finish our chips. Petra takes a tenner from her purse and gets up and goes to the bar for another round.
While she's gone, I have a little moment of wondering what on earth I'm doing. Is it sensible to fuck the receptionist? Have I had too much to drink?
Petra reappears at the table, making me start in surprise. 'Forgot my ID,' she says, grinning. 'Hand me my purse?'
I rummage in her bag and hand the purse over, thinking as I do that rummaging in another girl's bag is sometimes quite an intimate thing to do. It implies trust and being comfortable with each other. I put her bag on the bench-seat next to me, where it'll be between us when she comes back. When I see her weave her way back to the table, two glasses and her purse clasped precariously in her hands, I move round to where I was sitting before, opposite her. She looks a little surprised as she puts the drinks down on the table, but slides in to her seat without making a comment.
We go back to talking. She gets quite jealous of me, when she learns I share a house with another twenty-three-year old. She tells me she can't wait to earn enough to move out of her parents' house and get somewhere by herself. 'Can you remember what it's like to live at home, Fi?' She watches me shrug and carries on. 'It's deadly. I so really want to move out and live my own life. I'd love to live just by myself.' She stares into her drink for a moment, obviously lost in a familiar little fantasy. 'Or with a friend, you know?'
'Or a girlfriend?' I ask. I touch her hand gently, to let her know I sympathise.
'Nah.' She looks up and grins. 'I like my own space too much. I don't want to leave home just to get tied down to someone else.' She frowns a little. 'Does that sound bad?'
I shake my head. 'I don't know, Petra. I don't think so, no. I've always just wanted to fall in love and settle down. But these last few months, I'm beginning to think that was just silly. I can kind of see where you're coming from.'
She looks at me carefully. Under the table, I feel her foot touch my leg, and the contact is nice. 'This person you settle down with, Fi. Was it always a woman? Like, in your head?'
'Yes. I think so. As long as I can remember.'
She nods. 'Me too. Not that I want to to settle down, like I said. But it's definitely women I've always wanted to have fun not settling down with.' Her foot slides up my calf, and she nudges my leg with hers. We look at each other and are suddenly very aware of the situation we're in. We've already decided we're going to kiss, and the anticipation of that is throbbing gently away in the background. And now we seem to have started talking about going further, started the process of allowing ourselves to sleep together. We want different things from sex, but we both know we'll have sex anyway. We just need to find a way of doing it so we can both excuse it to ourselves. Her foot is gentle on my calf and I feel the arousal stir inside me. She sips her drink and asks, 'Do most people know? About you?'
'I don't shout about it, but I don't lie either. I told the girl I live with when we met, and she's cool with it. All my friends know, and my immediate family. But I don't go home a lot.' I want to move on from that line of talk. 'What about you?'
She nods. 'Yeah. My parents know, they found out when I was 16, from someone I thought was my friend.'
I wince in sympathy. 'Ouch.'
She smiles. 'It's OK. They're still not pleased, but as long as I don't shove it in their faces, they leave me alone. But that's another reason to move out. I have to pretend I'm at a mate's house when I go and see Diana.' She stops and bites her lip. 'Sorry.'
I smile and touch her wrist. 'It's fine, I told you.' I turn her hand over and trace the line of her tattoo. 'What's this shape?' I like the feel of the soft skin of her wrist under my fingers. I hear her catch her breath quietly as she enjoys my touch.
'Apparently, it's a symbol for peace in Chinese. Or maybe Indian. Something Eastern.'
'Don't you know?'
'I just liked the design when I got it.' She grins. 'And it's a good talking point with women I like.' Once again, the idea of us going further, going to bed with each other is there between us. I feel a little stab of pleasure deep inside and catch her eye. I think I can see her getting aroused too. Under the table our legs rub together comfortably.
I trail my fingers over her skin, down her hand and fingers, then look at my watch. 'It's only about nine.' I take a swallow of cider and look at her, then look around the pub. It's filling up. A group of people are eyeing our booth from across the room. 'Shall we go somewhere we can relax?' I decide to just say what I want, but I drop my voice a bit. 'I want to touch you.' She grins and raises an eyebrow, and I smile back. 'Not like that, Petra...not yet, anyway.' She grins again, and I welcome the rush of excitement I feel. I do want her, quite a lot by now. 'I mean, hold your hand, sit close to you and touch you where no-one's going to care.'
'And after that, we can touch in a different way?' She begins to drink up, and looks at me over the rim of her glass, the grin still in her eyes. 'Like the way you're going to kiss me?'
'Yes. I want that, Petra.' I drink up too. 'Quite a lot, actually.'
'Good.' She puts her empty glass down. 'Me too.'
We gather our stuff and head out. When I ask, she says she knows the gay bar and there would be fine for another drink, so we walk there.