Why do our hearts choose lovers that make us suffer?
- bridgett devoue
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Chapter 40
Lauren's POV
"Do you need anything, Miss?" I asked while rubbing my eyes to shake off my sleepiness. It's already 1:01 am and I'm in the middle of my sleep when Camila suddenly called me to her room.
"Yes. Actually, I am making a list of regrets. Just to be accurate, how do you spell your name again?"
I'm just looking at her with disbelief in my face. She called me at this hour just to tell me that?
"Just kidding!" Camila chuckled sarcastically, "I'm just checking if you're still awake."
"I'm already sleeping." I informed her but Camila doesn't seem to care. Well, obviously, she really don't.
"Okay, then. Go back to your room."
"Alright, good night." I excuse myself before walking out of her room. I headed back to the garage and lay comfortably on the floor.
Positioning my pillow underneath my legs, I shut my eyes close and think of nothing else. I'm just concentrating on getting lost to sleepiness. Seeing Camila being so naturally beautiful in her black night dress with a mess hair is enough to keep me awake like a cup of coffee in the morning.
I breathe in slow and steady. I can already feel the sleepiness sucking me in when I heard a bang against the garage door.
"Pumpkin! Come over here for a minute."
I scratch the back of my head as I check the time on my phone— 1:30 am.
"What now, Camila?"
I get back on my feet and open the door only to find Camila wearing a black bikini with a bathrobe on making my jaw unconsciously drop at the sight she's offering to me.
Holy. Shit.
"Follow me." Camila ordered before walking away. My eyes watch every move she makes. The way she walk is so effortlessly sexy. And her butt? Jesus! Such a jaw dropping blessing to see.
I followed her to the pool as Camila take a seat on the beach chair by the pool side.
"Clean the pool so I can swim."
"At this hour? The water is hella cold, you'll get sick."
"It's none of your business."
"I'm just concern for your health."
"I don't need your concern."
I took a sigh and decided to change the topic, "I already clean the pool this afternoon, Miss Cabello."
"Well, then, clean it again." Camila crossed her legs and lay back down, "I'm not satisfied with your floppy work, pumpkin. There's no day you never disappoint me. Well, your existence disappoint me already."
I guess I have to ignore Camila's mean comments and the calling of my pillow, blanket, and floor just to clean this whole damn swimming pool even though I'm really sleepy. I grab all the cleaning gear and started to clean the swimming pool. Throughout the hour and a half of cleaning, Camila's just sitting there watching me. I make sure that it's shimmering bright kind of cleanliness so Camila won't find any excuse to make me repeat my work at this godly hour. By 2:40 am, I'm done doing what she asked me to do and Camila stand up from her seat and give me a grin.
"I changed my mind. I'll just drive around city."
My jaw almost dropped in disbelief upon hearing her words. She made me waste a lot of time all for nothing?! Jesus fucking christ!
"Have a safe trip then, Miss Cabello." And let me sleep, I'm begging you.
"Get some rest."
I smiled timidly at Camila before walking back to the garage. Finally! I can now sleep in peace without—
"Pumpkin, whoah, hold on! Get back in here for a sec."
"Let me sleep. Let me sleep. Let me sleep." I keep mumbling underneath my breath as I approach her.
"Clean my car. It looks so dirty."
I lowkey raised my eyebrow while looking at her clean and shinning car. "I can't see any dirt in your car."
Camila pointed at the small dust in the hood of her car and continue telling me how dirty it is for her. Argument aside, I ended up cleaning her car for 3 hours straight since Camila kept telling me to repeat my work because it's quote unquote "floppy" even though her car is literally shinning bright like a diamond.
"Never mind, I'll go back to sleep instead." And with that, Camila walk back in the house.
I glance at my watch and it's already 5:40 am. 20 more minutes before I start my day and I'd rather take that short time to take a quick nap than nothing. And just like what I'm expecting my state would be, I start my morning enduring headache and fighting off the sleepiness. I feel like a liquid moving. Like my soul is not attached to my body. I know my hands are moving but I can't feel them. It's like I'm numb or something.
By 9:00 am, Camila came downstairs. The coffee and her usual breakfast are already set on the table. As soon as our eyes met, I flash a smile at her.
"Good morning, Miss."
But then Camila completely ignore me like I'm just a thin air. I watch her go straight to the kitchen stool.
"Morning, Miss Cabello!" It was Alfred going downstairs and headed straight towards our direction. And when our shoulders levelled, he smiled at me. "Morning, Lauren."
"Good morning, Alfred."
I'm about to walk away to continue cleaning the whole house when Camila suddenly speak.
"Morning, Alfred." Camila take a sip of her coffee and added, "I didn't know you make a good morning coffee."
I saw how Alfred grin while I bite the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from smiling in front of Camila. Whatever she have to say towards the coffee that I made then I want to hear it and smiling right now will only interrupt Camila from spilling the tea I'm dying to hear.
"Is it good?" Alfred asked and the brown eyed brunette take another sip.
"Super! If you continue making this kind of coffee then I'll always be in a good mood."
She liked it. And I couldn't be more happier right at this very moment.
"Are you serious, Miss Cabello? No kidding?"
"No kidding, Alfred. You know me."
"Good to know, Miss Cabello. Because I didn't make that coffee, Lauren did. She's in charge of your meal, remember?"
I can see Camila slowly getting pale as our eyes pierce against each other. I flash a toothless smile at her while Camila suddenly spit the coffee back to her mug, "It taste horrible!"
"Your compliment a few seconds ago says otherwise, Miss Cabello." Alfred chuckled and Camila's cheeks heated up as she hurriedly get back on her feet.
"Shut up." And then the brown eyed girl storm off and headed upstairs without meeting my gaze.
Alfred can't stop laughing, "I told you, your work is not floppy."
After the household chores, Camila and I headed to the studio so she can get to work. As soon as I step inside, I noticed two guys whispering on each other's ears while looking at me. I tried to shrugged it but I can still feel their eyes watching every move I make.
Do I have a dirt on my face or something? Are my clothes awful? Well, I don't think I can consider question number two. I'm wearing a leather jacket and a black skinny jeans. Back in the day, I looked hella good in here so I doubt that thing would even change. Once a pretty girl always a pretty girl. A hot dead ass gorgeous pretty girl.
I shift my eyes on those two guys and they were pushing one another while arguing over something I couldn't comprehend.
"We need to write a song for Hotel Transylvania. I got a call from Roger the other day."
"Congrats, boss. You'll be making another hit!" The girl who looks jolly and had a resemblance of Camila's attitude greeted the brunette happily with a hug.
"Thanks, Fin. But I doubt I would make a song that will goes number one without y'all's help."
"Let's get to work, yes?" The other girl said when Fin landed her eyes on me.
"Who is this beauty?" She walk towards my direction with a smile on her face. She extended her hand for a handshake which I immediately accepted, "I'm Fin."
"Nice to meet you, Fin. I'm Lauren."
"The unknown girl you've been crushing hard on has a name, Dutch! It's Lauren!"
Our attention landed straight to the two guys sitting at the corner. Are they talking about me or...? I for sure haven't met one of these guys before so it's impossible for them to have a crush on me when this is literally the first time we saw each other's faces.
I look away from them and I can still feel an eye boring a hole in my skull. Except this time it wasn't from the guys sitting at the corner end of the studio. It was a girl standing a few meters away from me— Camila. She's wearing an unreadable expression that I find it hard to read or to guess what her stare means. Our staring contest broke when the other girl approached me.
"I'm Cecee." I accepted her handshake.
"Nice to meet you, Cecee."
"You're working on some pizza shop, right? Mazzio's?"
I am confused right now, "Yes? How did you know?"
"Because of him." Cecee pointed at the guy wearing a white polo and blue jeans, "Dutch. He had a huge crush on you."
"But... we haven't met before. Or have we?"
"He probably noticed you always and you didn't. He's always there because he surely had a crush on you. On your last day, we all go to Mazzio's with boss just to see you. The guy beside him is Moe. He's suppose to be the one asking for your name since Dutch is like a coward when it comes to girls."
They're with Camila that day? I wonder how that scenario would play out.
I chuckled, "I guess effort pays off."
"For Dutch for sure. I bet there's a fireworks and butterflies in his stomach right now all because of you. You're pre—"
"Cecee, get your ass on here." Camila called out without looking at us. She's sitting on the office chair with her eyes darted straight to her laptop screen.
"Copy boss!" And then Cecee turns her attention to me for a second, "As I'm saying, you're pretty. Dutch found a golden star."
"Cecee! Don't make me wait!" Camila called out once again with her voice getting impatient.
"TTYL." And then Cecee storm off and joined Camila and Fin.
I roam my eyes around Camila's studio and it was pretty big. It was full of high tech music equipments, keyboard, guitar, on each wall there are Camila's awards hanging on display, all of her achievements are out here for all of us to see and it's drowning me how many of them are surrounding me. I look at Camila who's brainstorming with the two girls. I'm so happy and proud at how far she'd gone through her in life. And this only proves that my decision that night didn't go on waste for nothing. The pain and sacrifice pays off. She lost me but she found herself and look at her now. She's a strong woman and amazing mother to Clark. Totally different from Camila I used to know 5 years ago.
"I brought some good news with me!" The door suddenly swing open and Normani headed straight to Camila and launch herself towards the brunette.
"Jesus, Normani! You're so heavy!"
"Baby C, you are freakin' nominated for the AMA's! Five nominations in total! You better prepare yourself a long ass 5 freakin' speeches!"
All of them get back on their feet and cheer for Camila. They were hugging her and saying their congratulations while Camila is being emotional. She pulled out her phone and called Shawn to share the big happy news with him and there's a genuine smile on her face as the tears tainted her cheeks. I stood at the corner looking at her with a smile on my face though there's a sharp blade slowly cutting through my heart.
I sit back down and pulled out my phone. I go to my notes and to the folder named 'Camz' where all of the letters I wrote for her ever since her singing career started is place.
Congratulations, Camz. I'm so proud of you and what you've become. You're being emotional because of the overwhelming happiness that you feel inside of you, and that's okay. Everyone in this room is hugging you. You're right in front of me, just within my reach, but I couldn't bring myself to walk up and hug you. Instead, I'm standing here in the corner, completely unnoticeable by you, writing this note with a painful smile on my face. I want to tell this to you in person but I know you're not interested to hear any words that comes out from my mouth. I couldn't blame you for that. Things had changed and whether I like it or not, doesn't matter if it kills me or not, we're nothing but a strangers who knew each other's secret, and that's the cruel reality I have to face everyday... and for the rest of my life.
I locked my phone and look at Camila.
"I love you, Shawn. I couldn't wait to see you. I miss you."
At the corner of my eyes, I can see Normani is looking at me so I get back on my feet and headed outside to breathe some fresh air. I know this is Camila and Normani's territory so it's better for me to hangout alone outside than to dodge Normani's stare all the time.
I spent a 40 minutes outside with my phone on my hand. I'm playing whatever game I have when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Oh! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to startled you." It was Dutch rambling.
I chuckled, "No, you didn't. Don't apologize."
He smiled timidly at me.
"I, uhmm, I'm Dutch." He rub the palm of his hand on the side of his pants before handing it over to me for a handshake which I find his gesture cute.
"Yeah, I know. I like your name."
He's face immediately flustered red as we both fell silent.
"The... the weather looks fine today!"
I chuckled, "Yeah, it is."
And then silence again.
"I'm probably the most horrible person you ever had a conversation with. I'm so sorry."
"You're nervous, I know." I cupped his bold shoulders, "It's okay, Dutch. There's nothing to be nervous about. It's just me."
"It's just you?" He scoff in disbelief, "You probably don't know how beautiful, amazing, and gorgeous you are. Creepy as it sounds but I've been watching you at Mazzio's. You were like a sun brighting everyone's day. You're always smiling and your smile is infectious, you know? You're lovely, Lauren. And I don't know where to start telling you all the things that will make you realize that you're more than what you think or what the hell does that "it's just me" means. And standing right in front of a perfection like you, being nervous is impossible not to feel. It was always given."
I smiled at his long ass speech. It actually flatters my heart hearing his words, "Quite a long ass speech for a nervous person, huh?" I messed up his hair, "Thank you, Dutch. You don't know how happy you made me feel."
"I think it's fair enough considering you completed my days plenty of times whenever you step inside the pizza shop."
"Is it really normal for guys to say flowery words and become cheesy towards girls?"
"Hey!" He playfully slap my arm, "You're being mean to me."
"I'm just joking. Come," I pat the space next to me, "Sit with me."
Dutch flashed a toothless smile before he walks closer to me. He's about to sit back down when a bucket of confetti got thrown to us.
"Dutch, my boy! Congrats! You've grown some balls!" Moe wrapped his arms around Dutch while continuing with the tease while Cecee and Fin walk towards my direction and tease me as well.
"It is official? Are you guys already dating?" Cecee.
"Oh my god!!! You two make a good couple!" Fin.
"Come here! We should announce this good news to everyone!" Moe dragged Dutch back inside the studio. I can even hear Dutch's voice echoing saying, "Moe! We're not dating! Shut the hell up man!" which makes us laugh.
"We should head back inside. Boss is throwing an advance celebration party for the AMA's. Drinks are already set." Fin wrapped her arms around me as the three of us head back to the studio.
"Boss! You wouldn't guess what happened!" Moe's voice that was filled with overwhelming excitement is what welcomes us as soon as we step inside the studio.
Camila and Normani turn their attention to him, "Why? What happened?"
"Dutch finally grew some balls and asked Lauren out on a date!"
Camila's brown eyes shift on me with that unreadable expression plastered on her face again.
"I said we're not dating!"
"It's like you're telling to me right now that you're denying the blessing."
"The hell, you mean." Camila's bitter side comment earn a lot of attention and before everyone could raised a question, Normani immediately cover up her friend.
"That was nice, Mila. I'll add that to the lyrics."
Camila smiled at Mani but her eyes never left on me, "Thanks, Mani."
The celebration party began. We were sitting in circle with a red cup and a bottle of beer in the middle right in front of us. They began to drink while mine was left untouched. Alcohol and my addiction to it are the very reason why my perfect life with Camila got ruined. So I swore to myself I will never drink any of it ever again.
"Why are you not drinking?" I heard Dutch whisper in my ear as the conversation with the group continues.
"I'm not a fan of liquor." I whisper back.
"Let me get you a juice then." And then Dutch get back on his feet and headed to the mini kitchen.
"Boss, what's your secret of having a flawless and perfect work?" Fin asked.
With a smile, Camila answer. "I don't make mistakes, Fin." And then her eyes shift on me, "I date them."
"Biggest mistake ever!" Normani sarcastically chuckled as she and Camila make a toast and drink the liquor straight up.
"Oooh, tell us about the 'biggest mistake ever!' boss! We're all curious about it." Moe urged Camila as I sat in my chair in silence, unable to look at Camila or with everybody else in the room.
"It was a long ass story. But to make it short, my knight in shinning armour turns out to be a loser in aluminium foil."
"Oh my god, boss! Same! You know my ex he was such an asshole. Jerk even cheated on me and call it an accident. Like, bitch? When did cheating became a fucking accident, you idiot!"
"Say it louder so everyone in this room can hear it, Cecee!" Normani smirk as she steal glances on me.
"CHEATING IS A FUCKING CHOICE, YOU ASSHOLE CHEATERS!" Cecee yelled from the top of her lungs.
"Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don't trip and fall into a vagina. Am I right, Lauren?"
All eyes landed on me. I shot my head up and look at Camila, "You're right, Miss."
The tension that's slowly rising up between me and Camila disappeared when Moe suddenly butt in.
"Wait, wait, wait! Whoah, hold on a sec! Cecee, you had an ex? I thought you're NBSB like my grandma?"
"Shut your stinky mouth, Moe! If your grandma is NBSB then your mom wouldn't exist and a stupid fool like you wouldn't exist either! Think before you tease, hmm?"
"Ohhhh!!!" They all teased and laugh.
"Sorry, it took me so long." Dutch handed over the red cup that was filled with juice.
"Thank you, Dutch."
"You're always welcome, Mi Reyna."
The conversation with the group continues while Dutch and I have our own world where we're having a get-to-know type of conversation. It was awkward at first because of the silence and dead end conversation but he's fun to be with when he's already comfortable with you.
"So you're an english man?" I asked for the nth time with that same surprise sound in my voice.
"Yes, Lauren! I am!" He giggled, "You think I'm messing with you?"
"Yes! Because you talked in American accent."
"I can do both."
"Show me. Please?"
"Nah, you might fall In love." He giggled, "I'm just kidding. Okay, I'll show you. What do you want me to say?"
"Anything."
"Okay, come closer so you'll hear me."
I move my head closer to Dutch. His lips almost touching my ear and his warm breath already kissing my pale skin, "I like you, Lauren. I like you so much." He says in british accent.
I don't know if I will react in a surprise way or in a casual way knowing I already knew about it all thanks to Cecee. But what caught me off guard and stunned me for a good long minute is when he cupped my face and press his lips on mine for a second.
Everything around us fell silent. The only sound I heard was the sound of his lips when he pulled away from me.
"Lauren, I'm sorry."
I don't know what to say so I just get back on my feet and storm off from the studio. I touch my lips remembering the feeling of his lips against mine. It was soft but it's not that soft like Camila's. That kiss we shared was nothing compared to the one's I share with Camila. And I guess when you already felt what perfection feels like, you can never stop comparing even when you know it's over.
"Lauren, can we talk?"
I stayed silent.
"I'm so sorry. I was just got carried away by my feelings. I know it's very—"
"Very inappropriate, Dutch! How rude can you get?!" I immediately get back on my feet and turn around, only to see Camila being drunk and fuming mad while glaring at Dutch.
"Boss—"
"You don't get to kiss everyone you barely even know yet! Who do you think you are?!"
I look at Dutch and I can see he's taken aback at Camila's behaviour. I grab his shoulder and smiled timidly at him.
"Camila's drunk. She don't know what the hell she's saying. Don't worry, you didn't upset her."
"But I upset you."
"No, you didn't. I was caught off guard that's it. You should head back. I'll take care of her."
"Thank you, Lauren. I'm so sorry again." Dutch walk back inside the studio. I turn my attention to Camila who's now walking towards my direction but stumble because of her drunkness.
"Camila!" I immediately catch her in my arms but Camila push me away from her.
"Get away from me!"
"You're drunk. Let me take you home." I try to hold her again but Camila yanked my hands away like she will get sick if I ever touch her.
"Don't fucking touch me!"
"I'm just trying to help."
"I don't need your goddamn help!"
"Alright. Do you want me to call Alfred instead?"
"I heard you're dating Dutch, ask him if he wants some left over too."
"Why are you so mad? What did I even do?" I asked even though I know I won't get a serious answer from her.
"What did you even do?" Camila mocked. She tries to walk closer to me again, and when she did Camila punch my chest multiple times with tears streaming down on her face, "You left me! You fucking left me, Lauren! Am I not worth fighting for? I gave you my everything. I let you consumed me. I let you killed me but I still love you with everything that I have, but still, you left. Why? Why is it so easy for you to leave just like that? To leave and never come back like I wasn't something you once wanted in your life? I wasted 3 years of my life waiting for you! 3 years!"
It breaks my heart seeing Camila breaks down in front of me. What hurts me more is the fact that I'm the person causing her pain. Camila flops down on the floor. She's on her knees as she continue to cry rivers of tears for me. No matter how many times she wipe it, the tears continuously tainting her cheeks.
I didn't think twice of getting down on my knees and cupped her face.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything."
Camila rest her head against my chest. Sobs escape on her lips as she speak, "You didn't say goodbye and a part of me believes that means you're coming back... but you didn't."
An overwhelming pain is visibly clear on her brown eyes and I don't know anything that can lessen the pain other than holding her. So I did what I have to do— I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. Camila rest her forehead on my shoulder as she breaks down for a second time. I feel the goosebumps erupted in my stomach the moment I held her closer. The feeling is still the same. The way her warmth invaded my whole being whenever we're close, the way Camila fits in my arms like it was made to hold her, everything is still the same. Nothing change. But then at the same time, there's my heart bleeding, wounded, exhausted. The pain keeps renewing itself and grows even more the moment I held her. And it's surprising how you can both feel pain and love all at the same time all because of one certain person.
And since I know she won't remember any of our conversation, I put down my guard and let my heart rule out this time. "It's difficult for me to imagine the rest of my life without you. But I suppose I don't have to imagine it... I just have to learn how to live with it."
"I tried everything. I smoked, drank, drove 100 on the freeway. Anything to make my heart feel the way it did when it beat next to yours."
I smiled painfully, "Now it beats for him."
Camila pulled away and look straight in my eyes, "But not in a way it beats when I'm with you."
I stayed silent.
"You were right, you're not easy to forget."
"It's pathetic really, how much I still hope it's you and me in the end."
"I drank one, it became four, and when I fell on the floor I drank more. Nothing has changed. I still love you," Camila collapsed herself onto me with her face buried on the crook of my neck, "I still love you." She mumbled softly.
I know it's the alcohol in her system talking and that I shouldn't keep my hopes high. But right at this very moment, I want to believe that this is real. That her heart still belongs to me. That she's mine and I'm hers. That us still lives on and not forgotten, "I love you."
***
It's been 3 days since that drunk moments of Camila happened. And just like what I expected, she can't remember everything. All she knew is she's wasted and that's it. Today is a big day for Camila. It's been 2 hours since she released her new song I'm In Love With a Monster for Hotel Transylvania 2 and it was rapidly escalating to the charts which beyond our expectation for the song when it release. Within two hours and a half, it already reached number one on different countries which makes Camila emotional yet again. This evening, we were all at the premiere of Hotel Transylvania 2. Camila's wearing a black fitted dress that perfectly matched with Clark's black tuxedo. And as they both walk into the red carpet together, it's no secret that Camila and Clark looks gorgeous tonight. They were perfect. The way Clark's brown eyes became even more clear whenever the camera flashes only reflects Camila's chocolate brown eyes. His eyes were Camila's brown eyes and there's no doubt to that.
Before heading to the cinema to watch the movie, Camila stop by to do a quick interview. I stand at the corner near her since I was carrying most of her stuff.
"I'm here with Camila Cabello at the premiere of Hotel Transylvania 2."
"Whooo!!!" Camila childishly cheered with all smile on her face.
I can't help but smile while watching Camila being Camila.
"Whooo!!!" The interviewer mimic her with the same energy, "Congrats for another number 1."
"Yey! Thank you. Actually, I'm so surprise that the song reached number 1 that fast."
"Because it was really catchy. My daughter can't even stop singing it in the shower this morning."
Camila laugh, "Aww, that's so cute. My son can't stop singing the song too. Hotel Transylvania is his favorite movie so I never really hesitated to do this project when my manager offered it to me."
"Speaking of your son, he's your date tonight. You two really set a high standard at the red carpet tonight."
Camila giggled, "Clark wanted us to do this since this is our first red carpet together. He was way more excited and nervous than I am and I'm lucky that I got myself a handsome date since my boyfriend is away for his tour."
I lazily rolled my eyes at the thought of Camila mentioning Shawn.
"Speaking of relationship, have you been In love with a monster?"
Now Lauren, you got Camila's attention yet again.
Camila glance at my direction for a few seconds before she answers the question, "Yes, I have. And nobody likes that."
"I've been In love with a monster before. Have you felt that too and thought why it ever happened?"
"Yep, a lot of times."
"And I got another question from your fans since they were all dying to know, how is Shawn being a boyfriend? Is he caring? Gentleman? Loving?"
"He's very loving man. He always got my back and always making sure that he's taking care of me and Clark and I think that's what important the most, right? Finding someone who will accept everything about you and still love you whole heartedly."
"In his latest interview, Shawn was actually talking about you and a lot of your fans are melting. Have you seen it?"
"Yeah, I just watched it last night. And I think my favorite part of his interview were he was saying for the past years we were being friends and to finally be together and share every ups and down of life really warms my heart. And the fact that all of his songs are all about me is I guess what makes me love him even more. If I ever did right in this lifetime that's probably the day I gave my heart to him."
I try to listen to the other artists who's having an interview as well so I won't hear any Shawn-Camila's cringe bullshit but I still overheard it anyway even though I don't want to.
"Have you talked about marriage?"
I bite the inside of my cheeks to prevent my bitter face from showing.
I immediately look at her and her cheeks are flustered red with a cheeky smile, "A lot of times. Honestly, I'm just right here waiting."
"Shawn, propose to Camila already!!!!" The interviewer pleaded while looking at the camera, "Before I let you go, I got one last question. What does your past relationship feels like before Shawn?"
Camila glance over my direction once again before she answer, "What I like best about my past relationship is she's no longer in it."
I guess I'm Camila's life biggest mistake and Shawn being the only thing that's ever feels right. I guess I need to learn how accept things the way they are.
After the interview, we headed straight to the cinema where Alfred, Vero, and Clark are waiting. As soon as Camila step inside the cinema, the people started to cheer and scream as the brown eyed brunette happily waved her hand in the mid air. I feel amused at how influential Camila is. Like her fans, including me of course, are so united and powerful all to support Camila and her singing career.
"Lawren! Over here!" Clark is waving his little hands in the mid air with a huge smile on his face while looking at us. Vero and Alfred move one seat to another as Clark patted the empty seat next to him.
"Hey, have I told you that you're so handsome today?" I asked as soon as I seat next to him while Camila's on the other side of Clark.
"Yes, Lawren. A lot of times already." He tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear, "And you look so pretty just like mommy." And then he turn his head towards Camila, "Right, mommy?"
"Yes, tiger." The brown eyed brunette cupped her son's face and kiss his cheek tenderly.
Clark grab Camila's hand and place it on his lap as he hold her thumb, "I love you, mommy." And then he turns his head on me and do the same gesture he did to Camila, "I love you, Lawren."
"I love you too, kid." I smiled warmly at him. My eyes accidentally glance at Camila and she's looking at me with unreadable expression on her face. We stare at each other for a moment. She looked like she's been lost in her thoughts for a few seconds before she snap it out and look away.
I shrugged it and turn my attention on the screen as the movie started to play out. Throughout the whole movie, Clark is just holding our hands. There are times when my fingers touches Camila's whenever Clark squealed and there's a tingling sensation that vibrates in my whole being. Something that was hard to ignore.
"Which one are you in the movie, tiger?" Camila asked as we headed to the parking lot.
"I'm Dennis and you're Mavis mommy."
"Who's Jonathan then?"
"Lawren. And Yawn is Dracula."
"Shawn is my dad?" Camila questioned with a chuckle.
"Hmm, cause Yawn looks like your sugar daddy."
This kid is slick.
"My what?!"
"Sugar daddy. Cause he's sweet and loving to us."
"You're such a funny kid."
The drive all the way home is quiet. Clark is sleeping on Camila's lap and there's no much of a traffic so we're all home by 30 minutes. Vero and Alfred are the first one to get off of the car followed by me and Camila. I rubbed the palm of my hands to get rid of the nervousness that I feel as I took my gift for her at the back of the car.
I keep on looking at the small cookie box that I bought up close and from a far. I feel so hesitant to give my little gift knowing everyone gave her luxurious gifts this afternoon and here I am giving her a home made cookie off from cheap ingredients that I baked for almost 3 hours this morning. Will Camila accept this or will she reject it? I don't know but I guess I have to give it a shot and try. I just really hope Camila will accept this. It might not be something luxury, but at least these cookies was made from the heart with lots of love.
I crossed my fingers as I try to catch up with her, "Please accept this. Please accept this. Please accept this." I keep on mumbling before I blocked her way.
Camila raised her right eyebrow, "What?"
"This is for you." I handed the box of cookies to her, "Congrats on your new number 1."
"What's that?"
"Baked cookies. I, uhmm, I made it myself this morning."
Camila nod lowly before she took the box from my hand which caught me by surprise. I'm expecting more of her rejecting it, but this? Her accepting what I made? It's an overwhelming happiness for me and I'm literally exploding of smiley emoji deep inside me.
This is the best day of my life!
I try not to smile but I failed. I bet my face is so red right now, "I... I-I hope you like it."
With a sincere smile on her face, Camila speak. "I'm not a garbage can, pumpkin. But that one is." without disconnecting our gaze, Camila tossed the box of cookies straight to the openly exposed garbage can.
My smile died down immediately and my heart sinked deep within me while looking at the garbage can. My effort on making those cookies ended up for nothing. I should've known. Why am I even trying anyway?
"I am not a crap keeper, pumpkin. That's why I throw your cookies away, just like how I throw you away that night." And with that, Camila walk away.
***
"We're heading to where, pumpkin?"
"In a meeting with Brandon Creed, Miss Cabello." I answer as I press the brakes as soon as we reach the stop light.
"For what purpose?"
"He told me that Charli XCX wants to work with you. Collab perhaps? And he's giving more details in the meeting."
Camila just nod her head and keep doing what she's doing in her phone. I followed the GPS of the said meeting place set by Brandon. It's a 20 minute drive but this traffic is making this trip last for eternity. It's almost half an hour before we reach the meeting place. Brandon told me it was a private restaurant but I don't think he's too accurate in organizing a meeting cause we ended up in some seminar or something.
I open the passenger door for Camila as the brunette put a baseball cap and a mask on so no one will notice that it's her. I suppose she's not in the mood to take any pictures right now since she barely gotten enough sleep. Last night I kept hearing her business phone blowing up so she probably got a lot of offers to do.
"Do you agree?"
"AMEN!!!"
"Are you sure this is the right place?" Camila whispered in my ear as the old preacher guy continues to preach in front of his worshippers or what the hell they are called for.
"Yes, Miss Cabello. This is the place Brandon pinned on my GPS. I just followed it."
"He definitely got it all wrong. We should leave, we're just wasting our time here."
"Okay." I grab her stuff and started to take a step forward with Camila trailing behind me.
"Cheating. That was the most disgusting act of a person."
"Wait!"
I immediately stop at my tracks and groan. She heard that cheating word again and I'm about to take the bullet of whatever her mouth is firing. I turn around and face Camila.
"I changed my mind. We'll stay here for a bit. I find this seminar very interesting." The brunette added with a grin.
I scratch the back of my head as I walk towards Camila and boringly listen to this scumbag who continuously lecturing everyone in this room what cheating is all about.
Super interesting.
"If there's anyone here who's a cheater, clap your hands."
I felt Camila nudging my arm, "Mmm, he said clap your hands."
I'm just looking at her, not entirely sure what she wants to happen. Camila seem to get my confusion as the brown eyed brunette motioned me to clap my hands. I look away while silently praying that Camila will drop whatever idea that she have in her head right now.
But she didn't.
"Oh come on, pumpkin! Don't be shy."
"I—"
"I'm not really asking you. I'm actually telling you to do it."
I looked at Camila and she raised her eyebrow on me, "If you love to keep your job then don't make your boss wait."
I took a sigh before I clap my hands barely making any sound.
"Louder."
"Camila—"
"I said louder. You should be proud that you're about to get the spotlight."
"See? None of us are disgrace—"
With a heavy sigh and a heavy heart I clap my hands as loud as I can earning all of their attention including the scumbag preacher. Timing fucked me up so good.
"A cheater! There's a cheater right there! Come on here!" He's pointing at me, motioning me to come but I didn't bother to make a single move.
"Can we leave now, please?" I desperately pleaded to Camila because this is getting embarrassing.
"After you and him had a talk on stage, sure."
"Camila, please."
"Miss Cabello." Camila corrected me.
"Please. I'm begging you, let's just leave."
Camila grin, "Why are you embarrassed?"
I gulped heavily, "Please, Camila. Let's go, please."
Camila raised her right eyebrow before she crack a sarcastic laugh, "You're embarrassed to let them know what you are but you're not embarrassed when you fucked that whore and hurt me?"
"I regret what I did, Camila. I am truly sorry for everything. And if I could only turn back the time—"
"I will choose not to love you because loving you is the biggest mistake I'd ever made in my life. And 'us' is the only proof that I'm an idiot and everything should've never happened in the first place."
I clenched my jaw tight to hold back the tears that's threatening to fall down, "Despite of everything, you're still the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."
"Sorry to kill your hope, but I will never forgive you for destroying me."
"Come on up here! Don't be shy. We won't hurt you."
"I guess I deserved that. But I won't let the only hope I know vanished as well. Don't let anger and hatred consume you, Miss Cabello. I know you're not that kind of person. You're forgiving."
"You don't know me. At least not anymore."
"I know you by heart." I simply answered before walking towards the stage since everyone is calling me.
"What's your name?" He asked after he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"It doesn't matter."
"IT DOES MATTER!"
"WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSED WHEN YOU'RE A CHEATER?! TELL US YOUR NAME, MORBID!"
I glance at Camila and she's definitely enjoying every bit of a second this scumbag is putting.
"Okay, folks. Chill out. Let's not force her to say her name. Let's just call her PE as in Pumpkin Eater."
And they all laugh while I drift my gaze on the ceiling. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and guilty all at the same time and I can't even do anything about it.
"Alright, PE. Why did you cheat?"
"And why should I answer your question?!"
"Because you came up here." And then he leaned closer to me, "Come on, dude. You better give these people want they want."
"In exchange of humiliating myself in public?!" I whisper-yell at him.
He look in my eyes for a bit before he pulled away and turn to his mic, "You brought this to yourself, PE. You don't want to be humiliated then why did you cheat?"
"YES, WHY?!"
"A CHEATER LIKE YOU IS SUCH A DISGRACE IN THIS SOCIETY!"
"YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"
"CHEATING IS A CHOICE, FUCKER!"
I felt a couple of crumbled papers hit my head as the crowd continue to yell at me. This scumbag preacher is giving me a grin while Camila's watching at the back, her brown eyes darted straight to mine.
What they're doing is too much and I had enough so I grab his mic and took this opportunity to talk to Camila without addressing her directly.
"I CHEATED, OKAY?! I GET IT I'M WRONG AND I DIDN'T COME UP HERE TO HAVE A FUCKING DEBATE TO ALL OF YOU THAT I'M RIGHT BECAUSE HELL, I WAS SO FUCKING WRONG." I took a deep breath before I continue, "I hurt the girl I love the most, okay?! I hurt the girl who loved me more than everything. More than herself! Do y'all think I'm proud of what I've done?! No! It kills me every single day! It haunts me! When I'm awake, when I'm asleep, it haunts me!" I look straight in Camila's eyes, "I'm really..." Before I could finish my sentence, Camila walks out. She seem to know where the speech is going, "sorry. I'm so sorry." I mumbled before I throw the mic to his chest and run after Camila.
I somehow manage to catch up on her. I slowed down as soon as I get close to her.
"Where are we heading next?" I asked and Camila didn't bother to turn her back to face me.
"Give me the keys, I'll drive." She said coldly.
"I'll drive, Miss. It's better if you take some rest at the back seat."
She spun around, her brown eyes were furiously angry. "I said give me the keys!"
I took a defeated sigh and hand it over to her. Camila grab it harshly before she walk towards the driver's seat. I'm about to open the passenger door but Camila immediately stopped me.
"You're not going with me!"
"But—"
"You wait for me in that park." Camila pointed at the kid's park nearby, "Don't leave or move an inch unless I told you so. If you did, you better kiss your job goodbye." And with that, Camila slam the car door and drive away.
***
Camila's POV
"You're home on time for dinner, Miss Cabello." Alfred greeted me while fixing the dining table.
I took off my coat and hand it over to Alfred, "I got off from the meeting more earlier."
"Afred, I'm already hungry— Mommy!" Clark let go of the toy he's holding as soon as he saw me. I get down on my knees and open my arms out as my son crashed his little body on me, his little arms wrapped around my body.
"I miss you, tiger." I messed up his hair and the brown eyed boy giggled.
"I miss you too, mommy!" I pick him up as we headed to the dinning table.
"Mommy, is there any chance that I'm actually adopted?" Clark suddenly asked out of nowhere.
I laugh, "Hilarious! Why would I choose you?"
Clark tries to furrowed his eyebrows while glaring sharply at me but ended up looking like an angry little panda.
"Mommy!"
"What?" I chuckled, "I'm just saying."
"Come on, let's eat." Alfred pulled the chair for the both of us. Clark and I said our thank you to him and Alfred responded with a smile and "My pleasure." in british accent which is so adorable to hear.
"Where's Lauren?" Alfred suddenly asked right after he scooped some rice for my son.
"Yeah, mommy. Where's Lawren? I miss her already too!" Clark said with his mouth full of rice.
I look at him and his eyes are shinning bright showing excitement which makes my anger towards the green eyed brunette to grow. Clark and I are already happy with Shawn. Why does it all need to happened? Why does she have to come back in our life just like that?! And seeing my son building a strong bond with her is something I cannot bare to see. I don't want him to get hurt when Lauren disappear like a thin air again. I know it will happen again. She did it once, she will do it again. Besides, she's not our lost. I can raise Clark alone. I don't need her help. We don't need her at all. We survived 5 years without her, so what's the point of needing her now?"
My jolly mood immediately wear off as soon as I heard her name. A heavy frown instantly curved on my lips, "I don't know. Probably off to somewhere." I replied coldly, not showing any care or interest in his question.
Alfred just nod his head and dinner continues. Clark is being talkative as usual and Alfred and Vero are keeping the conversation with him. I don't really understand what they're talking about since my head is pretty occupied with a lot of things.
"Rainfall Advisory: please be advised that there's a raging storm tonight. Expect heavy rainfalls and strong wind tonight until morning. In case of emergency, please call 911." Right after the advisory from the television aired, a loud thunder strike followed by pouring of heavy rain that sent Clark flying towards my lap. He buried his face on my chest with his little shaky arms wrapped around my waist.
"I'm scared, mommy."
"It's okay, it's okay." I pat his back, "Mommy's here. I will protect you, okay?"
Clark nod his head and tighten his hug on me.
"Miss Cabello, do you really don't know where Lauren is?"
I took a sigh before I look at Vero and motion her to take Clark to his room, "Tiger, mommy will be there in a few minutes, okay? Alfred and I need to talk. For now, Veronica will accompany you, yes?"
"Quick mommy."
"Yes, tiger. I will."
I wait for Clark and Vero to go upstairs before I turn my attention to Alfred. With a sigh, I answer his question. "I made her wait in the park."
Alfred's eyebrows furrowed immediately, "Are you really that heartless, Camila?"
I was taken aback at the tone used by Alfred. It was filled with worriedness and annoyance. This is the first time he addressed me by my first name as well. Alfred really care about Lauren and I hate seeing the people I care, care about her as well. She don't deserve any care from anybody when Lauren herself doesn't give two shit but to herself.
"Why are you so worried about her?! So what if I made her wait in that goddamn park?! I'm sure she's not stupid enough to sit there and wait for me in the middle of that goddamn rain, right?!"
"She's stupid for you, Camila! And that's the problem! If she's smart enough, she's home by now. But no, she's out there waiting for you to come back. This isn't the first you did this, Camila. Stop, I'm begging you. Enough."
"It's my call if I will stop or not, or she can leave and never come back. It's favorable for us both. But no, Alfred. She chose to stay. She chose to endure the pain and be my toy. Tell me, is it still my fault?!"
"Do you know the reason why she stay despite of your cruel treatment to her? Because she had a dream for herself. Something you cannot destroy nor take away from her. And making that dream come true means she had to endure everything you throw on her. So don't ever think that the reason why she's still here is because she's still In love with you. But don't worry, Miss Cabello. You won't see her face again."
I look at Alfred with a raised eyebrow.
"I will do everything I can to convince her to quit her job here so it'll be favorable for the both of you."
I watch Alfred walked away from me and storm off the house even though the weather right now is raging cold.
"Do whatever you want. Like I care." I mumbled before I go upstairs to Clark's room. I saw Veronica humming a song while my son is sitting on his bed with a blanket wrapped around his little body.
"I'll take care of him." I said, making my presence known.
Veronica get back on her feet. As soon our shoulders levelled, she greeted me, "Good night, Miss Cabello."
"Good night, Veronica."
As soon as the door closed, I walk over to Clark and sit beside him. "Are you still scared?"
"I'm trying not to be, mommy."
I smiled timidly and hold his hand, "It's okay to be scared, tiger. You know that I always got you. I'm your shield."
Clark shakes his head, "No, mommy."
"No?" I asked confused.
"I want to be the one who will protect you, mommy."
As I look at my son, there's a sudden flash of Lauren's picture in my head and everything I've gone through. I never imagine having someone telling me that they want to protect me and I know they genuinely mean it. Words are not enough to describe how much my son means to me.
I cupped his face and look deeply in his brown eyes, "We'll protect each other, okay?"
Clark nodded and stick his pinky finger, "Promise?"
I cling my pinky finger against his, "I promise."
Another thunder strike hits and Clark immediately get up and jump into my arms. I hug him tightly as I stare at the window, watching every rain drops dropping on the window pane
You wait for me in that park. Don't leave or move an inch unless I told you so. If you did, you better kiss your job goodbye.
Did she really wait for me under that intense and heavy rain? She's not much of an idiot, right?
She's stupid for you, Camila! And that's the problem! If she's smart enough, she's home by now. But no, she's out there waiting for you to come back.
I shake my head internally. I know Lauren. She's not an idiot. Maybe she did stay at the park where I left her but she definitely staying on some shed or whatever. As soon as the rain stops, she'll be home.
"No need to think more about it, Camila. It'll just be a waste of time. She's fine. That cheater is fine. You should never think about her health. You don't care. You don't care. And you will never be." I mentally note to myself as I keep repeating it in my head until I felt relax in my son's bed while hugging him.
I stayed in his room for hours, making sure that he's asleep. Before walking out, I turn on his galaxy lamp so if ever he wakes up, he'll see the beautiful universe and planets moving in his ceiling. I fixed his blanket and kiss him tenderly in the forehead.
"I will never abandon you like she did to us, to you. We don't need her. We can be happy just by being together, like this. I will protect you with everything that I have and will take care of you until my body gives up. Mommy loves you so much, Clark." I softly caress his cheek for a moment to avoid waking him up before walking to my own room.
I flop on my bed and get underneath my warm cozy blanket. I pulled my pillow from my head and hug it tight as the rain continuously pouring outside. I try different ways to fall asleep— I roll over to my bed multiple of times, try every different sleeping positions possible, count 1-1000 but I still can't fall asleep no matter what I do and I don't know what the hell is wrong with my body. I'm exhausted but my brain won't let me get some rest.
Maybe a warm milk will help.
I get back on my feet and headed downstairs. The entire first floor of the house is empty so I know Alfred is still not home yet and I suddenly feel even more worried given tonight's weather condition.
So to calm my head from overthinking of what could possibly happen out there, I pulled out my phone and dialled Ally's number.
It took 4 rings before she picks it up.
"Hey, Ally."
"Hi, Mila. What's up? Is everything okay?"
"Am I disturbing your sleep or something?"
"Oh no, no. You didn't disturb anything."
"I can't sleep."
"Me too."
"Busy doing your lesson plan?"
Ally chuckled on the other line, "No. Lauren keeps me pretty occupied tonight to not have enough energy to do a lesson plan."
Are they doing what I think they're doing? I didn't know Lauren and Ally are dating. Since when? If ever they are then Ally will be like Clark's stepmom considering she knew everything.
"Oh," I chuckled boringly, "I didn't know you and Lauren are dating."
"What are you saying, Camila?" Ally laugh out loud, "Are you okay? Oh wait! Are you... are you jealous?"
"Don't start me on this one, Allyson."
"I'm just joking.... But are you really?"
"No! She's not Shawn so there's no reason for me to get jealous."
The other line stays silent for a moment. I can hear voices talking on the background but I couldn't understand what they're talking about.
"Ally? Are you still there?"
"Is she okay now? Can we see her?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. That's Alfred's voice. I can't be wrong, that's him. He's with Ally.
"Ally! Is that Alfred? Is he with you?" I asked eagerly.
After a few seconds of silence, Ally speaks. "Yeah, he's with me. We're at the hospital."
"Oh god! Is he okay?"
"Alfred's fine, Camila. However, Lauren was—"
"I don't care and I'm not interested to hear." I'm about to end the call when I heard Alfred's voice on the other line.
"Miss Cabello? Are you still there?"
"Yes, Alfred." I responded coldly.
"Please come here."
I raised my right eyebrow on him even though he can't see me, "In the middle of heavy rain?! You want me to risk my life for nothing?!"
"She's still Clark's mum, Miss Cabello."
"She's way long dead in our life, Alfred!"
"Are you really that heartless towards her? Lauren passed out in the middle of heavy rain all because of you. She was hospitalized because of you. Because you're being so—"
"Okay, okay! Enough! I will come there but don't expect it immediately. I'll come there if I feel going to." And before Alfred could protest, I ended the call.