simon has been spending forty five minutes in the shower.
no big deal, right? everyone spends different amount of time in the shower, it's really up to that person for however long they want to stay in there. but see, that's not what's strange. it's simon.
it's the boy who doesn't spend more than fifteen minutes showering for almost an hour now. and that is the reason that when he steps out three days later, water dripping from his chest and towel wrapped loosely around his slender waist, all three of his flatmates stand infront with questioning glances.
"you okay?" vik is the first one to ask, his dark circles visible under his eyes.
"y-yeah..." simon answers, confused.
"no it's just that you are always late for breakfast since the last few days and you are always the first one on the table." tobi speaks up now, causing the tallest boy to move back in more confusion.
"okay...and?"
"it's just that, you only ever leave your room when you have to go to the restaurant and-"
"jesus christ, guys i'm fine. just feeling a bit under the weather." he interrupts josh's sentence and moves towards his closet before entering it.
"okay, we were just concerned since jj hasn't been around as well..." the indian boy's sentence dies in his throat as he watches the taller boy drop a tshirt that he was holding on the mention of the latter's name.
"umm yeah, you probably won't see anymore of him." he confirms the latter's suspicions while scratching the back of his neck. he doesn't make eye contact with the curious three pairs of eyes looking at him and instead focuses on choosing a shirt, his heart aching.
"oh why not?" it's clear how much tobi wants simon to come clean and talk about what happened but the latter boy keeps quiet, bottling it all inside no matter how much he actually wants to scream out what he's feeling.
"uhh- kinda fucked that one up." he picks a nice blue dress shirt and then proceeds to come out of his closet. "if you guys can excuse me, i need to change."
he can feel the questioning glances of his friends on his back even after they leave and shut the door behind them. simon wishes he could just dissapear instead of having to face them again.
______
the brunette takes more than twenty minutes in putting on a shirt and some pants, perhaps purposefully, hoping that by the time he comes out, all his friends have left for their day. but no one has to know that.
however he feels his chest tighten as his eyes fall on the figure of one of his friends standing by the front door, his back turned towards him.
"shouldn't you have left already?" he asks the bearded man, closing his bedroom door behind him.
"were you hoping i had left?" and of course josh knows exactly what the younger boy was planning. sometimes simon thinks that the older boy knows him better than he does himself.
"maybe." he figures there is no point in lying since this is the same boy who has known him for years he is talking to. they stay silent for a while before josh turns around, his green eyes now piercing into simon's soul and he clenches his fist, feeling exposed all of a sudden.
"you're afraid." josh whispers, his tone understanding. "but of what?"
simon contemplates making a run for the front door, his hand itches to open the door to his room. just something to avoid this conversation. but his mind keeps him planted in the spot, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
"what really happened with jj?" the older boy is now making his way across the room and standing right in front of the helpless boy.
"i pulled away from him." his answer is brief, it doesn't clarify anything. yet it seems as if josh has found out everything there is from the look on his face.
"are you afraid that no one will accept you because-"
"no i-" he gulps, feeling a lump in his throat. "i don't know, jus-just, so much is happening and i'm just so overwhelmed and i-" he doesn't know when he has started crying but for some reason he feels tears slip down his pale cheeks and he sighs in frustration. he doesn't want to feel this.
"hey, it's okay." josh's tone is soft now, his hands reaching forward to carress the crying boy's shoulders. simon thinks that josh would be a great father, so caring and so kind.
"i'm sorry."
"what for? simon you have every right to feel the way you feel. you're scared and that's fine." the green eyed boy reassures.
"but i feel like i messed everything up with jj and now he hates me-" a sob wracks through and he clenches his eyes shut. god did he hate himself for crying so easily.
"do you like jj? in a non-platonic way?" the question is sudden and it makes the teary eyed boy open his eyes and look at anything other than the latter's questioning eyes.
the truth was simon didn't know what "liking" someone was like. sure he had hooked up with girls, he had even gone on dates as well. however none of them had made his heart drum like jj did. once a girl had made his stomach feel funny, but simon had paid no mind to it as he slid between her legs later that night.
but maybe the staggering of his heartbeat and hitching of his breath meant that he does like the dark skinned boy in a romantic way. just maybe when he felt a flower blooming in his chest while jj leaned foward to almost kiss him meant he likes him. maybe.
"hey si, it's okay." the older boy speaks up after he notices the silence from the other side.
"yes."
"yes?"
"i-i like him. i-" simon is a stuttering mess, his mind scattered everywhere as he furiously wipes his eyes. "i just threw him away, oh my god."
josh watches with confusion as he notices the sudden change in mood, the taller boy has this look of realization and he seems to be thinking about something, now pacing.
"i can't throw this away, i don't want jj out of my life." he voices his thoughts.
"okay, are you-"
"i can't believe i was so dumb." he mutters. "i mean me feeling jealous of him talking to a pretty girl? isn't normal friend behaviour, right? and that one time i thought he was a cinammon roll and that one time he cheered me up and fuck-"
josh laughs a hearty chuckle, shaking his head. "did you just say that jj was a cinammon roll?"
"yes." he laughs too, his eyes glowing somewhat because if his crying and somewhat at the memory of sitting in jj's cafe eating rolls and drinking coffee. it was at that moment that he knew he needed jj in his life, he wanted to live through more occasions where the younger boy was a precious cinammon roll.
"i think my work here is done." josh says in disbelief, he can't understand how quickly the atmosphere changed. but then their lives had never been predictable in the first place and everything was always so sudden.
"thanks josh." simon means it as he leans forward to hug the older boy who laughs but hugs back for a few seconds.
"steady on now, don't want your snot all over my clothes mate." the older boy teases playfully. "but i'm always here, don't ever think you can't talk to me."
simon thanks whoever is responsible for placing josh in his life.
_____
MESSAGES
simon
jj?
[read: 06:56 PM]
simon
hey, u know u have read receipts on?
[read 06:59]
jj
leave me alone
[read 06:59PM]
simon
can we talk?
[read 07:05PM]
jj
"i feel nothing for you"
[read 07:06PM]
simon is typing...
simon is deleting
jj
look it's aight, i'll get out of ur hair, block my number.
[read 07:15PM]
simon
i need to see u. meet u at ur cafe in 10
[read 07:16PM]
jj is typing...
simon
it wasn't a question.
[read 07:16PM]
_____
simon shoves his freezing hands inside the pockets of his hoodie, it's cold outside, almost too cold but he refuses to walk inside the warm cafe just yet. he can feel his heart hammering against his rib cage and takes in a deep breath, cerulean eyes fluttering shut.
when he opens his eyes again, he sees a very familiar girl standing in the window of the cafe, looking at him before waving for him to come inside.
this was it.
"what were you doing freezing outside?" jade questions, her tone a mixture between amusement and confusion.
"uh-" he stammers, wracking his racing mind for an excuse but he can't since the only thing (or the only person) he has been thinking about walks out from the kitchen, the doors slamming behind him.
jj looks fine, no coat but a grey hoodie hugging his body matched with grey sweats. his face holds no emotions, staring blankly at the taller boy, almost looking bored.
jj's eyes were cold, void of any emotions as he raises his eyebrows and speaks. "better make this quick, i'm busy." and just like that he walks into the kitchen, tone freezing like the weather outside.
the cerulean eyed boy follows him inside before clearing his throat, "i'm sorry." he starts. "i-i messed up, real bad. i was an asshole-"
"listen, i don't have time for these emotional speeches, can you get to the point." jj's voice is sharp, something like the latter has never heard before. it's almost as if he is talking to another person.
"i-" simon stutters, his hwart beat staggering. as he stares at jj's expectant face, he can't help but feel helpless, almost as if his body has stopped functioning. when the older boy notices that simon will not talk any time soon, he shakes his bead before turning to leave.
simon doesn't like this, his chest is caving in from panic and his words keep dying in his throat. yet all that his mind is screaming at him to do is to not let the dark skinned boy leave. he can't do this. not again.
so without putting too much thought into it, he reaches forward for the latter's arm and yanks him backwards, pining him against the wall beside the entrance doors.
and maybe simon should've thought because fuck both of them are so close that their breaths are mixing up and jj's face holds this stunned expression, almost as if he wasn't expecting this. and once again the boy is speechless.
cerulean eyes shuffle between staring at brown eyes and plump lips and before he can stop himself, he is leaning forward to capture the latter's lips in a kiss.
the younger boy stands there stunned before melting into the kiss, his hands engulfing the taller boy's back, lips moving against his softly. the kiss is sweet, soft but holding so much emotion.
jj's lips are soft, not like the latter expected only better and his mouth tastes like a mixtyre between peppermint and cinammon.
simon pours out every word he couldn't say into the kiss and jj feels it, smiling into the kiss before both of them parting for air. and as soon as the blue eyed boy notices the smile on the latter's face, he sighs because holy shit that just happened and now he doesn't know what's gonna happen next.
both of them rest their forehead together, the taller boy can feel the smile on the latter's face and he himself can't help it when a grin breaks through and before they know both of them are giggling lightly.
"i like you." the blue eyed boy states after a while, looking straight into the warm brown eyes which shine because of his sentence. "but, i'm-"
"-scared. i get it." the latter completes, bringing his hand to caress the light skinned boy's cheek. "we'll go slow. take it minute by minute."
simon passes him a grateful smile.
"i'm sorry for being an asshole earlier, i've never known how to deal with feelings and shit." he apologizes as well, a light smile gracing his face. he actually can't believe it worked howit did, almost as if it was a dream.
"it hurt but you made up for it." jj nods, simon's forehead bobbing along causing both of them to chuckle lightly.
"guys! oh-" jade barges into the kicthen before stopping abruptly as her eyes land on the duo's position. simon flushes, moving away from jj and clearing his throat, h8s face extremely red.
"yeah?" jj composes himself before asking.
"i just wanted to say there's a new batch of cinnamon rolls ready and was wondering if you wanted some?" she seems to be smiling now, her eyes shining with a knowing look.
"i'm down, are you?" and when the dark skinned boy looks at simon, his brown eyes shining and smile almost tearing up his face, he can feel his heart growing a few sizes and warming up his whole body.
simon realizes this is exactly what he wants. he wants jj in his life more than he would like to admit. so with a smile just as big as the latter's, he nods excitedly.
"i would love some cinammon rolls."
that night when simon goes home, his heart threatens to jump out his chest and he feels like dancing till he can't feel his legs. he wonders why he didn't do this so early back, maybe if he did he would've been happy a long time ago.
he was scared yes, he didn't know what was gonna happen but what he did know was that jj would be there every step of the journey.
_____
hehehe thoughts?
also if any of u watched thirteen reasons why and ship justlex, check out my new instagram au book :) (shameless plug but ya kno ;) )