I could be anything in the world but I wanted to be hers.
- the sun and her flowers
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Chapter 32
Lauren's POV
[Muffled voices]:
"We did everything we can but... it's already too late. We can't save her anymore. I'm so sorry."
"This is all your fucking fault! You should be the one who died not my daughter!"
"Why did you let me die, Lauren? You told me you're going to save me. You told me and I believed you. But you let me down, Lauren. You let me down and I'm so disappointed in you."
[Many voices speaking at the same time]:
"I'm so disappointed in you. I'm so disappointed in you. I'm so disappointed in you. I'm so disappointed in you. I'm so disappointed in you."
I flinched in my bed, finally free from the invinsible chain that's been wrapped in my body that prevents me from waking up. My vision is still blurry due to the fact that I just woke up. I'm in a huge four wall room but I feel like I'm in a crowded place. I can't breathe. Hands shaking. Sweat continuously dripping off me. No matter what I do, I can't feel any air in my body. It's like my lungs stops working.
I spread my arm across the sheet in hopes to find Camila. Why am I lying to myself? I know she's not there. Next to me is nothing but an empty space where Camila used to lay. And so, I just pretend that she's still there sleeping beside me just like the last time. Her scent is still here in the sheets, in the pillow case where she rest her head. The blanket that fell on the floor because of our last fight is still there.
Tears escape in my eyes as I clutch the sheets in my hand. I need her. Fuck, I need her! I miss her so much and it's slowly burning my heart. It hurts.
I turn to my side and grab the left over bottle of liquor and drink it straight to numb the pain. I can feel the straight burning line on my throat cause by this strong drink.
When the bottle is empty, I throw it on the floor. I drink to numb the pain of the fact that Camila left me. I drink to forgot her name, but the only thing I forgot is to think straight. But the drunken thoughts were all about her. It's always been her.
I stand up from my bed and walk over to the bathroom. I place both of my hands in the sink, gripping on it tightly as I stare myself in the mirror.
I looked like a mess. A fucking mess. Messy hair, bloodshot eyes, bruises on the edge of my lips and left cheek bone.
I don't like you for Camila.
Those words keeps echoing in my head and I don't know what the fuck I should do to stop it. The more minutes passed that I stood here in front of the mirror, the more louder the voices gets.
"STOP!" I yelled angrily, colliding my fist against the mirror.
And suddenly, everything stops. The voices are gone. Those six words stops echoing in my head. The only sound I can hear is my blood dropping on the sink. And all is left to me is the memory of my conversation with Camila's mom.
....
"Mr. and Mrs. Cabello!" I called out. I hurriedly run at the front door of the airport with a small smile on my face.
When they both turn around and meet my eyes, frown immediately creeps on their lips. Mr. Cabello immediately look away as if looking at me for another minute will hurt his eyes. I couldn't blame them. I fucked up and I'm here to ask for another chance.
"Hi, my name is Lauren. And I'd like to apologize for what happened last night. I'm so sorry. Please give me another chance. Uhmm... another dinner at the restaurant? My treat." I smiled with my eyes pleading for them to say yes.
"All passengers of flight G1947 going to Miami, Florida please proceed to the boarding pass. Thank you!"
Mrs. Cabello look at his husband and give him a nod. I don't know what's that nod all about, but he walks inside the airport with their luggage on his hand without glancing over my direction nor give me a small smile. Even a small word, nothing. He didn't do anything except to walk away.
"Look, Lauren," Mrs. Cabello starts, her voice is colder than ice. "I will be honest with you. I don't like you for Camila. You must understand that I am a mother and I don't want my daughter to get hurt. I'm just protecting her."
"I won't hurt her, if that's what you worry Mrs. Cabello. I love your daughter so much."
"Lauren Jauregui, I know what you are. Starting from your reputation, your drinking issues, your drug usage, your nightmares, to your first girlfriend. You're the kind of trouble that I protect my daughter from."
I can feel my knees weaken and losing its strength all of a sudden.
"I-I can change. Please, Mrs. Cabello, just give me one last shot. I will prove myself that I deserve to have your daughter."
"If you really love Camila, you will want what's best for her even if that means you have to walk out of her life. If you really love her, you will do it."
"Mrs. Cabello-"
"We didn't raise her and give her a good life for her to throw it all away just to take care a drunk ass like you. You'll just ruin each other by being together. Remember my words. So before that happens, break things off with Camila. And I'm looking forward that you won't disappoint us again. After all, breaking heart is what your game, isn't it?"
....
I pulled my hand from the broken mirror. I can't feel any pain, it's not because I'm numb already. It's because my mind is clouding with thoughts that maybe Mrs. Cabello is right. Maybe I'm slowly ruining her life by staying with her. That I should just walk away and disappear from her life forever. But how can I do that? I love her. Even though I'm broken and fucked up, I can still change. Change and be better. I just need a chance to prove myself, but why can't they give that to me?
I open the faucet and splash my face with cold water before I walk over to my closet and grab a hoodie and pair of jeans before I walk out of the house.
I unlock my mustang and about to get in when someone called my name.
"Lauren, buddy," It was Ryan. I look over his shoulder and he's with a guy who's wearing suit and tie. "I found a buyer for your mustang. Client's willing to pay $50,000 dollars. Take it or leave it."
I glance at my car for a moment. As much as I want to keep it, I know my family badly needed some money right now.
I shift my eyes on Ryan and toss the car keys to him. "You know where to deposit the money." I said before walking away.
And now that my car is gone and probably even Carolton, I don't think I still need to go there. So instead, I headed straight to LSG. My great father gambled all our money. Our company got bankrupt, most of our properties are now gone, and we were drowning with so many debts. And now we don't know how to pay all of that. LSG and the house I bought in San Francisco is the only property left. Thank fucking god that I put it under my name and not under my asshole father and that no one in the family knew about the existence of those two properties that I had.
"Usual drink?" Brenda asked. I take a seat on the stool and nod my head as my response.
She get me a clean empty glass and a bottle of strong liquor and place it in front of me. "And oh, you have a visitor. Your friend."
I knitted my eyebrows, "My friend?"
She pointed over my shoulder using her lips. I turn around and I saw Ally sitting on the couch.
"Ally? What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be in your class?"
Ally walk over to my direction. She occupied the stool next to me.
"Carolton is now owned by some English business man. What happened? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah... I-I mean, no. No, everything is fucked up Ally. Fucked up!" I put some ice on my glass and pour myself a drink, "My fucking dad gambles everything we have in casino, and now we're poor. How great this fucking life is!" I drink the liquor straight and pour myself another.
"Everything? So does that mean including your nightmare? It's back, isn't it? That's why you didn't sold this place."
"How can I sold this place when this is the only thing that's left for me to keep?"
"You told Camila that you will sell this place. Long before this daddy gambling issues surface."
My face crumpled, "Come on, Ally! Are we going to argue about this?"
"We're having a normal conversation, Lauren. We're not even heading to that way."
"I am good, okay? No fucking nightmare is back. I don't need a fucking help from any of those psychotic doctors."
"Well, I can perfectly see that." She answered sarcastically and I shrugged.
I'm about to lift up my glass when Ally suddenly push it off the table including the bottle of liquor, causing the glass shards to scatter all over the floor. Worst my precious drink spilled for nothing! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"What the hell?!" I spat angrily, glaring at Ally.
"Why do you always let your demons rule you over? Instead of locking yourself up in this place, why don't you talk to Camila and fix what you need to fix? You still have a girlfriend, you know?"
My demons inside me slowly calming down at the sound of her name.
"There's never a minute that I didn't try. I beg for her to come back home to me but.. I don't know. I fucked up big time, you know? I hurt her." I Sigh heavily, "How is she, Al? Is Camila doing okay?"
"See for yourself." Ally stand up from her seat and walk away.
I stare at my trembling hands, "I can't." I mumbled.
I heard the footsteps stops.
"Why you can't? Lauren, I will beat the hell out of you if you will tell to me right now that you're just playing Camila's heart! You better think carefully on what you're going to say next."
"I talked to her mom before they leave New York. She wants me to leave Camila alone."
"So you will do it?" Ally asked. Footsteps are coming near me.
"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe."
"Maybe," Ally mocked before she slap the back of my head. Hard.
"Ouch! What the fuck was that for?!"
"To wake up your goddamn senses, dumbass! If you leave Camila, you're only proving to her mom that you're really the world's biggest asshole and no mercy from heaven can save you from meeting satan in your afterlife!"
I look at Ally, feeling incredibly turn on right now. I know I shouldn't but... damn it Ally Brooke! "Wow," I breathed out in amusement.
"Wow?! Fuck you Lauren, I'm serious! Okay, maybe that was too much biblical reference, but still! What I'm trying to say is, prove them wrong. Prove them that you can change. Use Camila as your motivation to change for the better."
"Ooo...kay, I'm-"
"You can start by not fucking drinking any alcoholic substance."
"Warning! Warning! Failed already!" I mimic the computer voice in the alarm system, "Come on, Al. You know that I can't break up with alcohol." I joked. Of course I will do anything for Camila. Like, literally anything to win her back.
"TRY IT!" Ally yelled in front of my face.
"Okay, okay, geez. Calm down, bud. You know I'm just..." I failed to complete my sentence because Ally is glaring at me sharply, like a killer in the night.
"It's a joke, Ally, come on!" I chuckled, "Fuck all the liquors in the world. I won't drink ever again and I swear that on jupiter's dick."
Ally still glaring at me with her eyebrows knitted.
"Stop glaring at me, Ally! What else do you want me to do?"
"You know what I want you to do."
Yeah right, of course Ally wants to me give the spare key that I have for this place to Brenda. And so I did, and Ally stops glaring at me.
"Then to talk Camila. Calm and romantic. Caa-Ll-Mmmm. C-A-L-M."
I tsk at her, "Okay, okay. Calm, I get it. Stop saying it like that, it creeps me out."
Ally leaned more closer to me, "Caa-Ll-Mmmmm..." and then let out a small giggled before she slap my forehead out of nowhere.
"Fuck! What -" Ally cut me off.
"Can you live a single minute without cursing? Just curious, can you?"
"Of course, I can!"
"Good. And take note, stop throwing hands to someone just because you're jealous. For god's sake, Laur."
"No promise guaranteed, but I'll fuck- I'll try." I smiled like an angel, "I'll try and be like an angel with wings and halo above my head. With my hands like this," I clap my hands in prayer, "and with a smile. Holy enough?"
Ally pat my head like a dog, "Good girl. But fix yourself first and treat that wound in your hand." And then Ally walk away from me again, "And hey, be careful because you might get smack in the face by Dinah."
"What- I didn't cheat to her best friend!" It's true, I didn't sleep with whoever the fuck that girl is just like what Camila is saying.
Ally chuckles, "Good luck on your pretty face, Lo." And then she disappears in the club.
Fuck.
"Brenda!" I called out, "Do I look good? Is my outfit okay?"
"Hell no, man! If you'll talk to your girl, better fix yourself."
Fix myself.... right.
***
I go home and change. I'm now wearing my black leather jacket, ripped jeans, and combat boots. All back, in case someone is flirting with my girlfriend. At least I'm prepared for that asshole's funeral. I also bought one stem of rose and a small bear as my peace offering to Camila.
Walking down the hall, students are not whispering about the new ownership of the university like what I expect to hear before I step foot inside. I guess it's a good thing as well that nobody knows (aside from Ally) about my family's financial issue.
"Hey," I grab the nerd by his backpack, pulling him closer to me. "Where's Camila? Have you seen her?"
"Y-yeah, she's a-at the c-cafeteria. W-with S-shawn."
Oh how fucking great is this? Congrats Shawnie boy, you're that asshole's funeral I'm about to attend to.
"Go." I let go of his bag and push him off. I walk over to the cafeteria.
Remember what Ally just said? Don't let your demons rule you over, Lauren. Don't. Don't. Don't. The other me whispered. The angel saint like.
And there goes the greatest war of all...
My goddamn mind: But isn't Shawn is Camila's ex- boyfriend?
My fucking heart: Shawn already had a girlfriend.
My goddamn mind: But that doesn't necessarily mean that his feelings for her is gone. Like, completely gone.
My fucking heart: Camila. Is. In. Love. With. Lauren. Period!
My goddamn mind: In love? Now that they're not OKAY and Camila's not coming home and her hanging out with Shawn... okay.
My fucking heart: With friends. With Ally, Dinah, Normani, and Alex.
My goddamn mind: OKAY.
I shake my head to make that fucking battling heart and mind thoughts in my system vanish.
One way to find out.
I push the door of the cafeteria and quickly roam my eyes around. At the table near the window, I saw them sitting alone while laughing their ass off.
At first, I thought that was just... you know, friendship with your fucking ex bullshit thing. I'm thinking of just letting that shit go, but when my traitor ex-best friend aka Shawn fucking Mendes touch MY girlfriend's cheek and pinch it like they were still a lovey fishey couple, fuck keeping my cool cause he's about to catch my burning fist.
I sprint towards their direction, fist balled tightly. "Fuck you!" I spat angrily when Shawn's eyes met mine. I didn't think twice of hitting him hard in the jaw, causing him to flip over from his chair.
"Lauren!" I felt Camila's arms wrapped around my left arm and shoulder, trying to pull me back.
Students around us gasped and their time in their own fucking world seemed to stop at the scene happening right now.
Silence is defying. Blood on his mouth. All eyes on us.
"Camila is not your fucking girlfriend anymore! Next time, know your goddamn place! Next time? No fucking next time cause I will beat the hell out of you right now!" I yelled angrily at him.
I'm about to launch myself on him and land another punch on his stupid face when Camila suddenly go in the middle and blocked it for him.
Camila... is willing to catch my fist and get hurt because of Shawn?! What is this bullshit I'm seeing?
"Are you being serious right now?!" I asked her with my most calmer voice. It failed.
"I should be the one asking you that right now. Are YOU being serious right now? Really? Punching some random faces?"
"He isn't a random face! He is your fucking ex!"
"And we're friends!"
"Friends?" I sarcastically laugh at her, "Being friends with your ex is bullshit, Camila! Come on, we both know you're not dumb."
"We can be friends. I can be friends with ANYONE that I like. It's my choice, okay? I'm not forcing you to believe it, fine by me. But what's NOT fine by me is that you will throw fist at my friends for no reason at all! You're suffocating me already, Lauren! Like, seriously!" And then Camila stomp out of the cafeteria.
Fuck it!
I glare at Shawn and he's giving me a smirk. Now that Camila's gone, nothing will hold me back from killing him.
"Lauren!" I straighten my gaze and it was his fucking beautiful friends.
"What the hell???" Ally mouthed with her eyebrows raised, demanding for my explanation.
"What the fuck did you to Shawn, jackass?" Dinah asked. Her and Mani help their fish friend to stand up.
"What happened?" Ally asked, referring to the "talk" I suppose to do with Camila.
"Fucked. That's what happened." I said, giving Shawn one last sharp glare before I walk out of the cafeteria.
***
Camila's POV
"I can't with her! Like, really! She's driving me nuts! She's like the biggest asshole in the whole world!" I hissed while treating Shawn's wound.
He chuckles softly, "She's Lauren Jauregui. What can we expect, right?"
"But seriously," I put down the first aid kit, "I'm so sorry."
Shawn smiled. His about to touch my cheek so I quickly distance myself.
"Uh," I cleared my throat as I stand up on my chair so he won't notice what I did, "we're good. Wounds all treated." I smiled.
"Thanks, Mila. And, uhm, it's no biggie... the punch."
"Thanks, Shawn." I flash a timid smile before I walk over to the living room where the girls are.
They are having a chitchat about some random gossip happening at the University. I sat next to Ally and try to blend in but the thoughts inside my head are way more louder than their voices. And all of the thoughts are about Lauren. I miss her. Despite of everything, it's still Lauren. The time off that I asked so I can make sense of everything that happened turns out missing her even more. I pulled out my phone from my pocket. When it lights up, our picture is the first thing I saw. We were smiling, even our eyes were smiling. We had a perfect love. What could possible go wrong?
"Walz,"
"Yeah, yeah, I agree." I answered absentmindedly without lifting my gaze to meet Dinah's.
"You agree to what?" I heard her chuckle before someone snatch my phone away from me. It was Alex.
"No wonder." Alex shows to everyone the picture I'm staring at.
Normani frowns, "Her. Again. For the hundredth time, Mila."
I took a sigh. I pulled up my knees and hug them, "I can't help it, okay? I miss her."
"She cheat on you, Mila." Normani.
"Allegedly." Ally quickly remarks, "A number and a girl's name written in the back of the hand is not enough proof to say someone cheated on you."
Normani sarcastically laugh, "What are you, Al? 4 year old kid? Come on!"
"Yeah, allegedly." I defended her.
"Another 4 year old kid spotted." Dinah rolled her eyes.
"Dinah,"
"Walz, you know I support you and everything. But Lauren's behavior and how she chose to drink at who knows where instead of being there by your side really disappoints me. I expect something better."
"She didn't tell you to expect something better." I fired back on behalf of Lauren.
Dinah's mouth agape while looking at me with disbelief.
"Hey, Mila." I felt Ally's hand on mine, "Dinah's just concern to you."
"We're just concern to you, Mila. Because we know Lauren, and she will bring nothing but heartbreak and rivers of tears to you." Normani.
My face crumpled, "Shut it, please! I came here to have a peace of mind. If y'all will just lecture me about the same damn thing that I already heard then I better be leaving!" I stand up from my seat and started to walk away but Alex grab my arm to hold me still.
"People, chill out. Is that possible?"
And neither of them answer.
"Let's just go to the club to have some fun. Besides, isn't this what this sleep over all about?" Alex is still trying to bring back the fun but it's already too late. My mood is already throw off. I am not a little kid anymore that they need to tell this and that over and over again. It actually pissed me off.
"I'm in! Let's go, leg's go." Ally jump right into me, clinging her arms on my free arm.
"You two won't join us?" Alex asked Normani and Dinah but the two shakes their head.
"We'll pass on that one. We need to talk." Normani raised both of her eyebrows so we know they will talk about the possibility of reconciling their relationship.
"Aight then, good luck to that." Alex smirk as she lead us on the way out.
"So what club?"
"Downtown district. The best underground clubs for under age teenagers like us." Alex smirk and Ally shakes her head.
"I swear that was the best club around here in New York. And this night, we will forget about relationship problems. All we gonna do is to have A LOT of fun." And then the Asian girl gives us a wink.
"No wonder why Lauren is your favorite." Ally shakes her head. And we obviously get what she meant by that.
***
Presented by three fake ID's, we successfully get inside the club without breaking any sweat. Alex immediately drag us to the center to dance. We were screaming on each other's faces, dancing until sweat are dripping off our body. For a short period of time, I forgot about my parents who kept nagging me about Lauren. I forgot about Lauren. I forgot about everything. All I know is that I'm dancing and I'm having a lot of fun.
"Cami, here's one for you." Alex offered me a red cup with the smell of strong liquor lingering in my nose.
And then I remember the pact that Lauren and I had, "I can't drink this. Lauren and I..." I pause in the middle of my sentence. Right, we made a pact of not drinking any alcoholic substance but she's the first one to break that pact. "Fuck the pact! I'm drinking this." I bottoms up my drink, feeling the burning line down to my throat. And while I'm drinking it, Alex is squealing in front of me.
"You go, girl! It's time for you to have some fun and chill. Your mind needs it the most, that is why... I brought you a gift."
I handed back the empty red cup to Alex. Wiping the stain in my lips using my arm, I asks, "What gift?"
Alex gave me a smirk, and that is when I felt a pair of hands roaming around my shoulders down to my arms caressing it. Softly and alluringly.
"I am the gift that you're looking for." She whispered in my ear, breath hitching against my skin that sent shivers down my spin.
"A-alex, t-this is-"
"A good idea. Have some fun, friend!" Alex pinched my cheek before handing me back the newly refilled red cup.
"Why don't we dance?" She asked, turning me around so I can face her.
My eyes can't help not to check her out. She's wearing a red bra and panty lace. She's pretty. Blonde hair, blue eyes, she definitely got the most sexy body in the whole world. And as my eyes meet her gaze, we stare for a couple of seconds. She's beautiful but she's not Lauren. She had an ocean eyes but that doesn't stand a chance to Lauren's green eyes. As she slowly lean in to kiss me, I wish it was Lauren instead. And the alcohol in my system kicks in that all I can see is Lauren leaning in closer and closer to me. My heart started to beat erratically so I close my eyes and parted my lips, waiting for that kiss.
Lauren smiling. That's all I can see in my head.
And when I felt her lips, my heart immediately stops beating. It wasn't Lauren. But I swear to god that when she kissed me, I taste Lauren's mouth. And so I quickly pulled away, not able to look at her ocean eyes straight.
"Is there something wrong?"
I shake my head and the only word I manage to say is, "I'm sorry." before I run away from everybody else. I just let someone else kissed me and I felt incredibly disgusted with myself.
Such a fucking dumbass.
I found myself sitting at the bar side, drinking alcohol. Alway from the crowd. Six shots later and I'm staring at my hands, trying to remember how it felt to hold her.
I can't take this anymore.
I pulled out my phone and scroll through my contacts to call Lauren so I can tell her to pick me up so we can go home. Fuck the time off and space. Fuck my pride. Fuck my-
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
I look beside me and there's a guy sitting next to me. He ordered a jug of beer and sip a little.
"Are you talking to me?" I asked and he chuckled.
"We're the only one sitting in here and you're the only girl who held her phone trying to drunk call her ex. So, yeah, I'm talking to you."
"She's not my ex. She's still my girlfriend, technically."
"Who's fault is it?"
"You're a stranger, do you really expect me to tell you about something personal?" I asked sarcastically before I bottoms up my drink and ask for another refill.
"But we're talking now. I am comfortable with you so I guess that makes us acquaintance and not strangers, right?"
I puft, "You still are."
"Look, if it's her fault then let her own it up. Let her come to you and say sorry. Don't you ever call first saying "Sorry, let's fix this." You're just tolerating her."
I bottoms up my 4th cup and refill it, "She kept saying sorry to me, begging for me to come back home. It's just that... I need some time after... well, my parents and I kinda argued about it so,"
"Hmm, I see. Parents disapproved?"
I nod my head, "They think being with her will bring no good for me. Even my friends think that."
"Don't mind them. Fuck their opinions." After he finish drinking his beer, he finally meet my gaze. Grey dark eyes, "You want to play some billiard?"
I smiled, "Sure."
We walk together to the billiard table and grab our own cue stick.
"Ladies first." He smiled.
Aiming for the cue ball, I ask, "So, why are you here in New York?" When I release my strength through the cue stick, I instantly pocketed 3 solid balls.
"Wow, good shot! You should never really let the looks fool you. I wonder what else can you do?"
I chuckled as I go to the other end corner, aiming for another solid ball.
"Anyway, I came to visit a good friend of mine. Wait, what's your name by the way?"
I missed my shot. Damn it!
"I'm Billie Jean."
He takes down 2 striped balls at the same time. Impressive.
"Billie Jean? As in, Billie Jean is not my lover she's just a girl who claims that I am the one. That Billie Jean?"
I chuckled, "No, I am Camila. And good voice, dude. You a fan?"
"Definitely! I mean, the whole world is his fans."
"You know why? Because he sing, he dance, and most importantly... he hee."
He laugh, "Damn! That was funny."
And I ended up laughing too because I am so damn funny that I can't believe that my joke is funny and that someone is laughing to it. If I told that joke to Dinah, I'm sure it will share the same fate just my other fallen jokes.
And in the mid of our laughing, the blonde guy was being harshly grab by someone in the arm. Without any word, he got hit in the head with a bottle of empty liquor causing the him to fell down on the floor.
Lauren.
It's Lauren that I'm seeing beating the helpless boy on the ground. Punch after punch. Blood after blood.
And as much as I wish it wasn't her, no matter what I blink, I still see her on top of him.
A lot of people quickly notices the commotion happening as they come in between, pulling Lauren away from mercilessly beaten ocean eyed boy.
"Fuck!" I groaned loudly, feeling my head aching because of her. Why does it have to be violence all the fucking time?!
"Who the fucking fuck do you think you are?! Huh?! Fucking bitch!" Lauren yelled angrily. She's incredibly mad, she's jealous, and most fucking importantly she's drunk. Again. AGAIN for god's sake!
The 4 bouncers of the club tried to hold Lauren in place but she's way too strong that she's slipping from their grip and continue to cause a scene.
"Camila!" I heard Alex and Ally called my name. I turn around and I saw them making their way through the crowd. When they saw what's currently happening, worriedness immediately paints on their face as they run towards my direction and hug me.
"Oh my god, what happened?" Ally asked. I rest my head against her shoulder, tears escape on my eyes.
"Wait, how did she knew that we're here?" Alex.
"Dinah." Ally.
"Lauren looks... I don't know, unrecognizable. She's very different when she's drunk. She looks like she could kill anyone." Alex.
I lift up my head to say something when I spotted one bouncer who's running towards our direction with a long rod metal on hand.
"Lauren..." I called out. Worriedness quickly takes over me.
"Mila, no." Ally holds me down, as if she knew what was going to happen and what I'm about to do. "It's dangerous."
"She needs me, Ally!" I protested.
"No! Just say here!"
"¡Sujétala! ¡Sujétala! ¡La golpearé! (Hold her down! Hold her down! I will hit her!)"
I keep switching glances between Lauren and the bouncer. When he steps near Lauren enough space for him to hit my girlfriend in the head, I didn't think twice of pulling my arm away from Ally and run towards Lauren to shield her from harm that's about to bite her ass off. I used my right arm to block his attack.
He hit me so hard that I heard the bone in my arm crack. My whole left arm quicky go numb that all I can feel is the throbbing beating where he hit me. I shut my eyes tight, trying to surpass the pain.
"Camila!" Alex and Ally called out worriedly.
I saw the shock on the bouncer's face as he drop the weapon on the floor. "Shit! Fuck, I am so sorry I... fuck!" He help me get back on my feet but I raised my hand to motion him that I can get back on my own.
I fetch Lauren's drunk ass, putting her arm around my shoulder.
"Mila, are you okay?" Ally asked worriedly but I didn't say anything. I just nod my head as my response before I head outside the club with Lauren.
As I help Lauren sit on the passenger seat, the smell of the strong liquor is lingering in my nose, causing a lot of emotions to surge inside me. Worriedness, anger, disappointment, pain, everything. Seeing her in state like this reminds me of how my parents react towards her, and I hate it. I hate it because it hurts me hearing them say those words towards her because I know her. Lauren is a good and better person. But now... I feel like I don't know her at all.
I thought the whole driving going home will be completely silent and calm. Turns out, it was chaos. We were screaming on each other's faces, cussing on each other, spitting venom on each other's faces. I was trying to explain to her everything. That she's being jealous out of nothing and here she goes being stubborn and lazy. She knew she was wrong. We both know it, but she can't accept it and keep finding a reasonable excuse to make her mistake right.
"This conversation leads to nothing!" I open the door widely, Lauren trailing behind me.
"Bullshit!" She slam the door loud, "Who's that dude?!"
"I don't even know his name!"
"If you're gonna lie, make sure it's convincing, at least!"
I shake my head, "This is no point at all!"
Lauren scoff loudly, "So what, Camila? Come on, tell me! What? You want to break up with me?!"
"Is that what you want?! Then fine!" I slam my hands over her chest, pushing her away from me, "Let's break up!"
Lauren flips over the center table as the heated moment takes over us both. She walk towards my direction, pushing me off against the dry wall. Both of our eyes had this blazing fire of anger and despise towards each other. We can't stand seeing each other right now. Being together does not spark fireworks anymore. It now sparks hatred and anger. We hate each other and we both love the feeling it gives us.
Maybe... maybe I'm already out of my mind for feeling this way. I'm crazy and she's insane.
"Why are you such in a rush to replace me so bad, huh?! It's just one mistake, Camila! One fucking mistake and you left me! After all the things you said and everything we did. You made it look so damn easy to leave."
"You left me, first! Don't you remember what you did?! You chose that goddamn liquor over me! You knew what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me, but somehow that didn't stop you..."
Lauren clenched her jaw tight before she aim her right fist to the dry wall right next to the side of my head.
Tears run down to my cheeks.
Drops of blood dropping on the floor.
Lauren's expression quickly soften as we locked eyes on each other. Anger quickly replace with guilt.
The green eyed brunette runs her thumb to my to my cheeks, wiping my tears away. "Please, stop crying now, because I love you. It's only you, believe me..." Lauren sings, her raspy voice soothing my ears. She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before she whispers, "Believe me..."
I'm about to hold her in my arms when Lauren suddenly pulled away. She take off her shirt and throw herself on the couch while I remain to where I'm standing at feeling my heart pounding in my chest, shortness of breath, muscle tension and shaking.
And since I'm having anxiety attack, I breathe as slowly, deeply, and gently as I can through my nose and breathe out deeply and gently through my mouth as I count steadily one to five on each in-breath and each out-breath. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. When I felt my heart slowly going back to it's normal beating, I open my eyes and the clouds in my head finally disappears, allowing me to see everything around me.
Our apartment... it's still the same when I left. The mug and plates on the sink that I wasn't able to wash is still there. I walk over to the bathroom to fetch the first aid kit. I walk towards Lauren and take a seat in front of her, feeling the calmness after the storm. This is also the time that I notice the bruises and small wounds on her face that I failed to notice before because of the rage that always took over us. Some wounds still have stain of blood. But what stands out to my eyes the most is the wound that I imprinted to her face the other day.
I've hurt her.
I gently touch it using my thumb. And suddenly, a warm liquid drops on my skin. That's when I realize that Lauren is crying. She captured my hand and hold it tight. And as I look into her tired and hurtful eyes, my heart is breaking inside my chest.
"I hope I cross your mind once in a while so I won't feel pathetic for thinking of you all the damn time."
I caress her cheek lovingly, "You're always in my head."
Lauren smiled timidly. She leaned in slowly so I close my eyes and parted my lips, patiently waiting for her kiss.
"Lauren!" I open my eyes and look at the door where that voice came from. It's Macey. The girl in the underground street fight, "It's showtime." Then she shift her eyes on me and greeted me with a smile, "Hi, Camila."
"Hey," I smiled timidly. Lots of things starting to run inside my head. Is Lauren back in the street fight? The wounds on her face... is it because she fought someone while we're being separate?
"Okay, just... wait for me outside."
"Copy." When Macey left the door, Lauren and I both stand up from our seats.
"You need to leave."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "You want me to leave? You're drowning yourself in alcohol and now you're back in fighting underground? I thought we already talked about this?"
"It's not an underground fight."
"I am not stupid, Lauren! I am not blind not to see those bruises on your face!"
"They're right... I'm no good for you. We should... we should end this. You deserve better."
And I can't help myself not to explode. One minute she was saying that she love me, and now she wants to break things between us?! What the fuck is this?! "Bullshit! Do you love me?" I asked. Lauren stayed silent, head looking down. "Do you really love me? Look me in the eyes and answer me."
"I can't. It hurts." Lauren mumbled but enough for me to hear it.
"It hurts because you mean it or it hurts because you don't?"
And another long defying silence.
"Answer me, Laur. I'm begging you, please. Just tell me the truth because your silence is driving me crazy!"
"Nothing is the same anymore, Camila. I'm... I'm working for Brixton now. He's a powerful man and he's a criminal syndicate. Now do you see where this going to? If you stay with me, I'll just ruin your life. My life is now a living hell, because I'm now poor. We don't have any money anymore. Carolton... it's no longer belongs to us. We have nothing left, nothing. And Brixton is the only guy who can pay me thousands of money. Soon, I'll be on the street, shot dead. You see what my life is now? I'm fucked. I'm a big mess, and that's the last thing you need right now... but this mess loves you endlessly."
I run towards Lauren and crash my lips on her. We kissed until we're both out of breath.
I pulled away and rest my forehead against hers, "No," I shake my head while whispering to her lips, "You have me until the end of the line. To the edge of all our days, until the very last tomorrow, you have me."
"Camila,"
"I'll ride till I die, okay? With you, my love," I smiled timidly, planting a quick soft kiss on her lips.
I felt Lauren smiled against my lips, "You're crazy." The green eyed girl whispered.
"Only for you, babe." And I whisper back, "Only for you."
***
Riding the red Jaguar XKY sports car, Macey drives us to the location where we're going to meet Brixton. Lauren and I are sitting at the back seat, holding hands.
"So, Camila," Macey begins, glancing over the rear-view mirror to catch my eyes, "Are you in?"
Lauren and I look at each other. I can see the fear in her green eyes, "No. She was just... accompanying me for tonight."
"You got yourself a great girlfriend, my friend." Macey glance at the rear-view mirror again with a smile, "Keep her."
"I definitely will." Lauren squeeze my hand, her green eyes staring straight at Macey. "I'm lucky to have her."
I look at Lauren and smile genuinely. The fact that she feels lucky to have someone like me warms my heart and soul.
Macey continues to drive. And since we're riding one of the fastest car and not some SUV, it only took 5 minutes before Macey turn left to a dark vacant lot. Her headlight hits two people and two sports car parked behind them.
A man and a woman in which I assumed the man in black suit and tie is no other than Brixton.
"Here we go." We unbuckled our seatbelts. Macey is the first one to get out of the car.
"Are you sure about this?"
I nod my head. I know this is dangerous. Beyond dangerous. Us vs. the law. We could be the on the run bandits. An outlaw criminals. We could be in jail if we get caught. But... as long as I'm standing next to her, my hands against hers, nothing shall I fear. Why would I when I have my strength standing right next to me?
"I've never been this sure, Laur. I want to do this, with you."
"It's not worth it. Don't do anything stupid for me."
"I would do just about anything for you, Lauren. That's the problem."
She has my heart. Regardless of the past, no one but Lauren has the power to destroy it.
Lauren cupped my cheeks and look into my eyes, "I won't let anyone hurt you, Camz. I will go down in hell to protect you. I will do anything, okay?"
"I trust you."
"Let's do this shit."
I hold her hand tight, "Together."
We exit the car and Brixton greeted us with a smile.
"Lauren, Camila! Welcome to the family!" He gives us a warm smile and a hug. When he pulled away, his dark grey eyes darted straight into mine, "Are you joining, my dear?"
"I am." I answered firmly.
"Good, good. Good choice. Now, let's get to work, shall we?"
We all nod our heads in response.
"Anyway, this is Savannah, my new business partner."
We all looked at her and give her a timid smile.
"Here's the work. You two will be dressed as a traffic cops," Brixton pointed me and Lauren, "and you're gonna rob two trust fund kids that I know and dislike intensely."
"Why?" I asked. I don't know if I should suppose to ask that or not.
"We can get a good price for the vehicles in Asia. Look, complete the work, you'll all be well paid." Savannah.
"That looks easy." Macey.
"Mr. Brixton's research team suggests the two boys like to ride on the Senora Freeway."
"Get going. And don't disappoint me, my Brixton's angels." He chuckled before he get into his car as well as Savannah and drive off the scene.
"Here," Macey handed us the ear piece, "It'll help us communicate throughout this mission." And then she brings out the map and the flash light.
"This is the Senora freeway that Savannah's talking about, this long ass straight line here."
"Here," Lauren pointed at the Union road, "this is where we'll stand by."
"Okay, okay. I'll race with them. Once we're so close to enter the union road, I'll give you two the signal. Pull them over and take the cars, okay?"
"Got it."
"Copy." Lauren.
"And here's your uniform and this is your ride. Drive safe and good luck, pals." Macey handed us the cop uniform. On top of it is the key to the police motorcycle we're about to ride.
When Macey drives off, Lauren panics as we started to get dress. "Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?"
I tuck in my uniform and tie my combat boots tight before I meet Lauren's gaze, "You're looking at me too much like a saint." I chuckled before I walk over to my bike.
"Can you blame me? You almost slam the damn car in the tree because of your excitement."
I hop in the motorcycle and put the helmet on, "Just because I look innocent doesn't mean my game is innocent as well. Remember when I left you hanging at the cinema?" I smirk, switching the engine on. I pull the clutch lever in as I roll on the throttle with my hand, making the loud sound of the engine and wheel echoed loudly, "See you at the union road, buddy." Then I switch on the police siren to max out the VIP of me being a cop before I used my left foot to shift down as I slowly releasing the clutch lever.
I drive at the fast speed, around 75 mph and I'm smiling behind my helmet because I'm having so much fun riding a police motorcycle and wearing a cop's uniform.
"Geez, Camz, thanks for reminding me that." Lauren spoke through the ear piece and I laugh at her.
I arrived first at the said spot followed by Lauren.
I took off my helmet and leaned against my bike. I'm still in the process of feeling the ground beneath my feet when Lauren suddenly grab me by my waist and kiss me eagerly. I tilt my head, motioning her to deepen the kiss which she did. Lauren trails down her kisses to my jaw up to my earlobe.
"Watching you drove that motorcycle turns me on. You're so fucking sexy in it."
I giggled against her skin, "How sexy am I?"
"Enough to make me have my orgasm."
We both laugh. I pulled away a little so I can check her out, "Damn, my girlfriend looks so sexy in this cop's uniform."
A playful smirk plastered on her lips. She took something from her back. It was a handcuffs, "Any interesting idea that we can do with this?"
"I can tie you up when we get home."
Lauren squeeze my waist tight, causing me to slip out a small moan. "How I love that idea."
"Hey, we comin' up now, man. Be there in a few seconds." Macey's voice suddenly echoed in our ear piece.
"Got it." Lauren says before she cup my cheeks.
"Be safe for me, okay? Talk to me every damn minute so I know you're okay." The green eyed brunette leaned in and give me a quick kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Lauren hurriedly run back to her bike while I put on my helmet and hop in. We start the engine of our bikes as Lauren look over me.
"Ready, Camz?"
"Ready."
"Let's do this."
With police siren on and the passing of three sports car on the highway, we started our chase down and pursuit.
"We're too far ahead, we got to catch up to them if we want them to stop." Lauren says.
"I'll take the orange car."
"Got it, Camz."
I trailed the orange sports car, trying to catch up but the speed of the car is way too fast.
"Suspect has entered the Braddock Tunnel - Officer Camila maintains her pursuit." I reported.
When I enter the tunnel, all cars are going to the opposite direction.
Shit, shit, shit!
With a high speed like this, I kept my eyes wide open so I can dodge all the cars coming at me and avoid getting hit by a car and die. This is my first mission, I don't want to screw it up.
"Camz, they don't look like they're stopping, we got to get closer."
"Long as we can keep with them, we'll pull this off."
We're now driving along the Great Ocean Bay highway and we still couldn't get through them.
"Coming up on Paleto Bay - we might gain some ground on them."
"How far they taking us? I could swear we've circled half the state."
I grab on my mic that's attached to the bike, "Move aside, bikers. We're on police business."
"Find a safe place to stop, pull over!" I heard Lauren's voice through the mic and I can't help not to smile.
Damn! Even her voice sounds hot.
"Finally! It looks like they're slowing down."
"About time."
"Smell you later, pal."
Lauren takes over me and increase her speed as she gets close to the cars.
"More like, tie you later, pal." I chuckled and Lauren giggled.
"Pull over to the side of the road!" Lauren announced, "Stop your vehicles on the bridge!"
And finally, after a little while of chasing down, they finally stopped.
"Aaand, we got em. Good job, baby."
We stop behind Macey's car as we hop out from the bike and walk over to the cars parked in a straight line at the side of the bridge.
"Whoa, hey. Stay in the car there, home girl. Deal with you later." Lauren smirks at Macey and the dark skinned girl smile.
"Yeah, fuck you too."
Lauren walk over to the orange sports car while I go to the blue one. I place my hand on the roof of his car as I leaned in so we can see each other's face through his rolled down window.
"Do you know how fast you're going?" I asked firmly. Like a real cop.
"I, uhm, officer.. I-I don't know. I'm trying to keep it under the limit."
"Well, you and your boy look like you were drag racing down the road so uh, why don't you get yourself out of the car?" I pulled away to give him enough space, "Come on."
"Officer, is this entirely necessary?"
"Yes it is. Get down, c'mon. Hands on the hood of the car." I said which he quickly obey.
He turn around and put his hands and head over the hood. I peak inside his car and I saw a black duffel bag on the passenger seat.
Why am I smelling some money all of a sudden?
"Get out of the fucking car!" I turn around and it was Lauren yelling at the guy inside, throwing his driver's license on the road.
I can't barely hear what the guy told her to but I can see to my girlfriend's face that she had enough.
Lauren open the car door and drag the guy all the way out, "Get out of the fucking car, you stupid freak!"
"You're not a real cop, aren't you?" The guy in front of me says.
"Camila, guy in front of you grabbing something. Be careful." Macey radioed so I quickly look at his hands and I saw that his left hand slowly snaking it's way inside the car so I quickly grab my gun at the side pocket and point it against his skull.
"Don't move. Unless you want me to bury a bullet inside your thick skull."
"Fuck you!" He groaned.
"I got in, let's rolled out." Lauren says so I grab the guy by his neck and throw him off the road.
"Thanks for the car, little shit." I smirk at him before I get inside his car.
"I'll drive us back to the garage, follow me." Macey drive first, followed by Lauren then me.
We were driving in normal speed since we no longer riding a cop's motorcycle. When we hit the stoplight, I open the black duffel bag to check what's inside. And my gut feeling is right, it is loaded with tons of money.
What a great night.
We continue to drive and I come to realize that we're going to pass by at our apartment. I took off my ear piece and take advantage of me being the last in line. I made a very quick stop at the apartment with the duffel bag on hand. I toss it inside and lock the door before I head back inside the car and drive off.
Lauren will be happy once she saw this.
I put back my ear piece on and Lauren's voice is the first thing that I heard.
"Camz? Camz, are you still there?"
"Yes baby, I'm still here."
Lauren sigh in relief, "Thank god! You scared me!"
I giggled, "I'm sorry."
I turn left to the same vacant lot and we were greeted by a lot of bikers with huge body build.
"Job well done, girls! The money will be on your bank accounts tomorrow morning." The guy with beard and dark eyes says.
"Thanks Joe." Macey smiled before the bikers took the two sports car and left the scene.
"Nice working with you two. I had a lot of fun." Macey smiled before she gives us a hug.
"Yeah, you too bud." Lauren replied.
"I'll see you when I see you." And then she walk over to her car, "Ciao!" Then Macey close her car door and drive off.
"We should go home now."
I nod my head and intertwined my fingers against Lauren's as we walk home. I'm pretty much excited to see her reaction once she see the duffel bag.
When we step foot on the porch, I turn around to look at her. "I have a surprise for you."
Lauren smiled excitedly, "What now, Cabello?"
I hurriedly unlock the door and open it, allowing her to go inside first, "See it for yourself."
Lauren pulled me in for a quick kiss before she go inside the apartment. She eyed the duffel bag then look at me as if her eyes are asking me a confirmation. I just nod my head and smile. Lauren open the bag carefully. When she finally sees what's inside, her smile grew from ear to ear.
"Camila!" Lauren squeeled before she run towards my direction and hug me tight, "How... w-where did you get this money?"
"I have my ways, baby."
Lauren pulled away, tears swelling in her eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much. This money is such a big help."
I smiled, "I know."
"I also have a gift for you."
"Really now?"
"Hmm," Lauren hummed, "Come here." Lauren drag me inside our room and lead me to the bathroom. "Stay here. I'll just go and get the gift. I'll tell you when to come out, okay?"
"Okay, baby."
We looked at each other for a long minute with a smile shoot across our face.
"You're so fucking beautiful, Camz." And then Lauren close the door of the bathroom, leaving me all alone.
I sat on the dry bathtub to let my legs have some rest. I can't believe what just happened tonight. I held a real gun, pretend to be a cop, and rob someone. This is like... I don't know, surreal. I never imagine myself doing things like this in the name of love. Wow, this is crazy.
"You can come out now, Camz!" Lauren yelled from the outside so I stand up from the tub and walk over to the door.
When I open it, I'm surprise that the lights around our room is off. It's not completely dark though since the moonlight illuminate few parts of our room. And that includes to where Lauren is standing at. Naked.
My mouth felt watery as I gaze through her body. The moonlight allows me to see every corners of her body. Every inch of it is beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. I'm In love with her body, and I am addicted to her. I have tasted her mind, and now I cannot forget it's flavor. Her smile, her eyes, her lips, her hair, her voice, her laugh, her hands, her smirk, her teasing, her humour, her weird faces, the way she walk, the way she say my name, the way she look, the way she talk, her singing, her dance, her body, her. I'm In love with her and all of those things and even the little ones.
"You're beautiful from every angle I look at. I can't stop staring." I mumbled, still feeling this dumbfounded effect that she cast upon me.
"I don't want you to stop." Lauren walks over to my direction and my heart started to beat erratically.
"I am the gift, Camz. And you can do anything you want with me." The green eyed brunette whispered in my ear before she kiss my neck. I close my eyes, savoring the feeling of her lips against my skin as I felt her hard length pressed against my center that quickly shoots a thrill down to my spine. Lauren hold my waist tightly like she was holding on to her life line before she crash her lips on mine.
The kiss is hot enough to turn the Atlantic into lava. My lips part as she slides her tongue pass them, devouring my mouth in greedy strokes that leaves me breathless.
And I couldn't take it anymore. I need to feel every inch of her.
After drugging me from her kisses, I push her onto the bed. I strip naked while Lauren watching me do it. She's bitting her lower lips with her green orbs slowly filled with lust. And since I can do anything that I want with her, I tie her up using the handcuffs and put her in blindfolds.
I sit on her lap, positioning my entrance on her. When I lower myself on her, we both moan at the contact. I can feel her pulsating deep, and the faster I move, the louder we both become. I bounce on her lap, coming down hard as Lauren raise her hips from the bed to meet my motions. The mattress is squeaking and the metal cuffs are rattling. We we're crying out to each other in pure bliss, and I'm so caught up in the pleasure.
But as much as I loved dominating her, I love being dominated more. I love her just the way she is.
I take off her blindfold and Lauren opens her eyes, gazing up at me in confusion. The green eyed girl silently watches me removes handcuffs from her wrist and once I rest them on the nightstand, Lauren sits up and wrap her arms around my petite body.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Lauren asked. Her voice is more raspier than the usual. She's still gasping to catch her breath.
"Nothing. I don't need you to submit yourself to me."
Lauren's hand gaze through my cheek. Her thumb softly pressed against my parted lips. The way her long and beautiful fingers touch my skin makes my goosebumps go crazy.
"Some people make me better. And that's how I know my favorite part of me is you." Lauren whispered in my lips before she owned it as she gently lay me down to bed.
***
I spread my arm across the sheets to hug my girlfriend since this blanket no longer gives me a warm feeling. But then... I felt nothing.
I quickly shot my eyes open and found an empty space next to me. My heart started to beat heavily at the thought that she might possibly leave me or go somewhere without me. I hurriedly get up from the bed to pick up my clothes on the floor but they were already gone.
Shit, where did it go?
I run towards the closet and grab Lauren's grey t-shirt. I also took my phone from the night stand as I head out. Typing my worried text to Lauren, I heard the sound of piano echoing in our living room. I lift up my gaze and there goes my girlfriend playing some piano. And as much as I want to hug her and shower her with kisses now that everything between us is okay, I decided to just wait here for a minute and let her do what she's about to do. Lauren singing is the most beautiful sound that I've ever heard.
Then I felt my phone buzzed in from my hand. It was my mom.
I heard what happened at the club last night. You see what I'm talking about now? You're getting hurt because of her! I told you to stay away from her...
I lock my phone and didn't bother myself to read the whole rant text message that she sent me. She only found out about the club who stands nothing compared to what we've done last night. Mom sent me a long text message just because I protected my girlfriend. I wonder how she'll react if she finds out I dressed as a cop, drove a motorcycle, held a real gun, and rob a sports car.
I turn my attention back to Lauren. She's playing a sad chords on the piano.
"I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Ooh, if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Sayin' "There goes my little girl
Walkin' with that troublesome guy"
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Ooh, but little darlin' watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine
'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, ra-a-a-ain."
I walk towards Lauren and occupy the little space just so I can seat next to her. I caress her arm before I leaned in and kiss her on the shoulder.
"You're not going to leave me again, right?"
I shake my head, "I'm staying. Through hell and back, I'll stay with you. You have me, for I am your queen."
Lauren smiles, caressing my cheek. "Camz," The green eyed brunette reach for my hand and intertwined it against hers, "I am so sorry if I disappoint you. I won't do it again, I swear to god. Please forgive me." She planted a soft kiss on the back of my hand, "I love you."
"I love you too."
And a tight lipped smile plastered on her lips, "Would you like me to sing you another song?"
"Yes, please."
Lauren plays the piano again. This time, she sings Sad Song by We The Kings.
"You and I, we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky
With you, I'm alive
Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide
So stop time right here in the moonlight
'Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes
Without you, I feel broke
Like I'm half of a whole
Without you, I've got no hand to hold
Without you, I feel torn
Like a sail in a storm
Without you, I'm just a sad song
I'm just a sad song
You're the perfect melody
The only harmony I wanna hear
You're my favourite part of me
With you standing next to me
I've got nothing to fear..."
I've found natural drug for all of my panic, anxiety, and anger. It's her voice. It's her.