Lauren's PoV
"And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well; I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself - Slight hope, it dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption..." I had my head hanging off the end of Kyla's bed, singing to her playlist that she had going.
I was waiting for Camila to come home from her hockey practice. I had some homework that Kyla offered to help me catch up on and instead, I was distracted by the music in the background with my own thoughts invading my concentration.
"Yo Lo," Austin snapped his fingers in front of my face and I looked up at him from upside down, he flashed a grin and sat down next to me on the bed.
I sat up a little too quickly and closed my eyes at the slight head rush I was experiencing. Austinn chuckled and closed my Physics book and tossed it beside him on the floor. "Where's Ky?" I asked him as he made himself comfortable on her bed.
"Downstairs grabbing a snack. I offered to grab one for her but she declined." He shrugged and tilted his head. "So what's been going on in that head of yours?"
I shrugged and mindlessly played with the rip in my jeans. "I guess a lot."
"Come on Lo, we used to talk about everything and if we can get over the fact that you stole my girlfriend away from me, we can definitely share anything else." Austin smiled and raised his eyebrows.
I had to smile. We went through a hard time with Camila, but we moved on and could even joke about it a little bit. "Everything I guess," I sighed heavily and looked at him wearily, "I asked Camila to marry me."
Austin's eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open a bit. "Did she beat you down? Kick you in your figurative sack and scream at you for mentioning the 'M' word?"
I swallowed but smirked a little. "Um, no, I stayed attached and nothing on me was injured," I paused, "unwillingly anyway."
"Nice." He chuckled for a second before frowned. "What did she say?"
"Hmm?" I was lost in my own thoughts again.
"Camila, what did Camila say when you asked her?" His voice was a little quieter now but I think he knew the answer deep down.
I found his green eyes on me and I couldn't lie to him. So much deceit had already tainted our family and I couldn't handle losing him as a friend or cousin. "She said yes." I whispered but I couldn't help but smile. I slowly met his gaze and found that he was smiling a little as well.
"Congrats." He pulled me in for a hug and patted my back. "At least I know she didn't leave me just for the sex."
"Hey!" I smacked him and laughed before we settled into a comfortable silence. "You are happy with Kyla, right?"
Austin stretched out on her bed and stared at the ceiling, with a smile on his face. "Yea, I really am. I mean, with Camila, I was happy too. We hung out a lot and did all of those best friend things," he looked over at me, "and my parents loved her. I guess I got caught up in the moment, you know? She was the first girl I fell in love with but with Kyla, she's the only girl who really made me feel loved in return."
"Kyla's taking this pregnancy thing a lot better then I would've thought." I glanced at the door then back at him. "But what makes it so great is that you're there with her, beside her. You're willing to give up so much."
"Not really," Austin chuckled and stood up, picking up one of Kyla's stuffed animals and inspecting it, "I think bringing a baby into this world is a little more serious and important than basketball."
"Wow," I sighed and smiled. I was proud of him. I think the whole situation made Austin grow up slightly. "I'm proud of you."
"You keep saying." He threw me a grin and then threw the toy at me. "So, you asked Camila to marry you, she says yes and you look like you just lost the Lotto 649, why is that?"
I groaned and placed my head in my hands. "I guess the reality of it all is finally hitting me. I mean, we graduate in two months and then what? Camila has a great shot at going to Quebec for her hockey camp and who am I to hold her back?"
"So?" Austin shrugged. "Let her go. She'll be back and from what Kyla told me, she already applied to UBC. Honestly, what college team wouldn't want Camila on their team?" He nudged me and smiled. "Besides, we know you want her to follow you."
"What if she doesn't get into UBC? Or what if she doesn't want to be that far away from home?" I asked, scrunching my nose up a bit. "We have so much to talk about and yet I'm afraid of it."
"Laur, everything's going to be okay. Don't stress over it. Look at me, I'm about to have a baby in two months, you think I'm always this calm? Even I have my moments." Austin frowned slightly before tapping me on the head with my Physics book. "Anyway, I told Mr. Cabello that I'd help with dinner so if you'll excuse me, I'll let you get back to your homework."
I nodded and watched my cousin disappear from Kyla's bedroom. I fell back on the bed and turned up the music again, closing my eyes, trying to lose myself in anything but my negative thoughts.
I guessed the advantage of the old Lauren was that she just didn't seem to care. I, however, care about everything – especially when it came to Camila.
Sometimes getting lost in music helped me cope with situations later on.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it. We erase it from our memories. But the imprint is always there...