I tried so hard to stay focused on the road, the sky dissolved into the gloomy clouds, the color of the dim lit green of trees rested. But all I could see was him.
Mr. Vervain had his fingers wrapped around my own.
"Are we something Mr. Vervain," I said quietly. I looked straight ahead and imagined the way his voice touched me.
"When I tell you to call me Michael, what do you think I'm suggesting?"
"I don't want to respond. I get carried away when you say things like that," I said.
"Get carried away" Mr. Vervain held me firmly, an indication that he didn't want to let me go.
"My thoughts always lead to one thing, that your mine," The tone of my voice addressed the emotional turmoil I felt.
"I'm yours Aster" He said. "But are you mine?" I sighed. Confronted with the reality of intertwining my life with his. My tainted life.
"You don't want someone so bruised."
"What if that's exactly what I want?" He stopped his car in front of his home.
"What if your bruises reflect mine" His brown eyes stared at me, like a tsunami that waited for the right moment to unleash.
"Is that what you want" The beat of my heart escalated, from fear of rejection, from fear of consumption.
"I don't even want to put your pieces back together. I just want to heal them" Mr. Vervain replied earnestly.
"My parents.. they still exist. And everything else that comes along with them" I sighed, pain resonated within me.
"I won't allow you to return. I won't" He affirmed.
"I have no choice. I have no home. This-" I pointed between us, "isn't even legal"
"I'm your home" Mr. Vervain softly spoke. It relented the broken pieces.
"When do you turn 18?"
I thought about the torture I was inflicted with every time the Friday of the 2nd passed.
"In a month" tear drops streamed down involuntarily. "You don't know my story"
"Let me in Aster. Please" His voice pleaded.
I sighed. All thoughts of what we lived today vanished into thin air.
"You can't do anything about it" What if he can? My inner voice urged me to think rationally, but reality kept creeping up, like always.
"Let's go inside." I said, giving up. I needed to cherish every moment we had, I don't know what Friday would bring, but it never brought anything good. I had to live through this trauma every passing week.
"No. You're not going to enter until you tell me your story" Mr. Vervain released his hand from mine and backed away. Readjusting his position and directly faced me. He was angry, but I didn't blame him.
"Don't you know what you mean to me? You're the only definition of meaning in my life" I sighed, "Don't push me"
"You're pushing me away Aster! For crying out loud your driving me insane and you don't know it" He gripped his hair. Mr. Vervain looked clustered and his demeanor perished, it unshackled his control.
"I'm sorry. You have to accept me for who I am" I said, my anger surfaced as his did.
"I do, that's the point. I accept all of you. Let. Me. In."
"No"
"Aster"
"No"
"Aster I love you!" Mr. Vervains' voice rose. It penetrated both my ear dum and my heart in the process.