Chapter 20 - Safe Haven
“Hey there,” I hear someone saying when I’m securing the boats before the trips of today. I turn around and I find Harry standing at a reasonable distance, wearing a plain t-shirt and shorts with trainers and smiling at me warmly.
My heart races in my chest and I feel the usual lump in my throat. I recognise all the symptoms but at the same time, I smile when I see him there. It’s been a few days since I saw him last and I’ve been working with Mare both on my confidence and our video. We have it almost ready and even I make an appearance playing the piano. Mostly my hands, Mare wanted me to appear more but I couldn’t take it. Another proof that I could never be an artist or perform in front of anyone. I can’t even face a camera.
Mare’s given me a few tasks every day. Like start a conversation, greet more people, even ride during one of trips across the lake, just to be around more people without a way out. It’s still hard, but I’ve accomplished every task and Mare is always so happy for me that I’m starting to build my own confidence in myself. Seeing results is so rewarding.
“Hey, Harry,” I reply shyly but still, no stuttering. Yay for me!
“How are you? I haven’t seen you around. Busy?” Harry inquires next taking a step closer. I stand straighter, a bit more nervous.
One of the things Mare’s told me is that being aware of exactly how my body reacts allows me to concentrate in those reactions and handle them. I have to focus on certain reaction and try to calm down. Like for instance my racing heart. I close my eyes for two seconds and take a deep breath, urging my heart to relax. It works. I mean, it’s still beating faster than usual, but I don’t feel like I’m going to have a stroke. I can control my body.
“Yeah, a bit,” is my answer and I keep the smile. “You?”
I know my conversation with Harry is not very eloquent. For instance, I’m way more comfortable talking to Timmy —we’ve become good friends, he’s really like an older brother—, Mare and even Carl. He’s nice, too.
“Doing nothing. Hanging out with Niall. He’s becoming a professional horse ride, though,” Harry replies with an amused grin. “I’m not a good horse rider myself but I try.”
“That’s what counts,” I tell him and his grin widens.
“May I help you with something or are you done?” he asks me next and I turn to see that all the boats are securely tied.
I turn around again to meet his eyes. “I’m done here.”
Harry smiles brightly at me, his eyes light up with happiness and I get that feeling again, incredulity that he seems so happy to be around me, to be my friend. I don’t get it, when I’m just a boring and shy girl. But he really, really looks happy. I get why I would feel like that for spending time with him. I get why everyone would be happy to have one of Harry’s smiles, but who am I to make him smile like that?
“Wanna take a walk?” he proposes and I shrug, not minding at all what we do. I’d be nervously happy anyway.
So we leave the dock and start walking around the lake, calmly. We don’t say anything at the beginning and maybe I should break the ice, but everyone knows I’m not that type. I’m used to silence, after all. That’s why we keep walking in silence but you know what? It’s not awkward. I mean, it is, but not that awkward. There’s something comforting about Harry, like his presence puts you at ease.
Without noticing, we step into the forest. I barely notice this because I’m used to it. I’m so used to these surroundings that I can even walk around with my eyes closed. But Harry isn’t and he starts tripping.
I can’t help giggle. I mean, there are barely things to trip over but he finds those: branches, rocks, roots, anything. He doesn’t fall, like that time he followed me into this very forest, but he trips constantly and I giggle all the time. I try to control it, but it’s bigger than me and I know he’s uncomfortable, he’s blushing and everything.
“Forest are not my natural habitat,” he says and I chuckle again.
“I noticed,” is my reply and because I know he’ll end up falling on his bum if I don’t help him, I offer him my hand. “Come on, let’s get out of here. There are paths to follow instead of going between the trees,” I say with my hand still reaching out to him.
Harry looks at it for a while and I can see surprise in his face by the way his eyebrows arch. For a second I think he won’t accept my hand and I think I’ve gone too far, but then he smiles as sweetly as ever and grabs my hand.
My heart is beating in my throat again and I feel hyper aware of his skin against mine, his long fingers around my hand, holding it firmly. His hand is warm and the contact makes my guts twist in a funny way I’ve never felt before. I take a deep breath and I order myself to control my body, every reaction. I have control over myself, not the other way around.
I focus on our way and lead Harry away from the trees and all the traps that can make him fall. He never loses his grip on my hand and I feel my heart beating strongly and constantly all the time, loud, maybe too loud. Am I the only one who hears it?
We finally leave the trees behind and it’s safe and even ground again. Harry shouldn’t be at risk here so I know it’s time to let his hand go, but there’s something I like about holding his hand, about the way it feels to be like this. I’ve never done this before, only with my family and it never felt like this. Still, I know I have no excuse to hold his hand so I loosen up my grip on his, not turning around to meet his eyes. However, I feel him holding, reluctant to let go, even tightening his grip before he releases it, almost too soon as for me to make sure he actually held on to my hand.
“You’re safe,” I state, still looking in front of me knowing Harry is behind.
“Thank you for rescuing me from my own clumsiness,” he says lightly and I smile, still trying to control my anxiety and the way my body reacts. “I’ll avoid the trees and roots. We’re not friends, I can see that now.”
I chuckle again at the goodhearted way he’s talking, so easy-going. Like we’ve always been friends, like this is normal. I turn around to look at him over my shoulder and he’s smiling so happily at me.
“You are really familiar with this place, aren’t you?” he asks me and I nod, so he takes a step closer until he’s next to me. “Once I dared going alone there. I almost died,” Harry confesses and I know the exact moment he’s talking about.
I guess I could tell him I saved him that day, I mean, there’s no reason for me to not tell him. It’s just that… I know he would ask me why I hid or why I didn’t tell him before. I would have to explain things to him, things I don’t understand very well myself. I’m not a versed person when it comes to talking, I don’t think I can explain myself successfully just yet. Maybe later, when I’m better at saying what’s inside my head I can tell him.
“Just don’t ever get lose in a forest,” I try to joke along and he smiles brightly again.
Harry is like that, it seems. Always smiling, always looking happy. I wonder if he gets sad, too. If he gets tired and wants to run away from everyone and everything. It’s hard to think someone can be happy all the time.
“You like it here? I mean… I mean the centre,” I ask, surprising myself for taking the lead in a conversation.
“Yes,” he says and this time his smile is different. He start walking again and I follow him this time. “I mean, it’s great to do what I do. I love my job, I love being on stage but doing all that has a high price. Sometimes I like to feel like I used to, you know? Like I’m no one, like my name doesn’t mean anything to anyone. I like to forget I have a job and responsibilities. I like to just relax and be myself, not an image. A product.”
I’m surprised he is so open and tells me all those things. And I notice his smile is different, sad.
“The fame is overwhelming. The only part I don’t like about my job is that I don’t have privacy anymore. That’s why I love this place, where even if people know me, they don’t treat me differently. Where I can relax and I can even forget I’m famous outside. And I know every other guest here feels the same, there’s complicity when we look at each other. I love this place,” Harry carries on and when he looks at me his smile is still sad but at the same I see that he’s honest, he really loves this place.
“I… I can’t understand how you feel,” I start and I see a bit of disappointment in his eyes. Was he waiting for someone to really understand how he feels? “But I love this place, too. It’s been my home all my life. It’s safe. I guess you also feel safe here.”
“I do,” he replies and now I smile at him, as happily as I can. At least I get that. I’ll never understand the price of fame and sincerely, I don’t want to. I just want to live from my music, I don’t want the other part. That price Harry is talking about, that price that Mare is willing to pay. That’s why our deal is perfect, because I get to live from my music without having to pay that price. “It’s like a safe haven.”
I smile agreeing and we keep walking around. Harry starts asking me questions about this place, how it was to grow up here. He even makes me show him my favourite places. Of course the lake is the number one, but there are other places I enjoy very much. I even show him the crops because he’s curious.
I realise that as long as we talk about things like the lake, it’s not hard to talk to him. These topics are safe, these topics are familiar to me.
When we are near the crops I see Timmy working on the truck. He’s good with motors so he makes sure our old truck keeps working. Plus, Father needs to go to town tomorrow so he’ll need the truck in perfect condition.
“Hey there, Ariel,” he greets barely taking a look in my direction. But then he stops and his eyes widens when he sees I have company.
“Hi, Timmy. This is Harry, Harry this is Timmy,” I make the introductions. I never thought I would be doing that. “I’m showing him around,” I tell Timmy with a smile and he is still staring at us, shock written all over his face.
I don’t know what crosses his mind, but his smile turns in a grin when he focuses on Harry. “Nice to meet you, Harry,” he says shaking the hand of the other boy. Then he looks at me, that grin still on his face. “So this is the boy…” he whispers and my eyes widen in shock and horror.
“Timmy!” I whine and he laughs. Harry looks confused.
“It’s okay. Well, these are the crops so now you know all the vegetables you eat are fresh and grown here. The best of the best, am I right?” Timmy speaks easily. “Anyways, I have to go back to work. Take care of her, okay?” he addresses Harry.
“Will do,” Harry immediately replies and they look at each other, communicating in a way I don’t understand.
Then Timmy turns to work on the truck again and Harry smiles at me, but there’s something different in his eyes.
“Let’s go back?” he suggests and I nod, really wanting to get out of here. It’s getting weird.
-:-:-
Dedication to @PenofaPhoenix for liking the previous chapter so much and appreciating it.
Bel, xx
NU: Friday