I was fragile; you were broken
I was loving; you were leaving.
- perry poetry
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Chapter 33
Camila's POV
We were both panting, trying to gasp some air to breathe. The mattress is squeaking. The headboard of our bed kept banging against the wall. My heart rate increase. Skin burning. Beads of sweat are dripping off our body.
Everything is on fire. The bed, the room, her touch, even the air.
"L-Lauren," I moaned as Lauren thrust even more harder on me while I'm gripping tightly against the sheet.
"You're so fucking beautiful." She whispered against my sore lips while smiling, breathless. Her voice is raspier than the usual and it's so hot and sexy at the same time.
As much as I want to respond, I am so caught up to the pleasure and the delicious sensation that she's giving me that words are having a hard time falling to my dry throat.
Lauren run her fingers to my cheek going to my sore lips. She push back her thumb past my mouth and I suck it alluringly while staring at her lustful eyes.
She pulled her thumb out from my mouth and use it to rub my aching clit. I'm so close to lose my shit completely- Her hand gripping tightly against my thigh, her cock fucking my pussy, and her thumb rubbing my clit. It's all too much.
It takes a few more hard thrust until I cum. My body begins to shake like I was being electrocuted. Lauren fucks me through my orgasm as the muscle of my center involuntarily rhythmically contract and then relax. Her kisses trailed on my jawline down to my neck. Lauren then thrust a few more until she cum inside of me with a low groan.
The green eyed girl collapse her body on me as we both trying to come down from the high of our sex.
Lauren pulled the blanket up and cover my body. I look at her and smiled, "Thanks."
"I love the glow on your face. It's my favorite thing to stare at." She smiled, and I know she's referring to me having an after sex glow.
I'm about to open my mouth when her phone suddenly buzzed in. She took it from the nightstand and read for a moment.
"It's time to go."
I nod my head before I leaned in to kiss her lips, "I'll go get dress."
Lauren nodded her head as her response. I get back on my feet, letting the blanket fall out from my body. I can feel Lauren's eyes on me as I make my way to the bathroom. I took a quick cold shower to calm my nerves before I headed out to our room.
Lauren's not here anymore. I glance at the living room and she's there organizing everything that we need for tonight: guns, black bags, and our getaway car.
I open my closet and wear a simple white t-shirt, skinny jeans, and converse before I headed straight to the living room. Lauren's wearing a black ripped jeans, black leather jacket and a light grey crop top inside.
"Are you ready, Camz?"
I grab the other gun on the table and hide it under my shirt, "More than ready." Although I'm nervous, I'm not gonna lie that it excites me in some ways.
"Let's go." Lauren lead the way. We get inside the car, me on the passenger seat and Lauren's on the driver's. As the green eyed girl revive the engine and started to drive, I pulled out my phone and scroll through my Spotify until I found the song.
"It was you and me against the world
Baby, they've got us under but
We'll take whatever we want.
It was you and me against the world,
You get the car, I'll get the cash,
We'll take the money and run..." I sing along to the song, making Lauren laugh.
"What a song."
"Right?" I giggled, leaning my head over her shoulder. Lauren give my thigh a light squeeze.
"I feel like I'm Superman tonight."
"And I am your Lois Lane?"
"Yeah. And you are the wind at my back."
I lift up my head when I saw Lauren pulled the car in front of the small convenience store.
"Camz," Lauren called out. When I turn my head over to her direction, she put the black bandana that covers half of my face, "Whatever happens tonight, I will protect you, okay? I won't let anything happen to you, do you trust me?"
I smiled, "I trust you."
"Okay," Lauren then leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. She put on the red bandana that covers half of her face as well before we head outside the car.
Lauren motioned me to stay outside before she head straight inside the convenience store. The cashier shot up a glance at her and then continue doing what she's doing. After a few minutes of looking around, Lauren look at me and give me a signal to come in so I did.
I push the door using my right hand with my free hand under my shirt, holding my gun. I walk over to the cashier and pulled it out, aiming for her head.
"Give us the money!" I yelled in rush.
The cashier look at me in the eyes, wide eyed and shock.
"I-"
"Shut the fuck up and give us the money!"
She hurriedly open the cash box as Lauren do her job. She collect all the cash and put it inside the black bag.
"Thank you, buddy." Lauren giggled before she run towards my direction and grab my hand, "Let's go, Camz!"
"POLICE IS COMING, MOTHERFUCKERS!" She yelled angrily inside as Lauren and I giggled as we make our way back to the car.
We're about to open the car door when a series of police siren echoed near us that caught our attention for a moment.
"Drop the bag and put your hands up!" The police yelled. I look in front of us and there's a police car right in front of our face.
"Shit, shit, shit." I mumbled as Lauren and I quickly run away as fast as we can.
Everything in my world suddenly stops. All I can hear is the sound of my breathing and our footsteps. The police are running after us, telling us to surrender but that won't happen. Lauren and I made a pact that we won't surrender to them no matter what happens. That we're always going to run away, together, hand in hand just like what we are now. Run because we can, because we must. Keep on running to see how far can we go.
Lauren drag me to the dark corner that was in between two commercial buildings. We hide in there and take some rest.
I heard the passing of footsteps away from the corner. I thought we're already safe but I'm wrong.
I hold Lauren's arm tight when a bright light coming from the flashlight suddenly illuminates where we are. A slow and careful footsteps are slowly approaching us.
"Don't be scared, I'm here." Lauren mouthed. And when the light hits us, Lauren pulled her arm away from me and launch herself to the police officer without second guessing.
They fight for a couple of minutes. Punch here and there but in the end, Lauren won the fight. She drag the unconscious officer and strip him naked.
"Take off your clothes, Camz."
And I know what she wants to do. "Lauren, I won't leave you!"
"You need to! It's not safe in here anymore. They will search every corner so you need to go."
I can feel the tears swelling up in my eyes, "What about you? What if you get caught? What if-"
Lauren cut me off by pressing her lips on mine. I cupped her cheeks and deepen the kiss as if this is the last time.
"I'll be fine." Lauren assures me after she pulled away from the kiss, "I'm going home to you. Alive and breathing, I promise."
Another batch of police siren can be heard on the road while searching every corner. There's no time for us so I quickly stripped naked and wear his uniform.
"Go, I'll see you later."
"Keep your promise to me."
"I will." Lauren smiled warmly. I took a couple of steps away from her but I needed to feel her lips again.
A minute will do.
I stop from my tracks and turn around so I can look at her. Lauren's looking at me with love and adoration. She doesn't fear on what will happen to her. Instead, she fear what will happen to me most.
I run back to her arms and crash my lips onto her. Lauren wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me even more closer to her as possible. I pulled away and rest my forehead against Lauren's to take a 2 seconds break before owning her lips once again and go for even more intense kiss.
"Go," Lauren whispered against my lips, "There's no more time."
I nod my head before I started to run away from her. When I get on the street, I started to walk naturally. Calm, casual, and relax. Police officers are running after a robbery guy on the other side of the road and since I am wearing a cop uniform, I don't want to get drag by the other officers and recognize that I'm not one of them so I headed to another convenience store. I look around for a moment, trying to cool off when I suddenly bumped someone causing the foods to fall on the floor.
I quickly leaned down and pick it all up, "Oh, I am so sorry-"
"Mila?"
I gulped. I know that voice. It's Normani.
I look up to meet her eyes while biting my lower lips. Mani's eyeing at me from head to toe, totally confused.
"Why are you... dressed like that?"
"Because..." I shift my eyes over her shoulder and two police officer comes inside.
Fuck.
I grab Normani's hand and drag her inside the stock room. I quickly stripped naked again and took the track pants that's been hanging over the wall and put it on.
"Mila, I really don't understand what's happening."
"I'll explain later, okay?" I answered and then I notice Normani's jacket that's been resting over her shoulder, "Mani, can I borrow that?"
"Sure," Normani handed the jacket over and I quickly wear it. I glance at the small glass over the door and I can see the reflection of three people: The cashier guy and the two police officers.
The adrenaline rush in my body allows me to move faster. I throw the cop's uniform at the corner besides the stock boxes before I look at Mani.
Oh dear Dinah, forgive me for doing this to your girlfriend. I grab Normani's shoulders and pinned her against the boxes behind her. Without any word, I crash my lips on her.
Normani's eyes widen in horror and I can feel her muscle tensed up. When the door swing open, I close my eyes and deepen the kiss. It took Normani a couple of seconds before she kiss me back.
"Uhh, excuse me? This is a stock room, not hotel." I heard the cashier guy said so I quickly pulled away and wrapped my arm around Mani's waist.
"Oh, sorry. My girlfriend and I are so horny so..." I smirk before I shift my eyes on Mani, "Let's go babe? Let's just continue this unfinished business at home." And then I drag Mani outside as we hurriedly exit the store.
"I am so sorry, Mani. It's just that... I'm really desperate to get out."
Normani furrowed her eyebrows, "Get out? To what?"
We stare at each other's eyes. I don't know how will I explain everything to her. This is not just my best friend. This is Normani that we're talking about here.
"Camila, please don't tell me that what I'm thinking right now is true."
"Well," I scratch the back of my head, "It is."
"Oh god!" Normani massage the temple of her head, "How did this happened?"
"I'll tell you everything but in one condition."
"Okay, what is it?"
"Walk me home?"
Normani took a sigh before she nod her head. As we walk down the street, I told Normani everything right from the start and as I expected....
"That bitch," Normani scoff, "I told you already that she's no good for you, right? Why are you so stubborn, Mila? You're so blinded in this love when it ain't love in the first place. Can't you see? She's dragging you down to hell. With her!"
I furrowed my eyebrows, "So what are you trying to imply here?" I asked annoyed.
"That you're stupid, Camila! She's ruining your life already yet you think that is still love? You need help."
"Fuck you!" I snapped at her, "Who are you tell me that, huh?! Who?! I trust her with my life because that's what relationship is! It's all about a fucking trust! Oh, I forgot, you don't know what that word means. Because when Dinah trust you with her heart, you broke it. Just like that. So don't come at me and lecture me what to do!"
Normani's just staring at me in disbelief. Hurt shoot across her eyes but I don't care.
"And if someone who needs help, it is you, Normani! Fucking your best friends's ex is not healthy-"
I didn't finish what I'm saying when I felt her palm against my cheek. I chuckled as I touch it with my hand.
"M-Mila, I am so sorry I didn't-"
I turn my back on her and walk over the porch. I grab the doorknob and about to open it but I stop just to look back at her.
"I've always wondering why can't you support my relationship with Lauren. Let me tell you something, we're not breaking up so don't get your hopes high that you'll get a taste of me soon just like what you did to Keana." And then I open the door and get inside.
Normani is still standing there, "The kiss, you're welcome. I know you've liked it, but I'm not into you." I said cockily with a smirk before I close the door of our apartment.
***
I open my eyes and the first thing that I saw is Lauren. She's sleeping peacefully right beside me. Her lips parted a little as she breath in and out. I stare at her beautiful face while praying to God, thanking him that he brought Lauren back into my arms safely.
I caress her hair softly to avoid waking her up. I run my fingers to her cheek then use my thumb to caress her lips.
"Why are you so beautiful?" I muttered.
Her eyebrows are moving a little before she slowly open her eyes. I find this gesture of her really cute. This is the reason why I always woke up more earlier than her so I can see this cuteness.
"Enjoying the view?" Lauren asked cockily with a grin.
"So much."
"I bought us a souvenir." Lauren turn to the other side and took something under the bed. When Lauren backs up, she put down the bottle of Jack Daniels and a box of condom in the middle.
I chuckled, "Is that from last night?"
"Yeah." Lauren giggled. She laid hands on the liquor to open it but I stopped her.
"I prefer using the other one first." I smirk before I go on top of her.
Lauren groped my ass and squeeze them hard. I catches my breath as Lauren's hand slide inside my underwear. Her finger slide to my wet fold, rubbing and stroking as my breathing becomes heavy. She massage my throbbing aching clit hard causing my hips to roll at the rhythm that she's making.
I leaned down to kiss her lips passionately. Her tongue snakes its way to my mouth. We fought for dominance but she didn't let me win.
"Get naked." Lauren ordered in between our kiss.
I pulled away and obliged her request. I took off my shirt and throw it on the floor when the door bell suddenly rings.
As much as I want to continue what we're doing, I know it's important so I hop out from her lap and wear my shirt again.
"Fix yourself, baby. I'll meet you in the living room."
"Why? Who's that?" Lauren curiously asked and I only respond with a smile.
It's actually my surprise to her. I talked to Ally the other day and she told me that she's worried that Lauren's nightmare might be back and that caused her to drink uncontrollably. It hurts me to see her like that so I decided to contact her old doctor and invited her this morning for consultation.
I excitedly jogged towards the door and open it.
"Hi, Dr. Martins." I greeted with a smile, "Come on in."
"Thank you." He smiled politely before he settled himself on the couch,"Is she here?"
"Oh yes, she's just fixing herself for a moment." I sat next to him.
"How is her behavior?"
"Well, for the past week that we've been together she's doing pretty great. She's always sober though sometimes she's coming home very late or going out pretty early."
He nod his head and about to open his mouth to say something when Lauren came out of the room. She's wearing an oversized white t-shirt with no shorts on while chewing a piece of bread.
"Camz, who's-" Lauren stops from her track when her green eyes landed on us.
Dr. Martins stand up from his seat and smile, "Hi, Lauren. Long time no see."
And I swear I saw how Lauren's mood shift from bright to gloomy. Her face crumbled. She looks angry as she switch glances between me and Dr. Martins.
"I heard your nightmare-"
Lauren throw her bread on the floor, "Get out of here." She said coldly. Her green eyes reflects nothing but anger.
"Lauren-"
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Lauren yelled angrily so I quickly stand up from my seat.
"Lauren, don't yell at him! W-"
"Camila," Dr. Martins cut me off. He nod his head and smile, assuring me that he understand and everything is not a big deal, "It's okay. I'll go ahead now."
I took a loud sigh as I watch him walk out of the house. When the door clicked, I focus my eyes on Lauren.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I spat angrily at her.
Lauren walk over to the kitchen. At the cabinet on top, she open it which reveals a dozen of strong liquor which makes my blood boil in anger.
She take a couple of gulp from bottle as she walk back to the room, completely ignoring my question.
I grab her arm harshly and turn her around so she can face me, "I'm talking to you!"
"I'm not obligated to answer your fucking question, Camila! Next time, mind your own fucking business."
"I'm just helping you to move on because I care about you, can't you see that?"
"Move on from what?!"
I can feel the tears filling my eyes fast, "From everything that keeps you from doing so. Lauren, I know your nightmare is back and I want to help you. I badly wanted to help you."
Her anger grows even more while staring straight in my eyes, "You don't know anything! You don't even know what I feel! You don't know what I'm dealing for the past 3 years of my fucked up life! So stop acting like you know everything and you can fix my goddamn problem because you can't! Stop telling me when do I have to move on! Keana? The girl that always with me through hell and back, the girl who knows everything, she never interfere with my problems-"
"Stop comparing me to her because I am not Keana!"
"Exactly! You're not her! And you will never be her!" Lauren yelled angrily, throwing the bottle that she's holding across the room.
I can hear my heart breaks slowly inside my chest. As much as I don't want to cry in front of her, I can no longer hold it all back.
"Keana is dead! She's no longer here, can't you understand that?! She's dead!"
"But she's here! She's fucking here!" Lauren yelled while pointing at her chest.
"Where am I then? If Keana's in your heart, where am I?"
Lauren didn't answer. Instead, she walk over to the kitchen. I can hear the water running down the sink as the defying silence takes over us. I still stood there while crying silently. I curled my hand and put it over to my mouth to prevent the sob from escaping.
After a long silence, the sound of glasses and other stuff breaking suddenly echoes. Lauren wipe everything away from the kitchen counter before she storm off the house.
I saw this coming but at the same time I didn't because I didn't believe the world could possibly be that fucking cruel. I guess I'm finally paying all the consequences for loving her.
I fall onto my knees, soaking my shirt with my tears. With all the smiles you brought me, I never thought you could cause me so many tears.
***
It's been two weeks since our last fight and it gets worse and worse as the day goes by. She's always staying up late and go out early just to avoid me. She's always drunk and I had to fetch her to the club where she's at around 4 or 5 am just to make sure that nothing bad will happen to her. I'm sick of this cycle: We fight over small things, we're hurting each other physically, we make love, and then in just snap of a fingers we're back again at screaming each other's faces. I'm so sick that these battles are what keeps me satisfied. I'm sick of building my walls over and over again just to watch it falls down. I'm sick of the feeling that I'm the one who gets played over and over again in this game. She's good at making me feel small. She's good at making me feel that she don't want to lose me but she don't want me either. I'm so sick to all of it, but I can't run away. Maybe because I am coward- No, I really am. I'm afraid to know the truth because I couldn't lose her. God, I can't.
I crash at Dinah and Ally's place for the day so I can study properly for the exam this afternoon. Just this once, I can stop thinking about everything.
We were hanging out at the dinning area. The three of us are busy on their own world studying. I turn the next page and try to read the first paragraph but nothing is making sense to me right now. I'm reading but I can't understand it. What can I expect? I don't have much sleep.
"Walz," I lift up my gaze and I didn't notice that Dinah and Ally are done studying, "Are you still sleeping?"
I close the text book and buried my face against my palm, "Yeah, an hour."
"An hour? Why?" Ally asked worriedly. I felt her hand on my shoulder.
"I'm staying up late to wait for Lauren."
Dinah's eyebrows raised, "Drunk?"
I nod my head, "I've always fetch her and clean her up afterwards so... yeah, I don't get much sleep."
Dinah shook her head, "Walz-"
"Dinah, please. I don't want to hear it, okay?" I warned her first.
"Alright," Ally stand up from her seat, "time to go to school, y'all, let's go."
I stand up from my seat as well as I fix my stuff and prepare the clothes I'm going to wear for today while waiting for the girls to finish using the shower.
I take a seat on the edge of Dinah's bed and pulled my diary. Lately, this is where I wrote my thoughts. And all of them are about her.
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs, we'll have each other's backs cause we're that lucky. And that's what our love is, crazy. We're insane, we're nuts.
"Mila, your turn." Ally informed me as she head out of the bathroom.
I close my diary and stuff it inside my bag before I head over to the bathroom. I open the shower and let the cold water runs to my body. While scrubbing the soap on my arm, scratches and small bruises is what caught my attention. This is the scar that reminds me how heated our recent fight was. It's terrifying, really, how this fairy tale love story turns out to be so evil.
I quickly finish showering and head out to the room. I put on my clothes and swing my bag over my shoulder as the three of us head outside.
I walk over to Ally's car when I felt my phone vibrate against my pocket.
Unknown number:
Hi! This is Erick from Hue's night bar. Your girlfriend is so wasted and she keeps on refusing to go home. Can you pick her up asap?
I clenched my jaw after I read the text message. I was caught between two rocks all of a sudden.
"Walz, let's go! We will be late. Exam starts exactly 11:00 am." Dinah called out.
I glance at my watch and it's already 10:55 am.
5 minutes.
"Karla Camila, do you hear-"
"Go head first. I'll be there as soon as I can."
I adjust the strap of my bag and call a cab to pick up my girlfriend. She needs me right now so I need to be there for her.
I open the passenger door of the cab when Dinah suddenly yanked my hand away and close the car door.
"Where the hell are you going?!" Dinah asked, annoyed. "To your drunk ass girlfriend again?! For fuck sake, Camila!"
"She needs me!"
"Does she need you?!" Dinah countered, "She doesn't! She doesn't need you like you need her, Camila!"
"You're lying!"
"You're dumb fuck!"
I push her off of me, "Shut the fuck up!"
"Camila," Ally tries to get in the middle but I ignore her. There's so much going on right now and here goes Dinah who's being immature.
"For once, think about yourself! Look at you, you lost tons of weight, you're not sleeping, you're always not with yourself, you're trying to carry the burden all by yourself. For once, put yourself first! Lauren won't die in that fucking bar if you won't fetch her because you decided to put yourself first! Lauren won't die-"
"Shut up, okay?! Just... fucking stop!" I explode, "You're not my mother nor my anything so stop telling me what to do! Fuck off cause-"
"CAMILA!" I didn't finish what I'm saying when Ally yelled, "Who are you?"
Her question and the way they look at me right now as if I was a stranger struck my heart differently.
"Cause honestly, I don't know you anymore. You're pushing the people who loves you and truly cares for you! For what? For this? For this relationship that cost you to lose yourself in the process?"
Ally walked away followed by Dinah before I could even say anything. I gulped before I enter the cab and tell him the address of the bar.
***
When I arrived at the bar, I hurriedly run inside. Worried. When I step foot inside, I saw Lauren standing on the stage, singing and super drunk.
"You always ask me
Those words I say
And telling me what it means to me
Every single day
You always act this way
For how many times I told you
I love you
For this is all I know
Come to me and hold me
And you will see
The love I give
For you still hold the key
Every single day
You always act this way
For how many times I told you
I love you
For this is all I know
I'll never go far away from you
Even the sky will tell you
That I need you so
For this is all I know
I'll never go far away from you...."
I can feel my heart clenched tight while looking at Lauren. I walk over to her direction as I took her arm and put it over my shoulder.
"Let's go home." I help her walk since Lauren can't keep walking straight. We kept swaying here and there because she feels dizzy and everything. As we walk through the sidewalk to take a cab, Lauren accidentally step on the mud causing both of us to lose our balance.
Lauren's shirt is soaked of mud along with my pants, book and my other stuff. People are staring at us and even though I'm already exhausted, I still get back on my feet and carry her.
She needs me. She needs me.
On the way home, Lauren is already sleeping. I took her head and let it rest on my shoulder. I took her hand that was covered in mud. I wipe it using my own before I held on it tight.
"I won't leave you. I love you." I muttered.
When we get home, I gently lay her down to bed. I took off her clothes and clean her up with a wet towel soaked in warm water. After that, I put on her clean t-shirt and pajama to keep her out from cold.
"Sleep well," I whispered before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.
I pick up my bag on the floor, taking the small chance that I can still take my exam when my phone suddenly buzzed in.
It's Dinah.
Chinah Jane:
Exams are done. I hope you're happy with the choice you make.
I took a sigh as I walk over to the corner and sit.
I hope you're happy with the choice you make.
Am I happy that I chose Lauren over myself?
"Camila,"
I don't know if I'm over hearing her voice in my head or if it's real. "I'm tired," I say the thought out loud.
"Are you tired carrying me?"
I didn't answer.
"Don't leave me, please. Without you, I'm nothing. I'm so lost right now. Will you hug me? Tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me? I know we hurt each other, I hit you twice and you hit me countless of times- I'm starting to lose count, but who cares?"
I heard footsteps approaching my direction. She lift up my chin and when my eyes met her green eyes that was pleading for another try, that's when I realized that all of this were real.
"They kept telling us that you can't love someone unless you love yourself first. That's bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you, oh god, I love you so much that I forgot what hating myself felt like."
"You love me, but you fucked with my head over and over again. You love me, but you always make me feel that I am nothing to you. Is that how you love someone?"
Tears rolled down on her face, "I fucked up, Camz." Lauren's voice cracked, "Your Lauren fucked up, and I'm so sorry. Please, give me another chance. Let's work this out," Lauren rest her forehead against mine, "Please, I'm begging you. With you I'm in my fucking mind, without you I'm out of it. I need you, Camz. I need you because I love you."