(Original)
Lass uns laufen/ Wenn die Dunkelheit kommt/ Irgendwo hat unsere Zukunft/ Begonnen/ Hinterm Horizont/ Oh/ Lass uns laufen/ Bis die Nacht sich erhellt/ Und bis der letzte Regen/ Der Welt/ Über uns zerfällt
(English)
They're telling me/ It's beautiful/ I believe them/ But will I ever know/ The world behind my wall/ Oh/ The sun will shine/ Like never before/ One day I will be/ Ready to go/ See the world behind my wall- Tokio Hotel- Lass uns Laufen
Ch 5
June 16, 2010
The sun burned down with the heat of the day. Alone again, I thought, just like the last couple days. With the heat came a warm breeze, but it gave me no relief of the sun. There was no shade I could hide behind. Though the trees that covered the yard created a forest on the edge of our property, I found myself too lazy to pick myself off of the wooden bench that creaked with the gentle push of my feet off the ground.
A journal lay in my hands, yet my jumble of thoughts didn't make sense as they formed words. Anyway I'd have to interpret them later if I did. I had the urge to pluck a few strings of my acoustic guitar sitting near my bed inside to see if any catchy phrase came to mind. But again the laziness took a stronger hold.
The patio door swung open. "Sephora," mum said, "I'm leaving for a bit."
"Alright."
Without much more conversation, I waited to hear the roar of her engine before slipping inside the house, holding secrets. For mum, this could've been any normal day, but for me, I was breaking the barrier my mind had built. Sounds funny, doesn't it? But it's like there's a safe inside my mind that is confining information I wanted, as if the truth might hurt.
Time was valuable in searching beyond the limits of what's hidden and what's available. If I had seen it before, most likely wouldn't help in this case of digging into the past. Mum rarely opened up about this Kaulitz guy, who was my father.
Usually I wouldn't mind asking just for some paper work of whomever I wanted to know about, especially if it was family. But I'd rather not involve mum who may get hurt in the process. It was on the impulse of curiosity, I've been holding back on the search for longer than I remember. When questions are left unanswered, some people feel the need to pry at the past, but I put it off believing that at some point they would answer themselves. When mum was strong enough, she'd lay the cards flat on the table. No tricks, no spells, no shadowed cards. But that day never came. After years of hiding, I thought I could forget about him, but he plagued my mind. At least he now had a name rather than a nameless, faceless person who left all those years ago.
Locked drawers lined a cabinet, which sat against the wall of mum's room. Knowing it had always been awaiting the day of its opening, I decided that I had to know the secrets they contained. Now. My attempts to crack the lock failed miserably leading me nowhere in the search. Now where would mum hide keys? Somewhere safe, but also somewhere where she wouldn't forget their location.
Walking over to her armoire, filled with never worn jewelry, I carefully peered and scrounged each compartment. But before closing each chamber, I rearranged the items to their original position. The last thing that needed to happen was mum finding out about my exploratory activities.
Kindling guilt began to surface, bringing me back to days in my younger years when I tried to find this exact information without a name. Though I'm twenty, I could undoubtedly say I've never grown out of the beginning of teenage years. I've always let curiosity guide me, no matter what the age or what trouble it found me in. And now, I acted purely on spur of the moment.
Forget the key, I thought. I unpinned a bobby pin from my bangs and they slid in front of my eyes. My fingers twirled the free hair that was already annoying me.
After examining the key hole, I wiggled the pin in to lock. Few times had I ever picked a lock, but that didn't stop me. A click.
A rattle beneath the floor, I assumed on the first level, caused meto freeze in place. Pushing the drawer shut, I forced myself to steady my breaths and my racing heart. What was my cover for being in mum's room? I could be looking for a book. I could be trying to find inspiration for-
Footsteps echoed up the stairs. With mum's room at the end of the hallway there would be no escape. Think more rationally. Why would you come into mum's room?
"Sephora," a voice called from the other side of the door.
I pulled in a breath, slowly exhaling. All I knew is the voice wasn't mum's, although I couldn't place it exactly as it became muffled by the door. "In here," I stated. My voice quavered though, and I tried to settle nerves falling into my stomach.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Well I could ask you the same question," I replied.
"I did call," Adileigh responded.
A thought popped into my head in a split second. "I was actually looking for my phone."
"Sure. Your phone was sitting on your desk right inside you bedroom door. I'm not stupid."
"You are a blonde," I pointed out.
"Hey there! I'm not the dumb one."
"Ok. You caught me. It's just that the curiosity is overwhelming. I haven't meddled in this subject for six years, but it's time for me to know the truth."
"You're not the only one who's been anxious to find out who the guy is."
"I gave up looking for a key. But before you interrupted I did pick the lock." I pointed to the corner as I had moved since Adileigh entered the room.
"Well open it."
It's a haunting feeling, not knowing what lay behind the lock. But if there was no important information why would it be locked? There was definitely some secrets that mum didn't want to confront.
Sitting back on the floor, I picked the lock on the bottom drawer again. Unused rusty metal scratched against other rusty metal.
File folders of different colors were assorted throughout larger file folders. I skimmed the names of each reaching farther back. None read as important. Slamming the drawer uneasily, I pushed myself onto my knees.
Unlocking the drawer above the last, I found yet again more file folders. Still there was nothing to catch my interest. What was I expecting to find? I stood up. If my answers were not in the "locked" file cabinet where could they be?
I stood up.
"We should go talk to my mom. They were high school friends weren't they?" Adileigh asked causing me to be distracted from my movements.
"From what I've been told," I replied.
Adileigh stood, carefully measuring her steps to the sealed file cabinet. Taking one last glance she moved toward the door, but not before her head snapped back around. As if she saw something from the corner of her eye, she bent down to ground level right next to my feet. There wasn't any room for a hand to fit between the wall and the cabinet. Although she tried to wedge her fingers through, there had to be something, maybe a hint, a lead of some sort.
"Help me move this," she finally questioned, stated, I'm not sure, but I bent down to retrieve whatever may have been hidden anyway.
The scraping of metal against wood didn't sound pleasant as we literally shoved the cabinet a few extra inches from the wall.
A white paper with Kodak printed in light gray was easily noticeable. A picture, of course, and as I turned it over, a small girl with strait brown hair, no older than two, smiled back at me. She was sitting on the lap of a woman. Posed in a laughing smile, the woman's head turned behind the chair to looking into the eyes of a man. He gently had placed his arms around her neck in a lovable manner. Yet it was shadowed by a tree shading the family.
I stared in shock.
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Hey!!
It's only been a week and it's felt like forever. Sorry for not uploading sooner. I had it planned out and had a goal on uploading last Monday night as I had 3/4 of the chapter written last Sunday, but I couldnt find the energy to stay up and write on Monday or the rest of the week for that matter. I hope you enjoyed and soon I should begin writing the next chapter.
I'm enjoying writing this story and maybe I'll actually finish writing it. :) I know this is a little slow but things need to be introduced. I swear after chapter 6, the plot actually starts moving.
Until next time-
Midnightriter <3