Age: 19
Location: College
Today Kellin and I are starting college together. We've spent almost every day of summer together. When I woke up the night after I tried to kiss Kellin while being drunk I felt ashamed at first as I remembered what I had done. I was also scared of what Kellin's reaction would be, would he scold me when I was sober enough for it? Luckily he didn't. He was a bit annoyed that I ruined any possible chance he had of getting together with Oli but soon forgot about it as he started to tease me instead. Doing so by imitating me by whining about how kissable he is and making kisses noises afterwards.
Anyhow, I was just glad that things didn't get awkward as I feared they would. Kellin was just laughing like an idiot about my idiotic behavior.
Now here we are after a great summer break, standing in the college we'll spend the upcoming years of our lives in. We're in a big room where a gathering is being held for everyone who's new to the school. We'll get some information about the place and find out what dorm number we have. This school if freaking awesome as they let you wish for someone to share with if you know someone who goes to the same college so obviously Kellin and I wished for each other.
Once the principal arrives everyone goes quiet and listen to her. What she says isn't very interesting, just the usual information you get at any school when you're new. After the information is done everyone is off to register in the reception and also get the key to their dorm room.
I grab Kellin's hand, pulling him with me so that we are one of the first people in line. Once we're standing there I let him stand in front of me and rest my head against his shoulder. The line slowly but surely gets shorter and soon enough it's our turn to get our keys.
"Kellin Quinn" Kellin speaks, and the lady types his name into her computer before digging through her drawers and handing him the key.
"Victor Fuentes" I say as Kellin steps a bit to the side so that I can step forward, cringing at my full name as I say it. I hate being called Victor. The lady types away at her computer again before handing me the key that has the same number carved into it as Kellin's.
"Oh and boys. According to the school policy no sexual intercourse are accepted. Though we are aware that no one follows this but since you're sharing a dorm and all just... be careful, try not to disturb others"
I look at her for a long time, not understanding at all what she's aiming at. I look over at Kellin to see if he gets it and find him blushing like crazy. Oh, wait..
"Wait, no no. Um, we're not dating" I explain to the lady, trying to make the situation less awkward. Though I'm not sure I succeed very well.
"Oh, really? Sorry I just thought, you know you just looked so close, with your head resting on his shoulder and everything" She explains, starting to blush as well. I notice that a few other students who were behind us in the line is listening to what we're talking about, some of them giggling about the whole thing.
I decide that the best thing is to do is get out of there as quick as possible and pick up my bag before I walk over to Kellin who had already walked a bit further away. I'm about to place my hand on the small of his back but stop myself in the last second as I realize that it will only make the people who are still looking at us giggle even more about it. Instead I just walk up besides him before we both make our way to the stairs and eventually to our dorm.
Age: 19
Location: College dorm
"Oh my gosh look how cozy it is in here!" Kellin beams as we enter the dorm. It's not very big but it is definitely cozy like he said. Everything except for the bathroom is together like one big room, not giving that much privacy to be honest but to me it doesn't matter. Kellin and I have known each other for years. If someone would complain it should be those who have to share with someone that they don't even know.
"Yeah.." I mumble as I look around the room.
It looks very basic and boring, I guess that maybe you can decorate it a bit yourself if you want to. The walls are a light creamy color and the furniture all have basic colors as well. There's a small space that works as a kitchen that also has two chairs in front of each other at either side of a small dining table.
The couch is a dark grey color that makes it appear as black and holds some pillows in the same creamy color as the walls. The bed's aren't too big but big enough for one person to fit. Luckily for Kellin and I, we're both small so I guess that's a plus in this situation.
"College is gonna be great, I've decided that now" Kellin says, a satisfied smile on his lips as he plops down on one of the beds.
"And I guess this bed is mine now" I chuckle sitting down on the other one.
"Yup, but seriously aren't you also excited for college Viccy"
"Firstly, yeah sure I am. Secondly, shut the fuck up and stop calling me Viccy. You've been annoying me with that all summer" It's true. During the entire summer break Kellin and Mike had been calling me Viccy. I don't think they actually called me Vic once, it was alway that damn Viccy.
"Fiine. Now when school is starting again I'll agree to call you Vic, though the next time we're on break it's back to Viccy" Kellin smiles and giggles as I groan in annoyance.
Age: 19
Location: College dorm
It's been three months since Kellin and I started college and most of it has been great. One thing though that happened a bit over a month ago was not so very great. At least not in my opinion.
It was one night that Kellin hadn't gotten back to the dorm. Usually we would come back right after our classes were done for the day, and if not we would at least send a message. This time he hadn't. I had begun worrying about him, sending a bunch of texts. Just as I was about to call Kellin he had walked into the dorm.
*
I stand up from the couch as Kellin comes skipping happily into the room, not seeming to notice the way I'm looking at him strictly. He plops down on the couch next to me, opening his mouth as he's about to say something. Though he notices my look and closes his mouth again, looking at me with such an innocently confused look I have a tough time to keep being bothered with him.
"Where the hell have you been??" I question, my voice loud. A bit louder than Kellin seemed to be ready for it seems as he shrugs away a bit from me.
"Um, that was what I was about to tell you.. I met someone"
I notice that I totally drop the strict demeanor as I just look at Kellin in shock and sadness, he met someone?
"You, you met someone? Who?"
"His name is Justin.." Kellin begins but I don't let him finish as I interrupt him.
"Isn't that like the worse fuckboy name ever?"
"No, shut up. He seems really cool, he's hot, gay and is showing interest in me. We hung out and I didn't think you'd be all mad about me being away for a couple of hours so that's why I didn't check my phone"
"I'm not mad! I was just fucking worried. We don't know all the people here yet. You could have been gotten beat up for all I knew" I say, still with a loud tone that maybe doesn't make it seem so believable when I say I'm not mad.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry. Can you please just not shout, you're kind of scaring me" Kellin asks quietly. I look over at him and realize that he has moved so that he's further away from me and is covering away from me. The guilty feeling hits me like a train as I realize how rude I was being and the fact that it scared Kellin makes me feel like shit.
"Shit Kels I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you" I say, carefully moving closer to him.
I should have thought more about how loud I was being before. I know how sensitive Kellin is to people yelling. He gets extreme anxiety about it and feels like he's an awful person. He really can't handle someone being mad at him and screaming at him. There's been many times when a teacher has raised their voice at him just a bit but it has still been enough for him to run out of the classroom in panic leaving me to chase after him and comfort the boy.
When Kellin doesn't move further away as I get closer to him I open my arms up for him. He looks up at me and I give him my best puppy eyes, hoping he'll forgive me. A sad smile takes place on Kellin's lips before he crawls onto my lap, full on straddling me as he wraps his arms around my neck.
I wrap my arm tightly around his waist, holding him as close to me as possible. I try to enjoy this moment to the fullest considering what Kellin just told me. If he and Justin are hitting it off it's not impossible for them to become boyfriends soon. I also know that Kellin doesn't want to stay a virgin for much longer and is determined to find someone that he wants to loose it to. The thought of someone else having Kellin's body in that way makes me sick. I should accept it, let them be happy together but I know myself. I know how hopeless I am. I know I can't let it be like that. If they get together, I must find a way to separate them.
Yes, I sound pshyco I know I know. But calm down I'm not actually. I was just an idiotic teenager in love, which now that I think about it may actually be pretty similar to pshyco...
*
Back then I said to myself I was going to break them up if they got together, and now they were an official couple. The reason why it has been a month since they got together and I haven't done anything yet is because I haven't found a way yet. Up until yesterday, when I found out that Justin is cheating.
Mike's roommate, I think his name is Jack Fower or something like that had been the reason we found out. He said he was going over somewhere and wouldn't be back until late. My brother being him obviously teased him about if he was seeing his boyfriend. What Mike didn't expect was the answer he got.
Jack told him that they weren't exactly boyfriends, more like friends with benefits. He also happened to mention his name was Justin. Considering Mike knew Kellin was dating a guy named Justin he asked for last name and could easily put the pieces together.
Justin and Kellin were an official couple. They haven't had sex yet though since Kellin is still a virgin and don't want to rush it. Something Justin had a habit of complaining about. So he must have gotten impatient about waiting for sex and gotten himself a fuck buddy. All while he still pretended to be a sweetheart around Kellin.
Kellin has to know about this. I know it'll hurt like hell for him to find out that his boyfriend is cheating on him but he will find out one day. I'd actually rather have him find out after being in the relationship for only a short period of time instead of falling deeply in love with Justin and then finding out he's been cheating the whole time.
Yet I can't trust my own judgement about this issue. I can't trust myself that it's the right thing to do. I've been in love with Kellin for so long, I don't know how to think logical around him. Maybe I just think it's the right thing to do because I don't want Kellin to date Justin.
My thoughts get interrupted as the door to the dorm suddenly opens and in comes Kellin. I was expecting him to just come in and ask why I looked like a zombie of some kind. What I didn't expect to see were the tears falling down his cheeks.
I sit up in bed immediately as he enters, meanwhile Kellin doesn't really seem to notice me being in the room. He slams the door shut before leaning back against it, allowing himself to slide down to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest.
"Kels? Kels what happened?" I ask carefully, getting up from the bed and coming over to him. I crouch down in front of Kellin, gentlly placing my hand on his knee.
A heartbreaking sob escapes from his lips as he finally looks up and meets my gaze. When he does so I can feel my heart breaking further. His eyes are red and puffy due to the crying and his cheeks are covered with tears that are still falling from his eyes.
"Justin happened. I went to his room because I thought I could go there without telling him first. We haven't seen each other that much lately because we've both been busy so I wanted it to be a surprise." He starts off but he gets interrupted by his own sob.
"Hey, come here. You can finish the story on a softer surface" I tell him, standing up and reaching my hand out for him to take. He doesn't. Instead he stays where he is and just looks up at me with a pleading look. It takes me a while to figure out what he wants but eventually I get it.
I bend down, hooking my arm under his knees and Kellin wraps his own arms around my neck. With some difficulties I manage to pick him up, carrying him bridal style over to his bed where I sit down. Kellin scoots up a bit from where he's now sitting in my lap and drags his small fingers down my forearm, pulling a bit at the hairs that grow there.
I try not reading into the situation too much. Even if I feel like this usually is something you do with a person you're dating it doesn't have to be that way, right? Kellin is just vulnerable right now, meaning he craves closeness. I need to remind myself, Kellin is just a close kind of person.
"Justin was in bed with another guy, Jack I think. At first I didn't know what to say I just froze completely. When I started scolding him about it he tried blaming it on me. He said that since I was such a prude and wouldn't let him fuck me I should have understood he would find someone else to fuck in the meantime" Kellin tells me. Since I already knew that Justin was cheating on him I wasn't too surprised. The last thing did surprise me though, but mostly it angered me.
Okay, Vic. This is not the time to get angry. This is the time to be there for Kellin and support him, no matter how bad you want to hurt Justin in the moment.
"I'm really sorry Kels, I know you really liked him" I mumble.
"I just keep thinking, what if he's right? I mean I said so myself, I want to lose my virginity. Maybe if I hadn't told him I wanted to wait for so long then he wouldn't have gotten tired of waiting for me and wouldn't have cheated.." The boy in my lap says sadly.
I gently move one of my hands to Kellin's face, holding his chin in a gentle grip.
"Kels listen to me. I'm your best friend and I am not going to let you blame yourself for this. Justin is the one in the wrong here, not you. You haven't done anything wrong, okay? I'm thankful as fuck that you didn't sleep with him okay. Would you really have wanted to lose your virginity to that asshole who's only been using you this last month. Dating you while hooking up with someone else until he could take your virginty? Would you really have wanted that?"
New tears well up in Kellin's eyes making the guilt build up in me, shit. I didn't even realize I was raising my voice at him until it was too late, I have got to stop doing that to him.
"Shit I'm sorry Kels, I'm so sorry. Damn it I have got to stop doing that shit" I mumble to both him and myself. Kellin readjust himself in my embrace and at first I think he's going to get off of me.
I release my arms around him so he'll be free to do so but instead Kellin just readjust his position so he's straddling me, his arms still wrapped tightly around my neck. He buries his head in my neck and stay like that for a long time and I eventually wrap my arms around him.
He mumbles something into my neck that is pretty much impossible to make out what he's saying.
"Huh?" I question him and Kellin removes his head from my neck to look at me instead. He wipes some tears from his eyes before repeating his question.
"Can you sleep with me tonight?" He asks me. My eyes widen as I totally misunderstand what he means and start stumbling over my words.
"Kels, what -um. I know you're hurt but I'm not gonna take advantage of that and - um" My fumbling gets interrupted by Kellin who's started giggling at me.
"Not that way idiot. I just meant in my bed, next to me. Jeez Vic I want you to be beside me, not inside me" He says, still giggling as I feel my cheeks heating up from embarrassment. That was smooth of me.
"Oh, right.. Of course" I mumble, my cheeks still red from embarrassment as I crawl into Kellin's bed with him. Feeling like I have to take the opportunity to do so I scoot closer to Kellin so that we're lying close together. Though I didn't have to do anything myself to be close to Kellin as he all by himself rolls over so that his head is on my chest and his leg is draped across my lower stomach. And in that position, tangled up in each other, we soon fall asleep.
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