I woke up early Monday morning after an uneventful Sunday and a sleepless night. I had been rolling around in bed all night worried about starting school the next day.
It took me a long time to decide what to do. Do the girls wear make-up? How much is even allowed? I decided a little foundation and mascara would be okay and threw on my uniform. The blazer fit nice enough but I couldn't deny that the skirt was firstly way too long, and secondly, it looked like a sack on me.
I groaned at the thought of looking lame on my first day.
Sharon dropped me off and I stepped out the car and onto the steps of Saint Josephine's Catholic School. It looked like any other high-school with its big glass doors open to the steady stream of students flooding in. Sharon drove off and I suddenly felt naked in my new uniform.
"Alex!" a high voice cried out.
I span around and Shae ran toward me from one of the busses. Her dark hair was curled into tight ringlets and cascaded down her dark skin. She looked gorgeous as her legs loped across the yard to me. I was definitely underdressed.
"So Mr. McFarlane didn't kill you?" she giggled.
"I smiled back to her and pushed the stray hairs from my face, "nah, they were asleep when I got home."
"You're lucky," she said. "my Mum was crazy in the car. She kept screaming at us like it was out fault."
The morning bell rang out and she grabbed my arm, "c'mon we'll be late."
She dragged me up the stairs before I managed to tell her I still didn't have a timetable.
"Oh, that's cool, you'll have to go see Principle Murphy. I'll take you."
She dragged me down the hallway past the admin office to a plain wooden door that reminded me of Ms. Bernstein. I shuddered at the memory as she told me to knock and wait. She disappeared after that and left me alone in the sterile white hall of the school.
The door creaked open and a portly man came out. He was dressed well and carried an aged smile and warm eyes underneath his pale skin and balding head.
"Miss McFarlane, I'm guessing," he said and gestured me in.
His white desk was covered in papers sprawled out everywhere around his computer screen. He sat down heavy behind his desk and I noticed the old gold plaque that read "Mr. Murphy" next to a few family photos of himself and what must have been his greying wife.
I sat down opposite him and cleared my throat.
"Umm... I think it should have been Alexandra Nicolson."
He slipped on his half-glasses and hummed as he went through the papers. His eyes kept darting from my face to the papers and back to my face again making me feel like he was studying me.
"Hmm... Miss Nicolson... Oh, I see it now," he said as though a memory had suddenly reemerged from the depths of his subconscious. "It says here that Nicolson was your pre-adoptive name which was legally changed to McFarlane."
My heart sank at the thought of losing the last ounce of my identity and he must have seen it on my face.
"We can change it for you, but it would be unofficial."
"Yes, please," I smiled.
He was nice, I could feel the kindness radiating off of him and he made me feel welcome.
"It's hard starting a new school isn't it, Alexandra?" he asked with his slow intonation. "Do you prefer Alex or Alexandra?"
"Alex, please."
"Okay," he said jotting a note down on the paper. "Here is your timetable. I'll walk you to your first class... looks like it's Latin with Ms. Ross."
He guided me back to the main hall and talked as he went.
"It's probably best for you to just slide right in and hit the ground running. But if you have any issues you know where to find me, okay?"
He swung a door open and marched right into a class with the old teacher mid-way through a sentence.
"Sorry to disturb, Ms. Ross. You have a new addition to your students."
He ushered me in and my heart raced as I looked out to a sea of people staring at me. I recognised Jemma at the back almost immediately, she had leant over to another girl and the pair were giggling.
The principle moved close to Ms. Ross and the two began to whisper back and forward. I caught the word her eyes but the rest was lost as the class began to murmur.
"Please make Alex welcome everyone," Mr. Murphy said as he stepped back out and closed the door with a heavy click.
I looked back to Ms. Ross and she studied me with eagle eyes and a malicious smile. She only stood up to my shoulders but had a presence about her that made me shrink.
"Well," she began with a croaky voice, "if you don't want to take a seat, maybe you would prefer to teach?"
The class began to laugh and my heart filled with panic. I looked around for a friendly face and found Bailey by the far window. It must have been some stroke of good luck that the seat between her and the window was free. I got myself to her as fast as I could and Ms. Ross began to drone on about something called second declension nouns. I pulled my books out but honestly, I had no idea what she was talking about as she began listing words like dominus and deus on the board.
Bailey gave me the look of your-an-idiot as she made perfect notes in square grids for all these weird word endings and my mind began to wander. It was a sunny winter day outside and I watched the birds swoop and play in the car park. A low rumble caught my attention and I watched a motorbike pull up into the school. Whoever it was, was definitely not in any rush. I watched him pull off the helmet and shake his long black hair before looking up and making eyes with me. It was Seth.
"Alex!" came the harsh call of Ms. Ross. "I didn't know you were a Latin scholar."
I turned my head back to her and shook it from side to side.
"Well you must be," she prowled up the aisle of desks until she was opposite me, "because whatever is outside is clearly more interesting than my class."
The students all turned their head to look and saw Seth swaggering up the path to the school's entrance. The whispers and giggles were obvious and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.
"Decline deus for the rest of the class, please." She ordered as she marched back to the front.
I looked at the board with wide eyes and couldn't make sense of any of the notes she had put up with her shaky handwriting.
"Today please," she beckoned.
I heard Bailey sigh next to me and point to a grid in her book. She slid it over to me and I read it out loud.
"Ummm... deus... dei..."
"It's pronounced DAY not DEE, continue..."
"deum... deos..." I kept reading this huge list of weird words out until I was done and Ms. Ross nodded in approval.
I had no idea what I was saying at the time, but it would turn out that Latin was to become one of the most important classes. It bored the hell out of me, but I can't deny that it went on to save my life.
The class finally ended and I followed Bailey out to the hall.
"I wouldn't go getting lovey eyes for Seth," she said outright.
"I was just bored," I tried to explain, "what's up with him anyway?"
She sighed and looked me up and down, "he's just bad news, people say he's a black witch or something. But it's more like tragedy follows him everywhere he goes. Just trust me, stay away from him."
I followed her to math and then science which was both taught by Mr. McCallum. He was probably the most vacant teacher I had ever seen. It felt like he had absolutely no interest in being there and didn't even notice any of the students. Not that I minded, it meant that I didn't get called out again.
I followed Bailey to the lunch hall and met up with Shae there. We were eating and talking about our mad adventure on Saturday night when a group of girls began to converge on our table like ravenous vultures. Jemma came out from between them and sat down next to me with a sharp smile.
"So, you're the new girl," she said sarcastically.
I introduced myself with a smile but she stood back up as suddenly as she sat down.
"I don't care what your name is," she said with a smile, "but, maybe you should try and actually eat something and keep it down? I can see your bones."
She winked at me and walked off to the hysterical laughter of her followers.
"Don't worry about her," Shae said with empathetic eyes.
But it did worry me. It was easy for Shae to dismiss, she had gorgeous curves but on the other hand, I knew I was too skinny but I couldn't help it.
***
The rest of the week dragged on to the same routine of classes and the backhanded comments of Jemma and her friends. It was starting to wear me down. Shae and Bailey were there for me but I still felt alone. They introduced me to some other people. There was Brendan with his furiously orange hair and freckled face, he was too nervous to have a real conversation with me but was in most of my classes so at least I would always have someone to sit with. Then there was Kylie and Kelly, Flynn and Angela. Honestly, the list of names made me dizzy and I had a hard time remembering who belonged to what group.
Jakob came back to school on Tuesday, he had two black eyes, a split lip and a broken nose but he smiled and laughed it off. He came and talked to me a few times, he thanked me for helping but there was something dark in his eye. He looked at me differently after the CPR and I didn't know why.
Jakob was in my Religious Studies class which Mr. Murphy took. I sat down next to him but he was making it pretty clear that he didn't want to be socialising with me. While the principle began to lecture us on the history of Genesis, I leant across to Jakob and began to whisper to him.
"Why are you avoiding?"
But he just smiled and pointed back up to the whiteboard where Mr. Murphy had begun writing down some keywords. It was useless, if he didn't want to talk then fine. The truth would come out eventually.
I had started to take the bus home with Shae. I liked it, it was kind of like an unwind gossip session that we shared and helped me relax after each day.
"I don't know why he's acting weird." She said, "he still talks to me like normal."
"It just feels like the whole school is hiding something from me," I explained.
"It's your first week, Alex," Shae gave me an awkward hug across the bench seat, "you know I'm here for you, right?"
"Thanks," I smiled honestly.
If it weren't for Shae then life really would have been hell.
It was Thursday of my first week. One more day and I would be free for the weekend. I checked the mailbox and flicked through the bills until I found a crumpled up yellow envelope addressed to me. It was from New York.
I ran excitedly to the front door and let myself in. Sharon took the mail and smiled at me.
"You know the rules, let your... father... open the mail first and then we can read it afterwards."
"But it's addressed to me!" I argued.
"Come on, Alex, sweetie. Let him have this one tradition at least, okay?"
I gave in to her but only because it was probably paperwork from the orphanage. It was hours before Mr. McFarlane came home and I raced down to meet him when I heard the front door slam close.
He gave me a cold hello and sat down in the kitchen. Sharon poured him a drink and he went through the mail.
"Why are you hovering over me like a fly?" He asked me coldly.
"She's got a letter," Sharon chimed in with a smile.
Mr. McFarlane huffed and flipped the yellow envelope around in his hand before he opened it. He pulled the letter out and I saw the inky stains of poor handwriting. He took one look and tore it in two and then again and again before scrunching it into a tight ball and ordering his wife to throw it away.
I stood behind him with my mouth wide open.
"Why did you do that?" I asked in shock.
"Because you don't need those kinds of letters."
He didn't even look up but went on with the other bills.
"Who was it from?" I asked.
He put his letters down and twisted around on the chair to look at me.
"It was from a Marie Nicolson in New York."
"That's my sister!" I screamed.
"No, it is not." He threw his chair back and stood at the table towering over me, "you are a McFarlane now. New home, new family, a new life!"
"You can't do that! What did it say?"
"Didn't you hear me girl?" He roared, "I said a new life!"
I stormed upstairs with tears running down my cheeks in uncontrollable bursts. How dare he rip up my letters! And from my sister! Little Marie was trying to contact me! I didn't even know where she lived.
I heard Sharon and her husband yelling downstairs before she came into my room. But I couldn't help it, I didn't want her here right now. I screamed at her to leave and didn't even look up to see her go.
I hated it here.