Camila's PoV
Somewhere down the road, the life that I craved to have, quickly crumbled beneath my feet. When you're seventeen, people say you're too young to know what loss and love feels like.
I'd like to disagree. I found out all too well what both feel like and how it affected me.
- - - -
"Back away from the baby and you will not get hurt!" Austin walked up slowly to Lauren and I, as Anton snuggled between us on the bed.
"Quiet Daddy douche, he's sleeping." I smiled down at the cute frown creasing in the middle of Anton's little forehead.
"If you call me that in front of him when he's old enough to understand, I swear Mila," Austin glared at me.
"Calm down," Lauren whispered and watched the gentle rising of Anton's chest while he breathed, "don't you wish life was this peaceful?" Her green eyes looked up at me and I smiled sadly, nodding my head. "No cares in the world, just... be."
"He's got an easy life now," Austin cooed as he sat on the edge of the bed, laying his head on my calf, "let's just hope it's just as easy when he's our age."
Anton Spencer Dennison was a week old and he was taking up everyone's time and attention. So much so that Lauren and I never really got to sit down and talk about everything else that involved 'us'. With exams finally coming to an end, we had more time to breathe but still felt trepidation around each other.
"Mila," Kyla tiptoed into the room and tilted my head back so that I was looking up at her, "Your mom just called, she needs you home right away."
"What?" I whined quietly and pouted. "I'm comfortable."
"She just needs you for a little bit and then you can come back." Kyla laughed.
Kyla had officially moved out of the Cabello home and into the Mahone's. She shared a room with Aiden and Anton, who had a little crib set up where the work out bench used to be.
"Want me to come with?" Lauren moved up off the bed carefully and I nodded. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," I smiled and pulled her too me, "I always want you with me."
Lauren smiled but it wasn't her normal thousand watt smile. It was sad and confused.
"Call later if you need anything!" I gave Kyla a hug and kissed my little nephew on the forehead.
We made our way through the Mahone household and drove quietly back to my place. I glanced at Lauren more than I normally do, and believe me, that was a lot. She had a perplexed look on her face and I moved my hand to gently place it on her denim clad knee. "Everything okay?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Yea," She said softly, nodding her head, "just thinking."
"About?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road as best as I could. Sometimes Lauren's voice could be deceiving so I would normally get her honesty through her eyes and body language. It was always hard to do while I kept my eyes on the road.
Lauren sighed heavily and I glanced at her while she shook her head. "Can we not do this now, Camz?"
I frowned and bit my lip. "Do what?"
"Analyze my thoughts." She said sharply and I nodded slowly.
"Ooh kay." I let go of her knee and placed it back on the gear shift, no longer wanting to talk.
"I'm sorry," Lauren murmured and placed her hand on top of mine, "I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out what's going to happen." Her confession was something I wasn't expecting.
I swallowed.
The truth was, I had a hard time figuring it out as well.
"I mean, we keep saying we'll figure it out but damn it Camz, we graduate next week and in three weeks you are off to Quebec for hockey camp. I'm going crazy inside thinking about you just being away for three months, let alone being away from you for a whole school year!" Lauren cracked and was now crying hard into her hands. I felt myself tear up as well, her cry was so heart wrenching and I knew at that moment that I would never ever doubt her love for me. No one cried like that if they didn't love you that much – or at all.
I was about to say something when someone tapped on my window and we both wiped our eyes before seeing Sofi frowning. "Hey," she opened my door and poked her head in, "what's with the croc tears?"
"Sofi," I sighed and started to get out of the car, "not now."
"What?" Sofi frowned even deeper and went onto Lauren's side, helping her out. "I didn't do anything but ask a question."
"We're fine," Lauren smiled softly at my sister and looked at me before following Sofi inside.
I leaned against my CRV for a second before recollecting my thoughts. I had no idea what to do to make the situation any better.
I could beg Sofi to skip the whole post-secondary education thing, but she was actually looking forward to it. I could tell Alex to drop out and take the rest of his money.
I slowly made my way into the house and found Lauren sitting on the stairs with Sofi beside her. I cleared my throat and Sofi looked up at me. "Um, I'll be in the kitchen..." She got up and took off into the other room.
"Lo," I breathed and took the empty spot beside her, "I wish I could give us all the answers right now," I laced my fingers with her and squeezed gently, "God Lauren, I wish I could just fix this."
"It's not just up to you to fix," she sighed and looked at me, "do you think that maybe," she let go of my hand and stood up, "do you think that maybe we are caught up into this?"
I frowned and stood up with her, bracing myself against the railing of the staircase. "This?"
"You and me." She blinked and shook her head. "We're young Camila, we still have a whole life to live-"
"What?" I hissed and raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest, "I thought we were over this? I thought we had agreed that we were going to live that life together?"
"Oh come on Camila! We are at a crossroad right now and neither of us know what to do or where to go." Lauren sniffled.
"Lo," I sighed, "we're at a crossroad but you can't let this scare you away."
"I'm not scared."
"Look at you," I frowned, "you're ready to put on a pair of sneakers and run."
"Do you see me running?" Lauren snapped and leaned against the wall.
"Camila, I thought I heard your voice." My mom came down the stairs with a huge smile on her face. Clearly she was oblivious to the fact that she was interrupting but by the look on Lauren's face, it was a welcomed one for once.
I didn't want to fight with the brunette. Not over this. We needed to be strong together or else we'd definitely break. "Uh, Kyla said you wanted me home."
Sinu grinned and tapped me on the nose before rummaging through the massive amount of envelopes on the desk. "Ha!" She grabbed the one she was looking for and waved it in front of my face.
"Mom, stop." I said and she stopped immediately, frowning. I wasn't trying to be a bitch but I was in a bad mood. Lauren basically just told me she thought we made a mistake by getting engaged, falling in love, wanting to be together – forever.
"I figured you'd want this as soon as possible," Sinu handed me another envelope.
I hated envelopes.
What was inside of them seemed so trivial now that it put a wrench between Lauren and I. My eyes caught her green ones looking at me with some curiosity. "Open it." She stepped closer and smiled softly.
I couldn't blame her that all of her emotions were all over the place. Mine were too.
I didn't know what to feel.
I gently took the envelope from my mother's hand and sighed at where it was from.
York University.
I told myself that if I did not make it into York, I was giving up everything to be with Lauren, no matter what anyone said.
I ripped open the envelope, not wanting to make it a big deal and read over the acceptance letter.
Wait...
"Oh my God," I whispered and reread the letter before looking at Lauren.
"What?" My mom clapped her hands in anticipation and tried to snatch the paper away from my hands. "Camila!" She yelped when I held it to my chest.
Lauren could read me like a book and she knew by the slight squeal in my 'oh my God', that I was accepted – with a full ride.
"Wow," she smiled and though it was genuine, I could see the sadness that held heavily in her eyes, "congratulations Cabello."
Cabello.
Cabello?
"Cabello?" I frowned and swallowed thickly.
"Camila, shouldn't you be jumping up and down?" Sinu was concerned.
Of course I was supposed to be jumping up and down. I just received a letter from York saying I got a full ride with their hockey program. One of my dreams came true. So yes, happiness was supposed to ensue but looking at my broken fiancée, it just wasn't there.
"Why did you just call me Cabello?" I whispered, ignoring my mom. I shook my head and dropped the letter. "Don't do this, Lauren."
"Do what?" Lauren asked quietly, looking away as Sinu left us two alone.
"Don't start calling me Cabello. Don't even start that." I was getting a little defensive.
"I'm happy for you." She choked out.
"Thank you." I frowned and stepped closer to her. She took three steps back. "No," I warned her. Her hand grasped the door handle and she opened the front door. "Lauren, don't..."
"I need to think." Lauren rushed her words but before she could get the door open, I jumped between the wooden surface and her. "Move."
"No," I whispered, "I told you that you were getting ready to run."
"Move," she said again.
"NO!" I shouted and pushed her back slightly. "You will not be the one who runs again. This is scary Lauren, we both know this. But going away to school is not forever!"
"I knew falling in love was dangerous. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with you. God Camila," Lauren cried and tried for the door again.
"Lauren, you asked me to marry you for fuck sakes!" I screamed and shoved my left hand in her face. "You asked me to be with you forever and now," I breathed in a sob, "you just want to take that all back?"
"Just give me time to think." Lauren hissed and narrowed her eyes at me.
"About what?"
"About us." She whispered and I froze.
My heart was pounding hard in my chest and I didn't even register the fact that she got passed me and was out the door.
I turned around and looked at the paper on the floor. I slowly picked it up and reread it again. Folding it back neatly, I placed it on the desk and made my way towards the kitchen. I stopped at the doorway and noticed Sofi rummaging through the cupboards. "Sofi?" Her name was barely whispered but she heard it and swung around. She dropped the box of crackers and stared at me. "I need you."