Sometimes feelings stay even when we beg them to leave.
- perry poetry
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Chapter 39
Camila's POV
I knocked twice on the principal's office before I twist the doorknob and swing the door open.
"Hola, Mr. Benedict! It's been a while." I greeted him with a smile.
"Camila! Come on in! Come on in!" He immediately get back on his feet and voluntarily shut the door as he let me and my son to take a seat, "It's so nice to see you. Again." He giggled.
I darted my eyes on Clark as I answer "Yeah, again. I'm honestly quite surprise you're not tired of seeing my face here."
"Oh no! A Latina beauty like you cannot be grown tired of." Mr. Benedict take a seat on his reclining chair, "Anyway, I request your presence here today because of Clark's answers on his examination sheets."
He pulled out bunch of test papers from his desk and started to find Clark's work while I'm mentally preparing myself to what I'm about to see.
"Here it is." Mr. Benedict hand it over and I started to scan the papers that is now in my hands.
"Oh my god." I mumbled while massaging the temple of my head.
"Your son is genius if you'll ask me."
I look at Clark and my son just gave me and Mr. Benedict a proud smile, "Thank you, Mr. Principal."
If only he knew his principal is just being sarcastic.
"Tiger, didn't I told you to behave?" I told him with my eyes telling him to shut his mouth because it wasn't even a compliment to thank with.
"I am being haved, mommy!"
I turn my attention to Mr. Benedict and smile, "But despite of this... is his grades somehow failing?"
He shakes his head, "No, not at all. Your son is a genius kid, like I said." And now his words no longer sarcastic. He mean it now and I felt incredibly relieve knowing my son is doing great despite of being a pain in the ass.
"Thank you, Mr. Benedict." I stand up from my seat and offer my hand to him for a handshake which he accepted, "We'll get going now. I still have a work to do."
"No problem, Camila. I'm afraid I'm about to see you in a week or two."
I turn my gaze on Clark and chuckled sarcastically, "I'm afraid so too, Mr. Benedict."
I grab my son's hand as I lead him outside the office. We were walking down the hallway in silent when Clark suddenly breaks the ice.
"Why are you looking at me like that, mommy?"
I knitted my eyebrow and decided to play along, "What look?"
"Every time Mr. Principal will tell you 'again' and 'you'll be back here in a week or two' you're looking at me."
"It's because I always spent my weekends in the principal's office because of you."
Clark make a pout and scooted closer to me, "I love you, mommy."
"What kind of toy do you want me to buy, master Clark?"
"I'm sorry, mommy."
I stop at my tracks and look at my son, "No shit— shit! I..."
Clark let out a fits of giggles, "Shit."
"Clark! You weren't suppose to say that!"
"And you weren't suppose to curse in front of a 5 year old kid!"
I took a defeated sigh, "I know, it slipped. Okay, okay, you won. But are you serious? You don't want any toys?"
Clark shook his head, "I don't want toys, mommy."
I smiled warmly at him and pulled him in for a hug. Finally! A genuine I love you from my son without asking for toys the next—
"But I do want some foods, mommy. I'm hungry."
I pulled away from the hug, "So that's the I love you for?"
He gave me a tight lipped smile, "50/50."
"What 50/50?"
"50 I mean it and 50 because I'm hungry."
"Wow, I love you too, tiger."
We continue to walk towards the exit gate where Lauren and Vero are waiting for us. Both girls are sitting at the bench having a casual conversation. They didn't seem to notice that we're already here and unknowingly, my eyes fixed on a certain green eyed girl. I watch her lips move as she talk to Veronica without nothing specific to think about in my head. I'm just looking— yeah, maybe staring but definitely not drooling. I'm done with that phase and I have no plan of going back. Loving her consumes every bit of me. I won't let her kill me again.
"I can't fight this feeling any longer. And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow." I snap out from staring when I heard Clark singing. I look at him and he's looking at me with meaningful grin, "Aww, mommy is crushing on Lawren—"
"Shshshshs, I'm not!"
"Then why are you turning red if you're not mommy?"
"Because! I'm not blushing, okay?"
"Sure, Jan."
"Clark! I told you I'm not. Let's drop this, okay?"
"Okay, my mama tomato."
"Oh my god." I mumbled while scratching my head, "And don't you dare—"
"Lawren!" Clark yelled, earning both of their attention. He's about to run towards Lauren but I immediately grab his little head to hold him still, "Mommy's—"
I immediately cover his mouth and pick him up. My hand still remain to his mouth to shut him up, "We'll just grab something to eat." And then I started to walk away and drag my brat son far away from them. From Lauren especially.
"I'm not crushing on her, tiger. If Shawn hear you say that, we'll both upset him. Do you want to see him sad?"
Clark shook his head, "No, mommy."
I nod my head lowly.
"I'm just joking a while ago. I know you love Yawn. But you love me more."
"Yeah, I love you more. But don't tell him that." We both giggled as we headed to the nearest restaurant to grab something to eat.
As soon as I push the restaurant door, all eyes landed on us with a shock expression on their faces.
"Oh my god, it's Camila Cabello!"
They all pulled out their phones and approach our direction. I greeted them with a smile and take a few selfie with them before we headed to the counter to have our order.
"So, what will it be?" I asked him and he's looking straight on the menu.
"I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN."
There's a sudden silence around the restaurant and I can feel everybody's eyes are on us. I mentally face palm myself as I chuckled awkwardly. This is embarrassing, "Eggs... he would like some eggs."
"Oh." The crew let out a giggle, "Okay, eggs. Got it. How about you, ma'am?"
"I'm good, thank you."
"Would you like to add some drinks?"
I glance at Clark and his eyes shift on the menu once again, "I'D LIKE TO BOTTOMS UP A GLASS OF BLOOD."
"And tomato juice. Thank you. Sorry for my very disturbing son."
The crew let out a fits of giggles, "Your son is very cute, ma'am."
We waited for a couple of minutes before the meal was done. After that I drag the very happy Clark outside the restaurant because I feel incredibly embarrassed at the chosen words he spoke inside. It wouldn't surprise me at all if I saw a news about this. About him specifically.
"Lawren!" Clark immediately let go of my hand and run towards Lauren. He wrapped his little arms around her legs, "I miss you!"
"And I miss you too, Kal-El." The green eyed girl get down on her knees so she can be at the same level as Clark. The smile on her face while looking at our son is something painful. It hurts me to see that stupid genuine smile on her face. It hurts to see Clark slowly forming a bond with her. Something I know will be unbreakable when this thing goes on for a long run.
"Veronica, you take him home, okay? Be safe."
"Will do, Miss Cabello."
I turn my gaze on him and open my arms out motioning him to come closer which he did. He run up and to me and crushed his little body on me, "Be good to your babysitter, okay? Don't give Veronica any headaches."
Clark nod his head, "I love you mommy. It's 100 this time."
I pout, "So you don't mean the I love you's before?"
"50/50."
"Great." I chuckled and kiss him tenderly, "I love you more, tiger."
"Thank you for buying me these delicious meal, mommy."
"You're welcome, son." I smiled and caress his hair before I gave him to Veronica. I waited for them to drive off and vanish from my sight before I turn my attention to Lauren who's standing beside me.
"Tell Alfred I'm all set."
"Si, señorita." Lauren smiled at me and I rolled my eyes on her as I wait for Alfred.
"Hi, Alfred. Yes, señorita is already set. Okay, thanks. Bye, Alfred."
As soon as Lauren hang up, I turn my attention to her again. "Stop calling me stupid nicknames!"
"You don't like señorita?"
I raised my right eyebrow on her, "I don't."
"How about..." A smile curved on her lips, "Camz? Still a no?"
The old nickname rings on my ear and it brings a lot of memories and emotions to me. It's been a long time since I heard that nickname and not even time can fade away that something I feel whenever she says the old nickname I don't wanna hear anymore.
I look at her and the smile is still written on her lips. How can she do that? How can she look at me in the eyes and smile? How can she call me Camz and sounded like before? Like nothing happened? Like she didn't hurt me and consume the very last of me? My sudden outburst of anger inside is too overwhelming. The heart of mine that I thought was already numb from it seems like endless pain and suffering is aching once again. But this time, it isn't mix with sadness and longing. The pain are slowly turning itself as a fuel to grow the anger and hatred that I feel towards her even more. Like a wild fire that was unable to put out no matter how long time passed by.
I scoff bitterly as I try to act like it doesn't affect me, "You never failed to amuse me, pumpkin. Imagine, after you fucked some whore and left me you still had the guts to call me that. Wow, I'm speechless. The pretending game is too strong." I clap my hands and laugh sarcastically, "You had a potential to be an actress, seriously."
Lauren is about to open her mouth to say something but Alfred just came in the right time, saving my ears from hearing whatever her lame excuse will be.
"Open the door for me." I told her and Lauren immediately oblige my command.
"Here you go, Miss Cabello."
Before I get in, I look at her in the eyes once again with so much hatred and despise, "You don't have the right to gave your boss a nickname. Next time, know your place or I will kick you out. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, you do. It'll be a shame if you don't considering you knew how cheating works, right?"
Lauren look away with a clenched jaw. I raised my right eyebrow expecting for her outburst and complain so I can slap her right at this very moment and say everything that I want to say but it didn't happen. Fuck, it didn't! She just nod her head lowly and mumbled a soft, "Right." which is I'm least expecting to hear from her.
I get inside the van and settle comfortably in my seat. Lauren's about to get inside as well so I immediately speak to stop her from doing so, "And where do you think you're going?"
"Getting inside?"
I rolled my eyes at her sarcastic response, "And who told you you're allowed to share a ride with me? A presence of a cheater is suffocating me. You're walking. Here's the address." I took the paper from my pocket and hand it over to Lauren.
As the green eyed girl is about to take it, I drop the paper to the ground. I flash a warm smile as soon as my brown orbs met green, "5 minutes. If you're not there within the time frame that I gave you then I suggest you start to kiss your job goodbye. Have a good exercise, pumpkin." Then I close the passenger door and motioned Alfred to drive off and leave poor Lauren behind.
Throughout my travel time, I can't wipe away the smile curved on my lips. The satisfaction of what I'm doing is somehow helping me to subside the anger. Her suffering is what makes me calm and happy.
"What's the smile all about, Miss Cabello?" Alfred suddenly asked as soon as we hit the stop light.
"I feel... happy. Seeing her suffer makes me incredibly happy."
"I can see, Miss Cabello. Making her walk for 3 kilometers within 5 minutes in a sunny day really brought a smile on your face."
"I'm just starting."
"You do realize that you're slowly making her your slave, right?"
"Why does Lauren concerns you so much, Alfred?"
"My concern lies to the rights of every humans, Miss Cabello. And what you're doing is far from that."
"What she'd done to me is far from what I'm doing now. If there's anyone who's being cruel between the two of us, it's her and not me!"
"Yes, Miss Cabello. But from what you're doing right now, what makes you different from Lauren?"
I smirk. Alfred is playing some mind guilty games with me but guilt and mercy are both long gone in my dictionary when it comes to Lauren, "I guess we're the same. She turned me into a heartless monster like her."
"Planting hatred in your heart is no good, Miss Cabello. Life is short, you should let it all go and start forgiving the people who hurt you because that's the right thing to do. What happened already happened. She made mistakes and you did too. The only thing you should take in the past with you is the lesson that it brought so next time you know what to do. So you learn and grow as a person."
"I can't, Alfred. That's the only thing I cannot do."
"Because you're afraid, Miss Cabello. Forgiving means you're putting your guard down. Forgiving her means you destroy the wall you built around you so the other person can see right through you. If you let the anger and hatred go, the barrier between not falling and falling In love with her again will disappear and what happened in the past will happen again at this present time."
I chuckled, "What are you saying Alfred?"
"That I think it's a front, Miss Cabello. You chose to hate her so you have the reason not to stumble and fall all over again."
I laugh at Alfred's remark, "Hilarious! You just want me to stop because of your so called humanitarian rights. Stop playing some mind games with me, Alfred. It won't work on me."
"It will, Miss Cabello. It's inevitable because it wasn't even a mind games to begin with."
I just laugh at how funny Alfred sounds like. It's not inevitable, it's impossible. There's no way I will pick up the rock that I let go for a long time now just to hit my head again with the same rock. I'm already with the right person. I already found a safe shelter that will keep me warm in winter. I wouldn't trade that for temporary happiness.
As soon as we arrived at the parking lot of Normani's building, I glance at my watch and she have 20 seconds left.
"Miss Cabello," I lift up my gaze to meet his, "are you really serious about it? You know she won't make it on time. It's impossible to walk 3 kilometers within 5 minutes."
"Yes, and that's not my problem anymore, Alfred." I open the passenger door and step out. I look around me and that's when I saw Lauren who's running for her life. Sweat are dripping off from her head down to her shirt and totally out of breath.
"You're late, pumpkin." I informed her and the green eyed brunette can't say a single word as she still in the process of catching her breath.
"I-I'm... I'm sorry, I run—"
"Save it! I'm sick of you saying sorry all the damn time." I rolled my eyes before I walk towards the backseat and took the two heavy baggages full of unnecessary things that I don't need today. I took it and throw it all to Lauren who's still catching her breath causing her to almost stumble and fall. I took off my coat and throw it to her as well as my bag.
"Let's go." I walk first with Lauren trailing behind me. I press the elevator and it took a couple of minutes before it open.
"20th floor." I told Lauren as soon we both get inside.
"Can you please do it yourself, Miss Cabello? My hands are full."
Keeping my gaze straight ahead, I answer. "Are you telling your boss to do her own order?"
Lauren chuckled, "Oh no, Miss Cabello. I said I'll do it myself."
Lauren walk closer and press the 12, 14, 15, 17, 18, and 19th floor before she pressed the correct floor that I told her to before going back to my side.
"Why don't you press the 16th floor for more chances of winning?" I asked sarcastically and I'm surprise when Lauren suddenly walk over and press the 16th floor with a smile on her face.
I rolled my eyes on her and stayed silent. I'm already late in my rehearsal and instead spending only a few minutes inside the elevator, because of the genius person standing right next to me I basically spent more than 15 minutes inside.
As soon as the elevator door opens, I quickly step out and glared at Lauren. "Next time, know the meaning of sarcasm."
Lauren smiled, "Yes, ma'am."
"And don't smile at me, we're not even close." I said before walking away. I push the door open and I saw Normani and Jay her assistant choreographer dancing to the song I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing of Aerosmith which instantly brings me a certain memory.
....
"THAT'S FUCKING IT, Camila! What the hell are you actually doing?!"
"Having a party."
"Having a party?! Having a fucking party inside the car?!"
"Don't laugh at me!"
"I-HAHAHAHAHA... I'm so... HAHAHAHAH I can't help myself sorry."
"You have two fucking choices right now, Camila Cabello. It's either you will stop yourself from laughing or I will make you!"
....
"What a nice song." I heard Lauren said. I shook my head to erase that memory in my head. I shouldn't remember that. I should fucking never!
"What a horrible song." I said before walking over to Normani and make my presence known. Halfway and Normani already see me through the mirror. A smile immediately curved on her lips and her body stops from dancing.
"You're late, dummy!"
"I know, I'm sorry." I pulled Normani for a hug, "I pay a visit at the principal's office again."
"It's okay. I understand." Normani pulled away from the hug. Her gaze turns over my shoulder so I assumed she's looking at Lauren. I can't feel any tension between them unlike before which is a good thing, I guess. I turn around and look at Lauren. It's easy for me to know that the green eyed girl suddenly became uneasy and uncomfortable. Her head is down and she's playing with her thumb which indicates that she's nervous.
"She can't keep a straight eye to eye contact with me." Normani whispered which brought a smile on my face.
"It's because she probably felt incredibly guilty right now which I want her to. I want to kill her with guilt until it destroys her like how she destroyed me." I whisper back and Normani just grin and shakes her head.
"Change your clothes, Mila. We'll start the rehearsal in few minutes."
"Okay." I walk back to where I left Lauren. The sweat pants and the crop top hoodie that I usually wear whenever I'm dancing is inside my bag but I told her to open the two unnecessary baggages that I bought. I started to throw all the clothes inside my bag and mess it all up creating a mountain of messed clothes.
I look at Lauren and smile, "Just kidding! It's here in my bag. Go clean it all up."
I took my bag from her hand and walk over to the restroom to change my clothes. That scene repeats for about 7 times. I will mess it up and Lauren will clean it and then I will mess it up again which makes me and Normani laugh as we do my choreo for my performance in the Grammy's this coming week. Our dancing session lasted for 5 hours straight with Havana playing on repeat on the background.
When one hour break comes in, I need something to loosen up so I turn to favorite stress reliever.
"Lauren, get my phone in my car." I ordered her though my phone is in my pocket.
"Okay." Lauren get back on her feet and started to walk away so I quickly get back on my feet as well and drag the chair with me as a bright idea flashed in my mind.
"And oh! You won't take the elevator. Just the staircase." I place my chair right in front of the elevator door, "If I saw you step out of this elevator door, you can expect that you no longer have a job to return to."
"You want me to use staircase to go from 20th floor down to the lobby?"
"That's what I said. Are you deaf?"
Lauren shakes her head, "No, Miss Cabello. I'm just making sure what I heard is right."
"It seems to me that you're complaining."
"You misunderstood me then."
"You have 3 minutes."
Lauren nod her head with a small smile before she headed straight to the staircase.
"Let's see if you can still smile." I mumbled under my breath. I pulled my phone out and place it in my lap while waiting for her. After a few minutes, Lauren came back panting and massaging her thighs and legs.
"Turns out it's in my pocket, what a plot twist! Just get my charger instead."
Lauren nodded and go down again. This scenario goes on and on until my lap was full of bunch of things I don't really need: Charger, adaptor, tissue paper, magazine, newspaper, bottled water, and even Alfred's eye glasses. The only time I stop Lauren from going back and forth from 20th floor down the lobby and vice versa is when her face can no longer be painted. Though she's smiling, I can see through her eyes that she's no longer feeling her legs.
"Alright, have some rest first." I get back on my feet and hand all the things to Lauren, "Put it all back to where you took them and then have some rest in the lobby while you're waiting for me." Then I started to walk away to resume my session with Normani when Lauren suddenly speak.
"Can I use the elevator now?"
I stop from my tracks and look over my shoulder. With a devious smirk on my lips, I answer her with my utmost sincerity. "Tough luck, my friend. No." And then I walk back inside.
Normani and I have been dancing for another 4 hours straight. I want to make sure that everything is perfect. My dance moves, my voice, the visual, everything. I'm quite a perfectionist when it comes to my performances because I want to give my all to my fans. I always want to perform like it was my first and last. My fans are very supportive so it's only right to give them the best of the best.
By 5:00 pm, our rehearsal finally ended. I helped Normani clean up the stuff around the studio before we packed our things and headed straight to the lobby.
"So where going to the studio next, right?" Normani asked while texting.
"Yeah."
"I say you should take some rest. Our rehearsal is a bit heavy and intense today."
"You know me, Mani. When it comes to music you know I'm relentless."
"I know. So what's the plan for CC1?"
"I'm writing bunch of love songs for Shawn. And hopefully, produce an album that was all about him and only him. That was the plan."
"So... no break up songs?"
I'm about to open my mouth to say something when I felt my phone buzzed in from my pocket. I pulled out my phone and it was Roger asking me if I can make a song for the movie Hotel Transylvania 2. This is Clark's favorite movie so with a smile on my face, I quickly type a big YES!!!!! with lots of exclamation point and hit the send button.
"No break up songs, Normani. I'm done writing that kind of stuff. If I can only write a song that can showcase how much I despise her existence then I would gladly do it and dedicate it all for her."
Normani crack a small laugh as we step out of the elevator, "Calm down. We're about to fetch your puppy now."
We walk towards the lobby as my eyes scan the entire place. At the couch right next to the window, I saw Lauren sleeping.
"Who said we're fetching her?" I asked. As soon as Normani's eyes connects with mine, I flash a devious smirk and Normani seem to get it as she mirrored my expression.
"You're really enjoying this."
"Oh hell, I am. I have a lot in store exclusively just for her." I took one last glance at exhausted Lauren before we left her sleeping on the lobby.
***
Lauren's POV
It's been a week already since I started working as Camila's PA/housekeeper. But the exhausted level that I feel is like I've been working nonstop for 5 months straight. That's how exhausted I am. My body is sore considering garage is my new found room and the cold floor became my new mattress. I always have a colds everyday which is sucks. And remember the time when Camila gave all the housekeepers an early christmas vacation? It isn't because she's being generous. No, hell, it's not it. It's because she wants me to clean this entire mansion all by myself. The garden, the pool, the car, doing the laundry of 5 mountains of clean clothes, it was all on me.
Camila is killing me slowly.
But even though I'm working here as a literal slave, I have my very own reasons why I can't leave. At least not at this very moment. And part of that reasons is I want to see Camila everyday. Though she's treating me like shit and always slapping me with the stupid mistake that I made in the past, I chose to understand where she's coming from instead of getting upset by her words. It was my fault anyway. And if that's the only way for her to feel okay and somehow forgive me for what I've done, then I'd gladly take the hit.
Right now, I'm spending 3 hours in the kitchen just to perfect Camila's dinner and get the right taste that she likes. I cooked her some pasta with a garnish of diced ham and pesto cream paired with banana her all time favorite, of course.
With a sigh, I turn off the stove and scoop some in her plate. "Wish me luck, buddy."
Vero just gave me a small chuckle, "I will bet $100 dollars on your ass that you will go back in here... again."
"Hey!" I playfully slap her arm, "Stop putting jinx on my pasta!"
"Just stating the fact. How many times have you cooked a simple pasta? 7 times?"
"8. It's already 8, Ver."
"See? Hot mama surely hides a grunge against you. I can feel it, Laur."
Vero doesn't know my past relationship with Camila and I don't have any plans to tell her that. I don't want her to fire me a lot of questions and eventually run her mouth around. I don't want Camila to think that I'm bragging the relationship that already sinked long before.
"Which is kinda weird, you know?" Vero added that caused me to furrowed my eyebrows.
"Why weird?"
"Because if she hates you then why would she make you her PA? Maybe she's crushing on you."
How I wish. "That's impossible. Camila already had a boyfriend and they have a son."
"So? Where were you, Laur? Just because you had a kid doesn't mean you can't look at someone else. Even a ring on your finger and a marriage certificate can't stop someone who wants to commit infidelity."
"Yeah, I know that Vero. But Camila is not like that. When she love someone, she gave everything. Even though you gave her a lot of reasons to leave that person, hell, she won't do it. She will find one tiny reason to stay. Though things may get hard and worn her out, she will always be there to love you with all that she have and stay true to that person." Something I failed to do.
"You talked as if you knew her so well."
Because I do.
"And I assumed your talking about Shawn. Jesus, Lauren! You're the number one shawmila shipper, I swear!"
That person is me, not Shawn. I just smiled at Vero, "Yeah, so much that it makes me wanna puke."
Vero chuckled, "Was that a sarcasm or...?"
"You guess. I'll go ahead now. Thanks for making me stay longer than I should."
"And you're welcome. Prepare your ears for hot mama's fireball."
I giggled, "Shut up and you better take care of my boy."
I walk towards the dinning area when I heard Camila's voice. She's talking to someone over the phone and I know she's talking to Shawn. It's not that hard to guess considering the overwhelming amount of happiness that overflows in her voice and into her eyes.
"I have another one. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?"
"What?" Smiling Camila answered.
"Nobody knows!"
And then Camila laugh along with him. She's so busy laughing with the stupid joke he makes to notice that I already put down the plate in front of her. And it burns my heart seeing that beautiful smile on her face and realizing that I'm not the reason anymore.
It used to be me. It was me who used to make her laugh like. And watching the person I love, love someone else is probably the hardest thing I have to do. And I also come into terms that real tears are not those that fall from the eyes, but those that fall from the heart down to your soul. And my heart is so tired of fighting with my mind for her. My mind is telling me to let go and move on while my heart is reminding me that miracles do exist and that I should just be patient.
She's already happy with him. I no longer have a place in her heart, I have to accept that. I really need to accept that. I reminded myself over and over and over again until my eyes met brown.
"I gotta go now, baby. Yeah, good night. I love you. Bye." And then Camila ended the call and put her phone down beside her plate.
Her eyes were fixed on the pasta while mine was fixed on her lock screen. It was a family picture with Clark sitting in the middle of Camila and Shawn. They were a happy family, just like how I imagine my future with her.
"Took you 100 years in the kitchen, pumpkin. I thought you're planning to stay there for another 100." I immediately look away from her phone before Camila caught me staring at it.
"Yeah, I'm..." I pause for a moment remembering that she hates it when I say sorry so I immediately think for some alternative words, "Perfecting the pasta so you can have your dinner already, Miss Cabello."
Camila didn't say anything. She just lifted her fork and try the pasta and then spit it out, "What the hell is this, Lauren?! You make me wait almost an hour for this crap?!"
"What does it taste?"
"A crap! Piece of shit!" Camila mumbled the word shit since Clark is just playing in the living room, "Do your job right! I can even taste a fucking ginger in it!"
I furrowed eyebrows in confusion, "I didn't put any ginger on it."
"So you're telling me that I'm lying?! That my tongue magically produced ginger while I'm chewing your stupid pasta, is that it?!"
I immediately shook my head, "No, no, I'm sorry I..."
Camila took a loud sigh and rolled her eyes at the sorry word that slipped through my mouth, "It's just that... it's the only right word to say at this moment."
"Are you a moron that you can't understand a simple english? Didn't I told you that I don't want to hear your stupid sorry's because I'm sick of them?! It won't change anything, did you get it?! Your stupid sorry won't make this goddamn pasta eatable!"
Camila's brown eyes were furious as they darted straight into mine. I know she's not only talking about the pasta. She's referring to the scars that I left to her.
"Hmm! To spare you both from misery." The tension subside at Alfred's presence.
He put down the ordered foods in front of Camila, most of them are her favorite. Alfred's attention turned into the pasta and to Camila who's eyebrows are still furrowed. He took the fork and taste the pasta that I cooked.
After a few seconds, Alfred speak. "The pasta taste delicious, Miss Cabello. And I can't even taste a ginger. I can't see what's wrong with it."
Camila look at Alfred with a raised eyebrow.
And to make the situation even more awkward, Vero appeared at the dinning with a plate on her hand. "The pasta taste sooo good, oh my lord!"
I cleared my throat and speak immediately before Camila does, "I really appreciate that you guys cover me up but Miss Cabello is right. I put a ginger on her pasta. I'm not really with myself a while ago so I understand where the anger is coming from. I assure you that it won't again, Miss Cabello."
A moment of silence echoed around before Camila stand up from her seat, "I don't want to eat anymore. Thanks for ruining my appetite." And with that, Camila storm off.
"Ver, Laur, you should eat this." Alfred said and I immediately refuse.
"That's for Camila. I'm sure she'll sneak up at midnight just to secretly eat this food."
"She won't. I know that girl. When she said she don't want to eat, she really won't. That is why I always threw away the foods that I bought for her."
"Hey, Mister Alfred. Is Camila always like that?" Vero curiously asked.
"Sometimes. When her and Shawn had arguments."
Vero nodded lowly, "And I guess Lauren made it to the list."
I immediately elbowed Vero in the stomach, "Shut your mouth!"
She giggled, "What? You just made our boss walked out. You're the second Shawn in her life."
"Oh my god, Vero! Stop!" I glared at her with a mix of threat. I don't want Alfred to think something and worse, tell it to Camila. That would only worsen my situation with her.
"Enough you two before you smack each other's faces. Being a referee of two girls fighting is the last thing I wanna do."
Vero and I giggled at Alfred's remark, "But seriously, eat it up and fix yourselves to bed. Lauren, I want you to stop by at my room before you go to sleep. I need to talk to you about something."
"Will do, Alfred." I smiled at him and watch Alfred disappear as he make his way to Clark before I choke Vero to death.
"Look what you've done!" I whisper-yell at her, "He'll probably ask me bunch of questions all because of your big nasty mouth!"
"You're being paranoid. Maybe he'll just ask what's up with you."
"What's up with me?"
"Yeah, like why the hell did you lied straight to our faces about ginger in the pasta? I was there the entire time you were cooking and there was no ginger present. And you do realized that we're out of stock of ginger, right?"
"Shit, really?"
Vero nod her head, "Why did you cover her up? She was basically lying and blaming you for cooking quote unquote "horrible pasta with ginger" when it wasn't. You should let Alfred exposed her ass so you can at least get back on her for being so mean to you."
"It's not a big deal, Ver."
"What do you mean it's not? Yes it is, Lauren! If I were you, I will throw the pasta straight to her face while I'm saying 'I fucking quit!' to her face before storming off. Like I don't care if she's the most famous singer of all time. Screw her!"
"Lower your voice, she might hear you. I bet you don't want to kiss your job goodbye, right?"
"Yeah, I don't."
"Let's just finish this so we can take our own rest. We had a long day." I changed the topic and I'm glad that Vero didn't brought the topic that I sinked. After we eat, she helped me clean up the dining area as Alfred take Clark to his room.
"Good night, bitch." Vero sent a flying middle finger on me with a smile before closing her bedroom door, not allowing me to response.
I chuckled, "Fuck you too, Vero."
I headed straight to Alfred's room feeling a little bit nervous. I just hope that it's not about Camila or what happened earlier.
I knock on his door two times before I heard him say 'come in'. I twist the door knob and push the door open. He's sitting on his bed with a chair right in front of him.
"Have a seat, Lauren." He pointed at the chair so I walk over and have a seat.
"Tell me honestly, why are you still here? Why are you still working for Camila despite of her being so incredibly mean to you?"
With all honesty, I answer him. "Because I need money."
He nodded lowly, "But there's a lot of jobs out there. A jobs that don't have a terror boss like Camila."
"Yeah, you're right. There's a lot of jobs out there if you have a college degree. Something that I don't have. Even though I do double jobs, triple even, I wouldn't earn the salary that I have in here."
"Even though. Don't think about the salary, think about yourself. The amount of respect that you'll lose the longer you stays here and let Camila do her thing."
"Don't worry about me, Alfred. I've got nothing to lose anyway. Ego, pride, confidence, self-respect, a beating heart, a life, I no longer have those. In fact, if you asked me to take your shit out of the toilet using my bare hands in exchange of money then I will do it in a heart beat."
"Hope. That's the thing that you didn't lose."
"I'm starting to lose that one too. The only thing that keeps me breathing is my dream."
"Tell me, what is the dream of Lauren Jauregui?"
"To be a soccer player that everyone knows."
"And that's why you need the money, yes?"
I nod my head, "Yeah. Once I earned enough money, I will go to Arizona and pursue my dreams."
"Is the salary really the reason why you're staying here?"
"I mean what else could it be aside from that?"
"Earlier at the dinning area, why did you cover her up and take the hit?"
"I—"
"Don't try to lie to me, Lauren. I know the ginger is out of stock in this house."
I took a sigh, "I feel bad for Camila. I mean, I know she's stressed and my work is always floppy that's why she always gets mad at me. And I totally understand it. I mean, if I were the boss I would react the same way too."
"Your work isn't floppy. I secretly tasting the foods you cooked and the coffee you made. Always. There's nothing wrong with it. Was it the conscience?"
I'm about to open my mouth but Alfred beat me up to it, "Or something more?"
I furrowed my eyebrows to where this conversation is heading, "Alfred, I think you misunderstood me. Look, I don't have any plans to ruin a happy family. Whatever Vero said at the dining a while ago, it's nothing. I don't like Camila. Not at all."
"No need to lie, Lauren. I already know everything."
I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Camila told me what happened between you two in the past."
I gulped and nodded lowly, "And I understand if you're mad. I know Camila is like a daughter to you and I hurt her beyond a stretch of imagination. I'm sorry, I really am. But I want you to know that I loved her with everything that I have and all that I am."
"And you still do up until this day."
I stayed silent.
"You don't have to apologize to me. It's totally unnecessary. I'm not even mad at you, Lauren."
"Well, you should be."
"I shouldn't. You learned from it and you changed, that's what matters."
I smiled timidly at him. Our conversation goes on that I literally get on the bed— or should I say to the floor around 12:30. I literally have 5 hours and 30 minutes before I wake up again and do heavy dose of work.
-
"Pumpkin, wake up!"
I slowly open my eyes only to see a blurred figure standing right in front of me. I rub my eyes so I can see clearly. It's Camila standing right in front of me in her rose gold night dress.
"Come with me." The only word she said before storming off from the garage.
I stretch my body before I reach for my phone to see what time is it. If it's 6 am already and I'm this sleepy then I'm fucked. I press the home button only to see that it's only 2:00 am.
What now, Camila?
Against my sleep will, I get up and followed Camila outside. I found her sitting comfortably in the chair at the garden, crossed legs.
"I was always curious how many grass I have now so... start counting them for me."
I think I misheard since my brain is basically still sleeping, "Excuse me, what?"
"Count the grass."
"You wake me up this early to count a fuc— a grass? Camila, do you know what time is it?"
"It's Miss Cabello." Camila corrected me, "And yes, it's 2 in the morning and I don't care."
"Camila—" I took a sigh and give up. It's pointless to have an argument with her anyway. She's my boss so I'll still do it anyway regardless.
"Camila what? Oh! I get it now. You don't know how to count, silly me! Cause if you do, I for sure you knew that relationship is built for two and not for three, right?"
I scratch the back of my head as I curse myself and world in 100 different languages. I smiled at Camila, "Just relax there while I'm counting the grass for you, Miss Cabello."
Camila faked a smile, "You too, Lauren. You have the entire morning for this."
I turn my back on her and bite my lower lips to prevent myself from exploding. I get down on my knees and started to count the grass like a moron I am. And while I'm counting, I can hear Camila's growling stomach and by the time that I reached my 210th grass, I heard her snore.
I stop from counting and turn around to face her. She fell asleep in her seat and she looked so adorable. I walk towards Camila and admire her. Unknowingly, a smile creep on my lips while staring at her, "You're so beautiful, Camz. But you're even more beautiful up close and especially when your not fuming mad at me." I giggled.
I clenched my jaw at the thought that suddenly crossed my mind. I was so tempted to touch her cheek. To feel her skin against my skin that longing to feel her warmth.
Please dear god, just the tip of my finger against her cheek and it would mean the world to me. I silently praying in my head as I lift up my hand but then I stop when I saw my hand tainted with dirt. And that's when I remembered the huge difference between us. If I touch her, I will just put a dirt on her porcelain skin. She's everything and I am nothing. What worked before doesn't work now. We're living on a different world and nothing is ever been the same ever since and it hurts. It hurts so much that I felt my chest getting tight that breathing becomes painful.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Camz. I really am. You don't know how much I regret that night. I guess I'll take that regret until my very last breath. I just hope one day, you find it in your heart to forgive me. So I could forgive myself too for hurting you." I wipe the tears in my eyes before it could fall and tainted my cheeks. I immediately back away when Camila shifted from her seat.
Instead of continuing to count those stupid grass, I decided to just head towards the kitchen to make her some breakfast since she haven't eaten anything last night. Since we've run out of rice, I just cooked pancakes instead. Then I walk back to garden to serve her breakfast in hopes that she's already awake but Camila's still sleeping.
She looks uncomfortable in her position. And as much as I want to carry her, I don't think I'm mentally prepared enough to receive a slap at the very start of the day. So instead, I sat in front of her and wait for her to wake up. I've been watching her for almost 40 minutes until Camila opened her eyes and yawn.
"You're awake, finally!" I get back on my feet and greeted her with a smile but Camila greeted me with a frown, "Here's your breakfast. Alfred made them but you were asleep when he came here to brought this." I lied just so Camila can fill her stomach something.
"Alfred cooked?" She asked in confused, "He never cook."
I shrugged, "I guess he tried."
Camila looked at me for a moment probably analyzing if I'm telling the truth or not. After a moment of staring awkwardly, Camila picks up the fork and started to eat the pancake that I made.
"I'll go ahead now, Miss Cabello. Just call me if you need something."
Camila just nod her head and continue murdering every pieces of the pancake. She's really that hungry.
"Tell Alfred he made the most delicious pancake in the whole universe."
A cheek to cheek smile quickly creeps on my face at the memory that her words brought to me.
....
"What are you cooking for breakfast, my most beautiful girlfriend? I'm sure that would be the best food I'll ever taste in my whole life."
"It's just a pancake, Camz. Stop disturbing me, will you?"
"So what if it's just a pancake? That would still be the most delicious pancake in the whole universe!"
....
"Will do, Miss Cabello." I turn around and about to walk away when Camila speaks again.
"The grass, did you do what I told you?"
"I did, Miss Cabello."
"How many of them?"
"10,001 in total." I lied again and it seems like Camila believed me thank fucking god.
"Go." And I walk back in the house with a breath of relief.
This day is not too heavy for me since Camila is busy preparing for tonight's performance at the grammy's. After cleaning the house, I do my job as Camila's PA and follow her whenever she goes. Alfred, Clark, Vero, and her team is at the audience watching her performance while I'm watching it from the backstage.
"She's gonna kill it tonight!" I heard the camera man says with too much excitement on his voice.
And when havana came on and the camera focused on stunning Camila, I smiled like a proud mama. "She really will."
***
The performance was a run away success. It was the talk of the town and everybody is praising Camila for pulling out a breath taking performance. At the backstage, Camila walked in with a huge smile on her face as if she just won a million dollar lottery. She gave her dancers a high five before walking back to the dressing room. I smiled at her waiting for her eyes to meet mine but it never happened. Her gaze and her attention are way too focused on her phone dialling Shawn's number. After a few rings, he picked it up.
"Baby!!!! Oh my god! You did absolutely great! You killed tonight's performance! I was watching the live stream and holy shit! I was blown away at how amazing my girlfriend is."
I started to walk away to give them some privacy but Camila lift up her hand, motioning me to stay where I am without looking at me.
"Are you proud of me?"
"SO MUCH, CAMILA! So much! You don't have how lucky I am to be your boyfriend."
YoU dOn'T kNoW hOw LucKy I aM tO bE yOuR bOyFrIeNd
"I wish you were here, Shawn. It'll make my night everything. You are my everything."
Why the hell am I here again?
"You are my life, Camila. I love you so much." And then I heard a smooch sound on the other line.
Cringe at it's finest.
With a smile on her face, Camila respond. "I love you more, Shawn."
"I love you more, Shawn." I mimic her voice as low as I can but I guess Camila heard it since she looked over her shoulder while I pretended that I'm looking around.
"I'll call you again before I go to sleep."
"Okay. Bye, baby. I love you."
"Bye, love you more." And Camila ends the call and face me with a frown on her lips.
"What were you saying again?
"Hmm? Nothing."
Camila raised her right eyebrow while looking at me. She's about to open her mouth to say mean things again but I beat her up to it.
"You know, you look even more beautiful when you smile. So you should smile more often and I think right now is the best time to do so." I said with a tight lipped smile plastered on my lips.
"Actually, I smile a lot. And most of the time it's the genuine one. You know why? Because you're now out of my life and you're no longer part of the reason anymore. And for that, I am very grateful." Camila gave me her most genuine smile before walking away.