When she was dragged into Dumbledore's office that first night so long ago, it had been intimidating. Now, over the course of many months and many meetings, she'd got familiar enough with the office and with the Headmaster himself not to be on edge the entire time, instead wandering through the office and experimenting with one of the rarer instruments or sinking into an arm chair he had had conjured up just for her. Normally, she stays in the shadows and lets Snape and Dumbledore talk in circles about strategy and sacrifice and duty. Today she lurks in the back of the room with Fawkes. It's one of his good days, so she runs her hands through his feathers and tries not to think of the birds she left at home. Audra had wondered once if Dumbledore's patronus was a phoenix, and had promised herself that one of these days she would ask him. Judging by the look on his face, today was not the day.
"There will be a .. ceremony of sorts. Christmas Day. At midnight." The words sounded heavy in Snape's mouth, and they lay between the three of them. Audra wasn't quite sure what it meant, but it sounded like it cost him something to say it. "An induction of sorts."
"For the young ones to take the mark?" Dumbledore asks, standing up to walk around the desk, robes trailing after him. He strides over to the pensive and yanks a silver strand away from his temple with the tip of his wand- Audra sees the image of a long hallway revolve around before disappearing into the basin. "At the Malfoy Manor, I assume?"
"As of now, yes." Snape's mouth curls into a snarl. He and Lucius had gotten in an argument the last time they were together, and now any mention of his old friend made Snape ten times nastier than normal. "They'll take the mark, and then be officially entered in the ranks."
"And Audra?" Audra tore her gaze away from Fawkes and turned back to the conversation. "Will she be asked to take the mark?"
"I believe so." Snape doesn't look at her when she says it. "and I believe that it will be within her best interest to say yes."
Audra didn't like being spoken about as if she wasn't in the room, like she was a child who couldn't make decisions for herself. the idea of officially taking the mark, while unpleasant, wasn't something unexpected. She had known this day was coming. "Obviously." She leans away from the wall and moves to stand behind the chair that had been offered to her. "And I'll be doing this when?"
"You'll gather at Malfoy Manor at 11 on Christmas Eve. He'll start the proceedings at one." Audra closes her eyes, and when she opens them, Snape bows his head just enough for her to notice, like he was conceding something to her that she doesn't remember asking about. Dumbledore just stares at her over his half moon spectacles, giving her that searching glance that she still hasn't managed to have grown accustomed too. It always makes her feel like he's seeing more of her than she meant to give. "Emmeline will be expected to do the same."
Dimly, she knew that this was supposed to be a comfort, that Snape was telling her that at the very least, she would not be facing this alone. If anything, it just opened up a new bundle of questions- Did Emmeline know? Would she be ready? How would Audra be able to protect her then?
"You don't have to do this, Audra." Dumbledore says, leaning forward, and she feels his eyes on her again, searching, looking for a crack to show him what she's really feeling. "You've said that everyone has choices, and that remains true. If you want to back out, we can protect you."
She knew what his protection meant, of course. It meant leaving her mother and father and brother to face the consequences of her abandonment. It meant having Clary relocate her to some remote country land where she would pose as a rich recluse, or let herself being swallowed up in the middle of a loud, hungry city, where no one would notice one more lonely girl. It meant not seeing Fred for a long, long time. "No. I'll do it." She reaches out to pet Fawkes again with shaking fingers. Snape is looking at her with something like respect in his face, but she knows that he thinks she's stupid for doing this. "I've made it this far, right? Can't stop now."
Audra tells Fred before she told anyone else, even if felt like a betrayal of George and Clary. She's been doing that a lot lately, turning to find Fred for help and comfort before she even thought of any of her other friends. It had worried her, made her wonder if she had become to dependent on him, but that didn't stop her from grabbing her by the arm the next morning and dragging her into a dark and dusty classroom, locking the door behind them. Now, after the story has spilled out, she wishes she hadn't.
"You have to say no." He had been quiet for a long time, facing the wall instead of her and running one of his hands through his hair so it refuses to lie flat. Then he rounded towards her and she could see the determination in his eyes, the way he was holding himself together. Audra had not expected the first words out of his mouth to be that. "I know that you're brave,and smart, and that you could do this, but you don't need to, Audra, you just don't."
"Yes, I do." She doesn't know why he doesn't get it, why he has to try so hard and talk her out of something that wasn't her idea. Out of something that was the right choice. "Dumbledore said-,"
"Dumbledore says a lot of things and has a lot of people do dangerous crap for the order in the name of the greater good, and okay, someone needs to do it, but they don't always turn out okay. It's not always turn out to be worth it. You can say no." The words were pouring out of him at lightning speed, a desperate rush of syllables, like he was working out what had to be said as he went along. He had moved to take hold of her, and his hands were holding onto the side of her face to make Audra look at him, like it was the only way to make her listen. She was close enough to count every freckle on his face if she wanted. "I know you want to protect my family, protect Harry, protect me. But I want you safe. Audra, I need you safe."
It was as close to a confession as she knew she was going to get. She knew that right now was the part where she would tell him not to worry, that above all else, she wanted him to be safe, too. That she loved him, and wanted nothing more than to make him happy, and that this fear for her that he was feeling, she's not a stranger to. But she doesn't. "It's not just about protecting you." The words burst out so loudly that she's suddenly relieved she had thought to use a silencing charm on the door. "This, what I'm doing, it's the only way to keep everyone I love safe. If I quit now, the order would protect. But if I quit, it's not me who pays the price. My father would. Vance would. Fred, he would torture my mother and make sure I knew it."
She could see the thought that she'd been dreading seeing fly across his face momentarily (the who cares) but then it's wiped clean and he's looking at her with something that could be confused with pity. "They're still my family, Freddie."
"I know." He steps forward and hugs her, and the two of them stay like that, just two kids holding one another in an empty classroom.
They break away eventually, disentangling limbs and walking out into the corridor, trying not to look like anything important had just happened. He insists on walking her down to the dungeons, even if she's capable of doing it herself, and even if she wants nothing more than to be alone. Neither of them say a word on the way down. Not about anything meaningful, at least. It's not until they make it to the dungeons that he grabs her hand and drags her into one of them, She recognizes it as the one they had used to test the more explosive products. There were still scorches and slime staining the walls.
"What, Fred?" She rips her arm away from him and then wishes she hadn't.
"I just want you to know that you're right. Trying to save your family."
He looks a bit like he's afraid she might punch him. She's not entirely convinced she won't. "They're murderers."
"They're people. Good people." He brushed her hair away, searching her face with worried eyes. "They raised you, and they loved you, and no matter what else they had done, they were good to you. And that doesn't go away."
"My brother..."
"Is your brother. And take it from me, nothing he does, ever, is going to change that."
He had his hands tangled in her hair, and she had her face pressed against his shoulder, murmuring her protests so they fell right into his ear, like that might make them easier to say or hear. It would be easy to kiss him, she thinks, just one movement, and she considers doing it. She knows that that, at least, might finally get rid of the weight that's been laying on her chest all year and make it easy to breathe for a few second. It's tempting, but then she remembers why they were hear in the first place, and decides against it.
"I can't save them from themselves." She says finally, after they've both felt the need to either step closer or break apart entirely.
"But you have to try." Fred steps away, holding the door open for her. "Sometimes, that's all you can do."