P h o t o #12 - The Boldness Of A Nervous Girl
~Emma's POV~
The rusty bells that sat atop the door jingled as Cooper made his way outside. I stared at the glass doorway not too long after the door had shut, taking in the faint smell of coffee mixed with a cold breeze that wafted up into my nostrils. I thought for a moment, 'Maybe he caught a cold. It is pretty frigid outside for the middle of September.'
Thinking back on what just happened made a small smile appear on my lips. It was weird how just ten minutes ago I was dejected, feeling like dumbbells were weighing on my shoulders, but then just some words from Cooper, all flustered and trying his best to tell me what I needed to know, brought my spirits up just a bit. I was touched. It was like his outburst had finally pushed some sense into my brain. So, I couldn't help but laugh at our switched behavior.
Laughter. Who would've thought I would laugh like that again. A defense mechanism I hadn't used in a long time seemed to surface in me. Even though this time, I'm not too sure I was using it for defense.
'Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have run away in tears like that while making assumptions. How embarrassing. I didn't even let myself hear them out.' I took a sip of my coffee and nodded to myself, reevaluating some more, noticing how long it's been since I've dealt with a situation like this and wondering how I could forget the most basic rules of socialization after all these years. But after thinking a bit, my thoughts began to take a toll on me. I looked down at my lap.'What if she's mad? I mean, what if this is her way to tell me that she dosn't want me doing this?'
I shook my head as the thought passed, not wanting to have another mental conflict with myself all over again. I had already taken my fourth blue pill of the day, doing this to myself would only make it worse. Actually I was quite thankful Cooper had bought me coffee. It took away some of the nauseating pins and needles feeling.
I stood up from my chair, a squeaking noise coming from the friction of the floor. Cooper's coffee felt like a warm candle flame in my hand as I grabbed it, glancing at the spot where he had left it steaming on the table across from me. Grasping two warm coffees in my hand, feeling the warmth seep threw the cup touch my fingers, I threw a small smile at the baristas as an apology for Cooper's actions and with that made my way out of the coffee shop.
I was hit with a big pocket of chilly wind, making me shiver and grip the coffees a bit tighter. I opened my eyes after involuntarily closing them when the wind struck me. Once my brown eyes focused behind my glasses, I saw Cooper pacing around his car, muttering to himself.
'He must not know where he can go to buy cold medicine or something.' I thought, thinking that could be the only reason why he seemed so jittery. He must not know that I pretty much have our town mapped out to a tee after the embarrassment of not knowing the directions to my house the day I met the four guys.
I walked up to him, seeming to interrupt his debate with himself. "Uh, Cooper?" I looked up at the boy.
He almost jumped two feet into the air. "Emmy! What are you doing out here?!"
I gave him a questioned look. "You brought me here. Look," I said, chuckling under my breath. "If you needed help trying to figure out how to get cold medicine you could have asked me. There's a drug store by my house."
It was his turn to give me a questioned look, but he quickly masked it with his usual smile and put a hand behind his neck. "Ah, no. I'm fine now. Don't worry."
"Hmm." My look turned pointed, but I just decided not to ask any further questions as I stuffed my chilled hands in my pockets. "Alright. Well, if we don't have to go to the drug store, do you mind taking me to see Elliot?"
Cooper looked down at me, confused as to why I said that. "What?"
***
"I can't believe school is already over." I repeatedly hit my head against the dashboard, thinking of how badly my punishment will be from my grandmother. It never even dawned on me to check the time, and school had completely slipped my mind. By the time we jumped back into the car and my eyes rested on the digital clock next to the radio, three hours had already passed. We had just missed them, since school had just let out.
Cooper grabbed my shoulder and halted me before I could hit my head again. "Emmy, it's okay! Really, the other three probably told the office you went home sick. So they won't punish you or anything." The boy sloppily tried to make me feel better.
I looked up at him, immediately feeling relief. "Really?"
He immediately removed his hand from my shoulder and focused himself on the road as we turned out of the empty school parking lot. "Y...Yeah, of course." He stuttered.
I turned my eyes to the road, looking at the autumn scenery. 'Oh, how I would love to take a picture of the scenery at the school...I miss passing the time that way...' I remembered how my camera broke the day I met the boys. With this memory fresh in my mind, I suddenly felt a bit annoyed. 'Wait! This is no time to be getting angry at something I can't help! The past is the past, and besides, you're saving up for a new camera anyways! Keep your mind on what's important!' I slapped my hands on my cheeks, making the thoughts go away.
Cooper seemed to notice my actions. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" I realized my hands were still on my now pink cheeks from all of the slapping. "Oh! Totally fine." I dismissed the subject.
The rest of the car ride was ridden in an awkward silence, which was definitely something different, because when I was with Cooper there was usually never a silent moment. I went back to staring out the window, looking at all of the oranges, yellows, and light browns that caked the city. Before I knew it, we were pulling through the large gate that surrounded Cooper's house, which resembled more of a mansion.
"Do you guys all just hang around at your house after school?" I gave him a look as I unclipped my seatbelt and hopped out of the passenger's seat.
Cooper thought for a moment, then answered. "Pretty much." For a moment, I thought his smile was almost sad, but suddenly it was masked once again. I decided I shouldn't pry if he didn't want to tell me.
We walked towards the large creamy brown doors and stopped at the top of the steps. I took a deep breath as Cooper buzzed us in. I wanted to clear my head so I didn't jumble up my words when I talked to Elliot. In all honesty, I was a bit nervous. I hadn't really had a fight with someone I considered a friend in a long time.
I blinked, wondering why old memories would come to mind at a time like this. I needed to focus on what was important. As soon as the doors opened to the large house, I bolted straight in, wanting to immediately take action.
I wanted this petty feud to be over with.
"Is Elliot here?" I asked, holding myself up by the side of the kitchen door, my breath coming in pockets of damp air.
The first eyes I saw belonged to Parker and Jonas, both wide with a drop of surprise. My vision then turned to Elliot, who's tense back was facing me as he set down the orange soda two liter bottle he was pouring into a cup on the marble counter.
My eyes filled with hope. "Elliot-"
"I don't have anything to say to you." He mumbled, not even turning to face me.
All the hope that had just built up deflated with a single sentence, and was replaced by an ounce of fury. I ran up to the bratty teen and yanked him by the back of his gray designer long-sleeved shirt. "Oh, hell no. You're coming with me!" I yelled at Elliot, who's eyes were as wide as saucers when he finally turned in my direction, more brown than green as his pupils dilated. The other three boys were just as shocked in my peripheral vision.
Oh angry Emma, how I've missed you so. You were always a part of the ever-so-stickly Emma.
I yanked the tall boy out of the kitchen and into the winding light beige hallway, where we finally had our privacy to talk out the problem that wedged it's way between us. Between whatever kind of relationship we had with each other.
As Elliot and I stood in the hallway, we took in each others features. I realized that Elliot looked even worse than he did before. His eyes were bloodshot and darkly rimmed, the dark tufts of hair on his head were still tangled together in what mimicked a rat's nest, and his usually snarky disposition was completely dissolved into what now seemed to be just utter aloofness. Thinking about it now, though, I probably didn't look too hot either.
At this point I was ready to say what I needed to. "Look, Elliot. I'm sorry for making assumptions. I shouldn't have run away back there. I-"
"Why the hell are you apologizing?" Elliot cut me off, his face covered by his sloppy bangs. From what I could see, the look on his face was one I had never seen before, one I wasn't expecting from him at all. Defeat. I didn't say anything, because I was wondering myself why I was apologizing. After not getting a response from me, Elliot went on. "Didn't you hear what I said? I said some pretty cruel things. I should be the one apologizing. I can't believe I let myself lose my cool there."
"...Why did you say it then?" I asked after a pause, genuinely confused as to why he would say what he did back at the school.
"I've been stressed." He admitted. The air was still for a moment, surrounding us like a protective blanket. All of a sudden he stomped his foot like a child, making my back straighten up a bit in shock. "I know that shouldn't be an excuse. I know." He groaned as he searched for the right words, "You see...some people are like Cooper, they can tell you anything and everything on their mind without a damn second thought. And they won't even have time to think about regretting it either because they're so quick paced about it. But some people are like me, who aren't good with the whole 'speaking up about every little thing bouncing around in your head'. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry. Alright?" He paused once again, this time looking me in the eyes, "I'm really sorry, Emma."
Staring at Elliot's beet red face, I couldn't hold back what I was about to do, even if I knew it would come off as a bit rude. I laughed. It started slowly, but then molded into a smooth, relieved laugh. How relieved I was at that moment broke through the still air.
Elliot stared at me, astonished. He probably didn't expect me to suddenly laugh in his face in such an out-of-character manner. Really, uncharacteristic laughing seemed to be finding its way through me a lot lately.
Once I finally calmed myself down, I was able to meet the eyes that never left mine. I gazed at him for a moment, realizing just how much better I, myself, had been feeling since the day I had met these boys in more ways than one. At first I didn't want to admit it, but then I knew that I could consider them as genuine friends, even though our friendship had it's issues. Friendships weren't meant to be perfect. There will be fighting, crying, yelling, and the almighty drama, of course. But there will be upsides to the problems, surely more upsides than the down altogether. I had forgotten that these upsides were what made the downsides worth going through, and after the issues are resolved, the upsides would come on ten times stronger. I was glad that these boys were the ones to invite friendship back into my life after so many years of shutting it out.
My head then went to how much I had changed just in these short two months that I've known these boys. At the time of my first day of senior year, I had planned to stay as far away from people as possible, as I did any other year. I was going to stick with my camera and computer and shut everyone out as always. I was an introvert, and still am to some extent, I'd guess. But these few weeks have changed my whole demeanor and outlook on things. Now I'm actually glad to see these boys everyday. We may have had small fights or petty arguments when our opinions clashed, but in the end we've pulled through. My grandmother had even pointed out how much better I had been doing lately.
I hadn't even realized that my old self was showing it's true colors again. Oh, how much I have changed.
I smiled up at him after this revelation. Elliot continued to just stare down at me, still confused by the silence that laced the atmosphere in the hallway. Finally, he decided to break the silence then. "Uhh, so, what do you say?"
"Hm?" I asked, now my turn to be confused once brought back to reality.
"D-Do you accept my apology or what?" Elliot inquired, a bit irritated. He was already becoming his old self again.
I couldn't help but smile at how awful he was at apologizing. "I guess I do."
"Really?" Elliot pressed on, still not convinced. He probably still thought I was in stickler mode. You'd think with his wealth and popularity he'd have a bit more smarts in this category than most.
I nodded, then started heading back towards the kitchen door. Suddenly coming to a halt, I remembered one last thing I wanted to say to the bewildered boy. "You know, Elliot," I began, catching his attention from his dazed daydreaming look. "You never said hate, did you? So that just means dislike." I stopped to turn and face him, his face still showing uncertainty at my words. I grinned at that. I had gotten him there. "So that just means I have to turn your dislike into like, right?"
I turned back around, leaving him with those last, bold words I had just uttered. I was actually proud of myself for once. I actually had a smidge of confidence! For the first time in years I actually felt good about myself! The smile on my face couldn't be doused at that moment, I was just too happy with myself. That was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time, either.
And finally, I made my way into the kitchen, my last thoughts lingering on how much I really had to thank these boys for.