"You" And just like that, the greatest poem was written, in one word.
- Clinton
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Chapter 16
Camila's POV
[Dilemma by Nelly is playing in the background 🎶🎶]
The whole drive was silent except for that song playing in Lauren's spotify. I don't know if it's just coincidence or Lauren purposely play it to send me a message. Or hence, I'm just...plain guilty.
[No matter what I do (woo)
All I think about is you (uh huh)
Even when I'm with my boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you (check it) 🎶🎶]
You see what I'm talking about? And I'm starting to conclude that I'm guilty because just like what Kelly Rowland is saying in that song, I'm doing the exact same thing when I'm with Shawn. I mean with or without him, I still think about the green eyed girl whom just sitting a few inches away from me.
Instead of talking, I remain silent in my seat and focus my attention on the car window instead. The sun already bids it's goodbye and the clouds are already dark. I don't know exactly what time is it but I'm guessing it's already 6:30 pm.
20 minutes passed before we reached Dinah's apartment that happened to be the place where I used to live before. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and head out outside without waiting for Lauren because being in the same car, same room, breathing the same air practically makes me uneasy and nervous at the same time. It's like I'm at the edge of my seat with a horror movie playing right in front of my eyes-That. That's what I think is the best way to describe what I feel everytime I'm with her.
I walk up to the porch. God! How I miss living in here. The porch, the small three-steps stairs, the grass, the roof, the house, I miss those especially the people which makes this house a home.
The cold wind blew, causing my body to shiver. I wonder what month it is that the weather around here in New York is pretty much colder than the usual.
"Hmm," I shift my eyes on my right side and it was Lauren putting her jacket over my shoulder. Fucking hell! "You might catch a cold."
"Feelings rather." I mumbled, avoiding Lauren's gaze.
"Rather what? Feelings?" I almost got choked at my own saliva after I heard what Lauren just asked. How come she fucking heard it? Even my butt couldn't hear it!
"Huh? W-what feelings?" I asked like I don't know what the hell she's talking about.
Jesus christ! Remind me to never mumbled something stupid right in front of her ever again.
"I don't know that's why I'm asking you."
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know either that's why I'm asking you as well."
"Well, if you ever catch feelings for me, you know I will gladly reciprocate it, right?" Lauren winked, giving me her sweetest smile.
I can feel my heart hammering inside my chest to the point where there's no enough oxygen filling my lungs right now. Please tell me she's not serious.
Though my legs are getting weaker and weaker because of her intense stare, I still try my very best to look more intimidating.
"I'm straight!"
Lauren chuckled, "Yeah, sure." Then Lauren turn her attention at the front door, making me look like a clown at my own words.
"Hey!" With all of my strength, I hold Lauren's arm, turning her around to face me again. "I'm dead serious! I'm straight as hell and don't you ever think that I will fall In love with you just because you kiss me with those soft kissable lips of yours, how you serenade me with my favorite song, how you always save me and how you look at me with those green eyes of yours like I put the stars in the sky because-"
I didn't finish what I'm saying when Lauren cut me off, "Because you are, Camila. Brown eyes were never my favorite until I saw yours. And I know you're probably thinking by now that I've already said that to every girls I've dated with. You're right, I've said that. But the difference is, right now, I mean it. I mean it with my whole heart. And I know that you knew I'm telling the truth."
I gulped more harder. I'm scared at what I'm seeing right now because Lauren's right. I knew she's telling the truth. How? It's her eyes. And all I can see right now is sincerity and I hate it. I hate it how my heart feels so happy and hoping that one day, there will be an us. I hate it because I shouldn't feel this way. I already have Shawn and I don't want to hurt him. I don't.
"Camila, I l-" Lauren didn't finish what she's saying when my phone suddenly rings. Thank fucking god!
"E-excuse me." I started to walk away as quickly as I could, still feeling my heart beating loudly against my chest.
Calm yourself down Camila, calm down. I thought to myself as I slip my hand inside my pocket to get my phone.
It was unknown number calling. At first, I'm hesitating to answer because I don't know who the hell it is. But when I saw that Lauren is still waiting for me at the porch, I decided to just answer it to buy some time.
"Who's this?" I asked, a little breathless.
"Yo, yo, yo!"
I furrowed my eyebrows at the sound of that familiar voice on the other line, "Alex?! Is that you?"
"Thank fucking god you guess it right! It would be so awkward if you didn't."
"How did you get my number??"
"Hi, Mila!" Ally?!
"From Ally. I kinda ask her today since she's having a sleep over at my place today to finish our research."
"Wait! I thought you're..." I glance at the apartment while shaking my head in disbelief, "Nevermind! Dinah tricked me."
"Anyway, I've called to remind you," I'm waiting for the next word she's going to say but I guess Alex purposely leave me hanging in her words.
"What?" I asked impatiently.
"Wag maging marupok, bes!"
I furrowed my eyebrows because I don't understand what does she mean by that, "And what does that even mean???"
"That's...for you to find out, my friend." Alex giggled, "Enjoy your date with Lauren. But remember, wag marupok. Bye!" Then the line cut off.
What the hell does 'marupok' even mean?? Out of curiosity, I open up my safari and search it on google for me to finally understand what does that word even mean.
Marupok
- used to describe someone that easily gets giddy and all (in a romantic way)
- easy to get when it comes to love.
I cleared my throat after I read what it means. Guilty, indeed.
I walk inside the house and I saw Lauren and Dinah having a chitchat at the couch. The Polynesian girl gave me a smile while I gave her a glare in return.
"I'm kinda hungry. Mind to help me in the kitchen, Dinah?" I asked. Truth is, I'm not hungry. I just want to choke Dinah for setting this night up.
"Sure. You okay there, Lauser?" Dinah.
"Yeah. Can I choose the movie now?" Lauren.
"Please do." Dinah smiled before we walk towards the kitchen together. Before I speak, I make sure that Lauren's busy and she won't hear our conversation, even a single bit.
"You set us up!"
"What?" Dinah chuckled, "I'm just casually inviting a friend, Walz."
"Really? She's not a friend, Dinah!"
Dinah pointed at my nose, "You're frustrated, my friend. And in denial, may I add in the equation."
"I'm not in denial! I know what I feel and I love Shawn!"
"If that's so then why's that Lauren being here with us is such a big deal to you?"
"It's not like that. I, well because," I can't find the right words to express or should I say to cover up the fact that Dinah's right so I ended up giving her a shrugged shoulders instead.
"Because you like her? You already fell?"
Did I? "I'm really hungry. So, what snack should we prepare for tonight?" I asked, shifting the topic because I don't really like where this conversation is heading to.
"It's not a hundred thousand dollar question for you to always dodge it, Walz."
I took a sighed before I speak, "I just want to go back to my normal life where there is no Lauren. I'm so scared of her, Dinah. It's just one day, I woke up and I don't know myself anymore. What I am, what I feel. No matter how much I bare in my mind that Lauren's a jerk, a literal jerk. A very annoying airhead. No matter how much I told myself that she's disgusting and she's living in a world I don't want to live in, it's all useless."
I don't know where this feelings started. It is because of the night at Kendall's party where we kissed or is it when I took care of her when she's sick? Cause ever since then, things changed and became more complicated for me.
"I...I think I'm falling for her, Dinah."
"Walz, you know hating her won't make that feelings go away. Lauren maybe an ugly human being but you saw something good in her soul."
"I don't want to pursue this feelings, Dinah. I don't want to hurt Shawn."
"Then do what you think is right, Walz. As long as that feelings is still under your control, buried it. Cause the more you ignore it, the more it became intense."
"I know." I nodd my head as Dinah and I prepare our bowl of snacks which is chips and nachos before we head back to the couch.
I sat next to Dinah, ofcourse. I'm insane if I will seat next to Lauren. Dinah's basically in our middle as we watched both Maleficent and Maleficent: the mistress of evil. I don't know what time is it but I purposely requested another movie to watch to postpone the date that Lauren is planning when Dinah's netflix suddenly pop up a notification.
No internet connect. Failed to connect.
"Shit! There's no internet connection." Dinah.
Seriously?!
"It's okay." Lauren stand up from her seat, "Camz and I have a date as well so we better get going."
"Let's, uhh, wait for it. Maybe it will come back." I cleared my throat and I can see in the corner of my eyes that Lauren's looking at me.
"It's getting late, Camz. Let's go."
"I still want to watch."
"Camz, there's no internet connection."
"I don't mind waiting."
"Camila!"
"What?!"
"I said let's go!"
"I said I still want to watch!"
"Jesus christ!" Lauren massage the temple of her head, making me chuckled. "Is she always like this?" Lauren asked with her attention shift to Dinah.
"Yup, a four year old spoiled brat kid."
I grabbed Dinah's pillow and hug it tightly when all of a sudden, Lauren carry me through her arms.
"Dinah! Help me!" I tried to reach Dinah's hand but this jerk just watch me with a smile written on her lips.
Sometimes, I really wonder where Dinah's loyalty is. Is it with me or with Lauren?
"Bye! Enjoy the date." Dinah.
"Thank you again, Dinah! We had a lot of fun." Lauren.
"Anytime." Dinah.
"DINAH!"
The Polynesian girl chuckled, "Good night, Walz!" Then Dinah close the door, leaving me with Lauren once again.
"Put me down!" I said in a firm voice which Lauren quickly did without any complain, to my surprise.
"Let's go, we might miss it." Lauren intertwined her fingers against mine before she started to walk towards where her car was parked.
Lauren open the passenger door for me so I quickly get in and buckled my seatbelt as Lauren jogged her way towards the driver's seat and started to drive off.
I don't know where are we going but the way Lauren drives like a thunder gives me hint that we're either heading to heaven or hell.
I heard the tire screech against the road followed by the sudden break, causing me to almost fly straight to the windshield. Luckily, I'm wearing a seatbelt.
"We're here! Let's go!" Lauren quickly take off her seatbelt and exit her car in a rush.
Why is she in a hurry anyway?
I take my time of unbuckling my seatbelt like a princess when the car door suddenly open, "CAMILA! WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW?!"
"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!" I yelled back as well, making Lauren shook her head.
"Jesus christ, you're making me insane!" Lauren mumbled but enough for me to hear it. She hurriedly unbuckled my seatbelt and then pulled me outside before she carry me by my waist and hurriedly run towards to somewhere I don't know.
"Put me down! I can walk by my-Wow!" I gasp at the breath taking view up in the sky. Lauren put me down but my eyes never left on this beautiful scenery right above me.
"It's beautiful, right? It's called Iridescent clouds known as the rainbow clouds. So astonishing, right?"
I nodd my head at how beautiful it is, "Yeah."
"About what I'm saying earlier-"
I cut Lauren off, "Look!" I pointed at the sky, "The sky is slowly turning into shades of red."
"Yeah. Camila, I-"
I cut Lauren off once again, "It's called Iridescent clouds."
"I know, Camz. I'm the one who told you that. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I l-"
For the third time, I cut her off again. "They're also known as the rainbow clou-" This time, it's Lauren who cut me off by covering my mouth using her right hand.
"I like you, Camila."
I can feel my heart beating erratically inside my chest once again. Then do what you think is right, Walz. As long as that feelings is still under your control, buried it. Right, I should do the right thing.
I push Lauren's hand away from me, "I love Shawn, okay? So better yet, invest that feelings to someone who's more worth it."
"And that's you. You're worth it, Camz."
"No, I'm not. I'm straight, Lauren. You liked someone whom you'll never going to have a chance with."
"Why did give yourself to Shawn?" I almost got choked. How the hell did she knew about it?! Was she in the restroom at that time?!
"I..." I can feel my cheeks heating up, "think it's none of your business!"
"I know. But all I'm saying is that you should give it to someone who's more better and deserving to have not just that but deserve to have you. A guy who will love you and take care of you cause that's what you deserve, Camila."
"And that's Shawn."
Lauren scoff, "No, he's not. He's an asshole, I know because I knew him way more longer than you do. He don't deserve you, Camila."
"Like, you deserve me? Is that what you're saying?"
Lauren shook her head, "No, I'm no better as well. But I'm trying to be. Well, like I said, that's what you deserve and I want to be deserving to have you." Then Lauren started to walk away, leaving me completely stunned by her words. I put my hand against my chest and I can feel it, loud and clear-every beat of my heart screams Lauren's name. Every beat of it belongs to her, only her.