I searched a thousand forevers for you, only you.
- perry poetry
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Chapter 25
Camila's POV
I'm sitting on the right corner end of the living room while Lauren is on the other end. Both of us looks so messy-messy hair, shirt tainted with brown paint color, hands dirty, and barefoot. I'm applying all the methods Lauren taught me back in San Francisco. The strokes, the color combination, and everything. I've been trying so hard to paint Lauren for hours but all I can come up is the stick person version of her.
I feel a heavy weight of stare on my direction so I look up from my sketchpad to Lauren in which my brown orbs met by her green. I love how it changes color the longer I stare at it. I love staring at her eyes all the time it's so addictive and it never bores me. And when I say I'm busy, it just simply means I'm staring at her eyes.
Lauren lift up her large sketchpad and turn it around so I can see the beautiful brown eyed girl she painted using dark brown color with her own hands. A smile naturally formed on my lips as Lauren get back on her feet and walk towards my direction. The green eyed girl put her drawing and mine against the wall and tape it.
I stand next to Lauren's artwork for a better comparison, "Do I look like her?"
The green eyed girl shook her head, "Nope, she's more beautiful though." Lauren pointed at her work in which I pout with a sad puppy eyes. The green eyed brunette laugh as she moves closer to me, cupping my cheeks with her cold hands but magically, I feel warm everytime she touches my skin. And within a second, she leaned in to kiss my lips.
My whole body calms at the feeling of her soft lips against mine. When Lauren pulled away from the kiss, I say, "I wrote you a song."
The smile on her face grew even more wider. Like she doesn't need to say anything because her smile says it all, "Don't make me cry on this one, CabeLLo. We still have school this morning."
I smiled, cupping her cheeks. "Crying," I peck her lips, "Is not promise," And then I peck her lips again in which Lauren giggled, "Especially you're a crybaby."
Lauren gave me that look, "Excuse me?" Lauren says with a bossy tone, "You're the crying baby, not me!"
"Oh come on!"
"We all know the truth, Camz. It is you."
"Seriously? It is you! Remember in San Francisco? You're crying like a baby!"
"That's not counted!"
"Whatever."
"Hmm," Lauren handed me my guitar, "Come on, I want to hear it."
I look at the guitar that she's holding then to her eyes, "No." I said firmly.
"No?"
"That's what I said."
"But. . ." Lauren pouted while looking at me with a puppy eyes. Working on a charm, I see. "I want to hear it though." She mumbled but enough for me to hear it.
"Alright, say the magic word first."
"Magic word? What the fuck was that?"
I cleared my throat, "Bbuing-Bbuing."
Lauren scoff, "Are you fucking-" I cut Lauren off by putting my finger against her lips.
"Not like that. Bbuing. . . Bbu-" I didn't finish what I'm saying when Lauren suddenly slap my hand away and eagerly press her lips against mine. Our soft innocent kiss turns out to be a heated one. Lauren entered her tongue as we fought for dominance but I like it when I'm the one who dominates and takes control of everything so I didn't let her win. I can feel her hand slowly sliding under my shirt as my tongue explore her mouth. I bite her lower lip. It wasn't that hard but enough for Lauren to feel turned on even more. I pulled it until it slowly slips from my teeth.
A smirk formed on my lips when I saw how her green orbs filled with lust, "Even better?" I ask.
Lauren bite her lower lips before she answer, "Even more better."
I playfully snatch the guitar from her hand as we walk over to the couch. I reach for the box of tissue and throw it to her cute fluffy baby belly, "Just in case." I said, making Lauren rolled her eyes as her response.
I crack a small laugh before I started to strum my guitar, close my eyes and sing.
"No, I never liked San Francisco
Never thought it was nothing special
Till you kissed me there
No, I never liked windy cities
But I think maybe when you're with me
I like everywhere
It's the strangest feeling
Midnight, I'm not leaving
No, for once, I think I'll stay
I say your name, just listen
Doesn't it sound different
Never whispered it this way
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
The feeling of your fingertips
The feeling of another kiss
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
Like every tattoo on your skin
I'm memorizing every inch
I could get used to this
I could get used to this
Definitely
No, I never did like tequila
But there's something about when I see ya
Think I need a drink
And the callouses on your fingers
I admire them from a distance
Now they're on my cheek
Oh, I've known you forever
Now I know you better
Let's just get carried away, oh
And it bears repeating
How hard my heart's beating
When you tell me I should stay
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
The feeling of your fingertips
The feeling of another kiss
It's gonna take me a minute
But I could get used to this
Like every tattoo on your skin
I'm memorizing every inch
I could get used to this
I could get used to this
I could get used to this
I could get used to this
Definitely..."
When I stop strumming my guitar, I open my eyes only to see Lauren crying. Like, she's literally crying and sobbing. Not the breakdown kind of crying but there's a tears rolling down to her cheeks that she kept wiping her eyes using her hands. Not to mention that her nose is red as well.
"Aww," I cooed, putting my guitar on the floor before I pulled my love for a tight hug, "Why are you crying?"
Lauren buried her face against my neck before she shook her head. Against my skin and in between sobs, she answer, " I love you."
"I love you too, Laur."
And then Lauren pulled away, enough for her to meet my gaze. "That was so beautiful, baby. Like, damn! I'm speechless! No one wrote me a song before."
"You're my muse to every song that I'll write. Always remember that."
"Really?"
I nod my head, so sure of my words.
"Even if we're not together anymore?"
"Yes."
Lauren knitted her eyebrows, "Why? We're not together anymore and I'm still your muse?"
"Just because we're not together anymore at that time doesn't mean my love for you will fade away. True love doesn't fade that easily."
"True love? So I'm your true love?" Lauren asked, smirk slowly creeping in her lips.
"Nope. What I meant to say is if you truly love someone it won't fade so easily."
Lauren gave me her famous sad puppy eyes, making me feel guilty. Just because I have intensely strong feelings of affection and adoration towards Lauren doesn't mean it actually qualify as true love. And right now, I can't say if she's my true love. Sure, I'm high and drunk In love with her. She's my life and my everything but true love is something more special. I think it takes a lot of time to know whether that someone is your true love or not.
"Why are you sad? Am I your true love as well?"
"Nope." Lauren pout, crossing her arms against my chest. "Why would you be when I'm not yours."
"So I really am?" I smirk while eyeing at her pretty intently.
"No."
"Come on, Laur. Admit it."
"You're not my first love."
I playfully rolled my eyes, "Obviously."
"Yeah." Lauren chuckled, "But you're my one great love."
"One great love? How can you say so?"
"Because if I lose you, I don't know what would I do with my life. You're the air I breathe. My world. And if time ever break us apart, I know I won't ever recover from you. And I guess that made you my great love."
"And I guess that made me flatter even more than I should be."
We both crack a small laugh, "Airhead." Lauren said as she took my hand and squeeze it gently, "What's the name of that song?"
"Actually, I still don't know."
"Then let's call it Lauren."
I giggled, "Okay, if that's what my beautiful girlfriend wants."
"I know what our song is!" Lauren exclaimed excitedly.
"What?"
"Lauren."
My smile grew widely, "Really? Wait, do you like it?"
"I love it! Like if I'm going to rate it from 1 to 100, I'll give it 101."
"I'm finally convince that you're just flirting with me using those smooth words of yours."
"What? Of course not! I really love it, really." Lauren scoot more closer to me, "Look me in the eyes and never blink, okay?"
I chuckled and just play along with her. I look Lauren in the eyes and never blink as the green eyed girl begins to speak again, "Every time that you will sing that song you'll think about me and us because that song is ours. It belongs to you and me." As I look through her eyes, I can feel myself slowly getting lost in it but then Lauren snap her fingers, saving me from completely zoning out. "Aaand, you're under Lauren's trance!"
"What?"
Lauren get back on her feet, "You and your song are under my spell. Just making sure that you'll always think of me just in case we broke up and drift away."
The green eyed girl started to walk towards the bathroom so I hurriedly get back on my feet and run towards her, launching myself to her back with my arms wrapped around her neck. We both giggled as Lauren's arms hold my legs to support my weight.
"What are you saying? We won't be apart. Us against the world, remember?"
Lauren walks over inside the bathroom, "You don't know what the future holds for us, Camz."
I hop out from her back and take off my shirt and sweatpants and Lauren did the same thing too, "But we could work it out, right?"
Lauren glance over my direction and smile, "We'll always work it out."
I smiled before I playfully push Lauren and pour the cold water to her body, making the green eyed girl groaned while shaking. "Camz!" I laugh at her before pouring the cold water to myself as well.
We took a shower together, Lauren picked my clothes while I picked hers, I do my make up while Lauren tried to braid my hair even though she don't know how to. In the end, I let my hair falls down as we walk over to her car and drive to school.
As soon as I step foot inside the campus, all of the students and even the faculty members cheered for me and say their sincere, 'Congratulations, Mila. You killed it' which makes me flattered from the depths of my being. So this is what it feels like, huh? To feel proud to yourself for achieving something. I feel super great and happy. And right now, I can't really ask for something anymore because I already have everything in my life that can complete me as a person.
I felt Lauren squeeze my hand gently as she leaned closer and whisper, "I'm so proud of you, champ."
I smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips when someone called my name, "Camila Cabello!"
I pulled away and look behind me. It's Coach Zahira, motioning me to come closer to her.
"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" I said, planting a soft kiss on her hand. "I love you."
The green eyed girl smile, "I love you too, baby." I watch Lauren walk over to the hallway before I walk over to my coach.
"Good morning, Coach."
"Good morning to you too, champ. I want to talk to you about something very important." There's a smile plastered on her lips and I can feel the excitement in her voice so I know it's probably a good news.
"I'm all ears then." I said, feeling impatient to hear it.
"Let's go to my office." Coach Zahira lead the way to her office. We stop by at the door that has Coach Zahira Brown, Head Coach for the Track and Field. She open the door for me and motion me to take a seat in which I did.
"So, Camila, you've been chosen to play for the track and field team in UCLA. Congrats!"
"What?" I asked, and the word comes out from my mouth sounds disappointed rather than being excited.
Coach Zahira look at me with a knitted eyebrows and confused look, "You don't seem to look happy and excited about it."
"It's not like that, Coach."
"Is it because of your girlfriend?" She asked, referring to Lauren. I stayed silent and look down to my trembling hands and I guess she took my silence as a yes as she speak again, "Don't mix your personal life to your career, Camila. Don't waste this kind of once in a lifetime opportunity. Everybody is dying to get to UCLA and only a few ones are able to make it. You're one of them so don't waste it."
"I'm already happy being here."
"Listen, Camila. You're just saying that because you're being clouded with everything that surrounds you right now. Don't let this distractions hinder you from your goals. Just think about it, okay? I'll give you time to consider this offer. If you still wanted to be here than to play at the UCLA, I'll respect your decision. I just don't want you to miss out the great opportunity outside New York and outside Carolton."
And then a thought clicked in my head. Maybe Lauren and I can go to UCLA together. After all she's a soccer varsity player, "Is Lauren going to UCLA too?"
Coach furrowed her eyebrows at my question, "You didn't know? Jauregui already quit. She's no longer part of the soccer team."
"What?" I asked in surprise. I don't have any idea that she already quit playing soccer, "Lauren never mentioned anything to me."
"I don't know what that kid is up to. She just bailed out all of a sudden. No reason at all."
And suddenly I felt worried. Why did Lauren suddenly quit playing the sports she love to play? Is something bothering her?
"Anyway, think about it, okay?" I shift my eyes to meet my coach's gaze and nod my head in response. I stand up from my seat and bid my goodbye as I walk out to her office and walk over to my class with my head all over Lauren.
"UCLA?" I snap out from my thoughts when I heard his voice.
"Shawn," I stop from my tracks and the Canadian boy walk towards my direction.
"You got in?"
"Yeah." I simply answered as we walk to class together.
"Congrats, Mila. I've got in too."
"But I decline it."
"You what?"
"Well, I decline it at first but then coach Zahira gave me more time to reconsider my decision about it."
"Consider the offer, Mila. LA can give you more opportunity than here in New York."
"I can't leave New York. As much as I want to- I mean, I'm already happy in here. This is my second home now."
"Because of her? Mila, you can't sacrifice opportunities like this just because of her. I'm sure she can understand it."
"I know she can. But it's my choice not to leave."
I don't know. I guess part of me wants to play for the UCLA while the other part of me wants to stay here in New York with Lauren. I can't leave her and stay away from her for god knows how long. I don't think long distance relationship works pretty well and at the same time, I'm afraid one of us falls out of love. This is just the beginning of my life, us, and I don't want this to end so soon just because I have to leave. But...there's something inside me that needs to be fulfilled. Something I can brag about to myself. Also, LA is the city that's good to start kicking off your singing career. That. That is what I wanted to do. That's also one of the reason why I wanted to get to the UCLA so I can live in Los Angeles and start making connections for myself.
I push the UCLA thing in the corner of my head for a moment because if I don't, I know anytime soon I'll start having a war against love and my dream and that's the least thing I wanted to happen right now.
During all of my classes, I tried to focus and not think about anything which lucky for me, it works. Except for my last class. I really can't pay attention or catch up to anything anymore when all I can think of is Lauren. I haven't seen her around. This lunch, I can't find her anywhere the campus so I ended up having lunch with my friends instead. I also tried to find her in between minute breaks of my classes but I still can't find her. I asked her friends but the three of them had the same answer: They don't know where Lauren is. I also tried to text her and call her but I always get redirected to her voicemail.
When the bell rings around the hallway, I jolt up from my seat, shove everything inside my bag, and storm off. I hurriedly go home to check if Lauren's there or what but when I got home, silence is what welcomed me. Lauren's not here too.
I throw my stuff and myself on the couch with my eyes close and my phone against my chest in case I fall asleep and Lauren texted, I can easily read it. I spent more hours on the couch and though my eyes are closed, my mind is wide awake. I can't sleep no matter how tired I am today. When I open my eyes, darkness already creeps in the entire house. I stand up to open the lights when my phone suddenly buzzed in. It's Lauren.
I hurriedly open her text message.
Wrkqajsnfitntkdllss
I furrowed my eyebrows. What the hell is this? Is she drunk? And then another text came in sent by her.
HelpbMej
I suddenly panic when I read her text message. If I'm not mistaken she's trying to say help me but shes's too drunk to text properly.
Where the hell are you, Lauren? I quickly type my reply to her:
Baby, where are you? I'm super worried about you.
My heart is racing against my chest. I patiently wait for more reply but she's no longer answering to my text.
Goddamnit!
My hands are already cold. I don't know if she's messing me around or what but this is not funny. What if something bad happened to her? What if-God! Stop overthinking, Mila. Lauren's fine. She's just drunk. I shrugged all the negative thoughts in my head. I walk over to the switch to turn on the lights. I'm walking back and forth while waiting for her text as try to figure out the possible places she might be right now when my phone suddenly buzzed in again. It's Lauren.
Outsifehsuab
The way she type is giving me a headache, really. But I still try to read it and understand what she's trying to say so I can help her.
And another text came from her:
ouhsise
As soon as I realize what she's saying, I quickly tossed my phone to the couch and hurriedly run outside. And there, I saw her laying on the porch super wasted.
"Karrrrrla Camilaaa," Lauren called too loud while smiling at me childishly. "I miss youuu," The green eyed girl waved her hand to me like a child that made me giggled. And suddenly, all the overthinking and worried feelings that I have inside quickly vanish at the sight of the girl that I love.
"I miss you too." I walk towards her while Lauren drunkly tries to get back on her feet but she stumble in the process, causing her forehead to hit against the wooden 3 steps stairs of our porch.
"Ow!" Lauren groaned while rubbing her forehead gently then a small laugh slip through her lips. I quickly swing her arm around my shoulder with my other hand around her waist.
"Are you okay?" I worriedly asked while looking at her and Lauren nod her head as her response. I help her walk back inside the house. She stripped many times causing the both of us to stumble on the floor and laugh about it. Lauren was so loud and heavy. She kept saying nonsense things like how green color suited me and that I look beautiful in this hair color even though my hair is dark brown. How did she get this drunk? Did she skip school just to party and drink?
I kick the door of our room to open it wide before I throw ourselves in the bed. I'm trying to catch my breath while Lauren's laughing.
"Ha!" Lauren breathed out, "Finally! Something soft!"
I sit up straight and look at her who's currently smiling with her eyes close, "So this is Lauren Jauregui when she's drunk, huh?"
"W-what are you saying? I'm not drunk!"
"Yes, you are! Look at you, you're so wasted."
"No, I'm-" I silence her by covering her mouth.
"Stop arguing with me because you are drunk." I said before replacing my hand with my lips.
We both felt relax at our kiss. I crawl on top of her without breaking the kiss as I put my hands on each side of her head. As our kiss go deeper, I can taste the alcohol through her mouth-Tequila and whiskey. When the air is much needed, I pulled away and rest my forehead against hers.
"Baby," The green eyed girl called out. Her voice is huskier which I find it super sexy.
"Yes, babe?"
"Will you be my girlfriend?" I pulled away completely and get off of her at the sudden question that slip through her mouth. I'm surprise and happy at the same time but then I remember that she's drunk and probably don't have any idea what she's talking about.
"Tell that to me when you're sober." I said, walking through our closet to get a clean pair of shirt and sweatpants for her.
"I'm sober."
"My ass." I turn around and Lauren's already sitting at the edge of the bed while looking at me.
"I'm serious. Your kiss is like a cold water and coffee combine. I'm sober now."
I laugh, "You're so funny when you're drunk."
"I'm serious!" Lauren gets back on her feet, "If you don't believe me then fine." She walk towards the door and open it. Before she close it, Lauren look over her shoulder. "I'll prove it to you."
Prove me what? That she's sober or she really mean it when she asked me to be her girlfriend?
"Where are you-" I didn't finish what I'm saying when Lauren close the door of our room.
Is she serious about everything?
I heard the front door shut so I hurriedly grab my coat and exit our room to follow her. When I get outside, few people are passing by but it isn't Lauren.
Where the hell did she go?
I pulled my phone to my pocket to call her but I get redirected to her voicemail. Again, "Fuck!" I groaned. Did I upset her because I didn't believe her?
I continue to walk around the street in hopes to find Lauren but it looks like I'm roaming the streets of New York for nothing. But instead of going home, I still continue to look for her until my phone buzzed in. It's Dinah calling.
"Hey," I greeted in a hurry, not wanting to make this conversation long.
"Walz, where are you?"
"I'm outside looking for Lauren. Why?"
"She's in front of the coffee shop near Carolton. You better bring your ass up here."
I open my mouth to say something but Dinah already hang up.
Coffee shop, huh?
I hurriedly run towards the said coffee shop since Carolton is not that far from our apartment. It took me 10 minutes before I arrived. I stop for a minute to catch my breath with my hands against my knees. When my breathing becomes normal again, I look straight up and notice that there are lots of people circling the front door of the coffee shop. Out of curiosity, I walk over and I can't help not to over heard the two girls's conversation.
"Camila? Who's Camila?"
"Don't know, no idea."
"Whoever that girl is, she's lucky."
I knitted my eyebrows as I make my way through the crowd to see what they're talking about. And as I get closer, my eyes widen and my mouth hang open at the sight of what's in front of me.
Lauren is sitting on the ground with my picture in front of her and a placard that says: Camila don't believe me when I said I want her to be my girlfriend. So maybe if I stay here, she'll believe me. If you see her, tell her where I am.
I smiled at the thought of Lauren going this far just for me. She looks so calm and patient while sitting there waiting for me. Lauren is so beautiful it actually hurts my chest. My eyes go down to her parted lips and I suddenly felt the urge of wanting to kiss her. Not because I want to feel the softness of her fair lips or the warmth of her breath as she exhales against me. I want to kiss her because I can't think of any other way to fully express the beauty that she is. I want her to know that I see her as perfect. That she is perfect. And when our eyes met, my smile grew even more wider while Lauren smiled genuinely as if she won a championship match.
The green eyed girl get back on her feet, "So,"
I walk closer to her, "So?"
"Do you believe me now?"
I nod my head, wrapping my arms around her neck. "You made me feel worried, do you know that?"
"I'm sorry." Lauren took a deep breath, resting her hands on my waist. "Let me do this right." She cleared her throat and I can see to her face that she's nervous. Did I make her nervous? "I want you in the bluntest way. I want your lips, your hands, your arm. I want you the way ocean wants the shore, constantly reaching and running back. I want you the way rain wants to fall, the way the sun wants to shine, the way words want to be read. I want you to infinity, to the millionth degree, no amount of rain could douse the fire I had in me for you. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want you to be my girlfriend. Will you please say yes?"
"Are you sure?"
"I've never been this sure, Camz."
And so I leaned forward, closing whatever space between us and kiss her passionately. I can feel Lauren smiling in between our kiss and the crowd who happily cheered around us. When I pulled away, Lauren cupped my cheeks.
"Is that a yes?"
"It is."
"God!" Her hands falls back on my shoulder, gripping on it tightly. "I can't breathe." She mumbled but enough for me to hear it.
"Wait, are you okay? Please don't die, Laur! This is like our very first real-real relationship. At least let me seize it even just for a minute."
Lauren gave me that look before she pinched my nose hard, making me groaned. "Silly! That means I'm super happy right now and I love you so fucking much."
"I can't breathe too." I said with a smile before I rest my head against her chest. The rise and fall of her chest, the beating of her heart, it's like a beautiful symphony and the only harmony that I wanna hear.
Two things I'll forever be sure of, the sun will always fall for the moon and I will always fall for her.